Episode 83: The Health Mistake Most Couples Make

Why Getting Healthy Together Is Hard

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome back to the Coupley Fit Podcast. We are your hosts, Kurt and Deanna Mangum II, the founders of Coupley Fit. We are here to help couples create generational health. And one way we're going to do that is by helping you guys learn and understand that first off, it's hard to get healthy.

SPEAKER_01 0:20

It is.

SPEAKER_00 0:20

It's hard to get healthy by yourself, let alone with a partner.

SPEAKER_01 0:24

Facts. I feel like you're climbing a hill that keeps on going up.

SPEAKER_00 0:27

Keeps on going

Handling Different Goals And Temptations

SPEAKER_00 0:29

up. So what do you feel is maybe kind of the hardship that can come with having different priorities when it comes to your health and wellness as a couple?

SPEAKER_01 0:39

I think one is just getting on the same page. I mean, if you have four- You feel like you'd be on the same page. Well, I think it's getting on the same page. So if you have, for example, some relationships, you can have one partner that maybe doesn't like thinking about you growing up, you didn't have some of the like health challenges, you know, you know, overweight challenges or struggles that I had. So I have to be way more mindful when it comes to like what I eat, how much, some of those things. So it could be a little bit different where I mean, fortunately, you're gluten-free, so you have to be mindful of like what you have. But you could be like, man, like I can eat these things that I like. These are some of my favorites, but like I maybe can't have some of those things or have to be more mindful. So I think be on the same page of like, is it too tempting for your partner? Is it just I gotta work on my self-control and I can't eat your snacks? Is it a combination of both? I just feel like those are things on the journey that like it does take some self-discovery and uh also having some grace for you with yourself over.

SPEAKER_00 1:35

Yeah. Now, when it comes to different priorities too, what if somebody wants to build muscle and somebody wants fat loss? What if somebody wants to be more toned and somebody wants to strength train?

SPEAKER_01 1:44

Correct. I I think to that point is sometimes it's going in with different objectives, but maybe it's just that like, hey, we're gonna be in the gym at the same time together.

SPEAKER_00 1:53

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 1:53

Or we're both gonna get active today, maybe at different times or but together.

SPEAKER_00 1:56

Yeah, I love that. And so that kind of goes into how do you feel about people or couples, I should say, working out together.

Making Workouts Work As A Couple

SPEAKER_01 2:03

Yeah, I mean, I I just think about us, and I mean, maybe you speak to our our workout journey a little bit of just like how we started off and we were at separate gyms. Then we were at the same gym doing different, like different you're you're doing elliptical, I'm doing the the treadmiller running. Then like we're doing our different sides of the gym for our lift, and then we came together. It was like a an evolving journey, which makes sense though.

SPEAKER_00 2:26

Yeah, absolutely. Now, I think for us too, we always like to mention for us and how we kind of preach about health and wellness is that working out doesn't have to be in the gym. Correct. It's really just about getting active. So oftentimes we say walking, if you're just getting started and you're kind of in that phase one of this is the Monday that we're getting started, it starts with just walking and getting out there. Um, walk to the mailbox, walk with your kids around the neighborhood, you know, go to some uh there's incredible parks all over the place. So maybe that's an opportunity for you as well. And then also looking at when you are quote unquote getting active, what's fun, right? Some people are Zumba and me getting out there and being able to give you some shoulder action and some twists, you know, hips, hips, hips, love that for you. Do that. But then, you know, for your partner, it may be like you said, pickleball, right? Or something like that. And then it becomes how do you support that person? If, for example, you don't want to do Zumba with me, right? It's like, oh, well, hey, you may not like to dance, but maybe you just watch me and I'm doing my exercise and you're hyping me up, you're hyping me up, and then saying, right, when you just use pickleball as an example where I may not want to get out there and actually be going back and forth and doing the full thing. You're gonna slice the oranges, slice my team off, but then also I could be just like, you know, getting your uh balls or something like that. Or, you know, I can stay in one area and just kind of hit a ball to you and you're the one moving around. There's ways to do it together in ways that you're supporting the other person, but you don't feel like, gosh, this is such a burden.

SPEAKER_01 4:05

Yeah. No, I agree. I think that's a great call out of just finding what works well for you. And I think that reenvisioning what activity looks like, I think it makes a difference. Because for some people that people are like, yo, I don't like the gym, I'm not interested in the gym. Right. But maybe you're like, hey, I do like riding my bike. I like hiking. I like biking. You know what I mean? It could be like something and finding what that is for somebody might be bowling. Come on now. Come on now, all shoulder work. But if you know you want to go out there, forearm, I feel like wrist work, yeah. Right, like, but if whatever that is, like that now can be something that you add in that gets you moving, gets you walking, and maybe like you didn't do before.

SPEAKER_00 4:43

Yeah.

Motivation Vs Discipline In Real Life

SPEAKER_00 4:44

So what do you believe is the difference between motivation versus discipline?

SPEAKER_01 4:50

Okay, uh, motivation fades. Okay. You can get motivated to think, yeah. Like, uh I can listen. I mean, we if we think about how many people go to a motivational speecher, you hear somebody like, man, he was so motivating and inspiring. But what comes from that? You do nothing. Like you took none of the items that he that they said, you did not implement. Right. But it's like, you know what? That was motivational, or I want to be around them more. Whereas the discipline is, hey, I'm actually going to be able to like the takeaway from what I heard was that I need to start journaling, or that I need to start getting active or getting more steps every day. Right now I'm getting five, five hundred steps, and I really need to get 5,000. Okay, what does that look like? That's gonna be the one goal that I set, and I'm gonna be disciplined and checking my watch or my aura ring and making sure I got my steps in. Like that's a step towards the discipline, or even for me, I think about like a key discipline piece is and which is so important. I'm not gonna eat that. I'm not gonna snack on things after a certain time because I know that could be a slippery slope.

SPEAKER_00 5:49

I agree. I mean, to your point, motivation absolutely fades, which is why you can wake up some days and you know, we talked about uh two episodes ago, just fatigue and exhaustion, what that can also look like playing into your motivation. So it is finding potentially motivational videos on YouTube or finding a quote unquote influencer that motivates you and makes you feel seen and heard. But then with discipline, and we've actually talked about this in previous episodes, it's a muscle that has to be worked constantly and consistently. And that's something where when we do talk about discipline, it is saying that, hey, I made also made a promise to myself that I was at least gonna try for 21 days, for 30 days. I want to just maybe do the, which is why challenges are so successful because you're you can be disciplined for this amount of time, but to stay disciplined is the real issue. And so I think that's why when we also talk about our two can do it philosophy, which is having that person that's on this journey with you for the accountability, the motivation, but more importantly, that connection. Because when you have that connection to somebody else, that's whether it's they're on the same journey as you or it's just somebody that's supporting you on the journey, you realize that it's a built-in motivation factor. It's a built-in display, it can be a built-in discipline if you both are on the same page and you vocally say to that person, hey, this is my goal. This is what I'm trying to do. This is how I'm doing it. Can you help me stay disciplined? So I might text you and say, girl, or you know, come to you as my spouse and say, listen, I really want some Oreos. I want a cookies and cream milkshake.

SPEAKER_01 7:30

And we're not talking one or two Oreos, we're talking the row.

SPEAKER_00 7:33

Oh, no, no, no. I'm talking all three rows. That's how I used to binge eat. Respect. I'm waiting, I'm eating all three rows.

SPEAKER_01 7:38

I was the same way with my trail mix, straight out of the bag.

SPEAKER_00 7:41

Straight out of the bag. Pounds.

SPEAKER_01 7:42

Whole bag is gone.

SPEAKER_00 7:43

Pounds of trail mix.

SPEAKER_01 7:45

With with some milk. And it was 2% back then.

SPEAKER_00 7:47

Pounds. 2%. 2%. So I think that's really interesting. And then that kind of went into a little bit of the accountability piece and consistency that we've talked

Celebrate Small Wins Without Shame

SPEAKER_00 7:56

about. Now, when you are, how do you feel about celebrating the small wins?

SPEAKER_01 8:03

I think it's critical. Critical.

SPEAKER_00 8:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 8:06

Like mission critical. One of the biggest things that I love that we do, and we can speak a little bit to this, um, but saving those small wins and putting them somewhere. So, like for us, we write them down in my journal in the weekly recap as well as in my monthly wins. And this is my like with my wellness journal and tracker. But then also, I write my wins down in a note section in my phone under that month. So every month I have maybe it was a positive word, it was something for my team, maybe it was something that you share with me. Like, hey, I'm proud of you, whatever that is, those small wins go there, and then I can review because it's easy. Like, you know, I think a great example that we talk about is for every 10 good things that someone says to you, all it takes is one negative thing, and like all you focus on is a negative. Yeah, right? 10 comments saying, Man, outfit is fire. One person is like, ooh, that don't fit you good. And you're like, does it not fit me? So I think that same approach of like, why don't we re-uh iterate or focus on those positive wins, those small victories? Like, hey, I couldn't work out a run for this amount of steps like yesterday. Now I was able to do that. That's huge.

unknown 9:15

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 9:16

Like it may not have been your ultimate goal of running a marathon, but like, hey, you you you'd never done a 3K before or 5K and you just did.

SPEAKER_00 9:22

That's huge. And that's something to be proud of. And just when it comes to your partner and celebrating the small wins, it can look a few ways, right? So it can look like you may have had five wins this week, but you share your top win with me. Correct. And then, or you're sharing your goals of what you want uh for your health and wellness. And then if I'm seeing you do the, you know, uh having the discipline to be able to do the things that you said you want to do to reach your goal, then I can help you celebrate that small win. I think it's really important too, when you do talk about two people being on a health journey together, that there is that balance of the discipline and, you know, being being the accountability partner for somebody in a positive way. Don't tell your partner that they're fat. I can't tell you the amount of times that I've heard somebody say to their spouse that you're fat, you need to get into the gym, you don't look like what you used to. That is so hurtful and it's really disrespectful, transparently. And so I think when you're able to be on a health journey with somebody and you're sharing those wins, you're sharing in the moments that are going to bring you guys together and have that more intentional connection, which is what we are always talking about, is really intentional connection. And it can be hard, you know, when you're talking about getting healthier together. It's not easy, but I think the more that you can be vocal with the other person, communicate how you're feeling, and say, hey, also by the way, when you're trying to be my accountability partner, when you say something in this tone, it automatically puts me, I feel defeated. And it puts me maybe more into a negative space rather than, you know, a motivation and encouraging space.

SPEAKER_01 11:08

Yeah, no, I think that inspiration and knowing what buttons, like I think in a lot of times we know the negative buttons to push. People know what buttons do.

SPEAKER_00 11:16

Because people want to be petty.

SPEAKER_01 11:17

People know how to set you off now. And and I think the key is finding out what buttons to push that are motivational.

SPEAKER_00 11:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 11:24

That are inspirational.

SPEAKER_00 11:26

Right.

SPEAKER_01 11:26

Right? I think those can be really key. And to your point, I've seen, you know, we've seen that work both ways. It's not just the husband calling the saying the wife needs to lose weight. We've seen it the other way where the husband seen a husband say, like, man, I stopped eating altogether after she called me this. I was like, oh wow. So it just people are a lot more in tune. And obviously, like you should care about what your spouse or your partner thinks. Right. So if they do, like we we hold your words and your feedback at a higher regard. Absolutely. Some stranger, somebody can say something on Instagram, you don't really care. But if your wife is like, hey, you know, you like you let yourself go, you're like, so I just think it's it's uh Some people feel like it's a wake up call.

SPEAKER_00 12:06

I'm giving you a wake-up call. I'm just like the hell, how do you say it?

SPEAKER_01 12:10

And I think when you I think a wake-up call is a great example. Do you want somebody to wake you up in the morning and rub you on the arm, tap you on the shoulder, open the blind slowly? Or do you want somebody to run in and throw splash water on your face?

SPEAKER_00 12:22

Splash water in your face, hit the pan, wake up.

SPEAKER_01 12:25

There's a big difference, right? In a wake-up call, like both both scenarios, someone woke up, but one, they did they liked you a lot less at breakfast.

SPEAKER_00 12:34

Absolutely. One was startling. Correct. Uh, absolutely.

Longevity And Lifestyle Alignment

SPEAKER_00 12:38

That actually goes into the next kind of conversation point that we're talking about is long-term health and long-term lifestyle. What we're hearing a lot in the health and wellness space is it's called longevity. And that's actually what we've leaned a lot into, is uh just on the couples front. And that's why we built the first ever couples longevity hub because we believe so much in a marriage being the most underrated longevity piece that you can have. And so I just want to kind of get your thoughts on what you think when it comes to a long-term lifestyle. Do you think that you can be successful if somebody continues down that lifestyle, but the part the other partner doesn't? Do you think that it can be, you know, a situation where you are both on this journey together, but you both fall off? And, you know, how do you get back on? What are your thoughts?

SPEAKER_01 13:27

I think ideally you want to be equally yoked. And I don't think that it's a situation where it has to be. What does that mean? So when I think about equally yoked, I mean being on the same page and like of equal balance. So for us, we both we're athletes, we both enjoy the gym. Like for us, being in the gym five or six days a week is preferred. Being in the gym for an hour or two isn't like uh it's it's that's the norm for us. But if we were, if either of us was um, you know, if we were, if we had dated somebody or were married to somebody that wasn't active or was like, I don't want to be in the gym at all, like me going in the gym one or two days a week is like, why am I here? That would be something that would be a difference in yoked or balance. But like fortunately, those were things that we're very on the same page on. Doesn't mean it's all perfect, you still have to work at it. But I think being able to calibrate, and again, I'm not saying that if someone is that six-day-a-week workout person and their partner doesn't like to work out, that's totally fine. But what does it look like? If you're if someone's coming home from the gym and they're like, man, great workout, my endorphins are flowing, I feel excited, and the partner just finished three rows of Oreos and is like, ugh, why were you at the gym? There can come a point where you feel like we're moving in opposite directions. Right. I.e., if one person's like, I'm fasting and I'm not drinking alcohol, and the other person's like, party, happy hour.

SPEAKER_00 14:48

I'm getting my sip on.

SPEAKER_01 14:49

I'm getting my sip on. There's nothing wrong with that, but ideally, right? Right. You we would be mindful of the other, like, even for you. Like I know you don't have gluten. So like we have more gluten-free stuff in the house than I would have ever thought I'd have in my house.

SPEAKER_00 15:01

Sure.

SPEAKER_01 15:02

Just because of the fact that, like, we want to.

unknown 15:04

Kind of.

SPEAKER_01 15:05

I never thought I'd have any gluten-free. So I'm just me either.

SPEAKER_00 15:08

Come on.

SPEAKER_01 15:08

But you get what I mean of like it's it's a balancing act of we have more gluten-free because you're also gluten-free. And like, if I can also grab something or go to a restaurant that has a gluten-free bun or option, it helps on us being on the same page together.

SPEAKER_00 15:23

Yes.

Find Your Personal And Shared Why

SPEAKER_00 15:24

I think the other thing too that we need to talk about, especially when it comes to couples and getting healthy together, what is your personal why? What is your shared why? Yeah. I think that is so critical because you personally, you know, and again, making it realistic. We always talk about smart goals, but making it realistic where, you know, how many times when we were doing consultations, how many people said they wanted to be back down to their high school way? I can't even tell so many people. And it's like, love that for me.

SPEAKER_01 15:53

But that was 40 years ago.

SPEAKER_00 15:54

That was 40 years ago. Love that for you. And especially for women, hormones are, we're just now learning how hormones are impacting us. And it's literally becoming in the past 10 years that we're getting new studies that are coming out for women that are not changing it, but it's just you're gonna have to go about it in a different way, simply because of our hormones. So I think that when it comes to your personal why, being realistic with what that looks like and set those small goals for yourself and then also for your partner of, hey, we want to walk together at least twice this week. This week we want to be able to uh go to our favorite restaurant, uh healthy restaurant that we like to go to, get a catering order because we know this is gonna be a bit busy week for us. Let's get that as our quote unquote meal prep for the week, right? And really start to think about how we can have health and wellness be the base and the focus of how we're living. And that will lead into your why together as a couple. And oftentimes what we used to hear was, I want to be able to see my kids walk down the aisle. I want to be able to be for here for my grandkids and run around and not be out of breath and be able to just move. And as we age and get older, you know, we have our parents that are in their 60s now and some are getting close to 70s. What does that look like when you get older? You want to be able to still get up those steps. You want to be able to still be able to drive. You want to be able to do those things and still be able to live independently. And so I think that that's just again, what are we working towards when we think about health and wellness? Because that's actually going to be the motivation to push you. That's gonna be uh a part of the why of why you're seeing disciplined is because you wanna be here for that next generation. You also want to feel better in your own skin. We always say it's not about the the number on the scale. How you feel. It's really about how you feel because how you feel is going to determine how you show up every day. And showing up is hard. And showing up for yourself is hard. Showing up for your spouse, for your family is extremely hard. But if you are building that kind of that core foundation and that and you're building that solidness around health and wellness, then you're gonna notice that, okay, I actually feel better in a lot of different aspects of my life.

SPEAKER_01 18:13

I love that.

Sharing Personal Goals And Couple Goals

SPEAKER_01 18:14

Is it would you be open to sharing one maybe personal goal that you have and a shared goal that we have?

SPEAKER_00 18:20

So a personal goal for me is to not have as much back pain as I've been having. We've been sitting a lot more lately that we've never sat this much before. Yeah. And so learning how to incorporate, you know, small 10-minute breaks throughout the day where I'm getting up and I'm just maybe walking around the office. I'm going to get my water. I'm definitely going to get some snacks because I'm hungry. I'm not playing around about eating. Um, sometimes I'll even push a meeting back. If it's like with a, with our team or something, I'll push that back five minutes and just say, I need to just get a shake, a protein shake really fast. Give me a minute. Um, so back pain for me is is a big one. And then also for me, I just want to feel good in my skin and in my body. I, you know, and I've talked about this before. We're on a journey now, but I did gain 20 pounds from, you know, when my first uh my my two grandparents, two last grandparents passed away within two years of each other. And so that was something for me that I didn't realize that grief can kick up every once in a while. And you're just like, listen, I'm where the Oreos at? Where do Oreos at? Where the cookies and cream at, you know, and those type of things. And so you can gain that weight, but being having that grace for yourself that you're going through a moment in time, and then I'm just now getting back after we've been doing a lot of traveling as well, which that throws you off your routine. But I I feel like for as much travel as we've done, for us to maybe only gain two pounds or something like that, I feel like that's a win because we are we are moving and grooving, which is such a blessing. But um I would say that those are two personal goals for me. I think a shared goal for us is knowing what our next journey is and our next path of starting a family, making sure we're ready for that and what that looks like from a body standpoint, uh in in terms of getting your body ready for that, health and wellness. Um, and then ultimately we want to be able to get out there and get active with you. You know, we already talked about our kids, you know, whatever you want to do, we're open to, but we're gonna have you doing some sort of sports just because we know how how critical it is when you also get into the business realm.

SPEAKER_01 20:32

Yeah, 100%. I appreciate you sharing that. How about you? Well, one that comes to my mind, we've talked about it, but get getting closer and closer running that marathon.

SPEAKER_00 20:39

Oh, yeah, you want to run a marathon. So I'm I'm good on that.

SPEAKER_01 20:42

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:42

I'll be there though, but again, I'll support you. I appreciate it. I'll have a sign, or if we do maybe the Pat Tillman run.

SPEAKER_01 20:48

Well, we also talked about a if I if I don't do a so a marathon. Because you can walk or run. I will put something up alongside the marathon because I don't necessarily love the idea of running for 26 miles.

SPEAKER_00 20:56

Uh, but like a marathon, marathon, not a half marathon, full blown.

SPEAKER_01 21:00

Correct, but a high rocks will be up in there as well. Yeah, a high rocks or a marathon, either either one of those. Sure. But just yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:06

Yeah. And I also love that if you're a couple that's wants a goal to obtain, if you don't have kids, or if that's just something that you've been seeing it all over social and it looks like something like, okay, I feel like if I can just train a little bit for that, I could actually do that. Yeah. Doing it together too, it's epic. Once you get through that cross line or uh that finish line and we see the photos of the people that are, you know, arms up together and couples are hugging and kissing afterwards and all the things, it just it's again, we did this together.

SPEAKER_01 21:36

Correct. And you invested, but it's another example of like you feel like you invested into a shared goal. Yes. You you did it together. And your kids are watching too. Absolutely. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 21:45

They see that you guys were working hard towards a goal. They now know that it takes hard work to get there. You guys did the goal, or you know, you did the action to complete the goal and you finished it.

SPEAKER_01 21:56

And so and doing things together, and doing things together is so important. As I think about something that we do together, which is this podcast, shout out to Backlot Studios. So the number one spot to record podcasts in Arizona, the home of the Coupley Fit Podcast, by the way.

SPEAKER_00 22:10

Absolutely.

SWAN Framework And Free Journal

SPEAKER_00 22:11

And I quickly just but as we wrap up, if you can give it just a quick overview of our Swan framework that we've created.

SPEAKER_01 22:17

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:18

Just to be able to help people again on the simplicity side. If you're just starting out as a couple on your health and wellness journey, this is was literally created for us to be able to meet you where you are.

SPEAKER_01 22:28

Yeah, really simple. So SWAN stands for an acronym for sleep, water, activity, and nutrition. And so sleep obviously rejuvenates and has how our body heals. Need the rest, we get burned out. The water, it's so easy to gloss over it, but sometimes we can do a little too much happy hour or soda or pop or just you know, drinking things with sugary caffeine when water is gonna rejuvenate. We talked about it earlier, but it doesn't always have to be working out or strenuous hitting the gym. Just get active, park a little further, take the stairs instead of the elevator. And then I love we talked about nutrition and you know, your focus area, but my my biggest area that I have to focus on less less fried chicken and uh and canes, um, but healthier, smaller meals more. So, how do we refuel ourselves, replenish, not get on empty, but make sure that we have a good source of fuel in fruits and vegetables, balance, our proteins, and really eating the rainbow.

SPEAKER_00 23:25

Absolutely. So I'm so glad you share that because right now we are giving away our Swan Journal, which is a daily text message that comes to your phone. It's four simple questions asking you about your sleep water activity nutrition. We also ask how your day was as well. That's another key piece when it comes to building those intentional foundations. So that is a free journal that you can get. You just have to apply on our website at www.couplyfit, c O U P L E Y F I T.com. Kurt and myself are on the Swan Journal. We are on there daily. You do get a bi-weekly report as well that shows you how you're swanning. You get your swan score. It's also gonna show you some of your patterns as well. So if you notice, oh my gosh, on Mondays, I've noticed that I just do not sleep well on Mondays. You can start seeing, okay, what can I change in my bedtime behavior and start making those, as we call it, one swan change. So check that out on our website. And then also, as always, please follow us on social media at Coupley Fit, C O U P L E Y F I T. Keep Growing, Glowing, and Feeling Better Together. Bye.

unknown 24:42

Mm hmm.