Episode 85: Relationship Hot Takes That Couples Can’t Agree On

Part Two Setup And Themes

SPEAKER_04 0:00

Welcome back to the Coupley Fit Podcast. We are your hosts, Kurt and Deanna. This episode is part two of the hot takes, which you all have been loving on social media. We were talking about dating, marriage, family. So this episode, we're staying along those lines, but we're going to be talking about house, kind of what does the house look like and feel like? We're also talking about kind of health and wellness and even some other deep hot take topics like parenting.

SPEAKER_00 0:37

Get ready.

SPEAKER_04 0:38

Get ready. All right.

Opposite Sex Friends In Marriage

SPEAKER_04 0:40

So let's finish up on the family and friend side. So can opposite sex friendships work in marriage? We're coming out the gate. Yes. We're coming out of the gate.

SPEAKER_00 0:53

Yes, but I feel like the specific thing I have to throw in there is that these are opposite sex friendships that you haven't had a relationship or like that type of dynamic, like a genuine friend that is of the opposite sex versus no, because there's different things.

SPEAKER_04 1:07

But are people actually going to be honest about and really transparent about the what the relationship potentially was with that person?

SPEAKER_00 1:15

I think that's the key. And I think we have a different conversation to have if someone's not being honest about the friendship. But because you see a lot of it, and I, you know, I'm not speaking to nobody, but you know, somebody's calling somebody bro or sis, and it's like, no, that's that's boo.

SPEAKER_04 1:28

No, not bro. Oh, or you just have had some interactions before that.

SPEAKER_00 1:33

Now you're trying to act like that's your brother, but like that's not a big thing.

SPEAKER_04 1:35

That's your that's your husband or wife would not agree with.

SPEAKER_00 1:38

Correct. And that's what I'm saying. If it's genuinely a friend from college, because we both, I can I can name people off the top of the head where you have friends or where you guys are genuine friends.

SPEAKER_02 1:46

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 1:47

I've had friends from college, we're genuine friends, and we got a chance to we stay connected. You like we all we all get along. Yes, but it's not a situation where we're talking about an ex-boyfriend or ex-girlfriend that that's now trying to convert into a friend while you're married. I feel like that that's a non-starter.

SPEAKER_04 2:02

But you know what this reminds me of? You know, the Usher song, you make me wanna leave the one of me, start a new relationship. So, because again, you're you're pouring right into your friend, best friend, whoever that is, about your relationship typically. And you know, if you have a girl's girl, and I'm just speaking from a woman's standpoint, but if you have a girl's girl, then she's typically gonna be on. You hope that she's gonna be speaking more so from, hey, as a woman, this is what I know women want and what they like. And so you probably shouldn't talk to her that way. You should probably go out and get her some flowers, like talk in that way rather than, oh, well, she's not good for you. I told you you shouldn't have got with her. That's I think too where we start getting a little bit shaky, and that's potentially off limits.

SPEAKER_00 2:50

And I've got a way to put it simply. If the friend is trying to crawl out of the friend zone, yeah, this isn't one that you can have while you're married. Not not in not a friendship if they're trying to get out of the friend zone.

SPEAKER_04 3:00

But what do you do if they are? What are the steps after that?

SPEAKER_00 3:03

What do you I'm in a relationship? Like basically, you have to understand that they're on the prowl, they're literally trying to get out, escape the friend zone. We gotta leave you, we gotta leave you where you're at.

SPEAKER_04 3:13

Quick question. Now, what if you are both married, right? But is there a difference between both of you being married or one of you being married and the other person is single? Is there a difference?

SPEAKER_00 3:24

To me, it there's a difference, but the same principles apply.

SPEAKER_04 3:28

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 3:28

Because you'll have people that are married, but they're still trying to get out the friend zone. They shouldn't be, but they're like, man, they're trying to leave the one they with looking for somebody else.

SPEAKER_04 3:37

I've known you, I've known you for 10 years. I know everything about you. We really should be together.

SPEAKER_00 3:41

We see it on the TV shows all the time. It's like, you know, they're they're plotting on, you know, somebody's plotting on wife number two. It's like, hold on. Uh, you know, from your friend over here. Like, no. Yep. I feel like that's dangerous, you know, it's dangerous.

SPEAKER_04 3:53

It's definitely dangerous territory. However, we've seen it work, but I'm gonna be honest, I haven't seen it work often.

SPEAKER_01 4:00

No.

SPEAKER_04 4:00

No.

Family Group Chats Need Boundaries

SPEAKER_04 4:01

Yeah. Um, should married couples have boundaries with group chats involving family?

SPEAKER_00 4:08

Yes. Well, anytime you say family, I feel like there's gotta be potentially some boundaries. There's gotta be a boundary in there. There's a boundary. Because otherwise, it just give an inch, they'll take a mile.

SPEAKER_04 4:18

Okay. Thanks, Denzel. Uh so married couples have boundaries with group chats involving family. Absolutely. And what's interesting too is, is uh, you know, I had some of your family members who were recently married to some of your family members, and they asked me a couple of questions about just, hey, is this how you be a wife or are these things that typically happen in marriage? They wanted to jump into a group chat, and I said, no, I don't want to be anywhere near that. I don't want to. Don't try to blame me. I don't want, I don't want things turning up at the family reunion, and then I'll we're knocking over tables.

SPEAKER_00 4:54

Kurt, your wife, she done planted some seeds. Yes. Now all of a sudden.

SPEAKER_04 4:59

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 4:59

Now all of a sudden, everything done changed in my house.

SPEAKER_04 5:01

You know me, I'm gonna keep it real. That's just who I am. That's I can't be anything other than that. And so, because I knew that, I already knew this would be a bad situation.

SPEAKER_00 5:11

All of a sudden, they're gonna be like, Kurt, you know, my wife talked to Deanna. All of a sudden, she's asked me to take out the trash. Yeah, she's I got rules, there's there's there's things in place, there's accountability, there's boundaries. What's going on?

SPEAKER_04 5:22

What's going on? Because here the, you know, what do they say? You uh you've got my wife um not caught up, but she's turning into somebody that I didn't marry. Uh-oh. Yikes.

Social Media Likes And Respect

SPEAKER_04 5:35

Okay, so now let's let's jump into social media. And if you haven't listened to part one, first off, go listen to part one so that you can hear a little bit more about what we're talking about in part two. And then also, we had a whole episode about social media and boundaries within your marriage. So definitely check out that app that episode. We've been getting some great feedback about it, um, which we really love when you guys reach out to us, DM us, let us know your thoughts and feelings. We read every comment. We try to respond to every single comment too. So, oh no, this is the first question. Is liking someone else's thirst trap disrespectful? Is it disrespectful? The thirst trap's crazy.

SPEAKER_00 6:20

Listen, and and the thing about the the thing about liking the thirst trap is that some people have the approach of all I did was like it, I didn't comment.

SPEAKER_04 6:29

But why are you liking it? But then they like about it.

SPEAKER_00 6:33

That's the question. Are you thirsty? What I would then have to ask, and then this is for the fellows, because I'm just speaking, because I want you to we'll turn it around and ask the ladies. My thought is if I wouldn't want my wife liking a post of a dude in, you know, he he he got the the he got the uh the D'Angelo, how does it feel photo with the low waist, he got the low, the thing.

SPEAKER_04 6:59

No, there was no there was no waist he walked on that set naked. You're right.

SPEAKER_00 7:02

Well, again, I wasn't looking, but all I know is I was hoping he had some jeans or something on. No, there's nothing on it. But basically, you know, if you're liking those photos, I'm like, just can I give you an example? And I'll just I'll tell you what it looked for me, what that signifies is the people that are getting divorced from going to these Usher and Chris Brown concerts. They didn't spend a thousand dollars. You know what? They didn't got up on stage, Usher putting cherries in their mouths, kissing Usher, oops, and your husband is at home. Like, is that my wife that just went to the house?

SPEAKER_04 7:31

That's your wife on the jumbotron.

SPEAKER_00 7:33

So to me, that's even worse than your wife on social. That's even worse than liking a thirst trap. You participated in the thirst trap. What are your thoughts?

SPEAKER_04 7:40

Oh, now okay. Participated in the thirst trap. Uh unacceptable. Absolutely not. Because again, as women, we have so many questions. Why are you liking this thirst trap? What does this mean? Do you likes what he sees? Okay.

SPEAKER_00 7:56

To be honest, if you were to win.

SPEAKER_04 7:58

What is it that you're seeing that you like?

SPEAKER_00 8:00

I don't know the thirst trap, but he's probably got a few things. He's probably like, man, you know, the aesthetic, the background. No, he there's some things he probably likes in that photo.

SPEAKER_04 8:11

But I mean, it's getting to a point now where women are uh the women that I talk to are essentially saying, I'm hoping that whoever I am with, husbands too, husbands dating, boyfriends. The hope is there's no social media, that you have no social media. Because I also think that unfortunately, men, it's it's I would say more for men than potentially for women. I'm gonna say this a little bit more as a definitive statement that men are um have may have a little bit less self-control on social media because you think that she can maybe get away with a couple of the like and the thirst traps with a couple of this and you know um the the the looky los out here as well. Uh and so that's what I would say too. But thirst trap, liking it, absolutely it's disrespectful. Uh so many questions around it. We've got to really sit down and let's go through. So you like this photo. Let's go ahead and tell me what you like about this photo. We've got to dissect what's going on.

SPEAKER_00 9:04

Well, first off, you mentioned people not being on social media. I think one thing this is gonna, you know, bless or hurt somebody right now.

SPEAKER_04 9:10

Ruffle some feathers.

SPEAKER_00 9:11

Ruffle some feathers. They may not know that if you like the post, it is now popping up in your partner's algorithm.

SPEAKER_03 9:17

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 9:17

So now she's being recommended the photo because you just liked it.

SPEAKER_03 9:21

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 9:22

And it goes the other way because I don't I want to, you know, defend the fellas, right? Because we just came for the fellas that, you know, we ain't got self-control. What about the ladies is liking them the magic mic posts? All in all in Usher's like, like, like Chris Brown got all in the video. Chris Brown sweating with his shirt off and they liking all the pictures. Hold on, you just spent $1,600 on the tickets, a thousand for the meet and greet, and then went viral.

SPEAKER_04 9:47

Okay, but the doing the most on the stage. Well, okay, you're talking about somebody being there, going viral. I'm talking about more so if they're liking that Chris Brown or Usher, in my mind, this also goes back to when you are a teenager. But if you're liking random people like the magic mics and those things, then that might be, you know, my husband doesn't look like this. Double tap.

SPEAKER_00 10:08

See, there, it's a slippery slope. Because maybe the husband's saying the same thing. She don't look like this, double tap. I know, you know, he's looking, he's at the swimsuit issue of uh ESPN in sports.

SPEAKER_04 10:18

Yikes.

Locations Exes And Private DMs

SPEAKER_04 10:19

Should couples share their location? We've talked about this before.

SPEAKER_00 10:24

Yes. So I'm I'm so it's a yes and for me. So it's a yes to sharing the fortunately. We travel together for the most part and we're often together. Uh-huh. But like I'm I'm a yes on sharing the location, obviously for awareness, but I'm also like, be mindful of sharing your location just on social apps and things like that, because you got people follow like, oh, so and so's out of town. So I'm just I'm I'm people need to be careful. I'm basically saying be mindful of sharing your locations because some people have it on for like everybody. You can see where they are on Snapchat or on you know the locations on Facebook.

SPEAKER_04 10:57

Specific for your spouse.

SPEAKER_00 10:58

Correct. I'm saying yes for your spouse, but have it turned off for everybody from a safety perspective. Right.

SPEAKER_04 11:04

Because even Instagram now is tracking you. Snapchat, you know how you can look at the words.

SPEAKER_00 11:07

Yeah, it's like, oh, you follow see where all your friends are, and it's like, oh, so and so that's cool.

SPEAKER_04 11:11

I don't mind seeing somebody else, but you won't see me.

SPEAKER_00 11:13

Correct.

SPEAKER_04 11:14

Absolutely not. So is it okay to keep photos of your ex on social media? I can't even believe that's a question. Listen, I feel like of your ex?

SPEAKER_00 11:26

It's it's interesting that you said that. I did scroll, I did see somebody that you know launched a new relationship and they had some old group photos from uh a previous relationship. So the question becomes do you You have to zoom in and try to cut them out? Oh on a post that's already live?

SPEAKER_04 11:42

Absolutely. No, absolutely if you can.

SPEAKER_00 11:44

Zoom in and cut them out. Are you saying like edit the photo?

SPEAKER_04 11:46

Yeah, you know on Instagram you can adjust the preview. Okay, you can adjust certain things, so you need to zoom in a little bit, cut that person out.

SPEAKER_00 11:53

This is an example of the attention to detail that that women have that got. Of course, I didn't even think of it. I didn't that didn't even cross my mind. It was one of two options. It was either leave it, delete it, or archive it. One of the three.

SPEAKER_04 12:05

First off, there should be no archive, it should be deleted completely. What are we archiving this for? Are we gonna have this come back on your feed? Are you trying to spin the block? I'm just what are you saying right now?

SPEAKER_00 12:15

I'm just saying if you're speaking of the three options. Archive is not an option. You're right. Archiving is not the option.

SPEAKER_01 12:22

Delete, delete.

SPEAKER_00 12:23

I'm saying more so the zoom than it is delete, delete, delete. Delete, delete, delete. There's that would be my recommendation. Period. Did you over? I can't believe you said that, y'all. Archive it. I'm I'm I'm asking. You said what do you do? Because there's some people out there that, you know, it's some they launched a new relationship, but it's on the fence. It might be a little rocky.

SPEAKER_04 12:41

Well, first off, then why are we launching a new relationship if it's already rocky?

SPEAKER_00 12:45

Happens every day.

SPEAKER_04 12:46

Every day, B. Every day.

SPEAKER_00 12:48

It happens every day.

SPEAKER_04 12:49

Uh, is it okay to DM someone you've never met if you're married? Well, that's so there's a lot of nuances in that.

SPEAKER_00 12:58

What do you think? What's your thoughts on that?

SPEAKER_04 12:59

Uh, well, again, if this is somebody that you met at an event and you've never met them before, the DM that makes sense to me. Um, if it is also a scenario where um you're there's like some sort of rapport or something, but you've never followed each other on social, that makes sense. But if we're talking about you're just DMing the thirst trap girlies, you know.

SPEAKER_00 13:22

But also, also, I think, I think also to your point, I'm just gonna say so yes, and so to your point, also, what platform is this?

SPEAKER_04 13:29

Does that matter?

SPEAKER_00 13:31

To me, it does, right?

SPEAKER_04 13:33

I mean, LinkedIn is not even we're not even talking about LinkedIn. Somebody's it's a professional that's a professional network.

SPEAKER_00 13:40

We just heard somebody say they got an inappropriate photo on LinkedIn, someone soliciting themselves. Very good.

SPEAKER_04 13:47

And we will, you know, that would be something that we would really have to talk about because I just don't understand it.

SPEAKER_00 13:53

I don't understand sending inappropriate photos to somebody unsolicited, but I'm saying that we know that the on a business social media platform.

SPEAKER_03 14:03

You're sending your business on a business platform. It's wild.

SPEAKER_00 14:07

That's not what LinkedIn's built for.

SPEAKER_03 14:08

That's not what is built for.

SPEAKER_00 14:09

But I but I was just using that example of I'm just thinking of ways that you can protect yourself. And this is again for the fellas, if you are trying to be mindful and be respectful and you connect it with somebody, and there maybe is something, again, it's all kosher, but instead of sending a DM on IG, sending a direct message or connecting with somebody on LinkedIn is a more professional. Sure. Like it just it's sure. Absolutely either way, you'd want be comfortable showing your partner, hey, this is what I sent or what this is what it is. Right. But I just to me, those are like things that you can be intentional about.

SPEAKER_04 14:42

And for example, even when we go go out with other couples, I know for me, I would just follow or DM the wife, but never the husband. And I if and if there was a situation, I ask you. I always ask you, like, hey, you know, because sometimes they'll follow me first, and I'm just like, hey, I just want to let you know that they followed me. Do you want me to follow them back? Like, what are your thoughts? I don't really know how you want me to go about this, but I do ask you about it.

SPEAKER_00 15:06

I appreciate you calling it out. I just something that I would to take a second, because you've you've mentioned this, the thing where certain people because what can happen? It sounds like there can be this path that it goes down where it could be inappropriate where you're out with another couple or friends, but somebody's plotting on your you know your partner.

SPEAKER_04 15:26

That's true. Okay, let's jump down to home

Home Life Rules That Prevent Fights

SPEAKER_04 15:29

life. Okay, and maybe you can do a little bit more of a speed round. Separate blankets or one blanket?

SPEAKER_00 15:34

One blanket. Come on now. I already know your feet cold.

SPEAKER_04 15:38

My feet are cold.

SPEAKER_00 15:39

Feet are cold. Go ahead, go ahead and share that blanket.

SPEAKER_04 15:41

But could I do separate blankets? Absolutely. And it would be separate blankets on the top, not the bottom, if that makes sense. You know how you have like the sheet, you have your sheet, and then there's like the big blanket on top. Sometimes the big blanket, I mean, it'll be gone by the end of the night. And I'm like, oh, I just have the sheet. That's all I have. You are the one that takes the blankets in this relationship. I'm the one that's sitting over here freezing. And so if I had an extra blanket, I think that'd be that'd work out well.

SPEAKER_00 16:08

So I I now feel judged for my for my sleeping and uh hogging the blanket.

SPEAKER_04 16:14

But you know this. Your grandparents told me when we first started dating. He's a crazy sleeper.

SPEAKER_00 16:20

As a as a young boy, I may start on this side, may end on this side.

SPEAKER_04 16:24

Or your feet are ending up, I don't know how. I just had an elbow in my cheek last night.

SPEAKER_00 16:29

Gotta gotta find the right spot. Gotta find the right spot. I'm glad somebody can find the right spot.

SPEAKER_04 16:34

Okay. So, should couples have separate bathrooms, if possible.

SPEAKER_00 16:38

No separate bathrooms, but you gotta have a separate sink.

SPEAKER_04 16:41

I like a separate bathroom.

SPEAKER_00 16:42

I need separate sinks. I like a separate bathroom. To me, having dual sinks is like a must.

SPEAKER_04 16:47

A must, like minimum. To try to share one sink, we've done it, and it's hard.

SPEAKER_00 16:52

And if somebody in New York listening to this right now saying, oh, that's a luxury, right? But like I'm just like, if possible. If possible. But having separate bathrooms, I feel like that's another, again, that's a luxury.

SPEAKER_04 17:01

It's a super luxury.

SPEAKER_00 17:03

But I feel like you gotta be respected. I would. You know, I feel like if there's one bathroom, there's certain things we gotta have. Light a candle or an incense.

SPEAKER_04 17:09

But I also think in in um the bathroom situation, what I hear a lot of women say, literally, just today, I was talking to somebody and she's like, Yeah, my boyfriend, he likes to take a morning um movement, a morning bowel movement, but like I don't want that in our bathroom. So they fortunately have a second bathroom. She said that's kind of become his own bathroom. You know, he gets ready in the mornings because he wakes up earlier and a couple of those things. And so I just thought that was interesting. Would I want that if possible? Probably. But I want it where it's not separate, but let me rephrase. I like the bathrooms where it's it's the vanities are on opposite sides. So you essentially have your own side, but it's still in one room.

SPEAKER_00 17:48

I get it.

SPEAKER_04 17:49

I like that.

SPEAKER_00 17:49

That makes sense.

SPEAKER_04 17:50

I like that. Also, you know, as women, we have a lot of things. We have the skincare perfume, the lotions, the this. And so some of it is, you know, depending on how you want to sell it to your husband.

SPEAKER_00 18:02

Also, I mean, I, you know, you you you are telling the truth. I look up how much how much of the bags when we travel are uh additional items, accessories. Like, I'm like, man, I mean, I just needed like a toothbrush, a brush.

SPEAKER_04 18:14

It's simple for you guys. But again, society isn't telling you that you need to be, you know, pretty. You need to be look a certain way, you need to do all these things. So, anyways, is it okay to eat your spouse's leftovers without asking?

SPEAKER_00 18:29

Not without asking. Not if not if you want to keep a spouse.

SPEAKER_04 18:33

That, but then also in our case, because I'm gluten-free and I have a dietary restriction, I know even snacks. We just talked about this. I have certain snacks that are gluten-free that are expensive, and Kurt will eat half the bag. I feel like lately we've been getting. What are we doing?

SPEAKER_00 18:50

Just so you guys know, I feel like lately we have been getting more and more gluten-free snacks. So there, if there's not anything else in here.

SPEAKER_04 18:58

This cannot be real. What am I supposed to partake of? Are you kidding me?

SPEAKER_00 19:00

If we've got nothing but kid snacks, I'm eating goldfish. That's just an example.

SPEAKER_04 19:05

Y'all we're not gonna eat, we're not gonna even jump into it because we'll be here all day. We're not gonna even jump into it. Gluten-free snacks. Is it okay to protect your sauce's leftover without asking? No. Especially if it's something that they like and I come in, you know how you have a taste for it? You're like, oh, I have those leftovers. I can't wait to get home. And then you get home and it's gone. I'm I'm I'm upset. I'm upset.

SPEAKER_00 19:25

I was upset about the two wings that got thrown out last night from your leftovers.

SPEAKER_04 19:28

You were talking about you didn't want the wings until I tried them. And that's the problem.

SPEAKER_00 19:31

The wings were hidden.

SPEAKER_04 19:32

You should have tried them before.

SPEAKER_00 19:33

I should have.

SPEAKER_04 19:34

Okay. Is it okay to spend money without telling your spouse? Depends on the amount.

SPEAKER_00 19:38

What what's the threshold? What's the threshold in your opinion?

SPEAKER_04 19:42

Right. I think, well, it depends on your bank account. So that could be $50 or more. That could be $25 or more. It really is case by case. I would say a minimum of $100, we got to have a conversation of just like, well, okay, so what are we kind of like, what do we do? Maybe.

SPEAKER_00 19:57

I feel like it should be a team effort. Sure. I agree. Um, I do feel like whatever that threshold is.

SPEAKER_04 20:03

Yeah, and that's case by case. That's your household threshold.

SPEAKER_00 20:05

I agree. Because some people, you know, if you if you if you get it. Okay. Or if you don't got it, it could be five dollars. If you got it, got it, might be like five hundred dollars. Ooh. But for us, I agree. I agree. If it goes beyond $500, I'm just saying, you know, it could be slippery slope.

SPEAKER_03 20:21

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 20:21

I think that under $100, that's a good call out because I feel like a lot of the Amazon boxes coming to the house be under $100.

SPEAKER_04 20:27

Correct.

SPEAKER_00 20:28

We didn't discuss. But that's okay.

SPEAKER_04 20:30

Well, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 20:31

I'm just being funny.

SPEAKER_04 20:32

Okay. I hope. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 20:36

You gotta put some snacks in those in those boxes.

SPEAKER_04 20:38

Crazy with the snacks. That's wild. You gotta get yourself an apple and peanut butter.

SPEAKER_00 20:42

I'm here.

SPEAKER_04 20:43

You better get yourself a uh banana and uh dates. You got a lot of snacks. You just don't want to you just don't want to make anything. That's really the problem.

SPEAKER_00 20:51

Gluten-free snacks don't need to be made. You just open the bag.

SPEAKER_04 20:54

I that's exactly my point.

SPEAKER_00 20:55

That's what I'm saying. I need some of those.

SPEAKER_04 20:57

No. And you already have some. Anyways, I digress. Okay, uh, let's see. Should chores be divided equally or by strengths? And I don't really like to call them chores, they're really just responsibilities. But they're sure.

SPEAKER_00 21:15

I mean, you know, you know. Let's well, let's let's let's let's do a real-time example of that. You know, I'm just trying to think of how how we operate. I think it is by strengths as well as it should be.

SPEAKER_03 21:25

What needs to get done.

SPEAKER_00 21:26

But I feel like I feel like it should be by strengths, but it also should be divvied up because nobody wants to feel like they're carrying the entire load.

SPEAKER_03 21:33

Absolutely not.

SPEAKER_00 21:35

Literally the entire load if we're talking laundry.

SPEAKER_03 21:37

If we're talking laundry, you know what I mean?

SPEAKER_00 21:38

Or doing all the dishes. So something right.

SPEAKER_04 21:41

And I don't think that they should necessarily be gender specific as well. Because there are times that I take out the trash, there's times that you help me with the dishes. 90 ten. There's times, right.

SPEAKER_00 21:50

90 ten on the trash though, or 95.

SPEAKER_04 21:52

Well, yeah, yeah, yeah. But again, for me, it's one of those things what needs to get done if all three of these trash bands are overflowing and You are doing something, or you're just trying to get yourself ready, I'll at least pull them out of the trash, put them by the front door. But I'm not, you know, like yelling at you about it. But it's also because it is 90 10, like you said. So if it wasn't, that might be a different conversation. But again, what needs to get done? Yes, it should be a little bit more on your strengths. Um, because there are some people who genuinely like to clean because it makes them, it's self-soothing to them.

SPEAKER_00 22:23

Yeah, I'm not one of those people.

SPEAKER_04 22:24

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 22:25

But I feel like if you're also cooking, I feel like me unloading. Or, you know, and again, know your like knowing my strengths. I've got a glove up.

SPEAKER_04 22:35

Right.

SPEAKER_00 22:35

That's a key. Yeah, you don't have to do it. I don't mind doing the dishes.

SPEAKER_04 22:38

You don't like to get your hands wet. That's crazy.

SPEAKER_00 22:40

Some about hands and doing all the dishes. I'm I'm I'm good. I gotta glove up.

SPEAKER_04 22:44

Yes, yes. Okay, this is gonna be the last round, and I want to preface that at this time we do not have kids, but we have been around a lot of parents over these past, you know, 10 plus

Parenting Takes On Sleep Phones School

SPEAKER_04 22:57

years. We've heard a lot of different conversations. We've also seen kids grow and evolve from literally, we knew your parents before they had you, and now you are, you know, seven, eight, nine, ten years old. Right. And seeing kind of what parenting styles that that person previously had and how that uh affected their their children. So um should children sleep in their parents' bed?

SPEAKER_00 23:21

No.

SPEAKER_04 23:22

I know you say this every time.

SPEAKER_00 23:24

Unless you're and you made the exception of uh just future state for us if there is a nightmare. Like I feel like that's an exception, right? But we can't be having nightmares every night.

SPEAKER_04 23:32

Okay, but what if there are I agree, but obviously I think something to take into account is the baby phase, right? The baby phase is understood to some degree, especially for women, because you can just roll over, pop out, and then you know, breastfeed your baby and put the baby back, right? So there's there is some convenience.

SPEAKER_00 23:51

We have somebody say they had a six or seven-year-old.

SPEAKER_04 23:52

And that's more so where we're coming from. If it's a six, seven, eight, ten-year-old that's still sleeping in your bed and it's a constant thing that they're sleeping in your bed, we've got to have a conversation about that. Uh, should kids have phones before middle school? So, middle school, you start sixth grade.

SPEAKER_00 24:09

Sixth grade, I feel like it depends on like the situation, because I do get it, and how mature your kid is.

SPEAKER_04 24:15

Correct.

SPEAKER_00 24:16

If your kid is mature enough, but again, now we start talking. I know there's a and also what kind of phone are you getting?

SPEAKER_04 24:22

Come on. You're gonna get the no cue.

SPEAKER_00 24:23

You don't need to take any pictures of only meet snakes. What are you taking pictures of?

SPEAKER_04 24:26

Come on now.

SPEAKER_00 24:27

You need to know how to call me. Call me, barely text.

SPEAKER_04 24:29

Barely text. And it's gotta be the old school text where you have to get number one three times to get a seat. Come on. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 24:35

We gotta start smaller. I love that. We gotta start smaller work our way up.

SPEAKER_04 24:38

Maybe a flip.

SPEAKER_00 24:38

And you only get like and you only get like 50 minutes or something a month.

SPEAKER_04 24:42

I got 90 minutes and I was upset.

SPEAKER_00 24:45

Come on now. I remember the minutes used to be cutting off. Gotta go.

SPEAKER_04 24:48

Quick, quick.

SPEAKER_00 24:50

I'll text you. Quick. Abbreviated. We got only got a certain amount of text.

SPEAKER_04 24:54

I know.

SPEAKER_00 24:54

You gotta know that struggle is real. You can't just be, you know, you can't be sixth grade with unlimited data, unlimited minutes. Because where do we go from here? You're running a fool. Where do we go from here?

SPEAKER_04 25:03

Yeah. But also, I think too, in my opinion, I think before children get a phone, we've got to actually go through like a social media or a phone etiquette and really understanding that this is a responsibility of having a phone. What does that responsibility look like? And if that responsibility is in any way uh turns into um, you know, negative or you're not being responsible, that phone will be taken away quickly.

SPEAKER_00 25:31

Can I tell you what blew my mind? The amount of parents that I heard talk about, you know, there's been all of these different games, and you know, you'll be able to name some that have like, you know, been the hype or like the craze, but the game's cost for like extra points or tokens or whatever. Kids are blowing up back, are face ID.

SPEAKER_04 25:48

It's only like 99 cents or $1.99.

SPEAKER_00 25:51

Kids are face IDing with their parents' credit card card. That reminds just that reminds me, we had a lady tell us.

SPEAKER_04 25:58

I don't understand. There was no access to it's cash. First off, there was no debit. There was no access to your parents' debit or credit card.

SPEAKER_00 26:07

We had a lady just tell us she gave her kid a credit card on vacation. First off, she said the kids weren't supposed to go on vacation.

SPEAKER_04 26:13

We weren't supposed to go on vacation. She said this is our first vacation in three years.

SPEAKER_00 26:18

Something like that.

SPEAKER_04 26:19

Going to Hawaii. Love it.

SPEAKER_00 26:20

Went on vacation. The kids took her kids, teenagers. She's like, listen, here's the card. Obviously, you know, you're at the hotel. Kind of do your thing. We're gonna do it. They're under 21.

SPEAKER_04 26:31

Right.

SPEAKER_00 26:31

She said she looked at the.

SPEAKER_04 26:33

Either 10 and under.

SPEAKER_00 26:34

She said she looked at the bill. What were they ordering?

SPEAKER_04 26:37

She said they ordered caviar. How do you know what caviar is? Caviar and filet mignon. She said, I don't even know how to say it. She said, I've never had it. I've never had it.

SPEAKER_00 26:47

It's on my card, couldn't even believe. But that's, I feel like when you haven't walked through the city.

SPEAKER_04 26:51

Yes, the responsibility. But also, you know what I said? I personally said that your kids should uh have the responsibilities around their house where these are the responsibilities you don't get paid for. But if you want to read extra books, you get a couple extra dollars for extra books, or if you want to do extra things around the house, you can get a couple extra dollars here. We'll set you up a kid's bank account. And now you're gonna you only use your money. That's it. Because now you're gonna understand, oh shoot, I have $25 in my bank account and that filet costs $5. So I can't get that. You I just feel like you have a better understanding of money. Um, even if you blow your bag all on one thing as a kid, you do.

SPEAKER_00 27:31

100%. And to that point, I mean, I remember oh, loving sneakers, but I remember literally shoveling driveways in the winter.

SPEAKER_03 27:38

Come on now.

SPEAKER_00 27:39

To get money. And I would take whatever you gave me. Literally, people are giving me change. And guess what? But can I tell you how really the bank doesn't there, there was no CoinStar, you just throw the change in. And I didn't want CoinStar taking money off the top.

SPEAKER_04 27:54

They sure did take money off the top.

SPEAKER_00 27:55

I personally had the bank roller. I would roll my own quarters and then take it to the bank so I can get all of my cash back. I knew how much $12 was in quarters.

SPEAKER_04 28:06

Let me get all of my money. I want all of it. When those taxes come out, it's like, wait a minute.

SPEAKER_00 28:13

The chips.

SPEAKER_04 28:14

Wait a minute, Uncle Sam. I'm counting the chips. You're taking a little too much off the top here.

SPEAKER_00 28:18

The kids gotta the kids gotta know about counting the chips.

SPEAKER_04 28:20

They have to know about counting the chips.

SPEAKER_00 28:21

And I think when we even get the kid, like when we go out to eat, I even think you got to take a fry, take something right off their plate, let them know this is tax.

SPEAKER_04 28:28

You just got taxed. This is taxed. Yeah. Okay, so should parents present a united front even when they disagree? Mandatory. Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 28:36

Mandatory. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 28:37

These kids can't wait. They can't wait. They're waiting for one of you to slip.

SPEAKER_00 28:41

And that's what one of the things that's unique about us also not having kids is that we've had you know 10 plus years of just observing. So we're and we're traveling places, and sometimes we are just people watching.

SPEAKER_02 28:53

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 28:53

And I will watch a kid go ask mom.

SPEAKER_02 28:56

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 28:57

Mom's like, no. No. Go ask dad. Dad's not even looking. Doesn't even care. Dad's watching a game on TV. Go ahead. Goes. Mom is like, what?

SPEAKER_01 29:06

What?

SPEAKER_00 29:07

Kids got an icy. Yes. Kids got an auntie Ann's pretzel. They're like, this kid's about to be jumping off the wall the entire flight. Yes. Dad's like, what? I just I thought what's the problem? They told me you said yeah. It's like, no.

SPEAKER_04 29:21

No.

SPEAKER_00 29:21

They played you.

SPEAKER_04 29:22

Yeah. Disagree behind closed stores when you're in front of your children. Definitely have to put the United Front on because they're waiting. We were. I mean, we literally remember being in those shoes. But when you know that your parents are on a United front, you know, you know that if the answer from one of the parents know, you're like, dang us, no.

SPEAKER_00 29:38

And what's gonna be great is it's gonna be ask your mom and then ask your dad. And then we said we'll talk about it at dinner.

SPEAKER_04 29:43

Wait, we'll talk about it at dinner. Say that again.

SPEAKER_00 29:45

The ask me. I'm asked, have you asked your mom? Ask you, have you asked your dad?

SPEAKER_04 29:49

Correct.

SPEAKER_00 29:50

Talk about it at dinner.

SPEAKER_04 29:51

Correct. I also want to just throw a preface out there as well. If there's if there's a main parent that the kids go to, that's a lot of not only pressure, but that I you always feel like you're the bad guy, right? Or the bad person. And and that doesn't feel good. Um, so I think too, just figuring out how that looks like um of the agreeing, or just your kids knowing that if if one of us says no, that means both of us say no, right?

SPEAKER_00 30:16

Yeah, you don't have to be like good cop, bad cop, whatever. Yeah, no, it's nobody's like, I've got to be the bad guy.

SPEAKER_04 30:21

And especially for women, it's extra, it's already overwhelming trying to run the household. And then I have kids that are only asking me, but there's a whole other parent in here, and that parent's saying, ask your mom, it's like, dude.

SPEAKER_00 30:32

I need you to lock in.

SPEAKER_04 30:32

Lock in, make a decision up in here.

SPEAKER_00 30:34

If this is fantasy football, I need you to be the coach. Yeah, exactly.

SPEAKER_04 30:37

Oh, yeah, you'll make it you'll make a decision for you.

SPEAKER_00 30:39

I need you to be the co-team owner. We can't end up having people on the bench during game day.

SPEAKER_04 30:43

Right. Is it okay to be friends with your children? My response is children, I think, is the key word here. There we go. Because you can move into friendship.

SPEAKER_00 30:53

So I'm gonna say no.

SPEAKER_04 30:54

You can move into friendship when you're in your 20s. That's what I was gonna say.

SPEAKER_00 30:57

So that you said key word is children.

SPEAKER_04 30:59

So you can move into friendship later, but I feel like there has to be There has to be there has to be a separation that I'm the I'm not your little friend.

SPEAKER_00 31:06

I'm not your little friend, I'm not my mom used to say you're a little friend. Who are you talking to? I'm talking about Okay, okay You're right. Okay. So I do I get that, but I feel like it can transition later when you get out of it. And if you can just share, like from a there does become a point where it's more of the like I'm now your mentor. Like you're you've you know right from wrong, you're now out into the world. Like now I'm here for mentorship if you need me.

SPEAKER_04 31:33

I feel like that kind of starts that kind of starts your junior, senior year in high school.

SPEAKER_00 31:37

Now we can be, now there can be more friendship because I'm not having like you already know these things.

SPEAKER_04 31:41

You're the one that's instilling right the right principles, values, ethics, those type of things. So when they get to be that junior, senior, because that's typically when you're also gonna get a job, right? You're getting a job, although we're seeing that I know this next generation of uh not only alphas, but also Gen Z, they are growing up later than both millennials and then obviously Gen X and baby boomers. So they're getting their licenses later, they are taking that gap year, they're not too concerned about growing up.

SPEAKER_00 32:14

Or getting a job.

SPEAKER_04 32:15

Or getting a job. I'm not sure.

SPEAKER_00 32:16

Probably because they got the phone with unlimited credit card, Uber Eats.

SPEAKER_03 32:21

Come on now. Crazy.

SPEAKER_04 32:23

So um is private school worth the cost?

SPEAKER_00 32:28

I feel like it depends. So my my my answer is gonna be it depends.

SPEAKER_04 32:35

Um I would say because we have had some parents that have had their kids in private schools, and especially here in Arizona, which the school system is not great here.

SPEAKER_00 32:46

Uh and so And that's not based on our opinion.

SPEAKER_04 32:49

That's based on oh, that's facts national, national rankings. National rankings. It's true. We are one of the last states um when it comes to education, and so private school a lot of it does come down to what you can afford.

SPEAKER_00 33:05

And also, I'm gonna say something else. This may be, I don't want to be controversial here, but I genuinely feel like it may be.

SPEAKER_04 33:10

You can give scholarships to private schools.

SPEAKER_00 33:11

It also might be based on the kid. You might have one little one, you're like, you know what? You're not exactly in public school, you're a little rowdy.

SPEAKER_04 33:19

Right. You need to be in an art school, you need to be in a private school, you need to be in public.

SPEAKER_00 33:24

And I know it's I know it's a lot easier just to drop everybody off in one place, but I just talked to I talked to a lady that I worked with, and she literally said, Yeah, my son just tested, and he's like basically like Mesa smart. Like he's he's he's smart. Basically, they told me he's smarter. He's genius. Based on his IQ level, he's smarter than you, mom. I was like, dang. So she's like, we've got to put him in a special program because he's in here in school looking at other kids.

SPEAKER_04 33:45

Like it's so easy. I'm wasting my time in it. I know.

SPEAKER_00 33:49

So like that situation, I feel like you definitely have to put them. But if you got a kid that's like, you know, he's looking up at the stars, like, we might have to put you over here in public school.

SPEAKER_04 33:57

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 33:58

Save a few dollars.

SPEAKER_04 33:59

Yeah. I do think again, case by case on the private school. Now, is it like an automatic every kid goes to private school? I don't think so.

SPEAKER_00 34:06

And I think that's I've been seeing something else just on the side note because we think the option you would think is public or private, but then there's a third option we're hearing more and more of which.

SPEAKER_04 34:16

The charter. Some of these charter schools are.

SPEAKER_00 34:19

Well, that's a third, but I would say fourth is homeschooled. I've been hearing more and more guys I know.

SPEAKER_03 34:23

They're like, hey, much too, though.

SPEAKER_00 34:25

It it is, but because you had the preview during the pandemic, because you have some parents that are also staying home, or they're like, you know what, I want to make sure. Like, and no, I get it. I've got somebody that comes to my mind that I work with, and his kids are very advanced, but he wanted them to have a faith, also like a certain curriculum, yeah, and they deliver that from home. So I'm like, I get it. I get it.

SPEAKER_04 34:46

I get it.

SPEAKER_00 34:46

You know, so I feel like what works for you is what's best, and when we get to that point, you know, I think it's gonna be case by case.

SPEAKER_04 34:52

Right. What's more important to teach first? Kindness or independence? Kindness. Kindness.

SPEAKER_00 35:00

No question. I think kindness, kindness first, but I think I think I think two things can happen at once, right? Like kindness number one, but I think you also can allow a kid to be independent. And my question to you is what does that what does independence mean? Just as a separate, like well, interesting.

SPEAKER_04 35:17

This reminds me of if we're talking kind of little kids and we're talking probably five and under, then the Montessori way would be a way that you would teach independence.

SPEAKER_00 35:27

When I see those videos of these kids under five, I know it.

SPEAKER_04 35:30

And you see, I want and I want people to look at Japan, look at the children in Japan.

SPEAKER_00 35:35

Look at kids four and five getting on public trained public training.

SPEAKER_04 35:39

Now, don't get me wrong, in America, absolutely not. It's too dangerous here. I would not do that, and that's not a part of our culture here.

SPEAKER_00 35:44

But it doesn't mean the kid, but it just shows you. We even saw one. Um, what jumped out at me, and I this was in a certain place where the climate was like it was like below zero. And the mom was getting the kid ready. It was the kid was like five or six years old, but literally you're putting on all the layers, he's walking to school in the snowstorm. Like, this is where he walks to like get picked up.

SPEAKER_02 36:11

It can be done.

SPEAKER_00 36:12

And the mom's like, Hey, are you ready? Do you have your stuff? And I was like, I'm ready, bundled up, like oh, you can see the little eyes. And I was like, You would think like in the States, or like most parents would say, like, this is neglect. But it's just the standard is like, no, he knows how to get to school. It's a standard. This is the weather. All the culture. All the kids know this route.

SPEAKER_04 36:32

And I just feel like But it's also safe, is what I'm hearing. I'm hearing safety.

SPEAKER_00 36:36

Safety, but also there's always more, like kids are sponges. So I feel like there's always more that kids can do if you allow them or trust, like, hey, let's give you some more responsibility or independence, versus, oh no, you can't do that. No, you can't open that. I need to do it for you.

SPEAKER_04 36:53

Exactly, exactly. And so I think that um, again, check out the Montessori way if you are looking kind of for that independence, especially at a younger age. Because again, like I mentioned, there are studies that show by the age of seven, and so if you're also giving them a way that they can have independence, what you're seeing is that their confidence is being boosted, their self-esteem. They actually are you are taking up so much off of your plate for the rest of your life because by the age of five, they're able to make their own food, they're able to clean up, and they're able to dress themselves, they're able to do all of these things.

SPEAKER_00 37:24

People are listening to this right now, like, I got a five-year-old. There's no way there's no way they're doing those things.

SPEAKER_04 37:28

We're like, we are seeing it. Well, there wouldn't be a Montessori way if it couldn't be done. So there's that, but then also just take a look at Japan and China and what they do over there for their kids. It is recessed with life. I just watched one um yesterday. And the way that uh the these kids are not only so respectful, um, so independent, that kindness factor um is also taken into account. But these kids are making their own meals. I'm talking, they're making their own rice, they were making their own tofu, they were making everything themselves and sitting down to eat. It was just incredible. It was absolutely incredible to see.

SPEAKER_00 38:04

Recess also blew me away. Like they were training for the Olympics out there.

SPEAKER_04 38:08

I know it. I was like, they were they were the with a jumper. Talk about PE, they're like doing it together in unison. In unison, people are doing different things. So what I also love about that too is that you're showing kids that there's a deeper sense of connection with people. And um, it's building a culture of not only presence, but of that connectivity. Because I just feel like, especially here in the States, there is such a disconnect that if we did more things with kids that were in unison, that were kind of taught in a way that we're doing this together. I'm just interested to see what would happen. Yeah, you know?

Lightning Round Relationship Yes Or No

SPEAKER_04 38:45

Okay, lightning round. These are one word answers. Okay. We go off on a tangent sometimes, y'all. Okay, love at first sight. Yes or no?

SPEAKER_00 38:55

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 38:56

Yes. You got you can answer too. I don't know. I've heard of it.

SPEAKER_00 39:01

Was that a yes? Yeah, that wasn't one answer. I heard of it.

SPEAKER_04 39:05

Do I believe in it? Love at first sight. You love somebody? I don't know about love, but is there maybe uh um an affection or a just outright attraction? I believe in that more than like I love you.

SPEAKER_00 39:18

Somebody might have had love at first sight while they double tap that post.

SPEAKER_04 39:21

Well, not only that, but love at first sight is an app is an actual show.

SPEAKER_00 39:25

There we go.

SPEAKER_04 39:25

Joint bank account. Yes. Yes, separate vacations.

unknown 39:31

No.

SPEAKER_04 39:32

Well, are we talking like a girl's trip though, guys' trip, type of situation? Or we are a couple and we're going on our separate trips. That's happening more often now.

SPEAKER_00 39:39

If we are a couple and we're going on our separate trips, that's a no. If we are going on like you're doing a girl's trip and there's a guy, that's a yes.

SPEAKER_04 39:45

That's a yes. Phone passwords.

SPEAKER_00 39:48

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 39:49

Yes. Weekly date night. Yes. Yes. Couples therapy. Yes. Uh sharing locations.

SPEAKER_01 39:58

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 39:58

Yes. We talked a little bit about the nuance there. Uh, let's see. Separate hobbies. Yes. Definitely. But you should have a shared hobby.

SPEAKER_00 40:08

Yeah, like you know, just as an example. If you don't like getting on the Madden or the 2K, that's okay. It's still gonna be game time for downtime.

SPEAKER_04 40:16

Okay. Uh public proposals. Yes. Yes. We just saw one on the beach. That was nice. That's cute.

SPEAKER_00 40:23

I I could propose to you in public.

SPEAKER_04 40:25

That's true.

SPEAKER_00 40:26

Uh had the light on the box on the ring.

SPEAKER_04 40:30

Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_00 40:30

Come on. Special effects.

SPEAKER_04 40:32

Oh my gosh. Okay, sleeping in separate rooms.

SPEAKER_00 40:35

No.

SPEAKER_04 40:36

You say no.

SPEAKER_00 40:37

Are you a yes on that one?

SPEAKER_04 40:38

I'm uh, I may. It could depend on a season. It could depend on a couple of things. What if you're sick? Like, I don't necessarily want to be in the same bed as you if you're sick.

SPEAKER_00 40:47

What about if you say you saying a couple nights ago, I should have put you out?

SPEAKER_04 40:51

No, I did have I had chills, y'all, just a couple of nights ago. They were pretty bad. He's like, What in the world? Yeah, he's like, Do I need to take you to the hospital?

SPEAKER_00 40:57

It's like you're okay. We're good. I was like, the air's not that low in here.

SPEAKER_04 41:01

Yeah. I was I was shaking in there. Uh, but I needed your cuddles. Okay. Friends with X's. No.

SPEAKER_00 41:09

No. X is there's an X there for a reason.

SPEAKER_04 41:11

X.

SPEAKER_00 41:12

X, move on.

SPEAKER_04 41:13

And X does not mark the spot. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 41:15

Tic Tac toe. That box is already there. That's already boxed out, X'd out.

SPEAKER_04 41:18

Uh 50-50 chores.

SPEAKER_00 41:20

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 41:21

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 41:22

You were you hesitated on me. I did. That felt like a no.

SPEAKER_04 41:25

Well, I think no, no, no. I just think that again, there's times where, for example, if one of us is busier than the other person, then someone might do all of the chores at that time.

SPEAKER_00 41:32

But that's at that time, not all the time.

unknown 41:36

The time.

SPEAKER_04 41:36

Daily check-ins. Yes. Yes. Pets in the bed. No. No. We're gonna get some, we're gonna get some backlash for that one. Pets in the bed. People love their dogs in the bed. They love it. Well, what about a kitty?

SPEAKER_00 41:51

You might be able to get on the couch if it if you're lucky.

SPEAKER_04 41:54

No, the couch, no. That's like putting shoes. To me, the bed is worse than the cat. I know. Well, I'm saying it's both. I think shoes on a couch, shoes on any furniture, it's out of the way. What if it's like a lap dog?

SPEAKER_00 42:08

We're the dog lover that the dog has its own bed that you can lie in and get snuggled.

SPEAKER_04 42:12

Get snuggled.

SPEAKER_00 42:13

Yes, but but no.

SPEAKER_04 42:14

Not in the bed. You can't do it. Posting your relationship.

SPEAKER_00 42:19

Yes.

SPEAKER_04 42:20

Yes, but depends on the couple.

SPEAKER_00 42:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 42:22

Long distance relationships. Yes. Yes, hard, but yes. Marriage before living together. No. Because I don't want to be married, and then all of a sudden I realize, oh my word, you are an absolute slob. Like you, the way that you're living is unacceptable.

SPEAKER_00 42:42

I'm going to say yes, just because I hear the like, don't be over shacking up. I know.

SPEAKER_04 42:47

On the Christian side, you know. I get it.

SPEAKER_00 42:49

No, but I get what you're saying too of like you do want to get you wanna, you know, you got to test drive it a little bit.

SPEAKER_04 42:55

How do you live your day-to-day?

SPEAKER_00 42:56

You may want to wait until you're married, but you want to make sure you have the right connection to the state.

SPEAKER_04 42:59

That would be ideal to wait until you're married, but in this day and age, yeah. No. And the living together, I like I tell my young, my younger girlies, I just tell them, make sure that if it's your apartment, your name is the only one on that lease. So you don't have to worry about, okay, we're spying, you can still split all the bills and do those things, but you're the one that's on the lease.

SPEAKER_00 43:18

And the reason I'm gonna say no on the living together, why I say that is I feel like you can get a feel, like you know if somebody's nasty or clean or not before you live with them. That's not true. Listen, here's all I'm gonna say if you're paying attention, if you are paying attention, because you're gonna see the backseat of the car.

SPEAKER_04 43:36

You're in you're in the you're in the puppy list.

SPEAKER_00 43:38

Exactly, but you're gonna see the backseat of the car. You're gonna go visit on a day where like you didn't know, and you're like, we just watched the show, just a side note. We were watching animal control on Netflix last night, and she was on the first date, ended up grabbing the keys to the car, and she laid leaned the car back, like leaned the seat back, and he had like old pretzels, fast food. She literally took his car to the car. Car wash. He's like, why'd you wash my car? She's like, Did you see your back seat? You already know. Like, you didn't need to live with him to know it's nasty over there.

SPEAKER_04 44:09

Gross. Uh, prenups.

SPEAKER_00 44:12

Yes, if you got money.

SPEAKER_04 44:14

Yes, no. Even if you don't have money.

SPEAKER_00 44:16

So here's here's what I was gonna say about the prenup.

SPEAKER_04 44:18

Even if you don't have money.

SPEAKER_00 44:19

Here's what I was gonna say about the prenup. I'm saying, I'm saying, what did that say yes or no to that? I feel like I say that's a yes.

SPEAKER_04 44:25

Huh?

SPEAKER_00 44:26

That's a yes to the prenup?

SPEAKER_04 44:27

Prenups? You said yes.

SPEAKER_00 44:28

I said yes. And the reason why I say that is I said yes if you have money. Because here's my here's my thing. I feel like when we both, because I want to preface this. I said yes to the prenup, but we don't have a prenup. I'm just keeping it 100. No. But we didn't have any money.

SPEAKER_04 44:43

We were 22. Yeah, what are we splitting up?

SPEAKER_00 44:45

What are we giving up? Like, hey, listen, you brought your suit into the No.

SPEAKER_04 44:48

Well, here's the thing.

SPEAKER_00 44:49

You know, I broke my car.

SPEAKER_04 44:50

I understand. So I've been listening to uh like the number one divorce attorneys and um what their medicine men and women and just but it's interesting their perspective on prenups. From what I have heard from them, they say everyone should have a prenup, even if it's down to what you own. This is my couch that I brought into the relationship. This was your bed that you brought into the relationship. Like it was really um kind of uh specific in that sense. But um, I do think that if you have money, you first, and especially if you have money before you get into a relationship, you should absolutely have a prenup. I know um, was it Dak Prescott? He didn't end up getting married, right? She wants to sign that prenup. She didn't want to sign that pretty much.

SPEAKER_00 45:36

This is just what we heard. She didn't want to sign a prenup, called it off, which I I get it. He's got money. Can I just call something else out too?

SPEAKER_01 45:42

Right.

SPEAKER_00 45:42

I think when it comes to the kind of the prenuptials or just that like that conversation, yes, it's either if you have you know money or not, but also I would say take a really good look at your partner. If you so if you don't go the prenup route, hear me out.

SPEAKER_04 45:57

Because it reminds me of the NBA star. If you don't remember who just retired and his wife just got money though, quit.

SPEAKER_00 46:03

But if you don't have money and you're debating on the prenup, I want you to look at how does your partner act when they get upset at you. Because if you think about it, getting divorced is just like the highest level of being upset, I feel like. But typically you find out more.

SPEAKER_04 46:16

Like, for example, if you're But how many people are paying that attention to you?

SPEAKER_00 46:20

I'm paying attention to everything.

SPEAKER_04 46:21

You are. I know most people are not. I'm telling you, nine out of ten people are not paying attention.

SPEAKER_00 46:27

But what I'm saying is it's this is in friendships or relationships. If the first time you have your argument with somebody that you're dating and like she crashes out and breaks the windshield of your car, that's somebody that if you marry her, you need a prenup because she's gonna try to like bankrupt you. Like that, that's literally what she's she's saying. Like, hey, if I'm upset, you also is this person petty? That's what I'm saying.

SPEAKER_04 46:46

Are they a petty patty?

SPEAKER_00 46:47

There are people, there are people that you can see, like, hey, if they're on your side, they're great. But if they're not on your side, you see how they've done somebody else. Like, I'm gonna take them for everything they've got. And I'm you know, I'll drive like you're gonna be on the other end of that if they get it mad at you.

SPEAKER_02 47:02

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 47:03

But like if you're dealing with somebody that's like, we both feel like we're firm but fair, and just across the board.

SPEAKER_04 47:09

So even if you disagree with you, you but you say that when you're in a good spot, but when you're in a bad spot, my point is I've seen a lot of that change.

SPEAKER_00 47:15

I've seen you upset and in a bad spot. I know, and you weren't like cursing you out. I'm gonna drive your drive your car off the cliff, I'm gonna throw syrup all over your clothes.

SPEAKER_04 47:24

Like, hit me with the jasmine something. You don't got to a break and thing, you okay?

SPEAKER_00 47:29

But there's people that are dealing with that and they're like, ooh, I still married this person with no prenup and it didn't work. And now, man, I don't know why I ended up in this predicament. It's like, yo, they were crazy.

SPEAKER_04 47:39

I know, and we hear some men say that I like a little crazy. It's like, okay, well.

SPEAKER_00 47:44

And get what you asked for.

Controversial Beliefs And Final Wrap

SPEAKER_04 47:45

Okay, now. Uh, last one, soulmates. Yes. Yes.

unknown 47:48

Sure.

SPEAKER_04 47:49

You're my baby. Come on. All right. Last question. What's one relationship opinion you have that most people would completely disagree with? And relationship doesn't necessarily have to be marriage as well. I think it can also be dating. Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 48:03

So if it's not the person, move on. Stop.

SPEAKER_04 48:06

Like, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 48:08

And the reason I say this, there's three most important decisions you're going to make in your life. What you do for work, where you live, and the person that you spend the rest of your life with. So many people, because they don't want to have the difficult conversation or they don't want to be alone, they're like, no, I'm just gonna like, I'll be, but then you end up in a situation ship or a relationship, right? Or married, and you're like, man, this isn't even the person I necessarily want to be with. So to me, it's like if you have, if this is your list of like, they've gotta have these things, or like I really want this in a spouse or a mate, but like I'm I'm dealing with people that don't have these things, or I'm in stop playing yourself.

SPEAKER_04 48:43

Right. And like don't let a situation ship turn into something long term that you know isn't gonna work out.

SPEAKER_00 48:49

Come on. Even if it's uncomfortable, even if your money is funny, go move with your mama.

SPEAKER_04 48:53

Right.

SPEAKER_00 48:54

I'm just keeping it real.

SPEAKER_04 48:55

A lot of that's really what we're gonna do.

SPEAKER_00 48:57

If your money is funny, go live with your mama instead of man, you know, I'm I'm staying with, you know, me and Big Shirley back together because not Big Shirley. My Martin fans is gonna get that.

SPEAKER_03 49:08

Oh my god. You know, Big Shirley didn't let me, you know, she didn't let me out.

SPEAKER_00 49:12

It's like, man, why am I with Big Shirley? Oh, you live at Big Shirley's.

SPEAKER_04 49:17

Here's something that it's a relationship opinion that I do think that people would disagree with. And I'm also willing to change my opinion uh a little bit later if I feel like I'm getting some more of the facts, but don't stay for the kids.

SPEAKER_03 49:33

Ooh.

SPEAKER_04 49:35

I know that's a tough one. It's and it's a definitely easier said than done. But I just know so many now adults that they knew that their parents should not be together. The parents knew that they shouldn't be together, but they stayed, whether it's for religious reasons, right? Some people are like, hey, I'm Catholic and this is to the to the end, to the wheel spot. Pretending for the optics, pretending for the optics, or financially, I'm not able to make that move and make that decision.

SPEAKER_00 50:03

Don't want to go live with a mama.

SPEAKER_04 50:04

Don't I don't want to be alone. That's oftentimes too what I hear too. Uh, you want to have a companion and you've known this person for so long and it's so familiar, and you don't want to get out into these, you know, the the the pool that is that is uh called dating, which I'm hearing there's a lot of Pete in this pool.

SPEAKER_00 50:22

You never want that. I've got a bonus one for married for the married couples that may be controversial, okay, but your spouse goes over your family.

SPEAKER_04 50:33

That one's hard too.

SPEAKER_00 50:35

But uh that's gonna be controversial. It's controversial, and I think that people would be able to do that. This is also why it's a top three decision because if you make the right decision on your spouse and on your partner, they're not gonna have you doing things that don't make sense, right? But your family may have what they're used to. Yeah, they have their belief system, their beliefs, they feel like you should do things their way.

SPEAKER_04 50:56

You're you're used to the system, you know, and that system could be toxic. And it takes somebody coming from the outside and just shedding a little bit of light on it and saying, Hey, how do you feel about this? Is do you also agree with this? Because there are some people that are 10 toes down. No, I absolutely agree. That's my mama, that's my dad. Like, I literally I will, you are the addition into this family.

SPEAKER_00 51:16

Well, that was me pre pre-getting married. That was me, you know, and you had to go through this evolution, which is a wake-up call for a lot of people when it's like, wait, you're not, you know, it's not me or us above everything else. Like, no, I have a spouse now. I have my own family now. But a lot of people don't look at it like that. It's like, no, mom, dad, like that's my family. Still my family, my core. You're just you're somebody I'm dating, or you're my my wife, but like y'all are over, you know, y'all are in addition.

SPEAKER_03 51:42

Right.

SPEAKER_00 51:42

This family's first. And it's to me, that's that's that's not the way it should be.

SPEAKER_04 51:47

Whew. These are some hot takes. Hot takes, hot topics, but they need to be discussed. They need to be talked about, you know. I think the more that we can be honest and transparent, and even if you're gonna receive potentially some backlash for some things, let's talk about it, right? Let's have these in-depth conversations. Let's make sure that we're not jumping into situations where we have been uh brainwashed in a way or we're following the trend, following what society has told us. Because sometimes society lies to y'all.

SPEAKER_00 52:19

So we are society's telling you you need a $800 car payment.

SPEAKER_04 52:24

You know what? Don't do it. Don't do it. So, anyways, y'all, we hope that you enjoyed this episode. Please send this to somebody that you think will enjoy it. Uh, please also let us know what you feel. Do you agree? Do you disagree? Let us know. We are always looking at the comments and our DMs. We really appreciate you all so much for listening. As always, keep growing, glowing, and feeling better together. Bye.