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But when you're talking money, you want to talk with unity and not tension.
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Although that sounds, that definitely sounds easier said than done.
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Okay.
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Because when you talk about finances, it is top three reasons why marriages end up in divorce.
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Oh yeah.
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When the money is funny and the change is strange, people get to making moves.
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And a part of the part of the problem too is like, hey, when you go through those lows or those situations, like do you come together or does it drive you apart?
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And like you said, when you went with lifestyle, social media is constantly telling you that basically everybody's balling.
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Like everybody's got it.
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Right.
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And it creates this idea that, oh my gosh, I need to be out there.
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I need to be at this event.
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I need to be at the concert.
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Right.
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I need to be at Taylor Swift or Beyonce or whoever.
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And it's like you're spending thousands of dollars that you may not have.
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Yes, it's going to be a memorable experience.
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I'm not knocking it.
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But like just putting into the big picture of like if you can't afford it because right now this is not your season, understand, understand that for you and your partner just to be realistic with the expectations.
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Create the vibe.
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Maybe play it on YouTube at the house and y'all, you know, make at home concert.
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Like be innovative, but don't put yourself in a situation where you're flexing for the lifestyle, but hurting the hurting the long-term legacy.
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Correct.
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And so there are, to your point, there is a difference between a money conversation and a money mindset shift.
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Can we can you give me the difference?
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Like an example.
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Yes.
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So when you're having so when you're talking about a money conversation, in my opinion, we are literally talking money.
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We're talking dollars and cents.
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We are talking budgets.
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That's what I believe is it's the the Excel spreadsheet comes out.
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Yes.
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Because those or an app that's tracking your finances.
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Something that's tracking so that you can also budget.
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It's coming in with something.
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I didn't realize how many people do not have a budget frivolously spending their money.
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Well, I'm gonna be honest.
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I'm not judging because a part of my mindset I'm not judging.
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I'm just saying I didn't know that there were not that many people that didn't have a budget.
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Oh, yeah, no, I'm with you.
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I was just saying that, like, even for me, some of my mindset before younger days was like, don't worry about the budget.
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You just gotta make more.
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Get your hustle, get your grind on, you know, and try to have that mindset.
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But in reality, if you don't know what's coming in and going out, it just makes it hard to plan for the big picture.
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Cause like, wait a minute.
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Well, then you don't know how much you actually need.
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Exactly.
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So you're talking about hustle more, hustle harder.
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Yeah.
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What are you hustling for?
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What's what's the end game?
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You're right.
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Just to get more money?
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Okay, but how much do you need?
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Right?
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So it's you have to start asking those questions.
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But when you talk about the money mindset shift, in my opinion, this is where we've seen, and we've also seen this on TikTok, where, you know, uh just for the sake of what I've seen on TikTok, a husband will be recording his wife and his wife is on the computer and she's ordering all this stuff from Amazon or, you know, these shores or these stores and she's shopping and he's like, hey, I told you like we don't have the budget for this this month, or you know, we we're not able to continuously spend like this because I'm the only one that's potentially working, or whatever your financial situation is, there needs to be a money mindset shift where, okay, he's telling me that I don't that we don't have the money, but what am I going to do in order for me not to spend the money?
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Well, let me think about why I'm spending the money first, right?
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Am I making the excuse that, oh, it's for the kids and they need new this and new that, or oh, I need new this and new that.
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Well, do you really need that?
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Is that a want or a need?
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And then really looking back at how do I spend money and how do I look at money?
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Because then you start having that conversation with yourself of, well, hold on, this may be some either trauma around money, there may be some childhood memories around money that, or what my parents have taught me that I am now taking into my marriage that may not be positive, effective, or uh even me, my, you know, my significant other may feel as if they're not being heard because they keep telling me the same thing, but I keep spending money.
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And so I think it's just really interesting the difference between having a money conversation and a money mindset shift.
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But I'd love to hear your opinion on that.
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Yeah, I think it, I think it is a big difference in having, I think just first off, starting with either.
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Some people aren't having any conversations.
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Correct.
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And so I think starting off and having that dialogue and just opening the floor where it's like, hey, we're gonna make this a consistent conversation once a month or a quarter.
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Um something that really jumped out at me that you said that we actually were listening to a podcast.
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Uh billionaire Robert F.
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F.
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Smith Jr.
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was talking about growing up, they had everything that they needed, but not everything that they wanted.
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And I think that's a big difference.
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Is this a want or is this a need?
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Yes.
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So even for family, like put that into perspective.
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Hey, you have clothes, you have everything that you need, but you may not have the newest iPhone or the every video game that releases, every pair of Air Jordans, but like that's not every that's not what you need.
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It's what you want.
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And so being able to set up for the long game, I think is just so big.
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But if you can have that genuine general conversation of, hey, we're saving for this, this is what it's gonna look like, this is what we're gonna like budget and set aside.
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I think it makes it so much more realistic and attainable if we level set the expectations and have the conversation.
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So now if Amazon is still happening where sneakers is still being delivered, it's like, hey, we talked about this, like we need to send this back.
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This is you know, just to keep it real, there's some things that gotta be really sending this back.
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But to your point, right?
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Are we purchasing for a lifestyle or are these purchases for the legacy?
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And I think that that can be another way to also look at it, but uh it's it's a great reminder that we need to continuously be looking at our own personal triggers.
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And specifically because we're talking money, what are your financial triggers?
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What is something I know we were just on a podcast and a gentleman said that he looks at sneakers as art?
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And we said, listen, understand, totally get it.
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What was a sneaker budget?
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I thought, listen, he said, you know, what do you think when somebody comes in with three pairs of sneakers through the door?
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And I just said, Listen, that's sounding more like me and team rather than we.
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And so we need, and also, and I said, did we have that conversation beforehand of, hey, we're gonna purchase, I, you know, I'm thinking of purchasing these sneakers.
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This is how much they're gonna cost, and then let's compare this cost to our financial goals.
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Is this getting us closer or further away?
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And I I just want to say something too for the fellas right here.
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Do not feel like you're a chump for talking to your wife about the finances and getting, it's not approval, it's being on the same page.
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I feel like it's alignment.
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It's alignment.
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Because so often, I mean, the barbershop, the barbershop fella, it's always like this negative, like, oh, you need you gotta get allowance, you gotta check in with you gotta check in with your wife to spend some money.
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But it's like, think about it like you know, if you play sports, you're the gym general manager of a team or the owner of the team, but you're the co-owner.
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Like you guys are both owners or co-own.
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These decisions come to the table.
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Well, there's there's a reason there's there's a cap.
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Correct.
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So there's a cap.
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There's a cap for a reason.
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This is how much we have to spend, and that's it.
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We cannot go a dollar over.
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And there's ownership meetings.
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Like, hey, we need to come to the table and decide are we making this move?
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Are we, you know, I the equivalent of maybe extending a franchise players?
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Are we buying this house?
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How much are we is this a super max deal or are we going a little bit more affordable?
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And I just think for the fellas having that like mindset shift of like, no, we're really gonna be a team and we're building a legacy, we're building a dynasty of sorts.
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How do we do that?
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What type of collaboration are in those types of uh winning environments?
