WEBVTT
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Between family pressure, money stress, and exhaustion, the holidays can either strengthen your relationship or strain your relationship.
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Let's talk about what actually happens behind closed doors.
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The holiday stress is real.
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I mean, a lot of times people don't talk about it because we see the excitement, the energy, the Christmas, the times.
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But it's like, man, behind the scenes, people are how do you make the magic?
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What is it like trying to be Santa for your family?
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We are in the Christmas spirit.
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We're very excited.
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I know people are probably gonna judge us, but we just put our Christmas tree up recently.
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Um, it's been a it's been a busy Q4, guys.
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It's been busy.
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December definitely has been busy, but to your point, Christmas is my favorite holiday.
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So it just means if we got the Christmas tree up late, does anybody judge you for keeping your Christmas tree up through the new year?
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Oh, we're going to.
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January 5th end date.
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Yes.
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Well, speaking of which, time and schedule overwhelm during the holidays.
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We all know what that's like.
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There's too many events.
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Yeah, there's not enough stress.
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There's also family members, if you're the host house.
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Oh, goodness gracious.
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No, not time.
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It feels like not enough time in a day.
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Not enough time.
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And that's what we felt like from that transition from Thanksgiving heading into the holidays is just where did the time go?
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It's it's you know, we're already halfway through December planning for 2026, but then it's there's a lot happening.
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You have work we have work deadlines.
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Work doesn't stop.
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People act like you're not just on holiday.
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Holiday.
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Holiday for for the entire December, I wish.
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Yeah, exactly.
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You have social obligations, right?
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We've been to how many holiday parties y'all going to this year?
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Holiday parties, uh, jammy jams.
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Or you're hosting or attending or both.
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Hosting, attending, you might be making, you know, cookies together, whatever that looks like.
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But there's it can feel sometimes too, just in a relationship, that there's little time left over for each other.
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Because you're again, when you think at least when I think about Christmas, I think of everyone else, to be honest.
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You don't necessarily think about yourself, let alone your relationship.
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Your does everyone have their gifts?
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If I'm the one that's hosting, am I do I have everything that everyone needs?
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If you do, you know, certain traditions, right?
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If you do pajamas or something, matching PJs, trying to go out and go get those.
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First off, find those.
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Let's be real here.
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Trying to find matching PJs is so difficult.
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Um, but yeah, I can feel like there's, you know, a less time for each other.
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And to that point, uh thinking about just the timing, something that I'm glad.
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I know in years past, we used to have times where we would travel with my family after Christmas and do like a you know a trip after like literally after the day after Christmas.
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And I am glad that just like we get a chance to just relax and chill online because there is so much lead up and just all of the the just excitement and all of the things.
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But I do like being able to like be home, regroup after the Christmas holiday, right?
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Enjoy the time and just Christmas movies, all of the things, and getting a little bit of time off too, to not have to like work right after Christmas for those that do have a little bit of time to reset or regroup.
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So I'm I'm definitely glad we got a little time to that's have off with the Christmas holiday.
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That's key.
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And really it's for us individually to recharge, but then also recharge together.
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Like we literally are recharging together, yeah, um, just by being able to relax sometimes, watch funny movies.
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We just watch Big Mama's house.
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That was so funny.
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I got two men and three dogs working under me.
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Shout out to Anthony Anderson!
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That was version one of Anthony Anderson, too.
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That was the heavier, heavier version.
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In the gap, too.
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Yes.
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Let's listen, that's how we know him.
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Then for me, the next one was uh Law and Order.
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He had a law and order phase.
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Yeah, he did.
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It was a little bit more serious, too.
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It was, and then he went blackish phase, at least in my opinion.
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Three different seasons.
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100%.
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So then, as you were mentioning, right, there can be a mental load imbalance where it just feels that maybe one partner is the planner, right?
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Where typically, I'm just saying typically, it's women that are get the gifts, get the gifts, planning, prep, cook, kids, cookies, traditions, calling everybody.
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Sometimes you get to show up, just pull up.
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See, and that's a no for me.
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I need I need a little bit more.
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You're gonna be picking people up from the airport, right?
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I feel like you need to be able to at least get involved in the if there's cookies or something, you need to get involved.
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I do wear I wear I do wear the sous chef hat.
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So dishes, prep, breakdown.
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I'm all hands on deck.
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Yes.
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Gifts, I think we've done a great job of splitting that up.
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We usually talk about that closer to that Black Friday, Cyber Monday.
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I'm glad you said that too, because that's like, I don't want to call it a hack, but I feel like the more that you can plan ahead, and if you it like I just think we get typically everybody knows some of the best deals of the year happen on Black Friday and Cyber Monday.
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I'm grabbing the Christmas, like, yeah, there's things that I might want, but I'm like, oh no, no.
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I've just got to go ahead and keep that wrapped, keep that unboxed or keep that boxed up until Christmas so that that can go under the tree or that can be something that, yo, yeah, timing it out.
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Absolutely.
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I mean, we did probably what 80% of our shopping on on Black Friday, just major deals.
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Yeah.
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If it's not 60% off, it's gotta stay where it's at.
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Yes, I know the boxes are wild at the house, they're everywhere.
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Uh, but the other person in the relationship, like you're talking about with the schedules, the travel, all of the things that typically women are in charge of during the holidays, it can feel overwhelming.
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It's an overload, but then also, right, it can be frustrating when your other partner is not contributing potentially in ways that you may want them to.
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What do you think?
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Yeah, I mean, I just, you know, without saying any names, I don't want to call nobody out.
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But I've got, you know, friends and family members where you kind of watch and it's the old school mindset of I'm, you know, everything is gonna be prepared.
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I just get to pull up and show up, which who doesn't want to have that experience?
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But I think the challenge is that when you have your partner that's did the planning, did the cooking, did the gift wrapping, did all the things, and it just, you know, it feels like one person did the heavy lifting for the for the group project.
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Yes.
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And another person just showed up and wants to get the A plus grade.
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I'm Mrs.
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Claus, I'm the elves.
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That's true.
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So it just it it it does make a difference if you can be more hands-on and be helpful or at least make it collaborative because a lot of times it it nobody wants all of that weight to fall on them, whether it's the husband or the wife.
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No, yeah, and to your point, it's about the yes, the communication, but maybe a list, right?
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Of this is what I need you to get done because this is gonna be able to take off some of the the load from my shoulders, and I'll be able to maybe focus in other areas.
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I know for at least I can speak for myself and I know other women too, on the the aesthetic, right?
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And what we want certain things to look like, whether that's your dishes, um, like literally your serving platters, what you want those to look like, but then the food that's on them and the gift wrapping, even if we're matching, if we're keeping it clear.
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Just the details.
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It's the details, which that can take a lot of mental power, but at the same time, it's how can we share this, right?
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Like, how can we share this love?
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So I feel like a list for men, oh my gosh, hold on, just quickly because this reminded me as I said this.
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Do you did you see on it was either YouTube or TikTok where a wife created a huge poster and she taped, like if they needed a specific mouthwash, she taped the mouthwash bottle that was empty to this poster.
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And so imagine that for each item that was needed, and he's in he was in one of the the department stores, pulled it out, and so he knows, okay, this is what the bottle looks like.
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Because typically that's what the phone calls are about.
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It's like, okay, well, I see there's five different variations of Lestrine.
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Like, what are you looking for?
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But it's this is the bottle I need.
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So I thought that was really funny.
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That's what it reminded me.
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Can I tell you how can I also tell you how I know that that is true and that that is valuable?
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Yes.
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When you ask me to grab you something out of your purse, I bring the entire purse.
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I can't and I can't.
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There's so many compartments, there's so many things.
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You're like, oh no, grab me the chapstick.
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But there's lip gloss, there's chapstick, there's like regular chapstick.
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I'm like, here's the entire purse.
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Because I have no idea.
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And that's not what I'm looking for.
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I'm looking for the one thing the one thing that I could not quite find.
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But at the same time, let's be real, black pepper will be right in front of you, right in front of your sight line.
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I there's no black pepper, where is it?
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Any closer would have bit you.
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Come on.
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It's the same thing.
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It's the same thing.
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But uh really, I mean, I'm sure we're all feeling this in some way, shape, or form, but just the money stress, right?
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Are you overspending during this time?
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Are there saving conflicts where one partner maybe wants to save a little bit and say, hey, maybe we're only gonna get two gifts this year, everybody.
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Um, or are we overspending and putting things on credit cards and not necessarily having the right money habits for the holidays?
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Because again, I'm here for the merry and jolly holiday, but we have to remember what is Christmas about?
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Yes, it's Jesus' birthday, but hello, hallelujah.
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Uh yes, it's his birthday, but it's about camaraderie.
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It's about being around the ones that you love, it's about having those, playing some fun games.
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There's some really fun games.
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Yeah, well, yes, that's classic.
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But I'm saying like the holiday games.
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There's some really fun holiday games and things that you can play too.
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But um, and then here's the other thing gift expectations.
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Oh no, well, I'll tell you right now, the gift expectations sometimes you have to lower the expectation that people have for gifts because people will come in and be like, oh, I want like people are aiming for the moon and the stars with some of these Christmas lists.
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People are making Christmas lists like Santa is dropping the gifts off.
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Yes, crazy.
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Yes, so I just think for our young listeners, Santa is dropping your gifts off.
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Okay, yeah.
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Sorry, if you're listening to this with your children, parent mom and dad got those gifts.
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So this is for adult audiences when it comes to Santa.
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But no, to your point, it's it makes such a big difference when you know this is what and I really I do like almost like the some of the secret Santa gifting.
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Like sometimes it's more work, but like there's a cap.
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It's$20, it's$50.
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Like, we've got to either get some arts and crafts, we gotta make it like a fun meal, something festive or something thoughtful.
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But when you just when there's no limit and no cap, and then also let's talk about the fact of people have these extravagant things on their gift, but then they have no budget to gift you anything.
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People got a Lamborghini on their Christmas list and they got you a pair of socks.
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You're like, wait.
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But were they cozy earth?
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I don't know.
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Cozy earth socks.
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That's true.
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But to your point, right, are the gift expectations aligned?
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And I do feel like we need to be more transparent with where we are financially because there is a pressure to make it magical, but you can make things, especially when you're talking about younger kids.
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Younger kids, yes, they may ask you for the cell phone and the you know these expensive gifts, but if you get them those thoughtful No, I just just to your point, I didn't mean to, I don't want you to lose that thought.
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But how many times have we seen kids get gifted those Mercedes bins or the Range Rovers, the little baby toy that's a luxury vehicle?
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Every time I see the video with the kid in it, the kid doesn't even look interested.
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But every time I see the kid with And they're a couple of hundred hundreds of dollars.
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But when you see the kid inside a little thing where their legs have to run and they have like they run around themselves, kids are juiced.
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Excited, excited, excited, and I guarantee the price difference is like 25 bucks versus 500 bucks.
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But it's the idea that it's like, oh no, they they wanted the little BMW.
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Yeah, and it's like the kid has no idea what a BMW is.
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I think too, because we also live in a capitalist world, it's about spending money.
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And we need to re-again remember what is the magic of Christmas.
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The magic of Christmas is family, it's eating together, it's sitting down at the same table, it's connecting, it's creating new memories.
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It's like let's get back to to the ethos of what Christmas is rather than what has been, you know, kind of pushed down our throats with the with our society telling us no, it's about the gifts.
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Spend, spend, spend, spend.
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How much they love you is based on how much money they put into the gifts.
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That's not true.
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That's not true.
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And also knowing that right now, 1.6 million people have lost their jobs, there's gonna be some people that are getting no gifts this year.
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So then why are we let's change that mindset of the magic of Christmas is in us being able to be together in one room and laugh, cry, have a great time, play games.
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I mean, that's really what it is, rather than spending money.
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And sometimes, you know, you gotta pull a Terry Cruz from Everybody Hates Chris, turn the lights on.
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This is a gift.
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Okay.
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Amen.
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Now you got a roof over your head.
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That's real, though.
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But the reality is is how many people don't have that gift, and that is a blessing for somebody just to have somewhere to live, shelter, all of the things.
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And so sometimes we do have to level set those expectations of what is making the moment magical.
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Absolutely.
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And that really should be the time together.
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Yes, but here's the other big strain that we know can happen during the holidays family expectations and in-law attention.
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Whose family do we prioritize?
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That's true.
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I mean, I'm just I'll just give you an example.
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I'll I I mean I'll I won't forget when we were going through our process of getting married, you know, going from getting engaged, getting married, and you just kind of you know are sitting and listening and kind of just hearing the conversation and and you know, I heard some people saying, It's my holiday.
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I know.
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I said, Oh I said, wait, but got two sets of families, right?
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Like it can't just be one person's holiday when we're we're mixed, we're you know, we're really inner, you know, intertwining and bringing everybody together.
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And so dealing with some of those expectations because to that point, right?
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If one family member or or um in-law was used to hosting everything is at their house and everybody comes there and you know they're in control, and it's like, well, wait a minute.
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Other I just had a friend of mine, just as a perfect example, he talked about how stressful it was that they go to they would go to three different family members' homes to kind of check all the boxes.
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Yes.
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So they'd go to his family's house, they go to her family's house, and they're going to like the cousins or somebody's divorce, and you're going, and it's like, sheesh, like four Christmases the movie with Vince Vaughn, and you're like, man, I'm I might as well take a vacation.
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And so I think it's that simplifying sometimes, and it's okay to be able to say, you know what, we're gonna create our own traditions or routines, and we're gonna host at our house.
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And we're gonna invite people can come by here, you guys can come visit us, but it doesn't always have to be where you know you're making concessions and it's like I've gotta go and be at three places at once, or create someone else's routine and pattern.
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Correct.
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And to your point, if this is Christmas Day, which I believe that's the example that you were using, by the time you get back to your house, Christmas is over.
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And so now I, you know, I've we've heard a couple of things.
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I we've heard that there's rotating Christmases.
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That's true, right?
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So I think that's a really I think that's fair too.
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That's being more fair.
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Okay, this year is gonna, I'm gonna be the host house, next year is going to be so and so's mom, the next year is gonna be so and so's mom, right?
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And and as you just progress and you start adding people to the family, rotating, yeah, if you can, obviously it's easier if you live in the same state, but if you don't and you have to travel, at least you know next year it's gonna be at so-and-so's house, so I can save, I can plan, right?
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I can do those things.
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But the other thing too is like you said, if you are somebody who is just saying, Hey, we're just gonna host at our house, period.
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There is no rotating, we're just gonna be at our house.
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We have our own tra traditions that we like to do.
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If you want to come by here, please come through.
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Come, you can come by whenever you'd like.
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There's that.
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And then there's also um being able to have the conversation of, hey, we're actually going to go and visit, you know, just this one person's house.
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Cause also the other thing too is being mindful of people's age, right?
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Where if you do have somebody that is more senior in your family and you may be thinking about how many Christmases are left, that may be more right.
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Prioritizing that is also another option.