Episode 62: What Really Matters More, Chemistry or Consistency?

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If someone could hand you a playbook that could make your marriage feel lighter, safer, and more fun in seven weeks, would you do it?

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Today we're breaking down the marriage rules that actually keep a marriage connected.

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Now these are major keys.

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I mean, we we've been hearing a lot about just people's perspective and viewpoint on marriage and what does it look like doing it together?

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Is it possible?

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I mean, I'm hearing more and more people just with the the concern of is it possible to do it together?

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And really, this episode is for those that are in it together, but trying to figure out how do we make it work?

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Make it last.

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Make it last.

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And that's exactly what it is.

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And more importantly, right, how do you stay connected as you grow?

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So, first, we're gonna tell you about the seven seven seven rule in marriage.

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So, this is how it goes.

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Every seven days, you want to have a date night.

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Once a week.

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I feel like that's not too much to ask.

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That's not too much to ask.

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Not too much to ask.

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Every seven weeks, you want an overnight trip.

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Seven weeks overnight trip.

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Okay, yeah.

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Right.

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And this is even like, you know, this could be we'll we'll have to give some examples that these things can be.

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Definitely.

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Every seven months, you want to do some sort of weekend getaway or just a getaway.

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So the purpose is to maintain consistent emotional intimacy, not just fix things when they break.

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I mean, to your point on the fixed things when they break, you hear just often when things are going left, all of a sudden it's like, we need to.

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Yes.

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We need to it's full core press.

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It's full core press.

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Full core press.

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We had an episode we talked about people not wearing their rings.

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All of a sudden, people wear their rings again, or maybe renew the vows, or maybe it's like, hey, let's start going out on date nights when really, if you think about it, right, it's the consistent time and effort that's put in that makes it so you don't have to have these grand gestures per se, or have to go from zero to 100.

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Right.

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And to your point, every seven days having a date night, like we preach that all the time, once a week, we do know and understand, right, that there are seasons and that sometimes there is, you know, we hear a lot of if you have multiple kids and the the craziness of the schedule, we know and understand, but it's again, it's carving out that time to be able to reconnect together.

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And do you think date night has to always have money attached to it?

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No, I don't think so.

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I mean, you would think on one end, you would think it does, but we've been there where you know you had to stay down for the come up.

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Come on, uh so there are times where you know, you whether it's couponing, come on, don't sleep on the coupons, right?

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Whether it's, you know, the it's a lot of things that I love that we take advantage of too are, you know, back in the day it used to be like the Tuesday movies would be like 50% of the movie.

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Yeah, the matinees.

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You can go to a matinee or you can go like on Tuesday.

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They've got different things where maybe if you both work, right?

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I know something that we've done is sometimes it's not a date night, it's a date lunch or date breakfast, right?

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And you literally are like, oh man, like you said, if you guys have kids dropping the kids off, or hey, we both have a break at noon for lunch and we grab lunch together, that counts.

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Yes, right?

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Like sometimes I think we overthink it, and it's like, oh no, it's got to be a grand roses, dinner, red carpet, right?

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Pick up in a limo.

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And it's like it's the time, it's the thought, it's the effort.

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Those are the basics.

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But then I also to add to what you said about date night too, we all know and understand that right now it's extremely difficult for a lot of people, specifically here in America, for with what's happening with inflation and your dollar doesn't stretch nearly as far as it used to.

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1.6 million people have lost their job this year.

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So we, if in my opinion, now more than ever, we need to make sure that we're we're setting that side of time uh for date night.

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And to your point, it can be literally, this was something we also did too.

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Remember, we used to take the cushions off of the couch, put them on the on the ground, right?

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We just get some popcorn, whatever we already have.

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But an at-home movie, it's it's giving cute, it's giving movie night.

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You know, it doesn't always have to be something where you're spending money.

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And I just want to add in, you made the actual movie tickets, like at-home movie tickets, where it's like, hey, this is the movie you watch at home.

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But it felt not only like a great experience, and for the for those that may fall asleep early, like me, you know what, you know, I don't know if I made it through that entire movie, but uh it still counts as starting date night, and we prioritized it.

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But I just use that as an example.

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It's at home, but it was still something special and it could be planned like by either either partner.

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Yeah, exactly.

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But again, right, every seven days having that date night, every seven weeks having an overnight trip.

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When you think of that, what do you think of an overnight trip?

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So when I think of an overnight trip, I think of a couple things.

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First thing that comes to my mind is we've done a great job of also being able to blend when one of us have to work and have something going on, and the other can tag along or be their, you know, their plus one.

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Um, and being able to get a date night or a staycation out of that, I think is valuable.

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I mean, I just use an example of, you know, I'm speaking at a conference, which uh was in Florida, and you know, you're out there, you're at the conference, and it's like, okay, we have another day, right?

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At coming back, or we have Saturday.

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Let's go to Disney World.

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Man, let's go to Disney, or let's just go out and go to a nice dinner and enjoy time and recap.

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But like that was us at a hotel out of our normal routine, right?

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But again, it was was there a sacrifice or an adjustment in there?

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It was really just being intentional, right?

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Because if you plan it out ahead of time, again, we don't have kids, but for those that have kids and are like, man, well, okay, how do I adjust?

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You'd be surprised.

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Sometimes it's grandma, so-and-so, whoever it may be, that'll help out.

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Right.

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Someone you know like and trust.

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And then every seven months doing a weekend getaway.

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What I also love about a weekend getaway is that could just be a Friday, Saturday.

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That doesn't need to, or Saturday, Sunday, right?

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It doesn't need to be a week-long trip, which I think we're getting uh accustomed to seeing on social media and that FOMO that can come with, oh my gosh, they're over here and look, they're traveling over here.

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But really thinking about okay, weekend getaway, where can I find the deals, right?

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We know if you are able to travel doing the Google flights, right?

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Like and seeing where is the the cheapest hotel or most, you know, inexpensive, seeing if you can use your credit card points, like there's ways that you can work around it to be able to make it work for you.

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It's interesting.

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You know, this is a little off track here, but to the point of what you mentioned on the Google flights, have both partners look up the flights.

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I did hear people's prices are different.

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Like sometimes prices are not your prices.

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They're giving you luxury prices.

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They're giving me the nerve.

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Man, are you getting off the bus prices?

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I'm like, man, this is the same.

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They must have known we're on standby.

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They must have known I used to be on the standby list.

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They're like, no, we need to help this brother out, man, with it with a with a great deal.

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But no, that's a that is that's a great point.

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I think with the seven-month thing too, just everything that we talk about that we recommend are things that we've actually lived and experienced, right?

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So thinking of the first two on that last one, seven months.

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I mean, some of the places that we love to go, if it's in the summertime, getting a chance to go to like a Sedona or a Flagstaff and just resetting, right?

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And again, a lot of times it's two days, like a road trip.

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You know, it's not a week and a half or something super long, or to be able to go to like, you know, quick flight to Mexico to Cabo, right?

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Or something like that.

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Like, those are some of the places where we just always recommend when you find also places that you enjoy.

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That can be a part of like your routine of like every seven months or every year we go to up north.

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That's really, if you think about it, that's every year.

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It's every year.

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Every year doing a weekend, yeah, a weekend getaway.

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And then also, right, you can make it fun by writing on small pieces of paper, the some places that you want to go, adding them to a mason jar, and then you both pick um, you know, pick some of the pieces of paper and then see which one you like the best out of those two, right?

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So you can kind of make it a little bit fun.

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And then um, you know, I know, I know some of the ladies out here will will get when I say it.

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We are here for the deals.

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So I, you know, you talk about being able to get in there and find the deal that we'll be able to go and and figure something out so that we can have the weekend getaway.

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Uh I think that's really, really important.

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And then again, because it's every seven months, it gives you plenty of time to get that babysitter, to maybe save some money if you want to add a little bit of money to it, to rack up those credit card points, because you're still gonna be spending money regardless.

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Let's be honest here.

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And speaking of spending money, I mean, when one thing we did see, despite the layoffs, the inflation, all the things, the Black Friday and Cyber Monday spending was spending.

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11 trillion, right?

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I mean, I I saw I believe it was 11 trillion.

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I think they said, was it one?

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I don't know if it was a trillion.

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Was it a trillion or a billion that was put on like after pay, like buy now, pay later?

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One billion.

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One billion.

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Buy now, pay later.

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So another example.

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Not saying that that's what you need to do, right?

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But if you're able to plan ahead of time to be able to prioritize it, yeah, I mean it's a major key.

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It makes a huge and it's something to look forward to, you know?

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It's something that it's only gonna be us.

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We don't have to worry about, you know, other people, other small people as well that may be clinging on to you and want all of your attention.

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It's getting back to the basics of well, how did this family start?

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The family started with us, and so we need to get back to making sure we're on track and spending that quality time together.

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And for the fellas, I mean, this is just a reminder.

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We had no problem coordinating fantasy football.

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We had no problem coordinating where what was the prizes, what are gonna be the penalties for the team, the person that comes up as the loser, uh, how much it's gonna cost per trade.

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The draft party itself.

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There, this is a coordinated effort.

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So, what that tells us, yes, the ability is there.

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It is, the know-how exists, is there, it is the choosing to apply it, right?

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So I think it's just and knowing that you know, a fantasy may be important to you, but what's important to your wife?

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And sometimes it's just bring the same energy.

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Bring the same energy.

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It's it's draft day for date night.

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It's a draft day, Jenny for date night.

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Okay, love that.

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So here's a couple of stats, which I think are really interesting that we can add to the conversation.

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So couples who prioritize weekly date nights report three times higher marital satisfaction.

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That's the date nights.

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I mean, how many times do people say though, like when you think about the date night?

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Because typically, what also goes in a date night, right?

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Because people will hear date night, but when we also kind of break it down on being intentional about date night, phones aren't out.

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Yeah.

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Rule number one date night, phones are out.

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Once you get there and you know everything's secure, safe.

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Right, kids are good, yeah.

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Phones are down.

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Now you're able to engage and have conversation.

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And then I love too being able to even ask, if you feel like we only talk about the kids or work or like those things that are meant mundane and everyday, then break out some questions.

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Like throw up a Pinterest or break out some questions of like, hey, what did you what did you accomplish this year that you really want to talk more about or that you're proud of?

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What's something maybe that you want to accomplish next year?

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You know, things that we what are some of the health goals that we maybe have together that we want to achieve and work on, but like using that time where date night isn't just date night, you know what I'm saying?

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Because I think a lot of times I mean we saw we saw it literally, and and people are in there looking like I'm here.

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So like you know, I'm here.

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What do you want from me?

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Right?

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That type of vibe and that type of thing.

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Yes.

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No, you're absolutely right, right?

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But it but I what I love about this, couples who prioritize, it's a priority for not only you, but for me as well.

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But you're sending that signal to the other person that I care about you, I want to be with you, I want to talk to you, I want to interact with you, right?

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It's it's that extra effort that can get lost when exactly right for us.

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We've been married nine years, together 11 years, that can easily get lost in the amount of years that you're with somebody.

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Because, and it was so interesting.

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I I said this to you the other day, but uh I forgot where I heard this.

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It was a quote that said, When you're in a marriage, you have a front row seat to somebody else's life.

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You're seeing them in all of their stages, you're seeing them in the trials and tribulations, the triumphs, you're seeing them firsthand.

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And that can be very vulnerable, right?

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That can be very much uh somebody that you're looking to have that connection with.

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And then you realize, like, oh my gosh, nine years ago when we first got married, we're not the same people.

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We're not, we're we've grown, we've evolved.

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And now what does our relationship look like?

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What does this, what does date night look like, right?

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Because I just even for us, as we've gotten busier, we still prioritize date night, but the day has changed sometimes.

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We try to do our Friday nights, but sometimes it turns into a weekend thing.

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Sometimes we say, Hey, date night, do you mind if we just chill actually?

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That would be really amazing if we can just hang out, chill, and just, you know, just chat.

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Or or a daytime, right?

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Like it's literally a daytime outing.

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Because, like, man, we have been so tired, right?

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Or this, there's so much going on.

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Life is life traveling.

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And it happens.

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And I think just giving yourself that grace.

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But if you put the framework in, yes, even if you know doing something, even though if you know, hey, we and we're coming up on seven days, we need to do something at home versus nothing.

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Yes.

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And then coordinate the next thing that's happening.

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Come on now.

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Okay, no.

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Uh, the other thing too, regular getaways reduce stress and increase long-term commitment by up to 50%.

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First off, we all know how how we get on vacation.

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Sometimes you'd be wilding out.

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Get on vacation, like do you remember when we went to uh Cancun?

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I was gonna say that now, and that was on a deal.

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That was on a deal.

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We got, I think that's a group on deal, to be honest.

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Man, yeah.

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We used our we used our airline points for free.

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This was our first vacation we went on together.

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Yeah, I think we were 20, it was before we were engaged.

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So we were probably 24, 25, like right around that age.

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So we're just here for the thrills.

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We went to an adults-only uh resort.

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And I think we ended up getting, yeah, it was all inclusive.

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We ended up getting six, six or seven days for the both of us, all inclusive for like six hundred bucks.

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It was crazy.

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Crazy.

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And it was a nice, it was a nice restaurant.

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Yeah, it was a nice restaurant.

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Belongs to a resort, but it but when we went, the parents, the parents were wild in the house.

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The parents hit the phone party.

00:15:03.759 --> 00:15:05.279
Oh my gosh, hit the phone party.

00:15:05.360 --> 00:15:07.600
They are getting their drink on, having their best.

00:15:08.559 --> 00:15:10.799
Who were they drinking the was it the Superman's or Hurricane?

00:15:11.519 --> 00:15:11.840
The Superman.

00:15:12.080 --> 00:15:13.600
I don't know if I was drinking all the Superman's.

00:15:13.840 --> 00:15:14.320
Yes, you were.

00:15:14.559 --> 00:15:14.799
I don't know.

00:15:15.200 --> 00:15:17.039
You literally went up and can I have another Superman?

00:15:17.200 --> 00:15:17.600
You loved him.

00:15:17.759 --> 00:15:18.080
I don't know.

00:15:18.240 --> 00:15:19.039
You liked him a lot.

00:15:19.200 --> 00:15:20.240
I got really sick.

00:15:20.480 --> 00:15:25.919
But um, so yeah, so regular getaways reduce stress and increase long-term commitment by up to 50%.

00:15:26.399 --> 00:15:32.399
If you think about how you are on vacation, typically you're bringing the vacation energy around more often.

00:15:32.559 --> 00:15:32.720
Yes.

00:15:32.960 --> 00:15:40.480
Because people will say you're like whether you're coming off vacation or you're going to vacation, people will either acknowledge or notice I mean, you're almost like a different person.

00:15:40.720 --> 00:15:42.080
You're bringing a different energy.

00:15:42.559 --> 00:15:44.399
Like your mindset, I see a shift.

00:15:44.559 --> 00:15:44.879
Oh my gosh.

00:15:45.120 --> 00:15:51.279
I see, and a lot of times also being on vacation will be the eye-opener for you.

00:15:51.440 --> 00:15:58.720
I know for us, when we don't have that right balance of work-life integration, a work-life balance.

00:15:59.039 --> 00:16:04.879
Because when we're trying to do that integration and you realize, man, I've been burning a candle on both ends.

00:16:04.960 --> 00:16:14.879
I'm working hard, I'm traveling, I'm doing this, we're pushing, we're pushing, we're pushing, but like, man, I haven't wrapped it up and had time to do some of our normal activities.

00:16:15.279 --> 00:16:16.879
That's sometimes that's a reminder.

00:16:17.919 --> 00:16:20.720
I need to hit the pause or the reset button, but vacation will do that to you.

00:16:20.879 --> 00:16:25.279
Yeah, you when you do nothing for a day, you're like, man, I was I was working 12, 14, 15 hour days.

00:16:25.360 --> 00:16:25.440
Yeah.

00:16:25.600 --> 00:16:31.759
Which some sometimes there is those grind periods, but you don't want to burn out because you're making that your norm.

00:16:32.000 --> 00:16:34.559
And it's like, man, it's not, it's not sustainable.

00:16:34.799 --> 00:16:35.039
Yes.

00:16:35.200 --> 00:16:36.720
Two things I want to quickly add to that.

00:16:36.879 --> 00:16:45.840
Number one, you get usually get some of the best sleep on vacation, if you think about it, just because you don't have something, you don't have your meetings the next morning, you don't have projects, zero worries.

00:16:46.159 --> 00:16:48.480
Zero worries for the most part.

00:16:48.720 --> 00:16:54.000
And then um, the last is that is typically though when you do get sick, is when you go on vacation.

00:16:54.080 --> 00:17:06.720
But if you think about it, you were you were running at such a stressful level for so long, and your your resilience was yes, you and then you finally get a break, your body gets to relax, and then all of a sudden you get sick.

00:17:06.960 --> 00:17:11.440
But to bring it back full circle, it's not about money, it's about consistency.

00:17:11.519 --> 00:17:16.480
And that's really what we want to get because again, we know and understand people's financial situation right now.

00:17:16.640 --> 00:17:18.079
It's about the consistency.

00:17:18.240 --> 00:17:20.319
Are we having our date nights every seven days?

00:17:20.480 --> 00:17:22.240
Or at least trying and attempting?

00:17:22.319 --> 00:17:29.920
And if we can't for whatever reason, are we communicating that hey, date night, we're just gonna have to move it this week because I might be traveling or something of that nature.

00:17:30.079 --> 00:17:34.319
Every seven weeks doing that overnight trip, every seven months doing that weekend getaway.

00:17:34.960 --> 00:17:38.319
So, what does 777 mean spiritually?

00:17:38.640 --> 00:17:43.359
It means completion, alignment, and divine favor.

00:17:43.839 --> 00:17:54.240
So when you slow down and give yourself enough time to connect, God can bless what you've built because you're now being aligned.

00:17:54.720 --> 00:17:58.480
It's divine favor and it's also completion, right?

00:17:58.640 --> 00:18:03.759
Completion to me is wrapping up a work week with a beautiful date night, right?

00:18:03.839 --> 00:18:05.200
Or just a thoughtful date night.

00:18:05.599 --> 00:18:06.480
Yeah, no, I love that.

00:18:06.559 --> 00:18:10.799
I mean, I I just something that immediately came to my mind when you mentioned the angel numbers.

00:18:12.319 --> 00:18:15.680
There was a time where it was so busy and it was so on go.

00:18:16.000 --> 00:18:22.400
I felt like I didn't even acknowledge when I was seeing certain numbers, certain numbers and the sequences and the timing.

00:18:22.480 --> 00:18:29.920
It's like, oh man, but now I feel like it's become more common, and you'll see people like post 111 or 1111 at the time, right?

00:18:30.000 --> 00:18:30.960
Or what they're thinking.

00:18:31.200 --> 00:18:39.599
But I think the energy is impactful because there are different things that can be giving you a sign or a reminder or like a aha or whatever that may be.

00:18:39.680 --> 00:18:45.759
And I think the call out on a 777 is I mean, just when you think about sevens, right?

00:18:45.839 --> 00:18:48.960
Not to take it to to Vegas, but winner, winner, chicken dinner.

00:18:49.440 --> 00:18:51.759
You think seven, you think winner, winner, chicken dinner, right?

00:18:51.839 --> 00:18:53.519
And it's like, oh, right?

00:18:53.759 --> 00:19:09.359
But if you think about it, winning and being able to not just win individually but together, you're celebrating the weekly wins on that seventh day or on that date night or on that day you prioritize it, you're able to then do that getaway, right?

00:19:09.599 --> 00:19:16.960
Every you know, seven weeks to be able to to collaborate and or really just get away out of your normal routine and flow.

00:19:17.039 --> 00:19:18.720
Because sometimes we can just get bogged down.

00:19:18.880 --> 00:19:19.039
Yeah.

00:19:19.200 --> 00:19:30.720
And then the seven year, I mean the seven months is a huge one because again, even if it's not leaving the country, even if you just go and do a vacation or get a different, you know, uh scenery, yeah, it's a game changer.

00:19:30.960 --> 00:19:31.839
It's a game changer.

00:19:32.000 --> 00:19:36.799
So we're gonna jump into another rule of marriage, which is five, five, five.

00:19:36.960 --> 00:19:39.599
So we're gonna give you a couple of these rules.

00:19:39.759 --> 00:19:47.279
And so what we want you to do is take one and figure out what works best for you and work on that one.

00:19:47.359 --> 00:19:49.599
So we're just gonna give you an overview of some of these rules.

00:19:49.680 --> 00:19:59.759
So this next one is, and I really like this one, is five minutes of intentional touch, five minutes of eye to eye conversation.

00:20:00.319 --> 00:20:02.960
Which we've talked about, that the left eye specifically.

00:20:03.279 --> 00:20:06.160
And five minutes of appreciation and gratitude.

00:20:06.480 --> 00:20:11.440
So the purpose is it's designed for couples who feel disconnected or overwhelmed, right?

00:20:11.599 --> 00:20:15.920
Because when you think about it, five minutes of intentional touch could be a hug.

00:20:16.079 --> 00:20:17.519
It's like, I need a hug today.

00:20:17.680 --> 00:20:21.759
Because the way that life was giving it to me today, I need a hug.

00:20:22.000 --> 00:20:29.200
Um, five minutes of eye-to-eye conversation, when you think about that, we're we're so used to multitasking, especially women.

00:20:29.279 --> 00:20:46.319
We're so used to doing so many things at one time that when you can stop for five minutes, look at your partner in the eyes, and have just a quick interaction, you feel that connection that maybe was disconnected before, or you just weren't feeling the intensity of that.

00:20:46.720 --> 00:20:49.200
And then five minutes of appreciation and gratitude.

00:20:49.440 --> 00:20:51.119
Who doesn't love that, right?

00:20:51.200 --> 00:20:54.640
Where you are just spending five minutes saying how proud you are of somebody.

00:20:54.799 --> 00:21:01.039
Wow, I saw that you made this, you know, substantial accomplishment in your job or just in your personal life.

00:21:01.200 --> 00:21:03.839
I've been seeing you doing great on your health goals, right?

00:21:03.920 --> 00:21:10.880
And just being able to give that positive encouragement and reinforcement to your partner so that again, they can feel supported.

00:21:11.039 --> 00:21:17.920
They can feel like, okay, she's he or she sees me, the hears me, and appreciates me.

00:21:18.400 --> 00:21:25.599
No, I mean, if each each one of those fives, when you pause on it and think about 15 minutes out of a day.

00:21:25.839 --> 00:21:26.559
Come on.

00:21:27.200 --> 00:21:28.799
What are you spending 15 minutes on?

00:21:29.039 --> 00:21:31.599
You spend 15 minutes just trying to find something on Netflix to watch.

00:21:31.839 --> 00:21:33.519
Or find something, or find something to eat.

00:21:33.680 --> 00:21:34.640
Or find something to eat.

00:21:34.799 --> 00:21:35.599
What are we gonna eat?

00:21:35.839 --> 00:21:39.279
So when you think about it, that's a 15, you know, what what do you think?

00:21:39.359 --> 00:21:41.119
Like three five minute timers?

00:21:41.599 --> 00:21:43.119
Yeah, I mean, it's a couple commercials.

00:21:43.599 --> 00:21:44.400
It is a couple commercials.

00:21:48.400 --> 00:22:05.440
And and for someone, maybe that this feels unfamiliar or uncommon because you've never done five minutes of intentional touch or five minutes of the affirmations or spoke positive in life into your partner, or the five minutes of what was the middle one?

00:22:05.599 --> 00:22:06.319
Eye-to-yeye conversation.

00:22:06.559 --> 00:22:07.680
Eye-eye conversation.

00:22:07.920 --> 00:22:08.720
Start with one.

00:22:09.119 --> 00:22:09.359
Yeah.

00:22:09.599 --> 00:22:15.839
And realizing that even if it's even if it's not five minutes, start with one minute and work your way up.

00:22:16.319 --> 00:22:18.480
Because for some people, you know, somebody upset.

00:22:18.559 --> 00:22:20.640
They might not want to look at somebody in the eye right now.

00:22:20.880 --> 00:22:34.480
But knowing, right, that if you have those five minutes of affirmation or speaking like it's your partner, it's gonna be a lot easier to give eye to eye contact, to have physical touch and those things when you just told somebody you're proud of them.

00:22:34.799 --> 00:22:36.319
Yes, man, I see you.

00:22:36.400 --> 00:22:38.319
I appreciate the work that you're doing, right?

00:22:38.480 --> 00:22:46.240
Even if it even if we haven't achieved what we have set out to or this week isn't going the way we want, sometimes just knowing you got somebody in your corner.

00:22:46.319 --> 00:22:49.119
And I think that's so um understated.

00:22:49.359 --> 00:22:50.640
It's so understated.

00:22:50.720 --> 00:22:54.960
And they they talk about the studies and the data around what a hug can do for you.

00:22:55.119 --> 00:23:01.519
How what 10 hugs in a day, like what it does for your, you know, for your body and your nervous system and all of the benefits.

00:23:02.160 --> 00:23:03.440
They talk about even for babies and kids.

00:23:04.079 --> 00:23:04.400
Come on now.

00:23:04.559 --> 00:23:05.680
You hear for babies and kids, right?

00:23:05.839 --> 00:23:08.880
Skin to skin contact laying on you and how it builds a connection.

00:23:08.960 --> 00:23:09.200
Yes.

00:23:09.359 --> 00:23:15.039
I feel like we don't necessarily lose that when we when we get older, it's just finding ways to bring that back full circle.

00:23:15.200 --> 00:23:16.319
Yeah, I love that.

00:23:16.480 --> 00:23:19.279
Um, and so it helps interrupt stress cycles, right?

00:23:19.359 --> 00:23:23.920
Because you're feeling life is stressing everybody out right now, let's be honest.

00:23:24.079 --> 00:23:29.119
It builds emotional safety, which we talked about in a couple of episodes ago.

00:23:29.200 --> 00:23:31.920
We talked about how emotionally safe do you feel with your partner?

00:23:32.160 --> 00:23:59.359
But if somebody gives you that five minutes of intentional touch, that can give you that emotional safety of, okay, that I'm feeling like I'm being, I'm literally I'm being held, or I'm just being um touched in a way that is maybe pausing me for a moment because a lot of times, again, especially for women, we're overstimulated and just being able to intentionally stop, look somebody in the eye and have that hug or just say thank you or whatever that looks like, it can go a long way.

00:23:59.599 --> 00:24:03.839
It's also minimal effort with a maximum return, right?

00:24:03.920 --> 00:24:09.680
Like these when you think about, like you said, starting with one of these five minutes of appreciation and gratitude.

00:24:09.759 --> 00:24:20.480
And if you can't verbally say it, or like you said, you you're you may be in an argument and may not necessarily want to give a some gratitude or appreciation, write it on a sticky note, right?

00:24:20.559 --> 00:24:24.960
And and pass it over or text it over, something like that too can also help.

00:24:25.599 --> 00:24:32.640
But couples who express daily appreciation have higher relationship stability, which that makes sense.

00:24:32.880 --> 00:24:34.799
No, it does make sense when you when you say it.

00:24:35.039 --> 00:24:42.480
And when you think about when I think about the stability side, and I also think about really any type of relationship, right?

00:24:42.640 --> 00:24:54.559
And when you think about um even from the work front, people and I you think about sports, for example, you know, your patriots are doing well, um but how how much time is your coach spending with the players?

00:24:54.640 --> 00:25:01.759
Yes, and talking to them and pouring into them and telling them how they can get their best out of every play and every day and every game, right?

00:25:02.079 --> 00:25:04.000
What the vision is and what the goals are.

00:25:04.480 --> 00:25:04.880
Think about it.

00:25:04.960 --> 00:25:08.480
That's a that that's a bulk of your time is pouring into the athlete.

00:25:09.680 --> 00:25:13.440
But think about from the the household and the marriage standpoint, are you setting?

00:25:14.400 --> 00:25:15.839
Are you setting that's another team?

00:25:16.160 --> 00:25:19.680
And that team, this isn't a one-year, two-year contract.

00:25:19.920 --> 00:25:21.279
Okay now just for life.

00:25:21.440 --> 00:25:31.599
So are you setting aside that five minutes, that 10, that 15 for each of these factors to now speak life into your wife the way that you did into your quarterback, yes, and into your running back, right?

00:25:31.759 --> 00:25:36.720
Because reality is whoever, even Tom Brady, who played for the Pachers for many, many years, right?

00:25:37.440 --> 00:25:38.480
He's he's moved on.

00:25:38.640 --> 00:25:39.759
He's doing something else now.

00:25:40.160 --> 00:25:42.640
But your wife, your partner, is gonna still be there, right?

00:25:42.720 --> 00:25:47.680
And I think we just use it from that example of sports, but the same way um business too, though.

00:25:48.400 --> 00:25:49.680
I'm thinking about it in business as well.

00:25:49.759 --> 00:25:59.759
Like I'm talking to the team, we're talking about the goal, what's the vision, what's the mission, what do we want to get accomplished, what's everybody's KPIs and what they need to achieve so that we get there collectively.

00:26:00.160 --> 00:26:01.839
We got to have that same approach, right?

00:26:01.920 --> 00:26:13.839
When it comes to how am I pouring in and investing on the home front to be able to see those same type of returns or dividends, and what those returns look like could be hugs, smiles, appreciation.

00:26:14.160 --> 00:26:16.319
Like it's all of these things that stack up.

00:26:16.640 --> 00:26:23.200
But how many times have we heard people say, Man, I wish I would have prioritized this back when I could have?

00:26:23.440 --> 00:26:30.400
I wish I would have spent a little bit more time answering or or spending those five minutes in one of those categories.

00:26:30.640 --> 00:26:31.839
Yeah, absolutely.

00:26:32.079 --> 00:27:13.279
And when you when it's talking about expressing daily appreciation, you have a higher relationship stability, it's another one of those reminders of yes, you can be going through seasons, and there's some seasons that are bringing rain, and there's some seasons that are bringing sunshine, but when you have these daily habits, very similar to what we talk about with health and wellness, when you have the small habits that you're building on every day or that you're at least putting into effect every day, when that rain comes, you're still doing those habits because it's something that is now a part of your playbook, right?

00:27:13.440 --> 00:27:14.640
It's it's in your playbook.

00:27:14.720 --> 00:27:16.480
It's something that you know you can come back to.

00:27:16.640 --> 00:27:23.119
And I think that that's what how we need to also start looking at our marriages is is it's very similar to your health journey, right?

00:27:23.200 --> 00:27:26.799
Like we always we always mention you want to be able to get 1% better every day.

00:27:27.039 --> 00:27:31.359
It's that same mindset when you're thinking about your relationship as well.

00:27:31.599 --> 00:27:33.759
How can you have this one, right?

00:27:33.920 --> 00:27:36.400
We're gonna do five minutes of intentional touch every day.

00:27:36.559 --> 00:27:42.079
Let's do that for you know three weeks and then let's add in the five minutes of eye to eye conversation.

00:27:42.240 --> 00:27:45.440
Because when you try to do it all at one time, that's when you drop off.

00:27:45.519 --> 00:27:54.640
That's when it gets so overwhelming when you're already overwhelmed and overstimulated that you start thinking, okay, well, I'm just not gonna do it today.

00:27:54.720 --> 00:27:57.359
And then I don't do it tomorrow, and then you haven't done it all week.

00:27:57.440 --> 00:28:04.319
And then it becomes a pattern of not doing it when if you're doing something like this every day, it just becomes a part of your daily routine.

00:28:04.559 --> 00:28:09.839
Yeah, no, I really like that playbook, and it's almost like looking at your marriage like a muscle.

00:28:10.000 --> 00:28:12.079
Is it getting stronger or is it getting weaker?

00:28:12.240 --> 00:28:12.400
Right.

00:28:12.559 --> 00:28:17.039
Because reality is it's not just gonna stay the same over time, over you're growing.

00:28:17.200 --> 00:28:18.720
Are you growing together, or are you growing apart?

00:28:18.799 --> 00:28:26.240
And so, like you said, treating it like a part of your health playbook, what do those repetitions look like?

00:28:26.799 --> 00:28:34.480
The 777, those are reps, those are reps that you're putting in every seven days, every seven weeks, and every seven months.

00:28:34.720 --> 00:28:37.599
And then the five, five, five, these are things that you're now factoring in.

00:28:37.680 --> 00:28:44.000
Even if you only did one five in a day, you've already done more than what the average person is doing.

00:28:44.160 --> 00:28:44.400
Yes.

00:28:44.640 --> 00:28:48.160
And when we see the stats, on average, not every marriage is gonna make it.

00:28:48.319 --> 00:28:48.880
And that's hard.

00:28:48.960 --> 00:28:52.319
Like that's a a tough reality, and it's hard to think about.

00:28:52.559 --> 00:28:54.319
And it kind of posed the question.

00:28:54.400 --> 00:28:58.559
We had someone tell us recently um marriage is what was it?

00:28:58.640 --> 00:29:16.799
It was He said, Well, because marriage is a contract, it is a contract, and so he said the top divorce attorney in the country mentioned that most people would be in um what do you say, would be essentially in breach of their contract because of neglect.

00:29:17.440 --> 00:29:19.519
It was like or negligence or something like that.

00:29:20.799 --> 00:29:20.960
Yeah.

00:29:21.279 --> 00:29:28.400
But I think again, when you look at the data or the the stats around, oh man, these are the amount of marriages that don't make it.

00:29:28.960 --> 00:29:44.319
When you think about what it's like to be with someone that you love, that you appreciate, to build something together, even if the chances are four out of ten or five out of ten, whatever the six out of ten, whatever the numbers are, it's still worth it.

00:29:44.480 --> 00:30:15.359
But now, what does my playbook look like to be able to still be in it for the long run, to still be in the championship race, to still be able to have your marriage reaching the goals and what you envision as it relates to like being able to be happy, to be able to have, you know, you don't want it to be the ball and chain, all of these negative stereotypes that uh they stayed married because they had to, or it's you know, it's a contract and they're in a business together, they're not really, you know, married and enjoying each other.

00:30:15.440 --> 00:30:25.039
And I think that's just these pieces, and it and again, it becomes where it feels very natural and normal when you do these things on a recurring basis, right?

00:30:25.200 --> 00:30:26.640
Um, but it makes a huge difference.

00:30:26.880 --> 00:30:28.640
Yeah, I absolutely agree.

00:30:28.960 --> 00:30:31.440
So uh here is another rule.

00:30:31.599 --> 00:30:35.759
It's called the two, two, two, two, so four twos.

00:30:36.480 --> 00:30:40.559
And we actually talked about this on our social media a little bit ago.

00:30:40.799 --> 00:30:42.079
And it's at Coupley Fit.

00:30:42.240 --> 00:30:44.799
Yeah, at Couple Fit C O U P L E Y F I T.

00:30:46.400 --> 00:30:52.799
If you need something that's going to be um maybe a little bit the five five five rule is more immediate, right?

00:30:52.880 --> 00:30:56.000
Because that's that's very daily, you know.

00:30:56.160 --> 00:31:01.680
Um this one is every two days you want to check in with your partner.

00:31:01.839 --> 00:31:02.079
Okay.

00:31:02.240 --> 00:31:03.759
So check in, how's your mood?

00:31:03.920 --> 00:31:04.720
What are your needs?

00:31:04.880 --> 00:31:05.680
Are you stressed?

00:31:05.759 --> 00:31:07.039
Are you overstimulated?

00:31:07.200 --> 00:31:08.559
How can I support you?

00:31:08.960 --> 00:31:14.880
Every two weeks, you want intentional quality time outside of the home.

00:31:15.200 --> 00:31:22.960
So this one is a little bit different, right, than the 777 rule, because they're saying every seven weeks you want to do an overnight trip.

00:31:23.119 --> 00:31:34.640
This is every two weeks, you want to just spend that intentional quality time outside of the home, which I do think that is key to get outside of your element because, and we've talked about this before.

00:31:34.799 --> 00:31:45.039
If you've had arguments recently or if it's just been a little bit the elephant's a little big in the house, I would highly recommend going outside of the house.

00:31:45.279 --> 00:31:47.440
Doesn't need to be anything that you have to pay for.

00:31:47.599 --> 00:31:57.920
Walk around the park, walk around a lake, go to a mall, go and just walk, go to a mall and just walk for for more folks that aren't living in Arizona and we're still in 70 degrees.

00:31:58.240 --> 00:32:02.160
You know, but getting outside of your house, I think that's a major key.

00:32:02.319 --> 00:32:05.279
Every two months, you want to do something new together.

00:32:05.440 --> 00:32:09.839
And I do believe that this is something that you and I really take pride in.

00:32:10.000 --> 00:32:12.960
We do a lot of new stuff, and it's so funny.

00:32:13.039 --> 00:32:16.720
We what I was just gonna say, people wouldn't believe that I did aerial yoga.

00:32:16.880 --> 00:32:17.599
Aerial yoga?

00:32:17.759 --> 00:32:19.279
That was the first multiple times, actually.

00:32:19.440 --> 00:32:20.960
That was a first research.

00:32:21.519 --> 00:32:23.680
That air fit, had to check the beams on here.

00:32:24.240 --> 00:32:24.799
Oh my word.

00:32:24.880 --> 00:32:26.240
That kicked butt.

00:32:26.559 --> 00:32:28.960
Um that, I mean, the trampoline parks.

00:32:29.279 --> 00:32:30.480
Yeah, that was so much fun.

00:32:30.720 --> 00:32:31.920
Man, we had a we've had a lot of fun.

00:32:33.519 --> 00:32:36.720
Things that don't let someone put an age on.

00:32:36.799 --> 00:32:38.319
Oh, you you know, you gotta be.

00:32:38.400 --> 00:32:40.720
I mean, we were some of the only adults out there at the trampoline park.

00:32:40.960 --> 00:32:41.440
You gotta do it.

00:32:41.680 --> 00:32:42.799
Tell these kids move.

00:32:43.039 --> 00:32:44.880
I'm about to dunk this basketball.

00:32:45.039 --> 00:32:47.839
And then the knee said, you thought is this the 21 and up area?

00:32:47.920 --> 00:32:49.839
They were like, no, this is all the two and up.

00:32:50.160 --> 00:32:50.480
Exactly.

00:32:50.640 --> 00:32:52.880
They're like, no, this is all this is all for the kids.

00:32:53.039 --> 00:32:53.759
This is all for the kids.

00:32:53.839 --> 00:32:55.359
Um, but no, I'm so much fun.

00:32:55.680 --> 00:32:58.880
I love that it's adding in something new.

00:32:59.039 --> 00:32:59.359
Yes.

00:32:59.680 --> 00:33:07.920
Because I think there's something about, and that keeps the youthfulness, the connection, you're going through these new experiences together, which you always remember.

00:33:08.720 --> 00:33:12.880
The other point on the every two weeks, I really like that.

00:33:12.960 --> 00:33:15.440
And that folds into the 777 to me, right?

00:33:15.599 --> 00:33:17.440
Yeah, with the like seven days for date night.

00:33:17.519 --> 00:33:17.759
Correct.

00:33:17.839 --> 00:33:27.200
So when you think about the two weeks and the seven days for date night, to me, that just lets us know the date night is out of the house every two weeks.

00:33:27.359 --> 00:33:27.519
Right.

00:33:27.680 --> 00:33:35.920
So, for example, I love that week one, money's funny or things are tight, or don't have a babysitter, whatever it is, yeah, we're gonna walk locally.

00:33:36.000 --> 00:33:37.440
We're gonna do something that doesn't cost.

00:33:37.599 --> 00:33:42.720
We're gonna, you know, put the uh cushions from the pillow on the floor and do a movie night.

00:33:43.039 --> 00:33:51.359
But then we're not gonna get, I don't want to say stuck, but we don't want to get into the cycle where we haven't gotten out of the space, we haven't done something new.

00:33:51.680 --> 00:33:56.160
By the next week, let's plan to do something out and about, right?

00:33:56.319 --> 00:33:57.440
Something outside of the space.

00:33:57.680 --> 00:33:59.519
But now that puts you in the every two weeks.

00:33:59.759 --> 00:34:00.960
Yes, which I love.

00:34:01.119 --> 00:34:04.480
And then every two months, oh, something new together.

00:34:04.559 --> 00:34:07.039
So I know even for us, we want to do.

00:34:07.119 --> 00:34:09.119
I asked if you want to do a cooking class.

00:34:09.360 --> 00:34:11.760
And yeah, and so I think that's something salsa dancing.

00:34:11.840 --> 00:34:12.400
We talked about that too.

00:34:12.639 --> 00:34:15.679
We talked about salsa dancing and some of these, although karaoke.

00:34:15.760 --> 00:34:16.239
We've done that before.

00:34:16.639 --> 00:34:17.360
We've done the karaoke.

00:34:17.599 --> 00:34:18.480
We can do new songs.

00:34:18.559 --> 00:34:19.440
Does that count?

00:34:19.679 --> 00:34:23.440
Yes, and the last time I think we did karaoke, we were with a group.

00:34:23.599 --> 00:34:28.400
Yeah, and we you know uh yeah, I'm giving background singer, like, honey, I'm here for it.

00:34:28.559 --> 00:34:30.000
I love, I love to do those things.

00:34:30.079 --> 00:34:32.079
And I need this one mic.

00:34:32.880 --> 00:34:40.719
Even if we've done some of the activities individually, then we will come back together and try to do it together.

00:34:40.880 --> 00:34:45.360
So a class, uh, a restaurant if you want, an activity, something like that.

00:34:45.599 --> 00:34:48.639
And every two years, this is what I really like.

00:34:48.800 --> 00:34:55.440
Every two years, you want to revisit your goals and your vision for your relationship.

00:34:55.760 --> 00:34:56.639
That's key.

00:34:56.880 --> 00:34:57.840
So that's key.

00:34:58.000 --> 00:34:58.800
I will say this.

00:34:58.880 --> 00:35:01.360
I I love that that's on there for every two years.

00:35:01.599 --> 00:35:08.719
We don't get extra credit for this, but I do appreciate that we've factored into our goal setting and our vision boards.

00:35:08.960 --> 00:35:13.920
Every year, when we do our vision boards, we plan our individual.

00:35:14.159 --> 00:35:15.199
So, what are your goals?

00:35:15.280 --> 00:35:15.840
What are my goals?

00:35:15.920 --> 00:35:17.599
But then what do we see together?

00:35:17.760 --> 00:35:18.079
Yes.

00:35:18.239 --> 00:35:24.800
What are the things that we visualize that we're planning, whether that's buying a house or you know, doing different things, right?

00:35:24.960 --> 00:35:40.400
Speaking together on a stage, getting some awards and recognition together for business, like whatever those things are, having it together and visualizing it, and then being able to check in and follow up because what's shocking, and we talk about this all the time, especially it happens on the health journey.

00:35:40.480 --> 00:35:44.400
You know, you lose two or three pounds, and it's like that was behind me.

00:35:44.559 --> 00:35:45.599
I need to lose another five.

00:35:45.679 --> 00:35:46.400
Yes, right?

00:35:46.480 --> 00:35:57.360
But but really celebrating the two or three pounds that you lost, celebrating the wins, the things that you had we had on the vision board, and it was like, man, we just want to be able to be back here and do this.00:35:57.599 --> 00:36:11.760


And when you do do it, not being so onto the next, yes, that you don't acknowledge it, celebrate it, because that then gives you it really gives you the framework to have the things that you're appreciative or that you're proud of of your partner.00:36:12.480 --> 00:36:16.559


It gives you the opportunity for the eye contact to say, man, you did amazing at this.00:36:16.719 --> 00:36:18.480


You're speaking engaged and you crush it.00:36:19.760 --> 00:36:21.199


Man, can I get a have a hug?00:36:21.280 --> 00:36:24.880


I want to celebrate this together, and then maybe we go out and we celebrate it.00:36:24.960 --> 00:36:29.840


And that's one of the things within those two weeks to help kind of really put a bow on it and bring it to life.00:36:30.000 --> 00:36:30.960


Yeah, absolutely.00:36:31.199 --> 00:36:32.239


And to that point, right?00:36:32.320 --> 00:36:59.440


Because when you think about uh every two years revisiting your goals and your vision for your relationship, you can grow so much in one year that if you were married nine years ago, your relationship is not going to be the same, nor are your vision and where you want the marriage to go going to be the same per se, right?00:36:59.599 --> 00:37:09.840


So just making sure that you're on the same page because one thing we hear about couples is outgrowing each other and we're growing in opposite, uh, you know, opposite areas.00:37:11.199 --> 00:37:14.079


And that really brings that disconnection.00:37:14.320 --> 00:37:15.679


And we see it a lot, right?00:37:15.760 --> 00:37:19.039


You start being in separate rooms, you start being on opposite sides of the couch.00:37:19.199 --> 00:37:25.039


It starts slowly like that, and then it just turns into, well, I just don't see this person that much anymore.00:37:25.119 --> 00:37:26.639


And you're almost living two separate lives.00:37:26.880 --> 00:37:37.119


And and to that point, what also is so baffling to me about the growing apart thing, because I you see it happen, we've seen it happen with other people that we know and we've been around, right?00:37:37.360 --> 00:37:51.920


But the thing with growing apart that I think is glossed over and nope and not a lot of people talk about is that when people decide to go their separate ways and then they're getting back out there looking for a lot of looking for what they just left a lot of times.00:37:52.000 --> 00:37:52.320


Yeah.00:37:52.559 --> 00:38:15.679


And then they get back out there and they'd be like, ooh, man, I mean, I really just wanted to, I should have just spent the five, five, I should have spent the five, five, five, the two, two, two, yeah, the seven, seven, seven, because now I'm out here trying to get someone that doesn't do any of these positive things that I once had, but I was looking for more thrills and more vacations, but that's the 10%, not the 90%.00:38:16.480 --> 00:38:27.840


And I think a lot of times it's like, how do we work on the fine-tuning with our current situation, our current partner, our current like, you know, dynamics in enhancing that?00:38:28.079 --> 00:38:29.199


Yes, absolutely.00:38:29.360 --> 00:38:36.960


So the purpose for the two, two, two, two rule is to prevent resentment and unspoken expectations.00:38:37.360 --> 00:38:40.320


Ooh, and that's something as I talk to these younger women.00:38:40.559 --> 00:38:46.960


Oh my goodness, I can tell you the amount of times that they're talking to their girlies.00:38:47.360 --> 00:38:49.760


And I said, Have you mentioned that to him?00:38:49.920 --> 00:38:51.119


Have you talked to him about this?00:38:51.199 --> 00:38:52.960


And every time it's no, he should know.00:38:53.039 --> 00:39:01.199


I'm like, I just, it's an unspoken expectation that you have of this person that they have no idea and you haven't said anything to them.00:39:01.280 --> 00:39:08.960


How do you expect them to not only read your mind, but then make adjustments for you know what you're looking for or what you want or need?00:39:09.280 --> 00:39:17.920


And and I just want to call out that people are so often and so frequently going to media, reality TV, the shows.00:39:18.000 --> 00:39:19.599


I mean we're not gonna be able to do reality TV's not reality.00:39:19.760 --> 00:39:20.639


Reality TV's not reality.00:39:21.519 --> 00:39:23.679


We were just watching um Land Man.00:39:24.000 --> 00:39:33.360


Yeah, and one of the main characters who, you know, in a relationship, going through the thing, is like, why isn't like why aren't you telling me what you actually want?00:39:33.519 --> 00:39:35.199


She's like, Well, I I told you to leave.00:39:35.440 --> 00:39:36.639


And he was like, So I left.00:39:36.800 --> 00:39:38.000


She's like, Well, why did you leave?00:39:38.239 --> 00:39:38.719


You didn't fight.00:39:38.880 --> 00:39:42.480


You didn't fight stay and fight for me and all of these things.00:39:42.639 --> 00:39:46.239


And he's like, Well, I thought you asked me to leave, so I left.00:39:46.400 --> 00:39:46.639


Yeah.00:39:46.880 --> 00:39:48.480


And literally it was like what you told me.00:39:48.639 --> 00:39:54.559


And it was such a disconnect from just actually expressing what what is your intention?00:39:54.719 --> 00:39:54.960


Correct.00:39:55.119 --> 00:39:56.000


What is it that you're looking for?00:39:56.079 --> 00:39:56.239


Okay.00:39:56.480 --> 00:39:56.639


Correct.00:39:56.880 --> 00:39:59.440


And I just think sometimes I get so lost in.00:40:00.159 --> 00:40:04.159


These un unspoken, unsaid expectations.00:40:04.320 --> 00:40:06.480


And even if it's not spoken, text it.00:40:06.800 --> 00:40:08.079


You gotta send it, write it.00:40:08.159 --> 00:40:09.039


You gotta send it somewhere.00:40:09.280 --> 00:40:10.159


You have to, yeah.00:40:10.320 --> 00:40:19.599


There it has to be presented to the other person to be able to make the changes that you're asking for.00:40:19.760 --> 00:40:25.199


And then if they're not making those changes, then it's a revisit of, okay, this is what I asked.00:40:25.440 --> 00:40:32.400


And it either hasn't been uh, you know, it's not being done, or I'm just I'm not satisfied, whatever that looks like.00:40:32.559 --> 00:40:44.880


And then coming back to that and saying, okay, what how can I say this either more directly for you or in a way that you are going to understand because there has to be some changes that are made.00:40:44.960 --> 00:40:49.199


And so maybe you're just it's a miscommunication, maybe you're not understanding what I'm saying.00:40:49.519 --> 00:40:52.960


Maybe it's an opportunity to bring it up on your seventh, seventh day on your date night.00:40:53.119 --> 00:40:53.679


Come on now.00:40:53.840 --> 00:40:54.480


Absolutely.00:40:54.719 --> 00:41:01.920


So, with this rule here, it keeps communication fresh and proactive, which proactive and is the the key word there.00:41:02.079 --> 00:41:07.440


Yeah, couples grow, and so the relationship rhythms have to grow too.00:41:07.599 --> 00:41:11.920


And that's what we were just mentioning a little bit over this episode.00:41:12.159 --> 00:41:16.239


The newness reactivates attraction and curiosity.00:41:16.320 --> 00:41:20.000


So that goes back to the every two months doing something new together.00:41:20.320 --> 00:41:26.400


New experience people are chasing new experiences with new people when you can have new experiences with your partner and they're all new memories.00:41:26.559 --> 00:41:27.199


Come on now.00:41:27.440 --> 00:41:28.000


Love it.00:41:28.239 --> 00:41:34.320


And then small, um, small acts over grand gestures.00:41:34.480 --> 00:41:35.920


And we mentioned that a little bit before.00:41:36.320 --> 00:41:37.119


Can you give an example?00:41:37.280 --> 00:41:37.920


What comes to your mind?00:41:38.400 --> 00:41:41.360


Well, let's go back to the let's go back to the 555 rule.00:41:42.000 --> 00:41:43.599


Five minutes of intentional touch.00:41:43.760 --> 00:41:50.559


No, but I'm saying what's a grand gesture example when someone's not doing the small things, but they're trying to do the grand gestures.00:41:51.039 --> 00:41:59.360


So let's say you've been uh, you know, asking your spouse or whoever to clean up the house.00:41:59.599 --> 00:42:05.039


Do you mind, you know, doing some maintenance in the front of the house with the trees or something of that nature, right?00:42:05.119 --> 00:42:11.920


And you keep mentioning it, but yet you come home and there's clothes all over the place, the trees are overgrown and all of these things.00:42:12.079 --> 00:42:13.920


That person said that they were going to do it.00:42:14.000 --> 00:42:15.119


They never did it.00:42:15.360 --> 00:42:22.880


And rather than doing the small gestures of, let me just clean up, let me let me go out here and just start trimming the trees, and then I'll get to the bushes, right?00:42:22.960 --> 00:42:24.480


Those are the small gestures.00:42:24.639 --> 00:42:26.000


You do it all in one weekend.00:42:26.079 --> 00:42:27.360


I'm doing it all in one weekend.00:42:27.440 --> 00:42:29.519


Everything that you said, it's like, well, I'm doing what you said.00:42:29.679 --> 00:42:38.079


It's like, okay, yeah, but I had how long did I have to be on you and quote unquote nag you in order for you to get this grand thing done?00:42:38.320 --> 00:42:42.000


Or even thinking of another example, right?00:42:42.159 --> 00:42:46.000


You're asking somebody, hey, I need, I need you more attention from you.00:42:46.079 --> 00:42:54.719


You're working so much, and I don't feel like I'm getting that quality time, and I really need that quality time from you, and I need it you to be present.00:42:54.880 --> 00:43:01.840


And then you're asking and you're asking for however long, let's say it's months, and then all of a sudden you're you come and say, you know what?00:43:02.000 --> 00:43:21.280


I think that I need maybe some time away, or I just need some time because I've asked this from you, and this is what I need, and you've done maybe nothing, or haven't made the the small gestures to give me what I need when it comes to those, uh, the quality time I'm asking for.00:43:21.360 --> 00:43:24.239


And then this person comes out is like, all right, I booked us a trip.00:43:24.320 --> 00:43:25.679


We're going to Paris.00:43:25.840 --> 00:43:29.199


We're gonna be doing pack your bags, we're leaving tomorrow morning.00:43:29.519 --> 00:43:31.280


It's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, grand gesture, right?00:43:31.360 --> 00:43:32.239


Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.00:43:32.400 --> 00:43:33.360


You didn't miss the basics.00:43:33.519 --> 00:43:34.320


Like, miss the basics.00:43:34.400 --> 00:43:36.719


Are the kids I are we do they have food, right?00:43:36.800 --> 00:43:44.320


Like, did we think all of that through, or you just want me to just jump on a plane now because I said that I'm about at my limit.00:43:44.400 --> 00:43:45.280


I'm at my ceiling.00:43:45.440 --> 00:43:46.000


At your brim.00:43:46.239 --> 00:43:46.960


I'm at my brim.00:43:47.199 --> 00:43:47.599


That makes sense.00:43:48.239 --> 00:43:48.800


What do you think?00:43:49.039 --> 00:43:50.239


No, I think that's a great example.00:43:50.320 --> 00:43:57.920


That's what came to my mind was a second example where again, you know, you're skipping over the basics and then you want to do a grand gesture.00:43:58.239 --> 00:44:00.000


You know, think about it like sports.00:44:00.079 --> 00:44:04.000


You know, you're not doing, you're not making the layups, but you want to shoot a half-court shot.00:44:04.320 --> 00:44:14.320


Yes, but this goes back to you want to be able to do all of these things before the fix when they break.00:44:14.960 --> 00:44:15.119


Right?00:44:15.280 --> 00:44:16.800


So somebody's at their breaking point.00:44:16.960 --> 00:44:22.480


Like I'm at my breaking point with this relationship or with what I've told you, and now you want to fix it.00:44:22.639 --> 00:44:24.480


Now, out of nowhere, you want to fix it.00:44:24.559 --> 00:44:27.360


And that's when you hear people say, I apologize, but they didn't accept my apology.00:44:27.440 --> 00:44:33.199


It's like, well, yeah, I was I was waiting for the small gestures to show that you are getting it.00:44:33.360 --> 00:44:36.559


And to your point, the verbal apologies don't always cut it too, right?00:44:36.639 --> 00:44:49.760


You want to actually make sure it's not just verbal, but it's in the actions, which the 222, the 555, and the 777 are all actionable steps that build up to sustainable change.00:44:50.000 --> 00:44:50.559


Absolutely.00:44:50.719 --> 00:45:00.239


So, you know, we always want to be able to give you all an opportunity to have a challenge that you can do for your relationship and your marriage.00:45:00.400 --> 00:45:10.079


So we want you to choose one of these rules that we have for marriage and over the next seven days, really put them into effect, right?00:45:10.159 --> 00:45:11.199


And see what you can do.00:45:11.360 --> 00:45:16.559


Some of these obviously, right, with seven, seven, seven, seven days, seven weeks, that might be a little bit harder.00:45:16.719 --> 00:45:19.840


Um, but just looking at maybe the five, five, five, right?00:45:19.920 --> 00:45:28.159


Let me try the five minutes of intentional touch or five minutes of eye-to-eye contact or five minutes of appreciation and gratitude.00:45:28.400 --> 00:45:42.239


And so for everyone that is listening, we'd love to hear if the the rules are working for you, what has worked the best for you, if it's maybe just one of the you know statements that we've mentioned in each one of these rules.00:45:42.480 --> 00:45:43.920


We want to be able to hear from you.00:45:44.000 --> 00:45:45.360


So feel free to DM us.00:45:45.519 --> 00:45:48.320


If you're watching us on YouTube, please comment and let us know.00:45:48.480 --> 00:45:50.239


We want to hear how you guys are doing.00:45:50.400 --> 00:46:00.000


And if there's anything that we can also bring to the conversation next time that will help you all be able to get to a point where you're building your playbook for your marriage.00:46:00.239 --> 00:46:05.519


So if you are watching us on YouTube, please like and subscribe to our channel.00:46:05.679 --> 00:46:12.559


If you're following us on social media, it's at Coupley Fit, C O U P L E Y F I T.00:46:13.039 --> 00:46:17.440


As always, keep growing, glowing, and feeling better together.00:46:17.760 --> 00:46:18.400


Bye.