Nov. 4, 2025

Episode 57: Turning Financial Tension into Partnership and Prosperity

Episode 57: Turning Financial Tension into Partnership and Prosperity
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Season 1

How money habits shape love, trust, and teamwork in real relationships.

 We unpack childhood money scripts, hidden spending, “free money” traps, and why financial stress can feel like a full-time job. Then we share what actually helped: honest check-ins, shared accounts, simple systems, and ditching 50-50 for a one-team mindset.

If money fights, secret debt, or solo planning sound familiar, this episode hands you the playbook: clear roles, fewer surprises, less stress, more growth.

Subscribe, share with your partner, and drop a review with the money habit you're switching up, we might read it on the next show.

00:00 - Money And Stress Set The Stage

01:07 - How Upbringing Shapes Money Habits

05:21 - Scarcity Vs Abundance In Practice

10:55 - Spend Or Save: Gendered Myths

16:45 - Hidden Debt, Gambling, And Trust

22:05 - Power Dynamics And Who Decides

27:05 - One Pot Vs Separate Accounts

33:10 - Investing Together And Emergency Funds

38:20 - Stay Down For The Come Up

45:10 - Cars, Leasing, And Ownership Mindset

52:30 - Why Couples Avoid Money Talks

WEBVTT

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Hey Coupley Fit Fam, welcome back to another episode.

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Today we are talking about money, how it can impact you.

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It can be positive, negative, but it can also stress you out.

00:00:14.800 --> 00:00:25.600
And speaking of stress, I mean I just we just saw some statistics that were around stress is more impactful on the body than whether you drink or work out or smoke, any of those things.

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It's really like how much stress could really impact how long you live.

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So I mean how much money plays a big part in that though for a lot of people.

00:00:32.960 --> 00:00:33.359
Absolutely.

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Stress, you're talking high blood pressure, hypertension, chronic inflammation, which chronic inflammation now is linked to Alzheimer's and dementia.

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So we need to get our stress down, especially when it's we start talking about money and money as a couple as well.

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So let's jump into it.

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So first we want to see how do we see, do we see money differently?

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And if we do, how can we get on the same page?

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So and maybe we'll ask a little bit each other and then have the audience kind of they can weigh it at home, right?

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So money habits and how they're formed.

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How when it came to your family history and your upbringing, what were some of the money habits that you were either taught or that you learned from your parents?

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It was it was definitely about more so on the saving money side of things for sure.

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Uh my dad is pretty frugal, so I know that was one.

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It was just like, you know, you pull up and go out to eat.

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You know, it's it's dollar menu only.

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Period.

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Like there is time I had a friend, I'll never forget I had a friend in the car.

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If it that's one of if you know, you know.

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If you know, you know.

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I had a friend, I had a friend in the car like after a game or sporting event, and they thought we were gonna just, you know, order through the drive through and order number six.

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And I looked appalled.

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Like, number six, what for here?

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For here?

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He's like, man, you better get that double cheeseburger.

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Don't you dare save that money.

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Come on.

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So that was they did put a quarter pounder on the McDonald's menu for a dollar.

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Oh my god.

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This is back when the dollar menu was really a dollar.

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Well, you get a two for two English muffin, and it was like, you didn't even you didn't even go up to the menu and like think, what am I having?

00:02:07.359 --> 00:02:07.760
No, no, no.

00:02:07.920 --> 00:02:09.520
I'm getting one of those two English muffins.

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Absolutely.

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No brainer.

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No brainer.

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So that mindset, I would say, like, even now to this day, like little things on saving, I've had to evolve the mindset to even more of an abundant mindset because for so long, you know, I was flying standby and and different things where it was just like, yeah, you save money, and the idea of standby is great until you get taken off an airplane.

00:02:28.719 --> 00:02:29.840
Sir, uh, sir.

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Grab your bag, sir, uh, and get up off the air.

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What do they say?

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We we've got a revenue passenger with more priority.

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Can you come with me?

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I'm like, what?

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You're not in trouble, you're just not on this flight.

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Right.

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Do you so do you think that you came from a scarcity or an abundance type of mindset?

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And was it also different with either your uh your mom or your dad?

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Yeah, so I think it was definitely a little bit different with both.

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Um, I think on one end it was there's there's a difference because it was an abundant mindset on like where you're headed, like you're a leader, you're the head and not the tail.

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So there was very much a focus on that when it comes to like a leadership mindset.

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Sure.

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But it was also a bit of a scarcity mindset when it came to more so saving money.

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Like it's not just what you make, it's what you keep.

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So like even as a kid, and a part of the reason I'm so into sneakers was like I got that one pair of shoes like every year, like on a birthday or Christmas, and that became the basketball shoes.

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Your old basketball shoes become your kick-around shoes.

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But it wasn't like, oh, new Jordans come out on Saturday, we're grabbing the new ones, right?

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Even if we have the money.

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Because I'm looking around like, dang, I know y'all got it.

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Or you think, I think.

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Or you think y'all, I think y'all got it.

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These Jordans ain't that expensive, but then I'm looking at them like yes, they are.

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Well, you know.

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How dare you?

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See, that's the problem.

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These are kids, that's the problem, y'all.

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That's what we talk about.

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They're not that expensive, they're 250.

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Back then they were probably one 120.

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Yeah, you're right.

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We're talking inflation now.

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You know, inflation.

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So, you know, you you think about it like that, but also as far as the examples that you're seeing, I know being in Arizona is a lot different than being in Detroit and being in Right.

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When it comes to fashion.

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When it comes to fashion, the vibe, like that's yeah, it's a whole thing.

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I'm sure it's like New York.

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Like in New York, you see people's fashion and it's like no no no crispy temps.

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It's a show out.

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It's a show out.

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Period.

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Like if you don't have one of the latest puff coat.

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What are we talking about?

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If you're going to the first day of school, you don't have on some new Air Force Ones, where are you going?

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You know, but it's like that's so materialistic.

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So it does end up being a shift in mindset.

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So I'm appreciative that I had the different perspective growing up, but it was definitely more about saving because that stuck with me.

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Um, yeah.

00:04:38.319 --> 00:04:39.759
So that's a great what about you though?

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Like what was what would you say is your mindset as far as growing up?

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Well, so that's why I asked you if when it count when it came to your mom and your dad, if they had the same or different mindsets when it comes to money.

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So my parents had different mindsets when it comes to money.

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So my mom very much uh her grandmother uh was an immigrant from Ukraine.

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And so she very much was about save, save, save, save, save.

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She didn't speak much English, but she we found her checkbook after my grandmother passed two years ago.

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And uh, you know, the old school savings book where you have to write in, you know, how much you're saving, and she was able to accumulate a significant amount of money for being in the 1960s, 70s.

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Come on out.

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And so that was passed down to my grandmother on my mom's side, where when she purchased her home in the Bronx, my great-grandmother told her, make sure that you rent out the bottom half of your home so that you can get some income.

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So there were those type of things where on my mom's side, very much a saver, right?

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Baby boomer.

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It's about, you know, you stay in your job for that 30, 40 years and then you retire and you have enough money to be able to live comfortably.

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But my dad's side was a little bit more of scarcity.

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Um, in the sense it was scarcity and abundance, because it was scarcity where we're only spending money on certain things.

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Oh, yeah.

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What type of things?

00:06:05.839 --> 00:06:11.680
Um it depended on his mood a lot of times.

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Sometimes uh, you know, we would maybe go out to eat once or twice a month, if that.

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So that's why cooking from home is very casual and easy.

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I need three squares a day.

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I know you need three squares a day.

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There's that piece, but then he would also have an abundance mindset, more so in the sense of uh if I'm I'm gonna purchase something that is, yeah, it's for the family.

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So I'm gonna purchase this TV, this surround sound, this new car, these new things.

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And it's kind of like, well, did you consult with mama first to make sure that we can afford this and do this?

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So he sometimes he was kind of jumping out there, making decisions, and it was not necessarily a group.

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It was with a collective call.

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It was not a collective type of conversation that was being had.

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He just pops up with something new that is, you know, hundreds, if not thousands of dollars.

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It's like, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, it's abundance.

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It's coming here.

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So that was a little bit uh different there.

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So it's that's why I I think it's really important, especially as our listeners hear us to talk about there are different ways that your parents and your upbringing can affect you and can really have uh a true tell on what you're going to do in your relationship as you move forward.

00:07:26.319 --> 00:07:27.759
Because a lot of this is learned, right?

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And then there's even things we're unlearning now, currently.

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For sure.

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To your point, just to acknowledge even what you said there, I think about something on the health side, but family that was learned behavior, and this may be a little bit more on a scarcity when it comes to food scarcity.

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I mean, I vividly remember being a kid and not being able to get it from the table until I clean my plate.

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Like at the table until the plate is clean.

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So what you have here, and so that was something that stuck with me, but it wasn't always good because you start the Midwest cleaning your plate, portions are big, overeating.

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So now when you think about it, it's like you should actually, you know, they talk about blue zones, for example, people living past a hundred years old, they're stopping eating when they're 80% full because they're not overeating, so you're not stuffed.

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Correct.

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You want to be satisfied.

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Satisfied.

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That was a complete opposite of what I learned.

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You need to you better get it while it's hot, get it while it's here.

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And you don't know if you like, there's no maybe being able to circle back to that meal or you know, that type of thing.

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So I think sometimes scarcity, but knowing family coming from, you know, one side of my family coming from Como and being in Mississippi and some of those things, it's like, okay, you understand the scarcity and you know, having my grandfather being like, I remember the experiences of you know, sharecropping and like being in the fields, things like that.

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It just shifts a complete flipping a quarter, losing a quarter.

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I was supposed to feed him and his brothers and sisters.

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Yes.

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I was like, granddad, one quarter?

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Granddad, one quarter.

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And everyone said that was the only time you ever got mad at him.

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Only time.

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The only time he lost that quarter.

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He lost that quarter.

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She's in a puddle.

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Your auntie, your great aunt said talking about uh, she said, I already knew which cookies I was gonna get.

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I she was already plotting.

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She was already.

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Come on now.

00:09:07.279 --> 00:09:08.799
So then we're also talking about, right?

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Do you have a partner who's a spender and a saver?

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I feel like we do hear a lot about that.

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Although I do feel women get more of a bad rep when it comes to that because you're seeing, right, the Amazon packages that are stacking up.

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There's door mats that say hide my Amazon packages from my husband, right?

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Those, I do feel like women get more of a bad rep there, but it's it's not just women, obviously, as we know.

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It depends on what you're spending on and what you're saving for.

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You're absolutely right.

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And also the stats around how women are also mainly the shoppers in most households.

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I think it's 60 or 70, 70 percent, where they're doing the shopping for the groceries, they're probably doing the shopping for the kids and things like that as well.

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So naturally, if you're doing the shopping, I'm already spending.

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You're already spending.

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So now it's on me because I saw that the kids needed new backpacks or whatever.

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And it's like, oh, you buying something else?

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Uh-huh.

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And it's like, well, no, they actually needed that.

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Whereas I think a lot of times we're hearing, we saw, I think it was uh some interviews that that you shared with me where a husband basically had like a hundred thousand dollars in gambling debt.

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Yeah, wife didn't even know about it.

00:10:08.639 --> 00:10:10.159
I know, just backdoor little joke.

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Like I know he's gambling, but that's like that's something that you wouldn't see from like, oh, you're shopping.

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That's a major area that you know is is a struggle for the family, right?

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For somebody's family, if there's gambling or things like that that are happening and it's less visible, like Amazon or Walmart or shopping or groceries or whatever the case may be.

00:10:29.840 --> 00:10:44.399
Yes, I do feel like that's a major shift now that we're seeing in 2025, now that online gambling has been nationwide, we're just talking right here in the United States, but that it's been it's so accessible on your phone.

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And then the ads that we're seeing on TV that are saying put in five will give you 500.

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I mean, to me, right?

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You if you're looking at that and you're not somebody who has, you know, um, you know, a little some self-control, you might look and say, oh my gosh, five for 500.

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It's a no-brainer.

00:11:01.679 --> 00:11:02.559
It's giving par leg.

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Like it's a no-brainer.

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Like I can only win.

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There's only upside from this, right?

00:11:07.759 --> 00:11:19.360
So then does do you feel like there can, when it comes to finances, it can expose maybe some control of dynamics in a relationship.

00:11:19.600 --> 00:11:23.360
So that's something that I even think about when it comes to the the family side, right?

00:11:23.440 --> 00:11:25.360
And I even think about the upbringing.

00:11:25.519 --> 00:11:28.879
There was, I mean, even as a kid, I learned that pretty early.

00:11:29.039 --> 00:11:32.720
Oh, if if my if dad said no, I'm gonna maybe go try to ask mom.

00:11:33.600 --> 00:11:34.639
Oh, you did that.

00:11:34.879 --> 00:11:35.840
I didn't do that.

00:11:35.919 --> 00:11:36.159
Oh, yeah.

00:11:36.399 --> 00:11:36.960
I didn't do that.

00:11:37.279 --> 00:11:38.559
Gotta try my hand, you know.

00:11:38.799 --> 00:11:40.480
Gotta try my hand, plant the seed, you know.

00:11:40.720 --> 00:11:41.519
Want to go to the movies.

00:11:41.600 --> 00:11:47.440
You think I can just stay in, hey Ma, you know, I I think I want to go to the movies.

00:11:47.600 --> 00:11:48.000
Oh, really?

00:11:48.159 --> 00:11:49.200
Well, what you want to see?

00:11:49.360 --> 00:11:51.200
Well, I just need a couple dollars first, you know.

00:11:51.360 --> 00:11:52.559
Oh man, that type of bond.

00:11:52.799 --> 00:12:20.879
So I say that to say, it just it um the same way that you can know who to go to, like to ask some things like that, you understand the dynamics, but then like to your point, when it comes to that, like the finances and some of the challenges, it it can become so real when there's not that visibility and transparency into the finances because a lot of times one person is spending, sometimes people don't know the amount of people that talk about having separate accounts, and that is completely normal.

00:12:20.960 --> 00:12:25.519
I mean, we went out with a couple, and they are right, was talking about like who's like basically, you know, you use your money.

00:12:25.919 --> 00:12:27.039
Do you use it?

00:12:27.679 --> 00:12:28.639
That's how that was one of my questions.

00:12:29.120 --> 00:12:30.320
Do you got it or do we got it?

00:12:30.399 --> 00:12:31.039
I'm confused.

00:12:31.200 --> 00:12:31.679
Yeah.

00:12:32.000 --> 00:12:48.320
No, and it's interesting too because a part of the reason that we are doing almost a part two to an episode that we filmed prior where we were talking about finances, but specifically talking about what are the financial dynamics in your relationship.

00:12:48.480 --> 00:12:50.799
Do you believe in 50-50 on the bills?

00:12:50.960 --> 00:12:55.440
Do you feel like when it comes to date night, you know, one partner should be paying over the other?

00:12:55.679 --> 00:13:07.759
And we were really shocked actually by how many people on social media, which follow us at Coupley Fit, C-O-U-P-L-E-Y, F-I-T, on social media were saying, oh no, separate accounts.

00:13:07.840 --> 00:13:17.200
I take care of the larger bills, she takes care of the smaller bills, or she just uses her uses her money for her nails or fun things and gifts.

00:13:17.519 --> 00:13:19.759
And we were really, we were, we were shocked.

00:13:19.840 --> 00:13:21.519
I mean, I wasn't necessarily expecting that.

00:13:21.679 --> 00:13:25.039
I'm always a believer in whatever works for you, do that.

00:13:25.279 --> 00:13:27.440
But make, are we being transparent?

00:13:27.519 --> 00:13:31.039
And there's a difference between being honest with your finances and being transparent.

00:13:31.279 --> 00:13:34.960
You can be honest and say, hey, you know, the mortgage has gone up.

00:13:35.120 --> 00:13:36.320
Okay, that's honest.

00:13:36.399 --> 00:13:42.559
But then transparency is saying, no, the mortgage has gone up by this amount, and our insurance has got up by this amount.

00:13:42.720 --> 00:13:44.480
This is how much we're bringing in.

00:13:44.879 --> 00:13:50.320
We need to cut back in the cut back in these areas, or you're gonna now need to go for money.

00:13:50.639 --> 00:13:52.320
We may have to go from getting our nails done to press-ons.

00:13:52.559 --> 00:13:54.000
To press-ons, you better quit.

00:13:54.240 --> 00:13:55.679
Better go to Walmart, grab you some press on.

00:13:56.000 --> 00:13:56.399
Grab what?

00:13:56.480 --> 00:13:58.080
For 15 Dallas.

00:13:58.320 --> 00:14:15.840
But to also to your point, when you said that um just that element, there's so many times I feel like where not only is it not either being discussed or being talked about, but there's this massive disconnect between where we're headed and that power dynamic and shift as well, right?

00:14:15.919 --> 00:14:17.279
So, because we've seen it.

00:14:17.519 --> 00:14:22.399
I I feel like when you're a kid, and I think the perfect example is when you're a kid and you have to go to your parents for money.

00:14:23.759 --> 00:14:29.679
They have control over whether you can go or not, whether they give you the money or not, those types of things.

00:14:29.919 --> 00:14:37.919
But once you get either to college or you have your own money or your own job, you don't have to go to your parents and ask, Hey, do I have can we do this?

00:14:38.080 --> 00:14:40.720
Hey, I have this idea or this thing that I want to buy.

00:14:40.879 --> 00:14:43.279
So a lot of times that carries over into a relationship.

00:14:43.519 --> 00:14:56.799
If you are the person in the relationship that maybe not the breadwinner, are you having to ask, hey, I want to go do this, versus your partner that may be the breadwinner, like, no, I'm just gonna go do this because they feel like they got it.

00:14:57.600 --> 00:14:58.480
I got it, you don't.

00:14:58.960 --> 00:15:11.919
I'm just saying, and you see that a lot because you'll see when that dynamic shifts, i.e., a situation where we see it in relationships or situations where even professional athletes, LeBron James, is on the back 90, he's getting closer to retirement now.

00:15:12.240 --> 00:15:18.399
You're gonna see a shift where it's like he's gotta integrate into his wife's correct home routine and power shift.

00:15:18.480 --> 00:15:23.919
It's a power shift because now you're no, it's no longer like you're the prime time, it's now there's a shift.

00:15:24.159 --> 00:15:24.480
Correct.

00:15:24.720 --> 00:15:28.240
And how do you how does that how do you handle those dynamics?

00:15:28.399 --> 00:15:29.600
Because it happens big time.

00:15:29.759 --> 00:15:31.279
Yeah, it happens all the time.

00:15:31.440 --> 00:15:32.159
Especially, right?

00:15:32.320 --> 00:15:41.360
Somebody gets a promotion and now you were potentially the partner that was not making more than your spouse, and now you go to making more than your spouse.

00:15:41.600 --> 00:15:46.000
How do you, how do you also handle handle that power shift, right?

00:15:46.080 --> 00:15:52.879
Are you coming in and saying, you know, trying to try to punk somebody, trying to make give I'll give you an allowance, right?

00:15:53.120 --> 00:15:57.120
Those type of dynamics and really try to throw it into your partner's face.

00:15:57.440 --> 00:15:58.480
You ain't got it.

00:15:58.720 --> 00:16:03.120
You you're broke, like, ah, we've we've seen it and we've heard it.

00:16:03.279 --> 00:16:04.799
We've seen it and we've heard it.

00:16:05.440 --> 00:16:07.120
Oh my goodness.

00:16:07.519 --> 00:16:12.960
Okay, so do you feel like if one partner earns more that you should still split the bills 50-50?

00:16:13.200 --> 00:16:14.960
I don't think the bills should be split 50-50.

00:16:15.039 --> 00:16:19.200
I think I think it should be 100-100 based on what each person has to bring to the table.

00:16:19.279 --> 00:16:20.559
So it's going into one pot.

00:16:20.879 --> 00:16:21.120
Okay.

00:16:21.279 --> 00:16:22.159
We're we're collective.

00:16:22.320 --> 00:16:23.840
We are literally a unit.

00:16:24.000 --> 00:16:26.799
So we're making decisions on family, what the plans are.

00:16:26.960 --> 00:16:32.960
And even if you are the person that may be the breadwinner bringing the most money to the table, doesn't mean you should be the person in charge of the finances.

00:16:33.120 --> 00:16:33.519
100%.

00:16:33.919 --> 00:16:35.440
Because sometimes 100%.

00:16:35.840 --> 00:16:36.559
You see it all the time.

00:16:36.720 --> 00:16:41.919
Somebody might be like, yo, I even for me, I think about the grind of like, man, I'm gonna go out and get it, like the focus.

00:16:42.080 --> 00:16:45.120
But I don't want to manage the spreadsheets and the Excel breakdowns.

00:16:45.279 --> 00:16:46.879
Like, I don't want to have I like it.

00:16:47.039 --> 00:16:47.440
You do.

00:16:47.679 --> 00:16:53.600
So it's like it's so collaborative because some sometimes people feel like, no, I've gotta be like, I'm the man.

00:16:53.840 --> 00:16:54.240
I'm the man.

00:16:54.320 --> 00:16:54.720
I'm the man.

00:16:54.879 --> 00:16:55.279
That's right.

00:16:55.440 --> 00:16:57.120
I gotta hold the, I gotta be the one in charge of the chance.

00:16:59.279 --> 00:17:00.080
It goes through me.

00:17:00.240 --> 00:17:00.559
Correct.

00:17:00.720 --> 00:17:01.759
But we're having a conversation.

00:17:01.840 --> 00:17:04.960
It's not like, oh, you're running the spreadsheet and you're running all the decisions.

00:17:05.119 --> 00:17:08.240
Everything is collaborative, just like co-GMs, right?

00:17:08.319 --> 00:17:10.319
Or co co-owners of a team.

00:17:10.400 --> 00:17:11.519
But I don't think a lot of it.

00:17:11.680 --> 00:17:15.119
It's one pot that you were, for example, you're paying your players out of, right?

00:17:15.279 --> 00:17:15.519
Correct.

00:17:15.599 --> 00:17:16.720
This you're paying your bills out of.

00:17:16.799 --> 00:17:17.039
Correct.

00:17:17.200 --> 00:17:18.160
So it's one pot though.

00:17:18.400 --> 00:17:21.200
And if we're making decisions to re- And this is our cap.

00:17:21.440 --> 00:17:24.400
And talking about this is the cap.

00:17:24.559 --> 00:17:26.720
We cannot go a dollar over this.

00:17:27.039 --> 00:17:32.960
And really, what I would love people to start realizing about finances is you don't want to always be at the cap.

00:17:33.359 --> 00:17:40.799
You want to be underneath that as much as possible because that's where you're gonna start being able to have the money to then invest.

00:17:41.200 --> 00:17:46.480
And now that's something that we're getting more into is investing and investing into the stock market.

00:17:46.640 --> 00:18:09.440
We're in crypto, we're in a few other areas where we're starting to now understand the importance of compounding interest, the importance of when you have a certain amount of money and you're able to reach that, that then you can start seeing the compounding, whether it's interest or just money that you're able to accrue when you're able to invest into the right areas.

00:18:09.680 --> 00:18:20.480
And that's something that uh, you know, I don't know if it's talked about enough, especially with couples, of what it looks like as a couple to be able to invest into your future.

00:18:20.559 --> 00:18:23.680
And sometimes that's just investing into your down payment for your house.

00:18:23.839 --> 00:18:32.079
That's investing into, okay, we need to have an emergency fund just in case something happens to, you know, the car, to the kids, right?

00:18:32.240 --> 00:18:36.079
We were as we know, emergency things pop up all the time.

00:18:36.160 --> 00:18:37.519
And do you have the money for it?

00:18:37.680 --> 00:18:46.480
You know, and there was a stat that said most Americans are not able to cover a$400 expense, uh, unexpected expense.

00:18:46.559 --> 00:18:47.519
Let me rephrase that.

00:18:47.680 --> 00:18:49.359
And I I can we can see that, right?

00:18:50.400 --> 00:18:52.400
But not only can we see it, we've been there, we've seen it in the mirror.

00:18:52.960 --> 00:18:53.599
We've been there.

00:18:53.920 --> 00:18:54.880
I'll never forget the time.

00:18:54.960 --> 00:18:57.279
And again, this, I'm glad that this was in the past, right?

00:18:57.359 --> 00:19:05.680
This was in the past, but having a a tire blowout, and you're like, man, I'm just in, I don't have the cash on me to grab a new tire.

00:19:05.920 --> 00:19:08.240
Gotta grab a car to grab the tire.

00:19:10.319 --> 00:19:12.240
And you're like, oof, this was unexpected.

00:19:12.319 --> 00:19:13.519
Like, man, the timing.

00:19:13.759 --> 00:19:14.240
Oh my gosh.

00:19:14.640 --> 00:19:15.599
Different irons in the fire.

00:19:15.680 --> 00:19:17.359
So there's like we understand your struggles.

00:19:18.160 --> 00:19:18.880
Okay, you need a car.

00:19:18.960 --> 00:19:20.160
We have to get from point A to point B.

00:19:20.559 --> 00:19:21.359
We understand that struggle.

00:19:21.519 --> 00:19:24.880
And there's so many times that people don't talk about those struggles and those decisions.

00:19:25.200 --> 00:19:28.079
And it's okay to stay down for the struggle.

00:19:28.240 --> 00:19:29.039
For the come up.

00:19:29.680 --> 00:19:30.400
It's okay to stay down.

00:19:30.640 --> 00:19:33.920
And what is that look just from a financial and a relational perspective?

00:19:34.160 --> 00:19:35.519
Let's give a couple examples.

00:19:35.599 --> 00:19:40.480
And I'll give one, I'd love to hear from one from you of what staying down for the come up looks like.

00:19:40.720 --> 00:19:53.200
Staying down for the come up can look like not being able to go to every birthday party, every function, every event, because you might not have the gas or the money, or you just gotta save and be like, Y'all, I'm gonna catch y'all next year.

00:19:53.519 --> 00:19:55.920
And sometimes friends, people may not understand, man.

00:19:56.000 --> 00:19:57.279
Why don't y'all come hang out?

00:19:57.359 --> 00:19:59.920
Why don't literally we're in Grimo right now?

00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:01.440
Like, or we're literally investing.

00:20:01.680 --> 00:20:06.400
Maybe it's not buying the brand new iPhone and buying Apple stock.

00:20:06.640 --> 00:20:06.799
Right.

00:20:07.039 --> 00:20:07.519
Like for real.

00:20:07.759 --> 00:20:13.519
Like that might be what it looks like of like, hey, I got the iPhone 13 or 15, but I'm not gonna buy the most the newest one.

00:20:13.680 --> 00:20:22.480
I'm not taking that many pictures anyway, with the with the third camera, but I'm gonna invest in the Apple stock because now that can pay off more dividends for the family later.

00:20:22.880 --> 00:20:23.519
Yes.

00:20:24.160 --> 00:20:29.759
I love what you said because also what you're hearing too is it's a reframing of perspective.

00:20:29.839 --> 00:20:30.160
Yes.

00:20:30.400 --> 00:20:42.799
But then something else I want to add to that is are you able to not be easily influenced to purchase something just because it's a trend or a fad?

00:20:42.880 --> 00:20:43.200
Yeah.

00:20:43.440 --> 00:20:47.519
And I think that's what we're seeing a lot of now, too, is you see one influencer, right?

00:20:47.599 --> 00:20:52.000
They might post something on TikTok, it goes viral, it sells out because all these people are running to it.

00:20:52.079 --> 00:20:59.519
But at the end of the day, could we be using that money in other areas to further our shared goals as a couple?

00:20:59.680 --> 00:21:03.279
And then are you also able to delay your gratification?

00:21:03.440 --> 00:21:03.680
Yeah.

00:21:04.000 --> 00:21:07.440
So often we are looking for that instant gratification.

00:21:07.599 --> 00:21:09.440
Right now, I have to have this.

00:21:09.680 --> 00:21:14.240
I know for me, sometimes that is on the home organization.

00:21:14.559 --> 00:21:15.920
I go crazy for it.

00:21:16.000 --> 00:21:16.480
I love it.

00:21:16.559 --> 00:21:19.839
I'd love to be able to have the entire house organized, but it's expensive.

00:21:20.079 --> 00:21:26.319
And so buying things piece by piece, buying some things when they're it's, you know, it's out of season, right?

00:21:26.480 --> 00:21:30.319
We're go, we're heading into fall, winter, but this may be summer, right?

00:21:30.400 --> 00:21:35.440
Even on the close side, those type of things where you're able to say, okay, I don't need to get this right now.

00:21:35.519 --> 00:21:40.240
Let me maybe wait till it goes on sale, or do I actually need this right now?

00:21:40.400 --> 00:21:52.079
And being able to delay your gratification is something that we need to do more of, especially in this day and age, because number one, the stats are telling us that really people don't have the money.

00:21:52.240 --> 00:21:58.640
We cannot keep putting things on credit cards where you're accruing interest because the interest is where you start drowning.

00:21:58.799 --> 00:22:00.799
You will drown in the interest.

00:22:01.039 --> 00:22:06.640
So if you are, and then what was the stat that you said something about if you're not able to pay for something five times over?

00:22:07.119 --> 00:22:07.680
You can't pay for it.

00:22:07.759 --> 00:22:13.759
So, for example, that Louis Vuitton or you know what, or whatever, which we're finding out$30 to make it.

00:22:14.240 --> 00:22:18.799
It's$50 to make a Dior bag, but they want to charge you$25,000,$5,000.

00:22:19.440 --> 00:22:19.839
Stop.

00:22:20.000 --> 00:22:20.720
I refuse.

00:22:20.880 --> 00:22:21.519
I refuse.

00:22:21.680 --> 00:22:31.200
So the the the the example that the investor or the financial guru gave was if you can't pay for it five times right now, meaning if that loop and cash money.

00:22:31.440 --> 00:22:31.680
Cash.

00:22:31.759 --> 00:22:35.359
If that is so if that purchase, those Jordans, let's just say they're$250.

00:22:35.440 --> 00:22:39.039
If you can't drop a thousand for five pairs of them, you might you can't afford those.

00:22:39.200 --> 00:22:39.599
Can't afford it.

00:22:39.759 --> 00:22:40.319
You gotta hold fast.

00:22:41.039 --> 00:22:42.240
And so that's a different perspective.

00:22:42.319 --> 00:22:45.200
But also if we look, what if we looked at that when it comes to the car?

00:22:45.839 --> 00:22:47.359
How many people ate it?

00:22:47.519 --> 00:22:48.799
A lot of people are going up in the middle of the day.

00:22:48.960 --> 00:22:52.319
You said the average the average car payment is like$750 a week.

00:22:52.559 --> 00:22:53.359
Oh, I can't.

00:22:53.839 --> 00:22:54.720
I can't fathom that.

00:22:54.880 --> 00:22:55.680
But even for us, right?

00:22:55.759 --> 00:22:56.799
How many so expensive?

00:22:57.039 --> 00:23:05.519
How many times are we see, I mean, especially when we're traveling and other places, we might jump in a beautiful Tesla, we might jump into another car, and it's like, oh, this is nice.

00:23:05.759 --> 00:23:07.279
I like the sunroof all the way back, right?

00:23:08.319 --> 00:23:09.119
Full digital screen.

00:23:09.519 --> 00:23:12.480
We get in our car, we still got a CD player in it.

00:23:12.640 --> 00:23:14.400
We got a CD and VH VHS.

00:23:14.640 --> 00:23:17.039
Come on, can put the put a cassette in there if we need to, right?

00:23:17.119 --> 00:23:20.000
Though the cassette, but the difference car is 100% paid off.

00:23:20.319 --> 00:23:22.640
100% for years, and no issues.

00:23:22.880 --> 00:23:23.680
No issues, right?

00:23:23.759 --> 00:23:26.559
But do you want to like, man, ooh, I could boss up and grab a brand.

00:23:27.039 --> 00:23:28.240
In one car rather than two.

00:23:28.640 --> 00:23:29.759
That works for our situation.

00:23:29.920 --> 00:23:31.119
I do understand that doesn't work.

00:23:31.359 --> 00:23:32.880
We work remotely, we work at home.

00:23:33.039 --> 00:23:36.559
Our car probably at least 40% of the time is in the garage.

00:23:36.799 --> 00:23:37.119
For sure.

00:23:37.279 --> 00:23:37.519
Right?

00:23:37.680 --> 00:23:40.640
Where we're just we're not putting extra miles on it.

00:23:40.720 --> 00:24:00.400
We're doing only the things we need to do, knowing that we have our emergency savings to be able to invest into the car if we need to, so that we don't have to go and spend$70,000,$80,000 in a car loan or just in a car payment, or not car payment, but you know, being able to get a car and having a five, six, seven, eight hundred dollar car payment, you're just underwater.

00:24:00.480 --> 00:24:01.680
How do you get from underneath that?

00:24:01.839 --> 00:24:08.559
And but to your point, and that's a great call out of an example of the downsizing or the stand down for to come up because people will see a lot of people.

00:24:08.880 --> 00:24:09.440
We had two cars.

00:24:09.599 --> 00:24:11.279
Man, we had two cars, right?

00:24:11.519 --> 00:24:21.119
And downsizing to one though gave us a lot more, although it gave us flexibility financially, but we had to be more intentional with our calendaring.

00:24:21.279 --> 00:24:21.680
Correct.

00:24:21.839 --> 00:24:22.559
Literally, you're right.

00:24:22.720 --> 00:24:23.279
Because there's one car.

00:24:23.359 --> 00:24:25.920
So if you got an appointment, I got appointment things on the same day.

00:24:26.079 --> 00:24:31.359
We literally will put it on the like put the uh put a placeholder on the calendar with the car in the invite.

00:24:31.440 --> 00:24:35.519
So you know, like, okay, boom, you're making moves while the other person's working remotely.

00:24:35.680 --> 00:24:40.559
And I remember I had people like, you know, they were like, man, Kurt, you're killing it in sales and these other things.

00:24:40.640 --> 00:24:42.640
Man, you had, you know, this drop, you could have bought.

00:24:42.799 --> 00:24:44.240
Yeah, why don't you buy a brand new car?

00:24:44.400 --> 00:24:45.359
Yeah, five, five years ago.

00:24:45.599 --> 00:24:46.160
Five this five years.

00:24:46.319 --> 00:24:51.440
I'm like, buy a brand new car, I could, but the whole thing is paying off debt, it's saving money, it's all of the things.

00:24:51.599 --> 00:24:56.799
But now we see, like, we're seeing those decisions from five years ago continue to pay off.

00:24:56.960 --> 00:25:00.640
But basically, don't despise the humble beginnings.

00:25:01.680 --> 00:25:04.960
Don't be so the social media era, all of the hype.

00:25:05.039 --> 00:25:05.839
Don't let it gash you.

00:25:06.160 --> 00:25:06.960
Don't believe the hype.

00:25:07.920 --> 00:25:08.319
Don't believe it.

00:25:08.960 --> 00:25:09.359
It's not real.

00:25:09.680 --> 00:25:10.000
It's not real.

00:25:10.079 --> 00:25:11.599
People were hyped, it's not real up.

00:25:11.839 --> 00:25:22.319
It perfect example, the one guy that was doing um, oh my gosh, I don't know if it's like Ashton Hall, whatever they used putting his face into the ice bowl with like the ice challenge when he woke up in the morning.

00:25:22.480 --> 00:25:25.279
Yes, beautiful condo, multi-million dollar condo.

00:25:25.359 --> 00:25:29.839
Like the person that owned the condo, I believe, posted that like either it was behind on payments or things.

00:25:30.079 --> 00:25:31.279
But it was all it was hype.

00:25:31.359 --> 00:25:34.319
You know, you're jumping in the G Wag, you're doing this viral stuff.

00:25:35.519 --> 00:25:36.079
Doing it for the gram.

00:25:36.240 --> 00:25:37.119
Ain't no furniture in there.

00:25:37.920 --> 00:25:42.880
You know, it's just and again, I'm not, I don't know if all of this is, you know, it's true, but they were just saying, like, people pulling the receipts.

00:25:43.200 --> 00:25:43.920
But I went 70%.

00:25:44.319 --> 00:25:46.240
70% paycheck to keep it.

00:25:46.319 --> 00:25:50.400
And one thing you know about that, you know, quote unquote influencer life, it is not necessarily a steady paycheck.

00:25:50.559 --> 00:25:51.440
Like, don't get it twisted.

00:25:51.599 --> 00:25:56.720
And not only is it not a steady paycheck on the influencer life, it's not a steady paycheck on the athlete life.

00:25:57.119 --> 00:26:01.680
People don't realize that most most professional athletes are getting paid during the season only.

00:26:01.839 --> 00:26:02.079
Only.

00:26:02.319 --> 00:26:10.240
So NFL, which is in season right now, like teachers, NFL, you're getting a big check, but you're only getting it over the 18 weeks that you're in season.

00:26:10.480 --> 00:26:14.720
So you made all that money, but you've been flexing for 365 days out of the year.

00:26:14.960 --> 00:26:15.839
Now you're short.

00:26:15.920 --> 00:26:24.240
Now you have to play another season, or you have to come, you know, it's almost like a boxer where you see Mike Tyson at 55 getting or 50 getting back in the ring.

00:26:24.480 --> 00:26:25.920
People, it's about the money.

00:26:26.160 --> 00:26:26.640
100%.

00:26:26.960 --> 00:26:43.359
I quickly want to go back to the car situation that you were talking about, because just as we were doing our research and we're seeing and just talking to people too, cars right now are such a pain point for most people, let alone couples.

00:26:43.680 --> 00:26:51.200
One thing that we did when we were younger was we went to a car auction and we got our car from a car auction.

00:26:51.279 --> 00:26:54.559
I'll never forget my first car, 1992 Honda Prelude.

00:26:54.720 --> 00:27:01.039
And don't get me wrong, this is like 2015, but it was a 1992 Honda Prelude and paid for in cash though.

00:27:01.200 --> 00:27:04.000
You know, I think it was maybe it was like$2,000.

00:27:04.480 --> 00:27:06.400
Paid for everything was fine with it.

00:27:06.559 --> 00:27:28.720
There was the, you know, they um we had a mechanic come and check it out to make sure everything was cool because you don't want to obviously be in a lemon situation, but then knowing and understanding that if ownership and uh knowing and understanding the the difference between renting, and I'm not talking about house, but just renting and then the the having the ownership mindset.

00:27:28.799 --> 00:27:29.039
Yeah.

00:27:29.279 --> 00:27:30.559
Do you own your car?

00:27:30.799 --> 00:27:34.319
Do you own your uh do you own stocks, right?

00:27:34.480 --> 00:27:35.680
Do you own things?

00:27:35.839 --> 00:27:39.119
That's more so where you want to come from on the on the mindset standpoint.

00:27:39.279 --> 00:27:43.680
Because if you are constantly in a renter's mindset or a uh what's it called now?

00:27:43.839 --> 00:27:50.480
Clairna in the one pay, that's really getting people into some serious problems with, oh, okay, this is$200.

00:27:51.039 --> 00:27:53.200
I'm just gonna put I'm gonna put it on a payment plan.

00:27:53.359 --> 00:27:59.440
The payment plan they said is one of the worst things that you can be on right now because it's a payment plan for everything.

00:27:59.599 --> 00:28:05.359
Um now, don't get me wrong, we know and understand the climate right now in that if you don't have it and you have to go on a payment plan, it is what it is.

00:28:05.440 --> 00:28:14.240
But if you have, there's people who have the money in their bank account, but just choose to do a payment plan because it's like, oh, well, 40 bucks a month sounds better than taking this full 200.

00:28:14.640 --> 00:28:22.000
Knowing and understanding that it's actually gonna be more beneficial to just pay that 200 now because you it's it's ownership, right?

00:28:22.079 --> 00:28:22.799
Like think about it.

00:28:22.960 --> 00:28:24.640
I bought something and now I own it.

00:28:24.799 --> 00:28:27.759
Um, that's more so the mindset that we want people to come from.

00:28:28.000 --> 00:28:33.039
And and sometimes people will say that a car is a depreciating asset and you shouldn't buy it, you should lease it.

00:28:33.200 --> 00:28:33.839
That is true.

00:28:34.160 --> 00:28:44.880
And so, but I think the point that you're making is going to the auction or finding uh a car on a deal, even getting something older, you're now able to have payments that you can afford.

00:28:45.039 --> 00:29:01.759
Because if you're leasing a car versus buying it or going around where you have payments that you can't really afford, a lot of it's in the route from you know, you may go and go into the dealership thinking you want a bins, but you might really need a uh Subaru, you might need something that's totally different than what your aspirations are because what you saw on the gram.

00:29:02.319 --> 00:29:03.119
And that's okay.

00:29:03.440 --> 00:29:14.160
I just think level setting and looking at what you can afford and having those honest conversations, because if your vision board has a Maserati on it, but right now we need a Mazda, we gotta humble ourselves.

00:29:14.480 --> 00:29:22.799
But it's interesting because as I'm I'm looking at my notes, it's also saying the why couples are avoiding having the money talks.

00:29:22.880 --> 00:29:23.039
Yeah.

00:29:23.839 --> 00:29:31.279
And if you want to give a little bit of insight on, you know, why I'm just trying to think back even to when we started first having our money talks.

00:29:31.599 --> 00:29:41.839
And, you know, we've mentioned this before in some of our previous episodes where you didn't have any student loan coming, uh student loan debt coming out of college, which was a blessing absolutely incredible.

00:29:42.000 --> 00:29:43.759
That's not the case for most people.

00:29:43.920 --> 00:29:59.759
So although I worked through college and paid off most of my schooling, I mean, school is so uh post secondary education is so expensive, even for in state tuition, that if you are um not able to get grants or financial aid or though.

00:30:00.240 --> 00:30:07.440
Things you're getting the you're getting loans, you're getting the Stafford loans, you're getting the unsubsidized loans, and that interest is just compounding over time.

00:30:07.920 --> 00:30:19.920
And that's really just as I was um listening to Dave Ramsey, he was mentioning that that's it's car payments right now for most people that they're in debt, their homes, obviously, and then student loans.

00:30:20.000 --> 00:30:22.640
I mean, those are really the top three, not including kids.

00:30:22.799 --> 00:30:23.440
Not including credit cards.

00:30:23.680 --> 00:30:25.920
We're hearing now, we're hearing now, not including credit card.

00:30:26.079 --> 00:30:28.319
You're right, not including credit, no credit card debt.

00:30:28.480 --> 00:30:33.440
So just imagine if if you, the listener, are saying, Oh my gosh, okay, my house.

00:30:33.519 --> 00:30:43.599
And even if let's take your house out, your credit card debt, your card, your car debt, uh, your student loans, and then if you have kids, ooh, child.

00:30:43.759 --> 00:30:54.000
I mean, and then and then we factor in AI, automation, robotics, the fact that they're literally flooding the warehouses in different industries where they're saying, oh no, we can automate that.

00:30:54.240 --> 00:30:59.359
We don't actually need anybody to work in that in that warehouse or driving that car because it's autonomous.

00:30:59.599 --> 00:31:05.920
So now those bills and those things are increasing, but yet people aren't having more income, which is a part of that challenge.

00:31:06.079 --> 00:31:15.759
So it's just such a great call, and I'm glad that we're sharing our experience of even five years, six, seven, eight years ago making sacrifices that are paying off now.

00:31:15.920 --> 00:31:16.160
Yes.

00:31:16.319 --> 00:31:20.799
But when we look back, I'm so glad that we did because you always can elevate.

00:31:20.960 --> 00:31:21.200
Yes.

00:31:21.359 --> 00:31:22.240
You can always elevate.

00:31:22.400 --> 00:31:24.240
It's it's like going to a movie, right?

00:31:24.480 --> 00:31:27.599
You can always go to the movie and start with a small popcorn.

00:31:27.680 --> 00:31:30.000
You can always go up to a large, right, or a jumbo.

00:31:30.079 --> 00:31:44.960
But if you start with a jumbo, it's a lot different trying to go down to a small popcorn or go down to a, you know, no candy, or you know, and I'm trying to make it a simple example, but sometimes it's literally those little decisions of like, we're gonna go to the movie, but we're going to the Madine versus the regular showing.

00:31:45.119 --> 00:31:58.319
We're gonna, I don't want to say bring your own snacks, but maybe we get one snack there and we share one popcorn that's a medium versus like we go up above and beyond on things so that you can save and put yourself in that situation, but it is sacrifices.

00:31:58.400 --> 00:32:05.519
But if you're not having a conversation with your partner, and I think that was a big thing for us, you were transparent about hey, I do have student loans.

00:32:05.839 --> 00:32:06.559
You were transparent.

00:32:06.640 --> 00:32:19.680
I even remember, like, hey, we you know, you were working on different things early on when we were dating that I could really appreciate because I just appreciate the fact that you shared it with me and we talked about it like, all right, this is something that's that's on the list that needs to be taken care of too.

00:32:19.920 --> 00:32:20.400
Correct, correct.

00:32:20.559 --> 00:32:26.559
Well, it's interesting because I, as I was listening to Dave Ramsey, uh, this was on his YouTube channel.

00:32:26.720 --> 00:32:32.799
There's somebody that goes out into the uh city of Nashville and just walks up to people and says, How much debt do you have?

00:32:33.200 --> 00:32:41.039
And it was interesting to hear that how many couples didn't realize how much debt the other person had.

00:32:41.279 --> 00:32:42.720
And separate accounts maybe.

00:32:42.960 --> 00:32:44.160
Separate well, separate accounts.

00:32:44.319 --> 00:32:50.240
I I'll never forget one gentleman said he's standing there with his new wife.

00:32:50.559 --> 00:32:55.359
He said he lost his most money in a divorce, millions of dollars in his first divorce.

00:32:55.519 --> 00:33:02.480
And now he has a separate account that his wife didn't know about, where he is hundreds of thousands of dollars in gambling debt.

00:33:02.640 --> 00:33:06.079
Sh the look she gave him was shock and awe.

00:33:06.240 --> 00:33:09.759
Shock, awe, anger, all the emotions were on her face.

00:33:09.920 --> 00:33:15.119
And so that was actually one of the questions was do you uh let me see?

00:33:16.079 --> 00:33:20.319
Uh let me have you ever hidden a purchase from your partner, even something small?

00:33:20.559 --> 00:33:21.119
Yes.

00:33:21.359 --> 00:33:22.000
Have you?

00:33:22.240 --> 00:33:24.160
Yeah, definitely, I've definitely hidden purchases.

00:33:24.240 --> 00:33:25.519
I just hid some purchase from you recently.

00:33:25.839 --> 00:33:27.839
Yes, but you're what you're talking about, exactly.

00:33:27.920 --> 00:33:30.079
You're talking about a little trick on him right there.

00:33:30.319 --> 00:33:33.839
But you know, so sometimes it's it's those little things where it's his birthday, things like that.

00:33:33.920 --> 00:33:38.960
I don't really, I don't have the need to like, I'm hiding purchases or things like that.

00:33:39.279 --> 00:33:39.440
Right.

00:33:39.599 --> 00:33:39.920
Nah.

00:33:40.079 --> 00:33:40.319
Right.

00:33:40.559 --> 00:33:42.160
If anything, it's literally it's a surprise.

00:33:42.240 --> 00:33:44.079
Like you can't know about this because it's on the way.

00:33:44.240 --> 00:33:45.440
But here's the other thing.

00:33:45.599 --> 00:33:47.519
Even if we have a joint account, you know what?

00:33:47.759 --> 00:33:50.559
Sometimes you have separate cards, credit cards.

00:33:50.880 --> 00:33:55.599
So you can still be having charges on your credit card that your spouse doesn't know about.

00:33:55.759 --> 00:33:58.640
And so is that something that should be talked about as well?

00:33:58.880 --> 00:33:59.599
So yes, it is.

00:33:59.759 --> 00:34:00.799
And I have another example.

00:34:00.880 --> 00:34:03.440
Actually, I'm trying to look at the wood in my own eye.

00:34:03.759 --> 00:34:06.799
Um, an example of something that I don't always share about.

00:34:07.039 --> 00:34:14.800
And I can be definitely a giver and want to help just people and people that have come and across my path or that have helped me.

00:34:14.880 --> 00:34:15.039
Yeah.

00:34:15.119 --> 00:34:16.559
And sometimes that can be to a fault.

00:34:16.719 --> 00:34:23.119
So I've had some people, and I'm not gonna say no names, but I know you already know that have hit me like, hey man, I'm down bad, I'm in a tough spot.

00:34:23.280 --> 00:34:27.360
Bro, can you shoot me, you know, just whatever, whatever to hold me over until X, Y, and Z.

00:34:27.679 --> 00:34:29.360
And I'll be like, you know, yeah, bro.

00:34:29.599 --> 00:34:30.639
Like, let me let me help you out.

00:34:30.719 --> 00:34:33.280
If I have it, like, and I let me shoot that over to you.

00:34:33.360 --> 00:34:33.440
Right.

00:34:33.599 --> 00:34:35.519
But you're also not expecting it back.

00:34:35.760 --> 00:34:36.000
Exactly.

00:34:36.079 --> 00:34:36.719
Not expecting it back.

00:34:36.960 --> 00:34:38.239
You need to be a person of your word.

00:34:38.559 --> 00:34:38.880
Correct.

00:34:39.280 --> 00:34:45.199
But also integrity, but also this is an example that's not often talked about when it comes to marriages.

00:34:45.519 --> 00:34:46.800
That's a one-to-one.

00:34:47.119 --> 00:34:48.960
They came to me, they didn't come to us.

00:34:49.119 --> 00:34:49.519
That's true.

00:34:49.679 --> 00:34:51.360
We share our finances and our accounts.

00:34:51.440 --> 00:34:57.599
So that's an example of I will say yes, shoot that over, but I also feel like it's under a certain amount.

00:34:58.000 --> 00:35:00.400
We're talking about 50, 25.

00:35:00.719 --> 00:35:03.920
Like, we're not talking about hundreds or thousands of dollars.

00:35:04.079 --> 00:35:06.639
I feel like there is a threshold where there has to be a conversation.

00:35:06.960 --> 00:35:12.400
So if I shoot somebody 25 or 50 bucks, like I don't feel like that's something where it's like, and we have that understanding, just like you.

00:35:12.480 --> 00:35:17.599
If you take your mentee out and you're like, hey, we went out to lunch, like that's not something you have to reach out and be like, hey, babe, right?

00:35:17.760 --> 00:35:18.559
I'm going out to lunch.

00:35:18.639 --> 00:35:19.599
It's gonna be 50 bucks.

00:35:19.760 --> 00:35:25.599
But if you're going out and her grandma need help and it's$500, we gotta have, we got we have the discussion.

00:35:25.840 --> 00:35:26.400
That's a conversation.

00:35:26.639 --> 00:35:34.800
And I and to your point, I believe that that is something that needs to be talked about within couples is what is that threshold that we need to what's our threshold?

00:35:35.440 --> 00:35:35.840
What's our cap?

00:35:36.000 --> 00:35:36.480
What's our cap?

00:35:36.639 --> 00:35:37.360
It has to be discussed.

00:35:37.519 --> 00:35:39.199
What's our cap to where it's a discussion?

00:35:39.360 --> 00:35:39.840
It's a discussion.

00:35:40.079 --> 00:35:43.360
If you're purchasing anything over$100, it's a discussion.

00:35:43.679 --> 00:35:45.760
Or if it's multiple things that are$100, right?

00:35:45.840 --> 00:35:48.159
So if our cap is$500 or$1,000, right?

00:35:48.320 --> 00:35:53.440
Don't feel like, well, it's a hundred, but I worked around the system because I got five things that are a hundred dollars each.

00:35:53.679 --> 00:35:53.920
Right.

00:35:54.000 --> 00:35:58.559
But just more so, right, again, having that, having that transparent conversation about that.

00:35:58.719 --> 00:36:02.960
But to your point of what you were mentioning with with giving, we're givers.

00:36:03.280 --> 00:36:09.280
We we it like you said, naturally, if we have the money, we'll we'll give it to somebody.

00:36:09.519 --> 00:36:16.559
However, for me, it's the fifth, sixth, seventh, eighth, ninth, tenth time that you're asking.

00:36:16.639 --> 00:36:17.840
That it then becomes okay, listen.

00:36:18.079 --> 00:36:18.559
It's out of hand.

00:36:18.719 --> 00:36:20.719
I'm not, I'm, and I'm also I'm not your money bank.

00:36:20.800 --> 00:36:25.519
I'm not somebody, I'm here to help you, but I'm not here to supplement something.

00:36:25.679 --> 00:36:26.400
I'm not here to sponsor you.

00:36:26.480 --> 00:36:27.199
I'm not here to sponsor you.

00:36:27.360 --> 00:36:27.920
I'm not tricking on you.

00:36:28.320 --> 00:36:29.360
I'm not tricking on you.

00:36:29.679 --> 00:36:32.000
I had a family member, I had a family member tell me.

00:36:32.800 --> 00:36:38.639
I had a family member tell me, you know, you you'll be coming down, you know, bring a lot of money with you.

00:36:38.880 --> 00:36:40.320
Bring a lot of money with you.

00:36:40.559 --> 00:36:41.360
For for who?

00:36:41.920 --> 00:36:42.559
For what?

00:36:42.880 --> 00:36:43.599
And for who?

00:36:43.920 --> 00:36:44.880
What are you even talking about?

00:36:45.119 --> 00:36:47.360
We know what we're bringing for us.

00:36:47.679 --> 00:36:53.599
But it was that mindset of like, oh no, I want you to literally take care of me on this experience or whatever.

00:36:53.679 --> 00:36:56.880
And sometimes you do have to tell family, can't do it.

00:36:57.039 --> 00:36:59.039
Yes, I love you, but I can't fund you.

00:36:59.360 --> 00:36:59.760
Absolutely.

00:36:59.920 --> 00:37:02.559
So I have just a couple more questions and then we're gonna close out.

00:37:02.800 --> 00:37:03.360
I'm ready.

00:37:03.599 --> 00:37:06.320
So who should pay for date night?

00:37:06.639 --> 00:37:07.440
Does it depend?

00:37:07.599 --> 00:37:10.239
Yeah, so I would say first off, you should go to date night.

00:37:10.320 --> 00:37:10.960
That's number one.

00:37:11.119 --> 00:37:11.440
Period.

00:37:11.599 --> 00:37:13.519
Number two, date night doesn't have to be expensive.

00:37:13.599 --> 00:37:14.480
This can be discussed in the city.

00:37:14.639 --> 00:37:15.519
Date night can be free.

00:37:15.760 --> 00:37:18.559
It can be free, or it can be like there's so many.

00:37:18.719 --> 00:37:25.679
And one thing that we always used to do, I just want to shout this out, is that like we literally would find not only the deals, but we've been on free date nights.

00:37:25.760 --> 00:37:35.360
We go things the two for one, or they got like the we we sign up for all the birthday rewards, and my birthday was just last week, and so I have a month to use all of my free birthday rewards.

00:37:35.519 --> 00:37:36.639
Oh my gosh, I can't wait.

00:37:36.880 --> 00:37:38.800
So that's just a perfect, that's just a perfect example.

00:37:38.880 --> 00:37:45.199
It's a birthday, and now you sign up for the rewards, and now you're able to go get that free appetizer or that free dessert or that whatever.

00:37:45.599 --> 00:37:48.960
And that could be a part of date night if money is a part of the challenge.

00:37:49.280 --> 00:37:52.960
But I think you absolutely just have to plan it out, put it on the calendar.

00:37:53.119 --> 00:37:59.039
And then for us, it really doesn't matter who's, and this is just another dynamic too, just for us, it's unique.

00:37:59.199 --> 00:38:02.320
It doesn't matter whose card is paying is coming out of the same pot.

00:38:02.400 --> 00:38:06.880
So whether it's your out of your wallet, my wallet, it links back to the same bank, basically.

00:38:07.119 --> 00:38:17.280
But interesting enough, like even if it's my wallet is in your purse or you have my wallet, you would pass me that card to pay because traditionally it's like that's our that's kind of like the norm for the moment.

00:38:17.519 --> 00:38:19.039
Yeah, to you're right, exactly.

00:38:19.119 --> 00:38:29.599
So you're saying that even if it's my card, again, it's coming from the same account, but I still I do typically pass it to you so that you can pay no matter whose name is on the card.

00:38:29.760 --> 00:38:33.280
And that's a little bit more traditional than maybe some people, but it's like, you know, yeah.

00:38:33.440 --> 00:38:35.119
Yeah, just that's just our norm.

00:38:35.280 --> 00:38:35.679
Yeah.

00:38:35.920 --> 00:38:44.880
And I I wanted to do an episode too on traditional and modern roles for husband and wife's in the world.

00:38:45.039 --> 00:38:46.000
Because women are graduating parents.

00:38:46.239 --> 00:38:47.199
Women are graduating in your high level.

00:38:49.440 --> 00:38:54.880
And how you have to be able, I think the new norm is being able to be fluid in both.

00:38:55.119 --> 00:38:56.000
Uh what?

00:38:56.239 --> 00:39:00.320
No, I was just thinking about how to, you know, dudes with their nails painted, wearing dresses.

00:39:00.400 --> 00:39:00.960
It's getting a few.

00:39:01.119 --> 00:39:02.079
I understand, but that's real fluid.

00:39:02.239 --> 00:39:02.639
But again, right?

00:39:02.800 --> 00:39:06.559
Being fluid in both, but where to be fluid is more so where we need to talk about.

00:39:06.719 --> 00:39:09.360
Um, and then pay for date nights, something else too.

00:39:09.519 --> 00:39:13.920
Every once in a while, I'll just surprise you and say, babe, I want to take you out on a date night.

00:39:14.000 --> 00:39:15.039
And you get so excited.

00:39:15.119 --> 00:39:18.000
So that's something else too, where yes, it's coming out of the same account.

00:39:18.320 --> 00:39:20.079
But it's also the planning, the thought, right?

00:39:20.159 --> 00:39:22.239
Some of those things where it's like, yeah, no, I appreciate it.

00:39:22.400 --> 00:39:23.199
Yeah, for sure.

00:39:23.360 --> 00:39:24.639
Uh, let's see.

00:39:24.960 --> 00:39:32.239
When you feel comfortable letting your partner fully manage the, or would you feel comfortable letting your partner fully manage the money?

00:39:32.559 --> 00:39:32.719
Yeah.

00:39:33.039 --> 00:39:36.159
You were the treasure in your treasurer in your high school.

00:39:36.239 --> 00:39:38.880
So you you're locked in when it comes to the dollars and the cents.

00:39:39.039 --> 00:39:39.280
Yes.

00:39:39.519 --> 00:39:40.320
Which I can appreciate.

00:39:40.719 --> 00:39:41.440
Excel spreadsheets.

00:39:41.920 --> 00:39:45.360
What about people who are one person's a saver, one person's a spender?

00:39:45.679 --> 00:39:47.360
So I would say, I would say without a doubt.

00:39:47.679 --> 00:39:49.599
And again, have no idea what the finances are.

00:39:49.760 --> 00:39:58.800
That's without without a doubt, the saver or the person that has the most organization saver, that person should ideally be in charge of the finances.

00:39:59.119 --> 00:40:04.480
Because naturally, if you think about it, if you're the spender, man, the focus is on spending.

00:40:04.719 --> 00:40:10.320
So if you can be saving and be, you know, again, you can always, it's like kind of coaching, right?

00:40:10.400 --> 00:40:16.800
You can always be more uh strict and then like loosen up, and now it's a little bit more lax with your team or your players.

00:40:16.960 --> 00:40:17.760
Same thing in a relationship.

00:40:17.840 --> 00:40:22.880
Like you can start off more strict with the finances and loosen up and start spending more and be more gradual.

00:40:22.960 --> 00:40:24.880
But if you're the saver, I would recommend that.

00:40:24.960 --> 00:40:26.559
I think that that's work well for our relationship.

00:40:26.639 --> 00:40:27.679
And it wasn't always that way.

00:40:27.760 --> 00:40:30.559
There were times where it was just like, man, I could do my thing and spend.

00:40:30.639 --> 00:40:33.039
And my mindset was like, shoot, I could spend, I'm gonna make it right back.

00:40:33.599 --> 00:40:38.079
But that's not always the best approach when it comes to long-term saving and strategy.

00:40:38.960 --> 00:40:39.519
Yes.

00:40:39.840 --> 00:40:47.760
My opinion on that would be that if one person is fully managing the money, there needs to be transparent conversations about money.

00:40:48.000 --> 00:40:48.960
Everybody's got to know where we're at.

00:40:49.280 --> 00:40:50.159
Everyone has to know where we're at.

00:40:50.239 --> 00:40:53.199
Are we doing weekly check-ins, monthly check-ins, quarterly check-ins?

00:40:53.360 --> 00:40:55.519
What does that look like that's best for you?

00:40:55.920 --> 00:41:03.199
And making sure that you're talking about if bills are going up, going down, where can we cut a lot of subscriptions, y'all?

00:41:03.360 --> 00:41:05.679
We need to be looking at our subscriptions often to be able to do that.

00:41:05.840 --> 00:41:11.199
And the subscriptions are so tricky, you get rid of cable, now you got the same cable bill with all of the streaming platforms.

00:41:11.760 --> 00:41:12.159
100%.

00:41:12.559 --> 00:41:16.159
It's like, dang, y'all, I got Paramount, ESPN, YouTube TV.

00:41:16.559 --> 00:41:17.519
Absolutely.

00:41:17.760 --> 00:41:26.079
If one person carries emotional or household labor, should that count as income value in the relationship?

00:41:26.239 --> 00:41:27.039
Yes, that's income value.

00:41:27.199 --> 00:41:27.360
Absolutely.

00:41:27.519 --> 00:41:27.679
No question.

00:41:28.320 --> 00:41:29.360
Perfect example is child care.

00:41:29.679 --> 00:41:36.320
No, if your partner, if child care is two or four, five thousand dollars a month, depending on how many kids you have.

00:41:36.559 --> 00:41:50.719
Your partner, we just talked to somebody in age, brother that's a uh um registered dietitian and things, was talking about his wife and basically said she they had a baby, it just didn't work with schedules, it just made more sense for her to stay home for now because of the kids and go from a two-income household to be able to do it.

00:41:50.880 --> 00:41:51.920
Two to one income.

00:41:52.079 --> 00:42:03.119
But a part of it is that additional, whether income or savings, it it should count because you're taking$30,000 or$40,000 a year in child care off the table as far as cost.

00:42:03.360 --> 00:42:04.639
So to me, that's impactful.

00:42:04.800 --> 00:42:09.039
And if you're also cleaning and doing those other things, you're working, you're working two or three jobs.

00:42:09.119 --> 00:42:09.760
Come on now, women are gonna be a few.

00:42:11.280 --> 00:42:25.119
You're washing, you're drying, you're uh, you know, let's also not forget about just running the household, making sure we have groceries, making sure that we have laundry detergent to do the laundry, all of those have to be added into the income value as well.

00:42:25.440 --> 00:42:39.679
And I always, I almost often always hear that when the husband or the partner that's working comes home and has those full duties and responsibilities, even if it's for a couple days or a day, they are looking like I rather be at work.

00:42:40.159 --> 00:42:40.639
This is crazy.

00:42:40.880 --> 00:42:41.199
This is crazy.

00:42:41.519 --> 00:42:45.599
You tell me you're doing you getting all these kids ready, you're getting the meals ready, they're forgetting stuff.

00:42:45.840 --> 00:42:46.880
It is like, what?

00:42:47.360 --> 00:42:51.119
And I just head to work and go and come back home at five, six o'clock.

00:42:51.199 --> 00:42:56.400
And don't get me wrong, you had to deal with work and those things, but it's just perspective of putting yourself in other person's shoes.

00:42:56.639 --> 00:43:11.760
The other thing too that we're we're assuming is that when we're talking about household labor, that the person, you know, yes, you're you're whether your kids are at home, you're maybe homeschooling them or they are going to school, what are you as a spouse doing when you're at home?

00:43:11.920 --> 00:43:18.880
And I've heard, you know, there's also the we're thinking that you're working, but that's not always the case.

00:43:19.039 --> 00:43:27.920
And so that's when I think the bigger issue comes into play is okay, what is the income that you Oh, you say you have if someone's at basically kids went to school at eight, you've been watching real somebody's been watching real housewives.

00:43:28.239 --> 00:43:28.719
I'm kicking it.

00:43:28.800 --> 00:43:29.440
I'm kicking it.

00:43:29.760 --> 00:43:31.039
Real housewives been on from nine.

00:43:32.079 --> 00:43:33.199
I'm not gonna cook anything.

00:43:33.360 --> 00:43:36.159
Um get home at five, and you're like, what's correct?

00:43:36.239 --> 00:43:42.239
And I feel like that's where there is a disproportionate idea of labor.

00:43:42.400 --> 00:43:42.559
Yeah.

00:43:42.800 --> 00:43:45.760
Because that's the idea of like, well, you had to stay home and you're just chilling.

00:43:45.920 --> 00:43:46.000
Right.

00:43:46.159 --> 00:43:47.119
And it's like that's not the case.

00:43:47.280 --> 00:43:48.079
That's not the case.

00:43:48.239 --> 00:43:57.760
Uh the other thing that I was going to say to that too was when it comes to emotional, because it also says emotional labor, right?

00:43:57.840 --> 00:44:08.239
So let's say there is somebody that is uh stay at home and the other person is coming in and and you can vent to me and I'll have whatever your all your emotional needs are met.

00:44:08.320 --> 00:44:12.639
Does that also count as income value in a relationship?

00:44:12.960 --> 00:44:14.480
Sound like they're your therapist.

00:44:14.800 --> 00:44:17.280
So if that's the case, therapist, you know, depending on who it is, maybe.

00:44:17.599 --> 00:44:19.280
Maybe$100 and maybe a hundred an hour.

00:44:19.360 --> 00:44:21.360
Or at least$50,$50K a year.

00:44:21.599 --> 00:44:29.199
That or also another aspect, especially as we get older, is the person that's staying home also taking care of your parent or your grandparent.

00:44:29.360 --> 00:44:30.079
That's right, caregivers.

00:44:30.400 --> 00:44:30.719
Caregivers.

00:44:30.880 --> 00:44:31.119
100%.

00:44:31.440 --> 00:44:36.639
So it's the emotional, and I'm literally taking care of somebody here at the house while you're gone.

00:44:36.719 --> 00:44:36.960
Yes.

00:44:37.119 --> 00:44:46.559
That may be your mom or grandma or whomever, which is a whole nother element that a lot of times does not get talked about, but that's a whole nother weight that you're carrying.

00:44:46.960 --> 00:44:47.199
Correct.

00:44:47.280 --> 00:44:51.039
I want to quickly add to that, and then we're gonna have maybe one or two more questions.

00:44:51.280 --> 00:45:02.800
So quickly adding to that is if your partner doesn't feel as if your household or emotional labor is income value, what I would suggest is writing out everything that you're doing for the day.

00:45:03.039 --> 00:45:03.280
Break them.

00:45:04.159 --> 00:45:07.440
Wait, I'm gonna break you down by two three squares a day.

00:45:09.920 --> 00:45:10.400
Come on now.

00:45:10.480 --> 00:45:10.800
Come on now.

00:45:11.119 --> 00:45:17.679
Chores, everything that you have done for that day, then I would go and look up on Indeed.

00:45:17.920 --> 00:45:18.960
So it on AI.

00:45:19.360 --> 00:45:21.199
Yes, but look up, look on Indeed, right?

00:45:21.280 --> 00:45:25.280
And see, okay, well, I'm I'm uh I'm a maid.

00:45:25.519 --> 00:45:26.239
I'm an assistant.

00:45:26.400 --> 00:45:30.159
I'm an assistant, I am a childcare, right?

00:45:30.239 --> 00:45:33.360
And what does that equal to you in dollars?

00:45:33.519 --> 00:45:36.400
Because then that's gonna be the it almost becomes undeniable.

00:45:36.559 --> 00:45:43.519
And if your partner wasn't respecting you before, because we do run into that as well, just talking about some at home, you know, talking to some moms that do stay at home.

00:45:43.679 --> 00:45:45.199
And again, we're living in an age now.

00:45:46.559 --> 00:45:47.199
That's what I'm saying.

00:45:47.679 --> 00:45:47.840
Mr.

00:45:48.159 --> 00:45:48.320
Mr.

00:45:48.880 --> 00:45:49.519
Second Lady.

00:45:49.679 --> 00:45:51.119
Yes, second, second husband.

00:45:51.280 --> 00:45:51.920
Yeah, I'm the diplomat.

00:45:52.000 --> 00:45:53.360
We're watching the diplomat right now.

00:45:53.599 --> 00:46:12.800
But I think that's something else too that needs to um, if if respect is something that's an issue right now in your relationship and you feel like that the dynamics are not being equally valued, that's a way that you can at least start showing what you're doing every day so that your partner can see, whoa, I didn't know that this was all getting done.

00:46:13.119 --> 00:46:29.519
Because this is also going to be going into women specifically of invisible labor, where you're not seeing the planning, you're not seeing the prepping and making sure that everyone, I know all everyone's social security numbers, I know everyone's birthdays, anniversaries, I'm getting the birthday parties, all of that.

00:46:29.679 --> 00:46:31.360
Typically, men aren't really worried about that.

00:46:31.760 --> 00:46:33.599
You you got it, you can do that.

00:46:33.840 --> 00:46:36.079
So, women, you know that, right.

00:46:36.239 --> 00:46:39.360
So that's just something else I wanted to add to uh there.

00:46:40.239 --> 00:46:46.559
Now, let's see, what are some red flags that your financial dynamic is becoming unhealthy?

00:46:47.519 --> 00:46:49.840
Red flags are you're arguing about finances.

00:46:50.159 --> 00:46:52.159
Someone feels like there's not the transparency.

00:46:52.239 --> 00:46:58.079
I don't even know where the money's going, or that we're behind on bills, or that we have extra income.

00:46:58.239 --> 00:47:00.159
Like that would be a red flag, right?

00:47:00.239 --> 00:47:13.920
Um, I think also if you're doing things and it's use your money or I'm use my money, you're already talking to yourself singularly individually, which it's hard to then come back together as a unit and think about how we're planning for our future.

00:47:14.079 --> 00:47:28.079
So I think those types of things are red flags, or another one is red flag is if you feel like you're doing all of these things as list at home or all of these items, and you feel like it's being unnoticed or underappreciated, you gotta be able to break down that list.

00:47:28.159 --> 00:47:29.440
Or let's switch roles.

00:47:29.920 --> 00:47:38.400
Let me have you take care of the kids for a day, and I'm gonna take, you know, I'll take the day and do something else and just let it let that be a glimpse into what the day the day in the life is like.

00:47:38.719 --> 00:47:39.039
Yes.

00:47:39.199 --> 00:47:54.639
I would say another uh couple of red flags that your financial dynamic is becoming unhealthy is if you are overspending, you don't have a budget, you're not sticking to the budget, you are hiding purchases.

00:47:54.880 --> 00:47:56.480
And we've heard people say I'm making the most money.

00:47:56.639 --> 00:47:57.679
People will say, I man, I'm gonna make the money.

00:47:57.840 --> 00:48:00.079
I'm making the most money, but I'm in the most debt ever.

00:48:00.480 --> 00:48:13.280
Because they're again, it's about the spending and that rat race of I'm making more, but now I'm gonna get a new car, I'm gonna get the new house, I'm gonna get the new phone, I'm gonna get the new this, and now again, all of those bills, you're just that's the king, you're falling into that cycle of the you know being a consumer.

00:48:13.760 --> 00:48:15.039
Yes, yes, exactly.

00:48:15.119 --> 00:48:22.639
Yeah, right, a consumer, which means I'm consuming, consuming, consuming rather than owning and having that ownership mindset.

00:48:22.800 --> 00:48:24.639
You want to be able to own as much as you can.

00:48:24.800 --> 00:48:43.760
And I know even for us, you know, one of our next investments that we're looking into and we're talking as a family unit about is purchasing uh uh some land or purchasing a home or something of that nature so that we can continue to build that generational wealth while also building generational health, right?

00:48:43.840 --> 00:48:45.199
That's a part of what we want to do too.

00:48:45.519 --> 00:48:52.800
So uh let's see what's one small financial habit you could change this week together?

00:48:53.679 --> 00:49:01.199
One financial habit you can change this week together is having a financial meeting, like a quick financial meeting.

00:49:01.280 --> 00:49:05.760
It doesn't have to be super long, it could be 15 minutes, 20 minutes of hey, where are we?

00:49:06.320 --> 00:49:08.079
Do we have the money to cover the bills?

00:49:08.239 --> 00:49:11.039
And and or if we don't know, like do we know what all of our bills are?

00:49:11.119 --> 00:49:11.760
Like, is it listed?

00:49:12.000 --> 00:49:12.880
No, I think that's number one.

00:49:13.119 --> 00:49:14.079
Do we know what everything is?

00:49:14.159 --> 00:49:14.719
Like, do we have it?

00:49:15.119 --> 00:49:16.320
That's typically where you need to start.

00:49:16.480 --> 00:49:16.880
Basics.

00:49:17.039 --> 00:49:17.840
That's what I would say.

00:49:17.920 --> 00:49:24.960
It's just the basics and having a conversation, and even if it's uncomfortable, because I remember, I mean, there was times when, again, when you have the money, it's less uncomfortable.

00:49:25.039 --> 00:49:25.280
Right.

00:49:25.440 --> 00:49:27.199
When you don't have it, it is more uncomfortable.

00:49:27.440 --> 00:49:29.519
And not only that, but it's more of an elephant in the room.

00:49:29.599 --> 00:49:31.039
The elephant's getting bigger and bigger and bigger.

00:49:31.280 --> 00:49:32.480
And it's easier to not talk about it.

00:49:32.639 --> 00:49:34.239
It's easier to not talk about it.

00:49:34.320 --> 00:49:36.000
Because again, I don't want this to turn into an argument.

00:49:36.079 --> 00:49:37.920
I don't want this to turn into a big blow up and it's a good thing.

00:49:38.079 --> 00:49:54.400
Or I don't want it to turn into where reality is now a reality versus it's my it's in my head versus it a rally because I spoke on where the current status is, where we are, what we can't afford, the changes we have to make, um, and not worrying about trying to keep up with everybody else.

00:49:54.639 --> 00:49:55.039
Yes.

00:49:55.280 --> 00:49:56.880
No, I absolutely agree with that.

00:49:57.039 --> 00:49:59.920
I uh so to your point, you're basically saying go back to basics, right?

00:50:00.000 --> 00:50:00.320
Yes.

00:50:00.719 --> 00:50:06.159
Listing out all of all of your bills, then from there, seeing where you can cut.

00:50:06.320 --> 00:50:06.559
Yes.

00:50:06.719 --> 00:50:08.079
What's a need, what's a want.

00:50:08.239 --> 00:50:14.239
Then also from there, uh having it too in a place where both of you can have access to it.

00:50:14.400 --> 00:50:21.119
And then as either somebody is spending or or somebody is saving, you're updating that sheet as you go.

00:50:21.440 --> 00:50:35.039
And then I would say that the last piece for me, and I know it said only one, but these I just feel like this is really important, is when you come into a money talk with your partner, come from the place of what do you want the solution to be?

00:50:35.199 --> 00:50:39.440
I want the solution to be that we are going to come out of this with a game plan.

00:50:39.679 --> 00:50:44.320
We're going to try to stick to this budget, even if it's first start with three months, right?

00:50:44.400 --> 00:50:49.199
Let's start with three months of just sticking to this budget and watch how your finances change.

00:50:49.360 --> 00:50:53.119
Watch how all of a sudden we actually have a little bit more money, maybe than I thought.

00:50:53.280 --> 00:50:58.239
Or now I'm able to allocate, allocate a little bit more to the mortgage so we can pay it down faster, right?

00:50:58.320 --> 00:51:02.159
Or a credit card so we can pay them down faster and not have to worry about the interest.

00:51:02.480 --> 00:51:10.400
And coming from a place of starting your conversation with the solution that I want for from this conversation is going to be this.

00:51:10.559 --> 00:51:12.800
And these are the ways that we're going to get there.

00:51:13.039 --> 00:51:17.840
Uh, and if this feels like it's too overwhelming, let me know so we can take a break.

00:51:18.079 --> 00:51:29.360
We have to come back to it, but we can take a five, 10-minute break, get some water, get go for a quick walk, something of that nature, because it's it's a critical conversation that needs to happen, but it's not the easiest.

00:51:29.519 --> 00:51:31.360
Nobody wants disagreements or arguments.

00:51:31.519 --> 00:51:33.519
It's not, I'm not saying that that's not going to happen.

00:51:33.679 --> 00:51:47.519
More than likely it is, but again, it's a muscle that has to be built up, that you have to constantly be working on it together to be able to get to a point where, okay, I'm usually an impulsive buyer.

00:51:47.679 --> 00:51:50.079
And now TikTok shop, you're not gonna get me.

00:51:50.320 --> 00:51:52.480
You are not gonna get me TikTok shop.

00:51:52.559 --> 00:51:57.599
I'm gonna use that money now that I was gonna potentially save, and I'm going to add that onto my credit card, right?

00:51:57.679 --> 00:52:01.519
And just start thinking, reframing that mindset.

00:52:01.840 --> 00:52:02.079
Yes.

00:52:02.239 --> 00:52:08.480
And this episode is being brought to you by Backlot Studios, the home of the best podcast in Arizona.

00:52:08.639 --> 00:52:12.559
So shout out to Backlot Studios and thank you so much for tuning in.

00:52:12.880 --> 00:52:13.679
Absolutely.

00:52:13.840 --> 00:52:15.679
Thank you so much, Coupley Fit fam.

00:52:16.159 --> 00:52:22.159
If you are following us on social media, it's at Coupley Fit C O U U P L E Y F I T.

00:52:22.559 --> 00:52:25.119
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00:52:25.360 --> 00:52:29.679
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00:52:29.840 --> 00:52:32.480
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00:52:32.559 --> 00:52:34.079
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00:52:34.400 --> 00:52:38.800
As always, keep growing, glowing, and feeling better together.

00:52:39.519 --> 00:52:39.920
Bye.