Episode 55: Celebrate Who You’re Becoming, Not How Old You Are

WEBVTT

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Coupley Fit Fam, we're here.

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We're getting ready to drop the birthday episode.

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Baby, how I'm excited.

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We're celebrating you.

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And we're gonna talk about what should be included in the birthday festivities.

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Is there such a thing as tricking?

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Is it does it matter?

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Tricking?

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I mean, do you blow a bag for the birthday, or is it fairly supposed to be fairly conservative?

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I mean, I want to hear from you.

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I think it depends, right?

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Because there are some birthdays where there may be, as you would say, some more tricking involved.

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Some splurging like 16, 21, 30 is a big one.

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35 is a big one.

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I just want to say, if we start there, I mean the sweet 16, I don't know what your sweet 16 was like, but when you see like the the reality TV shows on people's 16th birthdays, and it's like a million dollar extravaganza, and I feel like how do you even how do you top that?

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Like, how do you even set up that 16-year-old for life after they've had that type of birthday party?

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Well, typically, well, I'm assuming you're referring to the sweet 16 that's on MTV.

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Yes.

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Yeah, babe.

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I mean, they've got it.

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What do you mean?

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Tiana Taylor was on there.

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She said she just signed to Pharrell.

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What happens when they hit a hiccup?

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Well Now all of a sudden you think it's gonna be an extravaganza, you gotta keep it, you know.

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Keep it conservative.

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It's soup and salad.

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Not soup and salad.

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How bad is it?

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I'm not saying I'm not saying it's a recession, but I'm saying we had to cut back sometimes.

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You know what I mean?

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So what was your 16th birthday like?

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I don't remember.

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Okay.

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What was your most memorable birthday?

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Most memorable birthday?

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Um well, here's also something for me when it comes to birthdays.

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I didn't have too many birthday parties.

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You know, when you're younger, you do, probably like seven and under.

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But other than that, I didn't have too many birthday parties, things like that.

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But there was one where I don't know how old I was turning, but she threw me a surprise party.

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Do you remember that?

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I do remember that.

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Yes, you know, how I told you I've never had a surprise birthday party before.

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See, and that's just a little note for the fellas.

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If your wife tells you or your partner tells you, I've never had this before, that might be a subtle hint of like, hmm, maybe I should try to throw a surprise birthday party.

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So I'm glad, I'm glad that that made it the most memorable.

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Just a side note to that point when you were a kid, did you invite the whole class over?

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Like, did your whole class come to your house to celebrate your birthday?

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Or was it just like a small group of friends?

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Well, transparently, because my birthday is October, is a lot of times fall break.

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So kids are not necessarily in town, or and I remember my 21st birthday over here at ASU and it was right before finals.

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So a lot of people were like, hey, can't come.

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I gotta have a final tomorrow.

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This is that and the other.

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So it just that's why I think that's another reason why for me sometimes my birthdays were just like, eh, because it just depended on, you know, do we have finals?

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Is it fall break?

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Are people even in town?

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That's true.

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So but we'll just you know, flashing back to the ASU, uh, if it was fall break or you're studying for finals, do you still make time to to celebrate and have a good time?

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What is Oh, I had a great time.

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Okay.

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Oh, I was on the lab.

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Okay.

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For those who know, I was in Zumba.

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Zumba is still there.

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Oh.

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Zumba was the Monday night spot because it fell out on a Monday.

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And that was yeah, my cousin Brian came.

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Do you remember BJ?

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Oh, yeah.

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Oh, yeah, because you pulled up.

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It's always good.

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What are you pulling up for?

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Me?

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I'm a friend.

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Oh, your friends.

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Speaking of that, I mean, you know, that that's that's actually uh, you know, a really, a really good topic.

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Sometimes being able to, you know, we we asked about having the friends over and you mentioned the holiday season.

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I know that's something that we've been seeing more and more.

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It's a little segue, but around birthdays, is that when you have kids that they anticipate that the entire class gets invited to the party so nobody feels excluded, like they're not friends.

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Baby, you're so you can't believe this for some time.

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I can't believe it.

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You know how many cupcakes that is?

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But at the same time, it's because you're so young, right?

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It's supposed to be sharing is caring.

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If it's your birthday, you don't want to leave anybody out.

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That's what it's about.

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It's just like when you're in sports and everyone gets the uh what is it?

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The no, everybody does not get the people.

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Not the intended or a participation, right?

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Everyone gets like a participation award or something.

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So everybody does not get the participation award.

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There's winners and losers.

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It's real life.

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We're teaching lessons.

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I think so, but but to your point, I was just curious.

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I mean, maybe if I'm coming to the class and I'm bringing cupcakes, I gotta bring cupcakes for everybody.

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But if I'm hosting a party off school grounds, it's up to me who we want to invite, no?

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This is you.

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I'm just saying, but for you, but it's not common.

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We've talked to how many parents and they've all said the same thing.

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No, you invite the entire class.

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Let me know in the comments.

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It's some people in the comments.

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But now don't get me wrong, I don't think everyone wants to do it, but it's just a common courtesy.

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I know there's really does become about like kids will cry if you're left out.

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Maybe they're they're kids.

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But what if what but what I'm saying?

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Now you gotta ask, you gotta take everybody's order, what type of cupcakes?

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Are you vegan?

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Are you gluten-free?

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I now I'm in the I'm in the cooking business.

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Uh, I mean I'm really a host.

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You are if you think about it.

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Well, yeah, you're hosting a birthday party.

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But not for all.

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I mean, this is this is a whole I'm getting off on a tangent here.

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You are, but I want to go back to your birthday.

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What is a favorite birthday tradition that you look forward to?

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My dress.

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I get a dress every year.

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I've been getting a dress actually since the first since when you met me.

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Do you remember when we met in the club and I was wearing my it was a shout out to BB.

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If you know, you know.

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This was back in the day when BB was lit.

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Uh, the dress was$200.

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And it was that that was so expensive for me.

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I remember that thinking that in college.

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I said, oh my gosh, you know how many?

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This is a full day worth of tips.

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Like, this is crazy.

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Um, but I like to get a dress.

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That one had peacock feathers at the bottom, it was sequenced at the top.

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So cute.

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Um, but that's what kind of when it started, and that was probably 20 21-ish, 21-ish, 22-ish.

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So when you were 21 and you started this tradition, were you buying the dress or was somebody else buying the bottom?

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No, I'm always buying the dress.

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Oh.

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So I think that's a good, I mean, it's just it's a it just opens up because right now it's a trending topic of people celebrating their birthdays, and they're literally sending a list to someone that either they're maybe dating or are wanting to date with the expectation that they're paying for all the things on the nails, hair, dress.

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Do you think that as a you know, coming from the female's perspective, do you think that that is a fair request?

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I believe who are you, who's the one that's being requested, right?

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Is it somebody that you've been involved with for some time and they've done this before, so this isn't something new?

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Let's just say this is new.

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Let's say this is new.

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You're getting to know, you're still getting to know somebody.

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I don't think so.

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Now, not right.

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No.

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Now, if they offer and say, hey, I'd love to get your nails done.

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Hey, would love to get your dress, put something on it.

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Oh.

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You're setting the stage.

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I'm here for it.

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For the you talking about for the fellas, it's like, shoot me your cash app.

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Well, I'm here for it.

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I'm here for it.

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But my expectation, at least for me, has always been take care of it yourself.

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I and I appreciate that.

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That was one of the things that did set you apart, and that I was really always a fan of was anything that I'm bringing to the table is adding to what you already have going on.

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Right.

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You're not at the table, like, oof, somebody come save me.

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Like, no, you already have the dress, you already have the things taken care of.

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We can just add to that.

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So I just I think that was a good call out, you know, because uh somebody might have been wondering, you know, dang, we somebody buying that dress for her, you know, or was she paying for it herself?

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Okay.

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Um, if you could be a kid again on your birthday, what would you do?

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Oh my gosh.

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First off, the things now for kids, it's so lit.

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I'm going to an air park.

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What?

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How fun were those?

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It's not too late.

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I know it's not too late, but uh the way that our knees were the way that our knees were swollen the next day.

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This is why I need to be a kid again so I can, you know, go back to when I didn't have any issues.

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It was one of those, but to your point, we went out, we went out to one of those jump parks.

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Yes.

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Thought it was cute.

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We're one of the few adults out there with the kids living our best lives.

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Best lives.

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The bat we were on basketball for how long?

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Trying to dunk, roundhouse, 48 hours.

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48 hours later, my hips.

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Oh my gosh, hips, my knee swole.

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I mean, it was probably swole up.

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I mean, we literally look like we got oh my gosh.

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Did we get beat up on something?

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You know, we limped, we we walked in and we limped out.

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100%.

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100%.

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But definitely an air park or bounce, you know, bouncy park, air park.

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Those are really fun.

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Um, maybe even a main event because you can do the bowling, laser tag.

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You know, I don't know how old we are, but I play pool.

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Um, let's see.

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I'd go to like an interactive restaurant.

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So not quite like a rainforest cafe, but you know, rainforest cafe, like if you're a kid, it's lit.

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Alligator jumping out the water.

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Is that real?

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Yes.

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Okay.

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I think that would be really fun.

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Um, trying to think what else because it's really about I want to have fun, I want to be fed, and I want to be cute.

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Okay.

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That's it.

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That's you know what?

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Pretty simple.

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Basically, pretty simple.

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I think that might help a lot of people want to think, what do I want to do for my birthday?

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I want to be fed.

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Yes.

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I want to have fun and I want to be cute.

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Yeah.

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Boom.

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Now that's changed.

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Now we really look forward to a spa day.

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Like that's really that's fun for us.

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That's fun.

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That's true.

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That's fun for us.

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Low impact.

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Low impact.

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High relaxation.

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High.

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Okay.

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What which three historical figures would you invite to your birthday dinner?

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Ooh, okay, okay.

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This is great.

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Is it is this one of those kind of they've passed on?

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No, first three come to mind.

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Well, I think what's gonna be I'm gonna speak it into existent, Michelle Obama.

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Period.

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That's number one.

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Uh number two, ooh.

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So we got Michelle in there.

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First name basis.

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She coming to dinner.

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I said Michelle Obama.

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I'm saying she's coming to dinner, so at this point, Charlie's gonna be on first name.

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Go ahead.

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That would be number one.

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Number two would be well, I'm gonna throw it.

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It's not a historical figure, but number two would be one of my grandfathers on my mom's side because I've never met him.

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He passed before I was born.

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So that would be really nice to just be able to sit down with him and just hear his voice, first of all.

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Uh so that would be number two.

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Number three would be historical figures.

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Come back to me on that one because I have a couple, but I want to just give me one more.

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Give me one more of the, you know.

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Okay.

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Okay, I'll let you circle.

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But you got two great ones.

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Yes.

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Two great ones.

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Hopefully, I'm the th I might be the third.

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It's a historical one.

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Thank you.

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Jesus! Let's ask matter of fact, let's get Jesus.

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Come on now.

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Yeah, you call on him.

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Call on him.

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He's here.

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Now you don't now you don't even need food.

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He might come on now.

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Turn you don't need more.

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Jesus turned it into something.

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Turn this into a real party.

00:11:25.440 --> 00:11:26.240
Yeah, those will be three.

00:11:26.320 --> 00:11:29.679
So Michelle Obama, my grandfather, Jesus.

00:11:30.159 --> 00:11:30.639
That's a good one.

00:11:30.799 --> 00:11:31.679
Yeah, that's top notch.

00:11:32.720 --> 00:11:33.679
Can I get any better out of him?

00:11:33.759 --> 00:11:34.159
I'm not sure.

00:11:34.320 --> 00:11:34.480
Amen.

00:11:34.720 --> 00:11:38.799
Jesus might have been able to be first, but then I'm with you.

00:11:38.960 --> 00:11:41.279
Um, oh, this is a great question.

00:11:41.600 --> 00:11:45.759
What is one main character moment from your 30s?

00:11:46.080 --> 00:11:48.000
Oh, a main character moment?

00:11:48.320 --> 00:11:53.600
I feel like, you know, while you're describing this, you might have to describe what is a main character moment.

00:11:53.759 --> 00:11:55.600
Because I said hero image to somebody the other day.

00:11:55.679 --> 00:11:56.559
They looked at me crazy.

00:11:56.720 --> 00:11:57.039
Right.

00:11:57.200 --> 00:12:01.360
So a main character moment is one of those, you did that.

00:12:01.519 --> 00:12:02.399
That was you.

00:12:02.559 --> 00:12:07.679
You really, you put that, you put that event on, you hosted this, you did, you had this accomplishment.

00:12:07.759 --> 00:12:09.039
It's you, main character.

00:12:09.120 --> 00:12:12.320
It's giving it's giving you looked in the mirror and you are who you think you are.

00:12:12.480 --> 00:12:13.360
I am her.

00:12:14.240 --> 00:12:15.759
You are who you think you are.

00:12:16.080 --> 00:12:17.039
Okay, there we go.

00:12:17.440 --> 00:12:19.039
Uh gosh.

00:12:19.919 --> 00:12:23.039
I mean, there's definitely been a few for sure.

00:12:23.360 --> 00:12:44.960
Um, but I would have to say in my 30s specifically, would be really anything, anything that we've kind of done with Walmart that really is always a great reminder of whoa, this is, you know, a Fortune one company that we're able to not only work with, but we're ingrained within the organization.

00:12:45.039 --> 00:12:55.039
And it's every time, you know, because we get so used to it because it's been six and a half years, but when you really think about it, it's like, whoa, this is these are big moments, you know.

00:12:55.279 --> 00:12:59.120
Uh, but if I think about if I'm being more on the selfish side, I guess.

00:12:59.360 --> 00:12:59.840
Come on now.

00:13:00.320 --> 00:13:05.519
I would have to say, I don't know, because I don't toot my own horn that much.

00:13:05.600 --> 00:13:06.879
So I don't that's why we're here.

00:13:06.960 --> 00:13:10.240
We're gonna we're gonna stay here and we're gonna sit in this space for a second.

00:13:11.200 --> 00:13:12.639
I always can think of things, but I gotta let you know.

00:13:12.799 --> 00:13:13.120
What you got?

00:13:13.279 --> 00:13:13.679
No, no, no.

00:13:13.919 --> 00:13:14.399
What you got?

00:13:14.720 --> 00:13:16.559
We gotta we gotta sit in this for a second.

00:13:17.200 --> 00:13:21.840
This is this is also a reminder for somebody that they've got to uh you know toot their own horn a little bit.

00:13:22.159 --> 00:13:24.399
No, we've been moving, we've been moving and grooving.

00:13:24.639 --> 00:13:33.600
Sometimes you can be so focused on the work and just doing the work, yes, that you're not thinking about what you've accomplished, but there's definitely a lot of main character moments in there.

00:13:33.840 --> 00:13:35.360
Okay, what do you think?

00:13:36.240 --> 00:13:40.159
Um, I mean you mentioned Walmart, but I would say uh Walmart Black Health Hero.

00:13:40.720 --> 00:13:45.759
Um that was one, you know, you being the Titan 100, nominated for an Athena Award.

00:13:45.919 --> 00:13:49.360
Um these are pretty, these are all really I don't I don't teot my horn like that.

00:13:50.320 --> 00:13:51.120
Oh, you want me to go down the list.

00:13:52.399 --> 00:13:54.240
You want me to go so I'm glad I have my second car.

00:13:54.639 --> 00:13:57.919
I don't I'm glad I have a secondary car here with accomplishments.

00:13:58.240 --> 00:13:58.879
I'm just kidding.

00:13:59.200 --> 00:14:28.080
And really, honestly, what I would say is it's not even a main character moment, but it's uh you're living in your flow type of moment, is also when I get to speak with my mentee and and really my little sister from the Big Brothers Big Sisters program, and just be able to, you know, when you're saying something, they're soaking it in, they're real, they're listening to you, they're making adjustments and changes of uh that you can see in their life in order for um them to live their best lives.

00:14:28.240 --> 00:14:35.519
And that to me, that's more of a of a main character moment where it's like, oh yeah, I I feel as if I changed somebody's life today.

00:14:35.759 --> 00:14:36.639
No, that's a great point.

00:14:36.720 --> 00:14:42.320
I mean, it's somebody, you know, people use the example of mentorship, not only impacting, but sometimes changing a life.

00:14:42.639 --> 00:14:44.399
So to be able to do that for somebody else.

00:14:44.559 --> 00:14:46.399
I mean, what more main character is that, right?

00:14:46.559 --> 00:14:48.320
Someone's looking to you, so that's huge.

00:14:48.720 --> 00:15:00.879
If you could have dinner with three versions of yourself, the teenage you, oh boy, the 25-year-old you and the four or five-year-old you, what would you say to the three versions?

00:15:01.120 --> 00:15:05.360
Like, what would be one message that you would say to those versions of yourself?

00:15:06.480 --> 00:15:09.600
So teenage version, I have a lot of messages there.

00:15:10.080 --> 00:15:15.840
Um, number one is you will get through this.

00:15:17.279 --> 00:15:21.679
That would probably be my main one for my teenage.

00:15:21.840 --> 00:15:23.440
I can go on a tangent there.

00:15:23.679 --> 00:15:27.360
Uh 25-year-old would be, I mean, we were married at 25.

00:15:27.679 --> 00:15:37.679
So for me, it would be more so um stand up for yourself, stay strong in what you are what you want.

00:15:38.240 --> 00:15:46.080
Uh, don't compromise for somebody else that isn't in you know, your circle.

00:15:46.799 --> 00:15:48.000
Uh, that would be that.

00:15:48.240 --> 00:15:48.799
45.

00:15:48.879 --> 00:15:50.080
I mean, gosh, what are we doing?

00:15:50.159 --> 00:15:51.519
I don't know if I even want to go that far.

00:15:51.759 --> 00:15:56.000
I th I think this is four to five, like a little four to five years old, the younger version.

00:15:56.480 --> 00:15:57.600
Oh, oh, four to five?

00:15:58.000 --> 00:15:58.960
Oh, youngest.

00:15:59.200 --> 00:15:59.360
Yeah.

00:15:59.840 --> 00:16:00.639
Oh boy.

00:16:00.960 --> 00:16:12.559
Uh, you will go through some trials and tribulations that you will have to overcome quite a bit, uh mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically.

00:16:12.879 --> 00:16:14.960
So, you know.

00:16:16.080 --> 00:16:17.200
Hang on tight.

00:16:18.240 --> 00:16:19.279
Hang on tight.

00:16:19.600 --> 00:16:20.080
Well said.

00:16:20.320 --> 00:16:22.960
I feel like I feel like it's some people in this economy feeling the same way.

00:16:23.120 --> 00:16:23.279
Okay.

00:16:23.519 --> 00:16:24.399
Hang on tight.

00:16:25.679 --> 00:16:30.720
Um, what's one thing that you do now that you didn't do in your 20s?

00:16:32.399 --> 00:16:35.360
One thing I do now that I didn't do in my 20s.

00:16:36.159 --> 00:16:40.720
One thing I do now is truly prioritize my peace.

00:16:41.440 --> 00:16:42.720
Yeah, definitely.

00:16:42.960 --> 00:16:45.600
Because in your 20s, definitely people pleasing.

00:16:45.679 --> 00:16:47.120
I'm doing things for other people.

00:16:47.279 --> 00:16:48.960
I'm putting myself last.

00:16:49.200 --> 00:16:55.679
I'm um not worried about you know, my own how something is affecting me.

00:16:55.759 --> 00:16:57.120
It's just about how is it affecting you?

00:16:57.279 --> 00:16:57.759
Are you okay?

00:16:57.840 --> 00:16:59.200
It's a lot of people pleasing.

00:17:00.080 --> 00:17:00.399
Nah.

00:17:01.600 --> 00:17:02.080
Not anymore.

00:17:02.960 --> 00:17:03.360
That's great.

00:17:03.519 --> 00:17:04.400
That's great feedback.

00:17:04.640 --> 00:17:08.160
What has surprised you most about your 30s so far?

00:17:08.640 --> 00:17:11.279
What surprised me most about my 30s?

00:17:12.160 --> 00:17:13.279
Man, so much.

00:17:13.440 --> 00:17:19.599
First off, like just physically how you change and for women how we hormonally change in your 30s is really wild.

00:17:19.759 --> 00:17:23.279
I wasn't necessarily expecting it, and I feel like we don't talk about it enough.

00:17:23.519 --> 00:17:25.200
Uh, so that's number one.

00:17:25.440 --> 00:17:41.920
Number two would be um in my 30s is also uh how you view not only yourself, but then also maybe some of your prior mindsets and things like that.

00:17:42.000 --> 00:17:45.359
It's just like, oh, not only does that not serve me, but just what was that, what was I thinking?

00:17:45.440 --> 00:17:46.079
What was I doing?

00:17:46.319 --> 00:17:49.359
We're not we're not we're not concerned about that in our 30s anymore.

00:17:49.599 --> 00:17:50.000
That's it.

00:17:50.079 --> 00:17:51.119
We're in a new version.

00:17:52.160 --> 00:17:54.559
Stepped out of that phase, stepped out of it, not concerned.

00:17:54.880 --> 00:17:55.680
That makes sense.

00:17:56.000 --> 00:18:01.359
Um what's something that you've healed from that once broke you?

00:18:01.759 --> 00:18:02.480
Oh yeah.

00:18:02.880 --> 00:18:06.000
Uh my body dysmorphia for sure.

00:18:06.720 --> 00:18:16.400
That was something I mean, it was a constant thought every single day, every single thing that I ate, my day would revolve around what I'm eating.

00:18:16.640 --> 00:18:28.799
Sometimes I wouldn't eat certain foods and restrict myself because you know, I might look too bloated in this dress, or I might, you know, not be comfortable in what I'm wearing.

00:18:28.960 --> 00:18:33.680
And so that used to take so much of my mindset.

00:18:34.480 --> 00:18:38.559
Uh now it's, you know, it creeps up here and there for sure.

00:18:38.720 --> 00:18:48.160
But, you know, even where I am, just transparently, you know, I've gained quite a bit of weight, in my opinion, for for uh even where I was just a few years ago.

00:18:48.319 --> 00:18:51.119
And typically I would be bugging out.

00:18:51.200 --> 00:19:07.920
Like I don't even know if I would be uh just kind of as comfortable as I am, I probably would be try, you know, put trying to restrict myself again, trying to have kind of unhealthier habits when it comes to uh food.

00:19:08.480 --> 00:19:15.279
And somebody that's listening that might not know what body dysmorphia is, would you mind just giving an example of like what is that?

00:19:15.519 --> 00:19:26.799
Yeah, so uh technically it's it is considered a mental illness that is something that is constantly on your mind uh about physically how you look.

00:19:26.960 --> 00:19:42.960
So for example, something for me, I used to always think that my if my if you couldn't see abs, striations, you know, muscle, all of those things, then I'm I'm fat, I'm overweight, I am just not, I'm not where I want to be.

00:19:43.119 --> 00:19:50.559
And even in I wouldn't wear, I would restrict myself on certain things that I would wear because in my mind, I have a little pooch down here.

00:19:50.720 --> 00:19:56.000
But meanwhile, right, you get the comments and it's body goals, it's you look amazing, wow, all these things.

00:19:56.079 --> 00:19:58.240
But me in my head, it's the complete opposite.

00:19:58.400 --> 00:19:59.680
I actually look fat.

00:19:59.839 --> 00:20:02.240
I actually need to work harder in the gym.

00:20:02.400 --> 00:20:17.759
I actually need to potentially restrict more food or you know, uh change my change my eating habits so that I am um, you know, not going to be quote unquote fat in whatever I wear.

00:20:18.160 --> 00:20:28.319
Well, for somebody else that maybe is dealing with that same thing but didn't know how to like what to name it or or what that is called, how did you work through that?

00:20:28.400 --> 00:20:40.160
What's you know, maybe a tip or just something that you did to, you know, obviously it's not that it's something that can be maybe solved, right, or that you don't continue to work through, but just what what what tip would you have for somebody that might be dealing with that?

00:20:40.480 --> 00:20:43.759
Well, first I would say it's an ongoing journey.

00:20:43.920 --> 00:20:49.440
It's not something that, in my opinion, is truly healed in a way.

00:20:50.079 --> 00:20:59.279
Uh, but it like the majority can be healed, but it's you're gonna always have just a little creep up, a little something that's gonna creep up, right?

00:20:59.680 --> 00:21:03.359
But um for me, it was a little bit different.

00:21:03.519 --> 00:21:06.559
My mom saw a clairvoyant.

00:21:06.880 --> 00:21:14.160
So I know some people don't believe in that, but my mom saw a clairvoyant, and the clairvoyant told her a very specific message.

00:21:14.319 --> 00:21:15.839
She's never met me, has no idea.

00:21:15.920 --> 00:21:18.480
She's seeing my mom on her own, doesn't know us.

00:21:18.559 --> 00:21:19.920
This is when I was 27.

00:21:20.160 --> 00:21:21.680
And I remember I was talking to my mom.

00:21:21.759 --> 00:21:23.200
We were in our house in South Phoenix.

00:21:23.279 --> 00:21:35.920
I'm in the kitchen, and my mom said, Yeah, the clairvoyant said, You need to stop being so hard on yourself and your body because it's gonna cause you long-term mental health issues.

00:21:36.000 --> 00:21:44.960
Like you really need to focus and face this now because this will be something that will continue to be a main driver for you.

00:21:45.279 --> 00:21:53.039
And I was thinking about it for so long before that that when she said that, it was literally, it almost felt like if you had chains and you broke the chains.

00:21:53.119 --> 00:22:02.400
That's what it felt like on my mind, where I just broke those chains of if somebody who's never met me before knows that I'm struggling with this, then I need to change.

00:22:02.559 --> 00:22:08.400
I need to change my mindset and how I view myself and not be so hard on myself.

00:22:08.559 --> 00:22:13.440
A lot of this did come from, now that I was in therapy, from childhood, right?

00:22:13.519 --> 00:22:18.720
A lot of the way that was, you know, things that were being talked about in my home, it was very critical.

00:22:19.119 --> 00:22:21.359
I mean, bodies, this person needs a nose drop.

00:22:21.599 --> 00:22:24.559
This is, I mean, it was always about vanity in my home.

00:22:24.640 --> 00:22:32.319
And so I think that mixed with me being an athlete, and then you're not necessarily a quote unquote athlete anymore because you're not going to practice in games and all that stuff.

00:22:32.559 --> 00:22:34.799
I was in a limbo of, okay, now what?

00:22:34.960 --> 00:22:36.799
Now what is my body supposed to look like?

00:22:36.960 --> 00:22:40.640
What am I supposed to be thinking about my body now?

00:22:40.880 --> 00:22:42.720
Because before it's it's performance, right?

00:22:42.799 --> 00:22:47.839
It's we've got to be in the best shape we can because we need to be able to, you know, decrease our injuries.

00:22:47.920 --> 00:22:49.519
We need to be increase our stamina.

00:22:49.680 --> 00:22:53.440
That was how we, and that's kind of how we felt training for quite some time too.

00:22:53.599 --> 00:23:00.559
We trained so hard uh for for quite a bit, even after we were quote unquote athletes, but we always have that mindset.

00:23:00.720 --> 00:23:07.920
And so that was something for me that is a little bit non-traditional and kind of breaking that chain, but it really is inner work.

00:23:08.079 --> 00:23:12.160
It's it's looking at where has it, where does that mindset stem from?

00:23:12.319 --> 00:23:17.599
And for me, I found out that came from childhood, that came from vanity being talked about so much in our household.

00:23:17.759 --> 00:23:20.079
Both of my parents were collegiate athletes as well.

00:23:20.160 --> 00:23:23.759
So I think that was something that was kind of transferred down to us.

00:23:24.160 --> 00:23:26.960
And um, they were so judgmental too.

00:23:27.119 --> 00:23:29.039
So I was that judgmental on myself.

00:23:29.359 --> 00:23:34.880
Well, I appreciate you sharing because that, you know, this is a birthday episode, but you're dropping some blessings on people right now.

00:23:35.200 --> 00:23:41.200
Because I know it's a lot of people that are either dealing with that or that's coming up, maybe that's the experience that they're having.

00:23:41.359 --> 00:23:42.559
Because it, you know, it happened a lot.

00:23:42.640 --> 00:23:58.640
I mean, I I you know, not to take away from what you're talking about, but more so just to add to it, having my own experiences where you know, people are like, oh no, you're fat, or this is this, and you're like, Man, as a kid, you're like, oh, I mean, I know that that's not like I don't want to be on that side of things, right?

00:23:58.720 --> 00:24:03.440
You want to continue to play sports, you want to be able to have the positive self-image of yourself, right?

00:24:03.599 --> 00:24:16.640
But then what happens when now you're not satisfied with what you see because you feel like it's gotta be perfection or it's gotta be what you see on TV or whatever you know society is saying is, you know, body goals or whatever the case may be.

00:24:16.720 --> 00:24:18.480
So, you know, really thanks for sharing that.

00:24:19.200 --> 00:24:25.599
As we said as we segue, what did you once chase that no longer matters to you?

00:24:27.359 --> 00:24:28.240
People pleasing.

00:24:30.000 --> 00:24:34.000
I didn't realize I was doing it, but I was always about how can I make you feel comfortable?

00:24:34.400 --> 00:24:42.720
Let me laugh at your jokes, let me laugh at this, you know, racist flur that you just said, because that's gonna make somebody else feel more comfortable.

00:24:43.119 --> 00:24:46.720
And um, now it's you're let them, right?

00:24:46.799 --> 00:24:59.200
It goes back to the Mel Robbins theory of let them think what they want, let them have the whatever viewpoint they want of you, as long as you know who you are, you stand in that, you stay authentic to that, and you're a genuine, kind person.

00:24:59.359 --> 00:25:01.200
What I mean, say what you want.

00:25:01.519 --> 00:25:01.920
Yeah.

00:25:02.160 --> 00:25:03.839
But before is always about other people.

00:25:04.000 --> 00:25:07.759
But that's also, again, going back to childhood, that's also how my mom was raised.

00:25:07.920 --> 00:25:09.839
My mom being a middle child as well.

00:25:10.000 --> 00:25:11.519
There's the middle child syndrome.

00:25:11.599 --> 00:25:22.880
You're always trying to figure out kind of where you fit in and let me, people please, let me go above and beyond, let me put everyone else first and everyone's emotions, feelings, and thoughts first before I even think of mine.

00:25:22.960 --> 00:25:28.559
And that was my thought process for quite some time until I realized that this is not serving me.

00:25:28.640 --> 00:25:36.880
And it's actually making it's more detrimental to me uh than it is in a positive way of, you know, being a kind person.

00:25:37.279 --> 00:25:46.960
Yeah, well, that's this is gonna hopefully release, be a release for somebody that's dealing with that same I'm trying to people please, or I want to accommodate everybody.

00:25:47.119 --> 00:25:57.680
It's almost reminds you of, you know, they talk about the airplane, put your mask on first before you can go to saving everybody else, because if you're not breathing, right, what type of situation does that put you in in the long run?

00:25:57.839 --> 00:25:59.119
So that's really impact.

00:25:59.359 --> 00:25:59.519
Go ahead.

00:25:59.759 --> 00:26:12.240
Yeah, to quickly add to that too, is it's one of those things when um you are people pleasing, that is again more inner work that you have to do, right?

00:26:12.400 --> 00:26:13.839
Why are you doing that?

00:26:14.160 --> 00:26:19.599
Is it something that you were taught or that you learned through seeing other people's actions?

00:26:19.839 --> 00:26:26.160
And if so, then that's kind of where you know where to start on I need to, I need to switch this narrative because that's really what it is.

00:26:26.240 --> 00:26:28.960
They're narratives, they're stories that you tell yourself.

00:26:29.039 --> 00:26:33.440
And so switching the stories that you're telling yourself, let them let them think whatever they want.

00:26:33.599 --> 00:26:35.039
I know exactly who I am.

00:26:35.200 --> 00:26:37.039
Uh I stand firm in who I am.

00:26:37.119 --> 00:26:39.039
You and not everyone's going to like you.

00:26:39.200 --> 00:26:48.640
And that's something else, people pleasing, please like me, like me, like me, you know, and there's a little bit of that of uh, you know, for me, I just I just want to be friendly to everyone.

00:26:48.720 --> 00:26:49.839
I want to be everybody's friend.

00:26:49.920 --> 00:26:53.759
And it's like not everyone's gonna like you because even your friend sometimes will backstab you.

00:26:53.839 --> 00:26:56.240
So yeah.

00:26:56.559 --> 00:27:09.920
No, that's facts, and I think to your point, being able to identify that when you show up authentically as yourself, the people that you're supposed to be around, surround yourself with, have the relationships, that's what's gonna arise, kind of like the cream rice at the top.

00:27:10.000 --> 00:27:21.599
Like that's gonna be the relationships that end up thriving, are the ones where you can show up and be you versus trying to accommodate laughing to keep from crying, but it's like awkward, right?

00:27:22.240 --> 00:27:22.720
Big time.

00:27:23.359 --> 00:27:27.519
What is one what is a failure that ended up becoming a blessing?

00:27:28.000 --> 00:27:28.960
Oh man.

00:27:30.960 --> 00:27:37.839
We always look at our failures as, and I don't even call them failures because we learn so much from it that it's just a learning moment.

00:27:37.920 --> 00:27:40.160
And I have always felt this way, even in sports.

00:27:40.319 --> 00:27:45.519
If there was something, you know, if I missed a ball or if I missed a serve, it was just all right, that was too much of a floater.

00:27:45.680 --> 00:27:50.880
I now know I need to take some some of the uh the um pressure off of the ball, right?

00:27:51.039 --> 00:27:52.799
Just being able to learn from it.

00:27:52.960 --> 00:27:59.680
I think also that's what's been able to keep us both going and keep us resilient, is this is just a learning lesson, and I'm only getting better.

00:27:59.759 --> 00:28:01.039
That's how we've always looked at it.

00:28:01.200 --> 00:28:02.160
I'm only getting better.

00:28:02.240 --> 00:28:08.000
So I think for us, something that almost broke me specifically was South by Southwest.

00:28:10.079 --> 00:28:11.519
That almost broke me.

00:28:11.759 --> 00:28:22.319
I've never felt so not only exhausted, but mentally, emotionally, spiritually, physically, it was so tough.

00:28:22.480 --> 00:28:33.440
So if if those of for those of you that don't know what South by Southwest is, it's one of the largest uh conferences, music festivals uh in the United States.

00:28:33.599 --> 00:28:53.440
So when we went, this was 2019, and we were nominated as uh one of the top 30 startups in the world at that time for the work that we were doing with Swan, uh, which is our method sleepwater activity nutrition, and how we were incorporating that and gamifying that for corporate wellness or population health management.

00:28:53.680 --> 00:28:58.640
So they asked us to come because you know you're kind of the next 30 startups that are gonna pop.

00:28:58.799 --> 00:29:00.559
And we've never done a trade show before.

00:29:00.640 --> 00:29:03.279
Well, I'm sorry, we did one trade show before.

00:29:03.440 --> 00:29:04.079
That was our first one.

00:29:04.480 --> 00:29:05.279
That stressed me out.

00:29:05.359 --> 00:29:08.319
That's just the Renaissance or the whole thing.

00:29:08.480 --> 00:29:10.880
But we've never done anything to this magnitude.

00:29:11.039 --> 00:29:20.799
We didn't realize that people were outright paying thousands of dollars, tens of thousands, tens of thousands of dollars to set up their booths, we're in their Amazon boxes.

00:29:21.039 --> 00:29:34.319
I remember I was up that we had two weeks to plan to execute, set up, and present essentially in on one of the largest stages.

00:29:34.400 --> 00:29:38.160
So that literally almost broke me because we how many things were late?

00:29:38.400 --> 00:29:48.400
They were not, you know, you're getting it day of God's grace, though, was so strong that day because remember, we got the last truck that seemed to be in Texas.

00:29:48.640 --> 00:29:49.680
That was number one.

00:29:49.839 --> 00:29:59.519
Number two, we were able to park in like a restricted parking lot that was right behind the stadium that nobody could park at, but they were just like, Hey, y'all are cool, go ahead and stay here.

00:29:59.599 --> 00:30:04.720
We just Had grace throughout that entire project.

00:30:04.880 --> 00:30:10.079
But I remember even as it pops up sometimes on my Snapchat and I look at my face, I'm so drained.

00:30:10.240 --> 00:30:14.720
I'm just I did the best I could with the resources I had.

00:30:14.799 --> 00:30:16.960
We were 28, 29.

00:30:17.440 --> 00:30:18.720
We we don't know what we're doing.

00:30:18.799 --> 00:30:20.400
We're just this is our first time ever doing something.

00:30:20.640 --> 00:30:21.440
We weren't even gonna go.00:30:21.599 --> 00:30:22.880


We weren't even gonna go to your point.00:30:23.039 --> 00:30:32.559


We had a crowdfund and asked, you know, our friends and family if they were gonna be able to pitch in, and people were so supportive, and we just weren't expecting that.00:30:32.720 --> 00:30:38.319


It was incredible, but uh literally almost it was a only a failure because we just weren't ready.00:30:38.400 --> 00:30:41.680


Like it wasn't something that we were necessarily ready for, but we're gonna always get ready.00:30:41.839 --> 00:30:42.000


Okay.00:30:42.319 --> 00:30:44.880


So I was gonna say there's no way that that's a failure.00:30:45.599 --> 00:30:48.160


I hear in my opinion, yes, I was planning it.00:30:49.839 --> 00:30:50.720


It was successful though.00:30:50.880 --> 00:30:57.599


It was successful, but it was it was it what there were small kind of failures that led up to it.00:30:57.680 --> 00:30:59.920


And it it's not even failures, but again, it's lessons.00:31:00.000 --> 00:31:02.000


Like again, we've never done a trade show.00:31:02.160 --> 00:31:14.079


Didn't come in the day before, you need to set up, you need you need to make sure that, you know, um for us, thankfully, we had somebody that stayed in Texas at the time, so we could send all of our stuff there.00:31:14.160 --> 00:31:14.799


We just didn't know.00:31:14.960 --> 00:31:16.160


I didn't know how it worked.00:31:16.319 --> 00:31:24.480


So speaking of speaking of successes and failures, how has your definition of success changed since your 20s?00:31:24.720 --> 00:31:26.799


In my 20s, I was a lot about recognition.00:31:27.039 --> 00:31:28.480


You need to give me what I deserve.00:31:28.720 --> 00:31:34.319


Put my name put my name on the plaque, put my name, my name needs to be in lights.00:31:34.400 --> 00:31:35.279


What are we talking about?00:31:35.440 --> 00:31:39.039


Heller, Hiller, Rick Fox.00:31:39.519 --> 00:31:40.480


Rick Fox.00:31:40.880 --> 00:31:42.160


So that's really how I felt.00:31:42.240 --> 00:31:48.000


I felt in my 20s, you know, you need I'm working so hard that it needs to be recognized.00:31:48.240 --> 00:31:56.000


But now I realize as we've also gained some recognition in those things, yes, it's incredible, and I I definitely enjoy it.00:31:56.079 --> 00:31:58.960


Uh, you know, being able to get recognized for our hard work.00:31:59.039 --> 00:32:01.680


But for me, it's it's impact, right?00:32:01.839 --> 00:32:03.759


How many lives can we change?00:32:04.000 --> 00:32:07.200


That's really for me what is going to that's success to me.00:32:07.359 --> 00:32:17.359


How many lives can we change in a positive way where uh, you know, they're living better, they're living longer, they're living healthier, you know, and creating generational health.00:32:17.599 --> 00:32:18.319


I love that.00:32:18.559 --> 00:32:22.000


Who or what has shaped you the most in the last decade?00:32:22.319 --> 00:32:23.519


I would say you.00:32:24.319 --> 00:32:25.279


For sure.00:32:26.880 --> 00:32:28.720


I would say for sure.00:32:29.200 --> 00:32:30.400


Definitely, definitely.00:32:30.559 --> 00:32:38.720


Because if you think about it, babe, when I when we got together, I was very much from a consumer standpoint, not from a business owner standpoint.00:32:38.960 --> 00:32:44.559


And so, you know, thankfully that's something that your parents instilled in you was, you know, you you are an owner.00:32:44.880 --> 00:32:47.920


And you are an owner.00:32:48.079 --> 00:32:55.279


They instilled the legacy piece in you, really macro thinking, uh, full big time vision thinking.00:32:55.599 --> 00:33:09.440


And I didn't realize how small my thinking was, more so in the sense of business, not really anything else, but in business until we started uh not only dating, but I'm seeing how you're functioning, how you're how you're also moving within the airport.00:33:09.519 --> 00:33:10.799


You're going to the tenant meetings.00:33:10.880 --> 00:33:12.240


This is the city of Phoenix.00:33:12.400 --> 00:33:17.119


The way that you're also moving, you're engaging, your meetings was like, what is this world?00:33:17.279 --> 00:33:22.400


I don't, I know, I just have to sit back and observe because I I know nothing about this.00:33:22.559 --> 00:33:36.160


This is really um, it was like uh felt like a waterfall in in my head of just all of the information I'm trying to download, which seemed kind of second nature to you.00:33:36.400 --> 00:33:40.400


Uh definitely, because that's translated to Couple E Fit.00:33:40.480 --> 00:33:48.400


And why we're able to be so successful with Coupley Fit is because we're now functioning on both levels, right?00:33:48.559 --> 00:33:53.119


Personally and business-wise at the same level, where before I was so far behind.00:33:53.200 --> 00:33:54.319


I was just trying to catch up.00:33:54.480 --> 00:33:59.599


Like, what are what net sales, gross sales, what what are we talking about?00:33:59.839 --> 00:34:03.279


No, but what what I think is KPIs, vertical, what, huh?00:34:03.519 --> 00:34:15.840


But I think but I think what's a great, uh great call out though, is that it's never too late to be able to become an entrepreneur or get into business, have a producer versus consumer mindset.00:34:16.079 --> 00:34:16.320


Right.00:34:16.480 --> 00:34:17.440


It is never too late.00:34:17.519 --> 00:34:19.519


And I also do hats off to you.00:34:19.760 --> 00:34:22.159


One, I just appreciate you being receptive, right?00:34:22.320 --> 00:34:39.920


Because I hear a lot of relationships, a lot of couples, a lot of husbands are like, man, or wives are like, man, I've been trying to bring my partner along in this area, or we've been trying to do this thing together, but like they didn't want to uh go on, you know, that waterfall of information, right?00:34:40.000 --> 00:34:41.840


They they moved away, like, no, I'm good.00:34:42.079 --> 00:34:43.679


Or said, you know what, I'm past this.00:34:43.760 --> 00:34:50.239


Like, I don't want to be new at something or be less because again, there's a lot of situations where people want to be the expert.00:34:50.480 --> 00:34:50.719


Correct.00:34:51.039 --> 00:34:56.880


Like, I know I need to be telling you, and you know, all the sayings, wives are always right, wives cannot be wrong.00:34:57.039 --> 00:34:57.199


Right.00:34:57.440 --> 00:34:57.599


Right?00:34:57.679 --> 00:34:58.880


So, like, to be able to be in a scenario.00:34:59.039 --> 00:35:05.360


You don't believe in that to be able to be in a scenario where you're like, no, I'm like, but also I I learned a lot over that span.00:35:05.440 --> 00:35:10.639


I learned a ton too, which I'm just grateful that we've been able to learn and be able to build together on that same page.00:35:10.719 --> 00:35:11.119


So thank you.00:35:11.280 --> 00:35:12.000


That was a great one.00:35:12.079 --> 00:35:12.559


I appreciate it.00:35:13.119 --> 00:35:21.119


I wanted to just quickly add to that too, was um it's one of those things where you have to be a lifelong learner.00:35:21.199 --> 00:35:22.719


And I that's something that we share.00:35:22.880 --> 00:35:29.119


We love to learn, we love to be kind of new at something where you are just a little bit naive.00:35:29.199 --> 00:35:33.840


You're not the smartest one at the table, and you're just trying to pick up what you can because you know you're getting better.00:35:34.000 --> 00:35:37.679


And that's again, that's that athlete mindset of how can I get better?00:35:37.840 --> 00:35:39.840


Do I need to do two a days, three a days?00:35:40.000 --> 00:35:42.159


What do I need to do in order to be the best?00:35:42.480 --> 00:35:47.280


And they say if you're the smartest person at your table, you gotta find a new table.00:35:47.440 --> 00:35:48.239


And find a new table.00:35:48.400 --> 00:35:49.360


Literally, right?00:35:49.519 --> 00:35:51.360


So um, that's a great call out.00:35:51.519 --> 00:35:54.880


And then what are you most proud of in this current season?00:35:55.119 --> 00:35:58.320


What am I most proud of in this current season?00:35:59.280 --> 00:36:02.239


Uh, I'm proud of my growth.00:36:02.480 --> 00:36:16.719


I'm proud of uh there were a lot of growing pains for myself and just trying to figure a lot out at one time on so many levels that now I feel really stable.00:36:16.880 --> 00:36:20.880


I feel as if I'm I'm in a new version of myself.00:36:21.039 --> 00:36:24.000


And even this weekend, right for my birthday, we're gonna go shopping.00:36:24.079 --> 00:36:29.119


Because for me, on the fashion side, I'm seeing my clothes and I'm just like they're they don't fit me anymore.00:36:29.199 --> 00:36:33.039


They don't fit my where I want to go, my style.00:36:33.280 --> 00:36:47.039


I I I that's one way that you know I just even see myself evolving there, but just my growth overall, um, personally, professionally, um, you know, just in relationships, just really that growth.00:36:47.440 --> 00:36:48.159


The growth is key.00:36:48.239 --> 00:36:52.480


And then, you know, to your point of growth, what is br what brings you peace right now?00:36:54.639 --> 00:37:05.519


What brings me peace is being around passion partners, uh, which are people that pour into you rather than take from you.00:37:05.840 --> 00:37:18.960


Removing parasites and pirates, people that latch onto you and suck your energy or steal you steal your energy, your thoughts, your ideas, uh, really just being in a place where I feel um it's quiet.00:37:19.119 --> 00:37:19.840


You know what I'm saying?00:37:19.920 --> 00:37:29.119


But it's quiet in a good way, where it's just it it is giving you that peace so you can think, you can, you know, innovate, you can ideate.00:37:29.280 --> 00:37:32.159


It's just yeah, it's a great place to be.00:37:32.639 --> 00:37:33.119


That makes sense.00:37:33.199 --> 00:37:33.920


No, I love that.00:37:34.320 --> 00:37:36.239


What has marriage taught you about yourself?00:37:36.880 --> 00:37:37.679


Oh man.00:37:38.400 --> 00:37:43.599


Marriage taught me about myself a few things.00:37:44.239 --> 00:38:02.639


Uh you are growing with another person and remembering that you have to individually grow while also growing together as a couple so that you're not growing apart or one person is growing more than you.00:38:02.800 --> 00:38:11.920


And that's not to say that you know somebody is not going to progress faster than you, but are you doing what you need to do to be able to kind of keep up, right?00:38:12.159 --> 00:38:16.159


Um, or or get close to that level if you know that you can get there, right?00:38:16.239 --> 00:38:22.000


Because there are some people where it's like, I know my ceiling, I know my cap, and I don't know if I'm gonna be able to reach you and get to where you're going.00:38:22.079 --> 00:38:27.840


But for us, I feel like we we keep moving the ceiling, we we make the ceiling.00:38:28.159 --> 00:38:34.320


Um, and so yeah, I think it's yeah.00:38:35.119 --> 00:38:37.039


I just think it's it's a good space to be.00:38:37.360 --> 00:38:38.000


I love that.00:38:38.559 --> 00:38:41.840


So the last one, what is your dream for next year?00:38:42.559 --> 00:38:44.239


My dream for next year?00:38:44.480 --> 00:38:54.559


Well, we have our own, you know, we have a dream for for us in We have a dream for us internally, uh, which I'm really excited about.00:38:54.960 --> 00:38:58.400


We're we're kind of keeping that, you know, a little bit on the hush hush.00:38:58.559 --> 00:39:05.119


Uh professionally, there's some really incredible things happening that we're that we're nurturing as well, which I'm very excited about.00:39:05.360 --> 00:39:18.880


Um but honestly, it's just I'm heading into another version and another phase, and I'm really excited about it because I'm gonna be more stable in who I am and not have to accommodate others.00:39:18.960 --> 00:39:24.320


That's something that we've talked about a lot over these past couple of years, is how accommodating we've been to others.00:39:24.559 --> 00:39:36.000


And uh, you know, some of that's that people pleasing in in a few of those things, but really being able to stand firm and again, not everyone's going to like you, let them think what they want to think about you.00:39:36.159 --> 00:39:47.360


As long as you continue to be a person that is that is giving, that is kind, that wants to see the world be a better place, then you know, who cares what other people have to say?00:39:47.440 --> 00:39:49.199


But just keep dreaming big.00:39:49.440 --> 00:39:53.599


And, you know, once some of these things happen, we'll be able to talk a little bit more about them.00:39:53.840 --> 00:39:56.639


But um, I'm just excited for the next chapters.00:39:56.880 --> 00:39:58.079


I'm excited for the next chapter.00:39:58.159 --> 00:40:01.679


I'm excited to be celebrating you, bringing a birthday episode.00:40:01.760 --> 00:40:09.840


And this episode was brought to you by AZ Pod Studio, the house of all the best podcasts here in Arizona, and our podcast.00:40:10.079 --> 00:40:13.519


So make sure that you uh subscribe if you haven't already.00:40:13.760 --> 00:40:21.280


Subscribe, follow us at the cup at Cupley Fit, and then also check out these uh clips on wherever you're listening as well as on YouTube.00:40:21.760 --> 00:40:22.559


We'll see you on the next one.