Oct. 7, 2025

Episode 53: What No One Tells You About Marriage: 9 Lessons That Actually Matter

Marriage advice, trust, and real relationship growth from nine years of choosing love on purpose.

Nine years in and still showing up for each other every day. We share the habits that keep our marriage strong, clear communication, shared vision, faith, and play. From vision boards to date nights that fit any budget, these small choices build lasting connection.

Press plays for nine takeaways you can use this week to strengthen your relationship and keep your love growing on purpose.

00:00 - Anniversary Freestyle Kickoff

00:48 - Nine Years, Phases, and Gratitude

02:06 - Marriage, Money, and Partner Strengths

04:05 - Discernment, Trust, and Faster Alignment

07:15 - Feeling Young, Building a Business Together

09:08 - Trials, Faith, and Early Anniversaries

12:16 - Kids, Timing, and Uncommon Choices

15:00 - Favorite Anniversary Moments

17:06 - Communication, Vision Boards, and Date Nights

20:08 - New Experiences and Playful Rituals

22:05 - Protecting the Union from Outside Voices

24:20 - Choosing the Right Person, Modern Dating

26:16 - Travel Together, Even for Work

28:05 - Transparency, Healing, and Daily Choice

31:00 - Fill Your Own Cup and Solo Retreats

33:16 - Traditions, Holidays, and Boundaries

36:00 - Creating Meaning on Any Budget

38:27 - Celebrating Podcast Recognition

40:55 - Why Marriage Still Matters

44:05 - Anniversary Plans and Closing Love Note

44:41 - Subscribe, Connect, and Keep Growing

WEBVTT

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Hey Coupley Fit fam.

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Welcome back to another episode.

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This is our anniversary episode.

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Do you know what today is?

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It's our anniversary.

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Come on now.

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It's our anniversary.

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Nine years.

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Hold on, hold on.

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That's giving, that's giving Kirk choir middle school.

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Oh man, I was definitely in a choir.

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People don't, everybody don't know that.

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You're giving away the secrets.

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But that's why we're that's why we're here.

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Ninth anniversary.

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We're gonna give away some secrets today.

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Yes, ninth anniversary, wedding anniversary.

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So by the time this episode comes out, we will be celebrating.

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So we want to give you guys just, you know, we don't have any cue cards.

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We're just gonna be rolling with it and just seeing where this goes.

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Freestyle.

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Freestyle.

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What I love about the freestyle is, I mean, when we think about how fast, like it's gone by fast, but there's been so many moments and experiences that like we'll never forget.

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I mean, from we talked about the phases in a recent episode, we talked about the phases of marriage, but I feel like we've literally seen those phases.

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We've lived them.

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Yeah.

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I mean, so we're gonna be celebrating nine years married, 11 years together.

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So you start talking about, you know, you're putting in a decade, a 10-piece, a 10-piece.

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So we have definitely, you know, highs, lows, roses, thorns.

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And and now, Lita, I just want to say I'm super grateful because I love you even more today than when I first met you, obviously.

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I love you so much.

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For sure.

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And I don't know if everybody feels that way.

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You know, I feel like a lot of people, you know, it's like, man, I remember the days you used to cook for me, dude.

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No, but like back in the day when I was young, I'm not a kid anymore.

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But you know, I speaking of that, you know, us not having 25.

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I mean, that's pretty much you were 26.

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26.

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But when people think back, that's like that's pretty young.

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But I think there's such a blessing.

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I saw a stat that said 80% of millionaires are married.

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Sure.

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And I was like, That makes sense.

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That makes a lot of sense.

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But why does that make sense to you?

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Uh, on many levels.

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Well, first and foremost, it's a uh trust factor.

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That's true.

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So outside people then trust you because you have a wife, potentially a family.

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Uh, there is also the fact that uh, again, specifically, we're talking about heterosexual relationships that what wives bring to the table for men specifically, not saying that men are the ones that are the millionaires, but this is just based off of the research that I've seen, is the the addition of having the woman's viewpoint, yes, uh, point of view, but then also we're we're wired differently.

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We're wired in the sense of multitasking, knowing and understanding details, right?

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What's gonna come next, where uh that can be a great addition to uh anybody that's really gonna be out there making that money.

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Yeah, well, you've been a great addition to me.

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And I think about that as just how much I've learned from the beginning, being like, no, I got it, all my finances, I got everything on lock.

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I just need to make more.

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It's like, no, no, no.

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No, no, no.

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You can't just make more.

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You need to really lock in on the details, on the numbers, on the spreadsheets.

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And those aren't things that are like my skill set per se.

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Like, I don't want to be in Excel breaking it all down, but that's a strength that you have.

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And so I just think there's a lot of husbands or even someone that's getting into a relationship right now that's trying to figure out how do I get to nine years or how do I mesh with my partner?

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And a lot of it is to making sure that you're utilizing your partner's strengths.

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Right.

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Because so many people are not like what do they say?

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You're underutilized or you're underestimating your partner.

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And there's so many moments when you've been legit, the secret weapon.

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Your wife is your secret weapon, or your husband could be your secret weapon, because there's been times where I'm so in it with the business opportunity or the move or the job or the whatever, and you're like literally like you're you're sifting through like the clouds, you know, the clever words people are saying.

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You're like, no, that's not it.

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No, that's not it.

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Or that's or that is it.

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Yes.

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And to your point about strengths, right?

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Something I think that you were alluding to is also my we both have great discernment, but I also, over the years, have had discernment on.

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I will tell you, is within probably 10 seconds of you introducing me to somebody or us being, you know, in a networking opportunity and we meet somebody, um, oh no, no, no, they're not the ones.

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I got I got the vibe.

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The the Holy Spirit was talking to me and said, that's a no-go.

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That's that's you're like, what do you mean?

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No, they they said all the right things.

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Me and him got lunch on Thursday.

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And I'm telling you, cancel the lunch.

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That's not it.

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We're not moving forward.

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Cancel the lunch.

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Right.

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But same with you, right?

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When you when you talk about utilizing the strengths, yeah, is also knowing and understanding for you specifically your day-to-day.

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So if there's a task that needs to get done that day and focus, that's what you can do.

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But also, we've taken multiple tests over the years to show us who we are when it comes to yes, personality traits, but also how we work.

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So I also know for you that when it comes to the day-to-day tasks, you, you know, two of your top five strengths, which we actually share, are focus and relatability.

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So I think that's something that we also see too.

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And achiever, I think, was another one for you, I believe, right?

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Absolutely.

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Achiever too.

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So I know whatever task you're gonna get that day, not only are you gonna do it, but you're gonna do it with excellence.

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So it's again, to your point, knowing and understanding what are the strengths of your partner, but then also what are the areas of opportunity?

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Because there may be some areas where it's like, hey, over time, now that we're nine years in, there have been some areas where before, when we first were married at 25 and 26, now that we're 34 and 35, we're just a whole ver new version of ourselves.

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And so with that comes more wisdom, comes more also, uh, I think something too that you've learned over the years is uh how to uh interact with people that say get off your chest.

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What do you mean?

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Interact with people.

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You just you I've had to tell you over time, like, hey, that person doesn't deserve your time.

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Just period.

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You're like, I know everybody, I want to give my time to everybody.

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You can have time, you can have time.

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But knowing time is your greatest asset, I'm no, yeah, I don't want to say you're wasting your time, but you're kind of wasting your time on this, on this person or they're just not ready, right?

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It goes back to when the student is ready, the teacher will appear.

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And so over time, I've had to tell you that I'm just like, hey, no, we're not, that's done for now.

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If they want to come back later and they're ready later, that's fine.

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But you don't have that time right now and they're not ready.

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So don't waste your time.

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Keep it pushing.

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Keep it pushing.

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No, but you're so right.

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And a lot of times I think that can be a sticking point for or a pain point in people's marriages and relationships because it's like my partner's giving me this great feedback, but it's uncomfortable because then you have to have a you have to make a critical decision or have a critical conversation.

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But also people like you're coming for me.

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Absolutely.

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Or come, yeah, because it's like why you're saying you're saying I don't see it, or you're saying this person's been around and like I didn't see the flaws, or I've been glossing over.

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And this could be family, friends, it could be whatever.

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And sometimes it's getting that other set of eyes that's not in it and doesn't know them, and you're just calling out the blatant examples of like, hey, how did you feel about this?

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Yes, hey, did you notice this?

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Hey, maybe you should redirect that time towards these other things.

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And it was such a great call, and I think something that just here in the area of growth, because we're not perfect by any means.

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Oh no, we're always learning, growing, and evolving.

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But one thing that we've definitely done is the time that it would take for me to get where you're coming from, or like see it.

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Because there used to be a time where it's like, man, months could go by.

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Yes, where it's like you said it, but I'm like, all right, nah, nah, no way, not my man's, not my man's.

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And then another incident, another incident, another incident, and it's like three.

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But it takes time, it takes time, but then once you acknowledge it, and now it's like so much faster because you'll call it out, I'll see it, or I it'll be a flag before I even get to an incident.

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And I just think those things make a lot of sense.

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But so many times, if you're not in tune and you're not locked in with your partner, it it some you know, worst case, you stop mentioning what you see.

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Yeah.

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And it's interesting.

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So two points came across for me.

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So, number one is what you're also saying without saying is that you trust my abilities, you trust my vision, you trust what I see, what I hear.

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No confusion, 100%.

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No confusion.

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But what I will say is again, not being nine years in married, but 11 years together, trust is time plus consistency.

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Yeah, so over time, right?

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I've been saying these things or just pointing these things out, mentioning them to you, and consistently doing that.

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And then that equals that trust piece where it's okay, no, I know if she says something now, she saw something I didn't see, or now you're to the point where I did see it, but I, oh, wait, you just brought it to my attention again.

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Oh my gosh.

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And so for me, a lot of times I'm seeing it in the moment, and I'll mention to you like after the event or after we leave, and you're, oh, I did see that now that you mentioned that, where before it's nah, I don't think so.

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No, that didn't happen.

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So time uh plus consistency equals trust was the first piece.

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And then the second piece was talking more about how you have to know your partner and know who they are, what they bring to the table, and also believe in it, right?

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Believe in what they're saying.

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And it's not, it's not like you're being vindictive or you're trying to manipulate me into thinking something else that didn't happen.

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And so uh it's it's interesting because, you know, now that we're nine years in, we were just talking.

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We're like, do you feel like it's been nine years?

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I mean, on one end, yes, but then on the other end, no.

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I, you know, it still feels as if we're still ramping up, you know, like we're still on the on the on-ramp heading onto the freeway.

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Facts.

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And I mean, because to that point, like I don't we talk about this as each birthday passes.

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I'm just thinking about like different holidays and different moments, but we don't feel like old or like, oh man, we're getting so much older.

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Because I think when people think of, oh, you've been together, man, y'all been together over 10 years, 11 years, like, whoa.

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Yeah, do you feel old now?

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Do you feel like you're just like, you know, no, like I literally feel like we do, we had we're planned, we've do done more traveling in the past year than we've done previously.

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Absolutely.

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Um, the experience and the moments we've been able to experience together, like those are things that we look forward to now more than ever.

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Right.

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Um, and let's also be honest, right?

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Like, we might have had a little bit more energy for nightlife or going out and things like that back in the day.

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But now, you know, it is great to be more established and like we know what we're doing, we know the opportunities, also together as a business and being a husband and wife in business together, it feels like even a bigger milestone because not only are we celebrating on the marriage side, but it's like, man, we've been able to accomplish all of these things together as well as husband and wife, which like that's so rare.

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Like, most people talk about how it doesn't work out when you're in business with your spouse, or you know, there's struggles on the marital side and on the business.

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Like, no, like it really feels like just truly blessings.

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And I know we're just grateful to God because that's been the foundation and a peace that is just made sure despite any of the chaos, the valleys, like we've been able to really have the faith and stick together throughout it all.

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Yeah.

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I mean, and when you talk about the faith component, we literally would not be here without God as our foundation because we, you know, went through some some true trials and tribulations that not only tested us, but they tested tested individually.

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And, you know, you can either grow from it or you can continue to stay where you are.

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And so we did choose to grow from it, but it's the growing pains were real, they were real.

00:12:10.559 --> 00:12:18.000
So I want to quickly ask you, you know, do you remember our first anniversary?

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I do.

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Okay, give me the give me the walk for the first anniversary.

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The first anniversary, uh, I believe we stayed in, actually.

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We stayed in, we froze the top of our wedding cake.

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Do you remember that?

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I do.

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I that so we had our wedding cake as dessert, and then I made salmon with grilled vegetables, mashed potatoes.

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I remember that specifically.

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And I just will say this, brothers, get you, get you, get you a woman that can cook now.

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Because when you get hungry, you want to be able to do it.

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Oh, it was hidden.

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It was hidden.

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I remember that now as you say it.

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That, and then I created these.

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I went to Michael's and I created movie tickets.

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Yes.

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Do you remember that?

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Like now screening, whatever movie we were watching.

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And then I had popcorn, uh, yogurt-dipped pretzels, Oreos, and snacks were on 10.

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Snacks were on 10.

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Uh, but we ended up staying in our first anniversary, which I thought was really uh interesting too.

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But then when I do think about it though, gosh, our first five years, there was a lot happening.

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We had a lot going on, just really on the personal side.

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We're growing a business.

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Uh, and then in the family business at the time.

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In the family business.

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And I also remember us, you know, this goes back to when you tell God your plans, he laughs.

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Because we thought we were, oh, we're gonna have two kids by 30.

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This is where we're gonna be, this is what we're gonna do.

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And so it's just interesting, also being, you know, 34, 35.

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We haven't kids.

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Well, we haven't started our family yet.

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And but also seeing too the incredible things that we've been able to do because we have that freedom to pick up and go.

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Um, and that hasn't been always uh, you know, something that's well, it's just something we get asked all the time, right?

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Where people you must not want to have more kids.

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Or why are you waiting so long?

00:14:09.759 --> 00:14:11.519
Why can't you why not?

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You know, I I I think you know Do you do you have the money to for babysitting for school for the$30,000 it costs in the first year?

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And people be disrespectful too.

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Like, I'll never forget.

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I had one of my coaches ask, Are you shooting blanks?

00:14:27.039 --> 00:14:28.000
How come you don't have no kids?

00:14:28.080 --> 00:14:30.159
I'm like, hold on, can we just be waiting?

00:14:30.240 --> 00:14:33.279
Like crazy, but it shows you how unorthodox it is.

00:14:33.519 --> 00:14:37.440
It shows you how it's supposed to be it's supposed to be fast, fast, fast, fast.

00:14:37.519 --> 00:14:42.080
First comes love, then comes baby, uh, then comes marriage, then comes baby in a baby carriage, right?

00:14:42.240 --> 00:14:53.360
And so it's one of those things too where it is something that was a conscious decision that we both made, but it's been it's been nice.

00:14:53.440 --> 00:15:01.679
I mean, we've been able to really make some incredible moves, you know, just being able to go to Europe for a couple of weeks and not have to worry about like checking in with my mom.

00:15:01.759 --> 00:15:02.799
Hey, how are the kids doing?

00:15:02.879 --> 00:15:05.759
Hey, mom, can you handle a week and a week and a half away?

00:15:05.840 --> 00:15:09.360
You know, just that that that's a that was our choice.

00:15:09.440 --> 00:15:12.159
Now, you know, I know that's not everyone's choice, but that was our choice.

00:15:12.399 --> 00:15:21.440
And you're so right, and it is a sacrifice because when we do have kids, right, we'll be, you know, not old, but older parents compared to having kids when you're 25 or 26.

00:15:21.679 --> 00:15:22.799
But I also think about it.

00:15:22.879 --> 00:15:42.639
There was just a clip from a podcast that Aisha Curry went on, and she was talking about wanting having these career aspirations and things she wanted to get accomplished, but she had kids and feels like, and a lot of people are coming for her, like, well, why, you know, how dare, you know, man, how come you feel like you shouldn't have like had the kids or why you know your career?

00:15:42.720 --> 00:15:50.960
And it's like, well, wait a minute, you can be dual faceted, you can be a mom, and you could have wanted to have career aspirations, or be, you know, a high achiever.

00:15:51.120 --> 00:15:58.639
You can do both, or also you could have wanted to have all of these plans, but kids, you're like, Hey, I'm focused on mama right now, and that might have to be on the background.

00:15:59.120 --> 00:16:00.240
Yeah, absolutely.

00:16:00.480 --> 00:16:01.039
Absolutely.

00:16:01.279 --> 00:16:05.039
So now, uh, anniversary-wise, do you have a favorite memory?

00:16:08.080 --> 00:16:15.759
Um I would probably say the favorite memory that I have is I'm just thinking about us going out to dinner.

00:16:16.000 --> 00:16:17.840
You had the red, you had this red dress on.

00:16:17.919 --> 00:16:18.799
I could see the dress.

00:16:18.879 --> 00:16:22.480
I had on a black blazer, had a little red um the Milmore.

00:16:22.559 --> 00:16:22.799
Yes.

00:16:23.039 --> 00:16:23.679
Renatus.

00:16:24.000 --> 00:16:24.240
Yes.

00:16:24.480 --> 00:16:25.600
That was a great experience.

00:16:25.679 --> 00:16:29.600
And it just was more so the the memory of us celebrating.

00:16:29.679 --> 00:16:33.840
And that's something that we've added in is like going out to dinner and really celebrating it.

00:16:33.919 --> 00:16:36.320
Because although first anniversary was incredible, right?

00:16:36.480 --> 00:16:40.240
Like that's a lot of cooking and things that you had to do on our anniversary versus using.

00:16:40.399 --> 00:16:50.559
I don't mind, but no, but I'm just saying us being able to go out and like just focus on us versus like your prepping, your hosting, you're you're catering, you're doing dinner.

00:16:50.720 --> 00:16:53.039
Like it's it's a whole you know, use it.

00:16:53.120 --> 00:16:54.480
Michael's cutting stuff out.

00:16:54.720 --> 00:16:56.320
Like I appreciate it, right?

00:16:56.399 --> 00:17:11.839
And it had a definitely had the personal touch, but I just I did love us being able to just really break bread, enjoy, celebrate, talk about all of the things, especially the last year and like what we vision boarded, what we talked about, prayed about, and how it's come to fruition.

00:17:11.920 --> 00:17:15.359
And also, like, like you said, the areas where God was like, Nope.

00:17:15.759 --> 00:17:19.119
You know, he kind of laughed at the plans, but then yeah, just the moments together.

00:17:19.200 --> 00:17:23.599
So for the most part, it's really been just like the quality time and being able to spend that together for sure.

00:17:23.839 --> 00:17:24.880
Yeah, I agree.

00:17:25.039 --> 00:17:26.160
I remember that one.

00:17:26.720 --> 00:17:27.920
That was a good one.

00:17:28.160 --> 00:17:35.039
Uh, I would have to say mine was one of my favorite ones was last year because that was our uh golden anniversary.

00:17:35.200 --> 00:17:35.759
Eight years on the eighth.

00:17:36.319 --> 00:17:38.799
I didn't want to just go last year because it was like that's the most recent.

00:17:39.039 --> 00:17:40.480
No, but yeah, that's a great one.

00:17:40.799 --> 00:17:41.839
Eight years on the eighth.

00:17:41.920 --> 00:17:46.319
I liked that one too because we also went back to State 44, that's where he proposed.

00:17:46.640 --> 00:17:51.119
So there was just a lot of full circle moments with that too, which was really nice.

00:17:51.519 --> 00:17:55.680
And um, yeah, that's that was definitely one of my favorite ones for sure.

00:17:56.079 --> 00:17:56.480
I love it.

00:17:56.559 --> 00:17:57.759
So I got a question for you.

00:17:58.000 --> 00:18:09.839
So as we look at the next nine years, what what are the biggest things that we've learned that we want to take into the next nine years of marriage?

00:18:11.119 --> 00:18:11.359
Exactly.

00:18:11.759 --> 00:18:18.640
And you can just give me one, just like one thing that you're like, I want to like we have to take this or continue doing this over the next nine years.

00:18:19.039 --> 00:18:19.920
Uh well, it's two.

00:18:20.160 --> 00:18:20.240
Okay.

00:18:20.720 --> 00:18:22.640
So one is communication, yes, right?

00:18:22.799 --> 00:18:28.160
Just continuously communicating on all levels, uh, truly how we're also feeling.

00:18:28.240 --> 00:18:39.599
But then it was interesting because I was watching this uh podcast and she was talking about asking your partner what you require.

00:18:40.079 --> 00:18:50.160
And I thought that was really interesting, you know, and so she was saying things of, you know, this is I require uh I'm just thinking three squares a day.

00:18:50.720 --> 00:18:51.279
Exactly.

00:18:51.359 --> 00:18:52.079
Yeah, I know.

00:18:52.319 --> 00:18:53.200
Exactly.

00:18:54.000 --> 00:18:54.480
Exactly.

00:18:54.640 --> 00:19:15.680
But basically just being open with this is what I require and and you know, requires kind of can be restricting in some ways, but this is just what I am looking for either from you and what I uh not that I'm looking for this from you to fulfill what I need inside of myself because you always need to fulfill yourself first.

00:19:15.839 --> 00:19:17.680
You can't look to your partner to do that.

00:19:18.000 --> 00:19:21.039
And so one thing would be communication.

00:19:21.519 --> 00:19:31.359
The other one would be uh ensuring that we have that time to ourselves in the sense of we're pulling away from Coupley Fit.

00:19:31.440 --> 00:19:32.960
So we're not talking about the business.

00:19:33.119 --> 00:19:43.759
We're truly talking about us, where we are, our roses, our thorns, our aspirations, goals, really making sure that we're staying on the same page and growing together.

00:19:44.000 --> 00:19:50.559
Although you may not be growing at the same pace, you're still knowing and understanding, okay, this is where you want to go, this is where I want to go.

00:19:50.720 --> 00:19:52.319
How can we help each other get there?

00:19:52.480 --> 00:19:54.480
And then ultimately you'll get there together.

00:19:54.640 --> 00:19:56.000
Cause that's the that's the goal.

00:19:56.079 --> 00:20:06.160
And that's because we've heard time and time again couples continuously saying, I've outgrown, I've outgrown, I've outgrown this person or this relationship.

00:20:06.400 --> 00:20:13.119
And so I would say communication and making sure that we are uh having that quality time together.

00:20:13.519 --> 00:20:14.319
Yeah, no, I love it.

00:20:14.400 --> 00:20:24.720
And so the quality time, I really the two things that come to my mind are really aligned with exactly what you said on the communication and the vision, and then also the quality time was the date nights, right?

00:20:24.799 --> 00:20:26.640
Which you just talked about, which I love.

00:20:26.880 --> 00:20:31.920
And then to me, something that I absolutely want to take into the next nine that we didn't always do.

00:20:32.079 --> 00:20:48.160
So this is one that we've added in, um, especially more recently, but really doing our vision boarding at the start of every year, because when you think about it, and it's something that I love, we have a vision board individually, which is just what you talked about of everybody has their own individual goal.

00:20:48.319 --> 00:20:51.119
Like everything, like you don't necessarily like to run.

00:20:51.200 --> 00:20:55.039
I might be have 5K or marathon on my vision board, and you're like, you got that.

00:20:55.119 --> 00:20:57.119
Yeah, I'm gonna support you from the sideline, right?

00:20:57.359 --> 00:20:58.720
Or yours might be walking.

00:20:58.960 --> 00:20:59.759
You walk it, right?

00:20:59.920 --> 00:21:01.599
But like there's that's a perfect example.

00:21:01.759 --> 00:21:12.720
But then something that we look at together as we created our vision boards even for this year was you know our motivational speaking and us being able to really have more public speaking opportunities and really share our voice.

00:21:12.960 --> 00:21:15.519
And then that's up on both individual vision boards.

00:21:15.599 --> 00:21:27.279
But that's an area we could cheer each other on and be able to be big supporters, and then having a separate vision board for Coupley Fit and Business of like these are the things that we want to get accomplished that we want to do, boxes that we want to check.

00:21:28.000 --> 00:21:33.119
But I feel like it set such a strong, and then we actually put them up on the wall so that we can see them.

00:21:33.440 --> 00:21:49.519
Because I feel like it makes such a difference when you can look up, see it, even have it on my watch where I can see it as an Apple Watch face of like, hey, this is on the vision board, but then we can also have that check-in at the end of the year, you know, even at other points where it's like, how are we doing?

00:21:50.400 --> 00:21:52.000
Are we are we seeing it?

00:21:52.079 --> 00:21:52.720
Are we pacing?

00:21:52.799 --> 00:21:53.519
Are we getting there?

00:21:53.680 --> 00:22:10.799
And I just think that makes such a difference for us because again, we constantly hear, like you said, couples feel like they're growing apart or they're drifting in different directions, but the vision board is there, or you're having that discovery of asking the question of oh, you want to go to Alaska, you trying to move, like, why is Alaska on your vision board?

00:22:10.880 --> 00:22:12.400
We supposed to be in California, right?

00:22:12.480 --> 00:22:15.680
Like it just allows you to at least have the conversation and get on the same page.

00:22:16.000 --> 00:22:16.640
Yes.

00:22:17.279 --> 00:22:18.240
That's fantastic.

00:22:18.319 --> 00:22:19.279
I'm glad you shared that.

00:22:19.359 --> 00:22:23.359
I I do believe uh quite a few people are gonna take take that with them.

00:22:23.680 --> 00:22:28.160
Something that came to me too was two more things, actually.

00:22:28.319 --> 00:22:31.119
And they kind of merge together with the two things that I mentioned before.

00:22:31.359 --> 00:22:38.559
But one of them is going to be having new experiences together, i.e., when we went to Europe, that was a new experience.

00:22:38.720 --> 00:22:40.400
Everything was new for the first time.

00:22:40.720 --> 00:22:45.519
Even just learning the train system, the Eurostar, all like all of it was new.

00:22:46.000 --> 00:22:49.759
Learning that you have to pay to go to the bathroom was the wildest thing.

00:22:49.920 --> 00:22:53.680
That was, I couldn't even, yeah, that was baffled.

00:22:54.000 --> 00:22:54.400
Baffled.

00:22:54.480 --> 00:22:56.319
We were in Amsterdam talking about what a dog.

00:22:57.119 --> 00:22:57.440
What do you mean?

00:22:58.480 --> 00:22:58.960
What do you mean?

00:22:59.200 --> 00:22:59.839
What do you mean?

00:23:00.000 --> 00:23:08.559
So again, I think having those new experiences together because we are putting ourselves both in a situation where not one person knows more than the other.

00:23:08.640 --> 00:23:12.720
We're figuring this out together, and it just allows you to be in the moment and be present.

00:23:12.799 --> 00:23:14.559
Uh, I thought we really did a great job of that.

00:23:14.640 --> 00:23:20.960
Although I had like, you know, a basic itinerary of okay, if we're in Amsterdam, these are some of the Dutch foods we need to get.

00:23:21.359 --> 00:23:22.079
Pancake.

00:23:22.319 --> 00:23:25.680
Oh my gosh, that Dutch pancake was phenomenal.

00:23:25.920 --> 00:23:27.279
I'm still working off that pancake.

00:23:27.519 --> 00:23:28.559
Oh, so good.

00:23:28.799 --> 00:23:29.440
That was so good.

00:23:29.519 --> 00:23:30.640
And they have gluten-free.

00:23:30.799 --> 00:23:32.160
Oh, divine.

00:23:32.319 --> 00:23:33.440
Uh, so that was number one.

00:23:33.519 --> 00:23:43.839
And then number two is making sure that we stay in a childlike mindset in the sense of for us, I would say at least once a year we're going to Dave and Buster's, which is where we have a lot of.

00:23:44.160 --> 00:23:45.839
I would say once every every couple months.

00:23:46.079 --> 00:23:46.319
Do we?

00:23:46.480 --> 00:23:52.240
We're doing, I mean, we've been to either the like the pop stroke, we went to Dave and Buster's, we went to um, yes.

00:23:52.319 --> 00:23:53.519
I'm talking Dave and Busters specifically.

00:23:53.759 --> 00:23:56.880
But I'm saying it's a form of Dave and Busters where you're playing arcade or game games.

00:23:57.119 --> 00:23:58.000
Yes, yes.

00:23:58.160 --> 00:24:03.680
Because that's that's something for us where yes, we can be competitive, but we're also having so much fun.

00:24:04.160 --> 00:24:05.519
Winner, winner, chicken dinner.

00:24:05.759 --> 00:24:08.079
Yes, and we're not, there's no judgment or anything.

00:24:08.240 --> 00:24:10.880
We're both kind of new at this and just figuring this out.

00:24:11.039 --> 00:24:19.920
Uh, but I I would say I'd add those two things in too, because those four together for me over the next nine years, yeah.

00:24:20.960 --> 00:24:24.400
But what can go, you know, we'll just keep building.

00:24:24.720 --> 00:24:25.119
I love that.

00:24:25.200 --> 00:24:34.160
And building on that foundation, and one of the other things, speaking of foundation, this is probably arguably the best piece of advice aside from like keep God first and faith.

00:24:34.720 --> 00:24:45.119
The next best piece of advice that I received that I definitely wanted to continue to take into the next nine years that I learned throughout the marriage journey was it's always about us.

00:24:45.599 --> 00:25:00.000
Yes, silence all the other voices, all the other so you can again you can have conversations with loved ones, family, mom, dad, whoever, but really realizing that it comes down to you and your husband.

00:25:00.319 --> 00:25:01.920
You're the only ones in this relationship.

00:25:02.160 --> 00:25:12.240
But so often, like again, the outside voices and feedback and how things need to be done, and that's right now there's somebody listening, and that's dictating their marriage or their relationship.

00:25:12.480 --> 00:25:39.279
Is mom, dad, loved one, family member, cousin, them, siblings, whatever it may be, of like, oh no, they said it has to be this way, or oh no, like I thought it was this, and it really comes down to how you all want to operate, but it also is so important how you choose your partner because again, you want to be able to know I'm building on the right foundation with the right person so that I don't have to worry, like those people aren't coming to save you.

00:25:39.599 --> 00:25:42.400
They're more so like, hey, we're building together.

00:25:42.640 --> 00:25:55.440
I love that, and to your point, I think something else too that we briefly talked about before was when you think of marriage, you think you have to get married in your 20s or you know, even in your 30s, right?

00:25:55.599 --> 00:25:58.000
Yes, that would be ideal, I feel like for most people.

00:25:58.160 --> 00:26:07.599
And there has been statistics that have come out and said 26 is the ideal age to get married, but at the same time, wait to find your person.

00:26:07.759 --> 00:26:08.880
If you can wait, right?

00:26:08.960 --> 00:26:11.359
Obviously, for women, we have a lot more things to consider.

00:26:11.440 --> 00:26:16.480
And if you have the option to be able to, for example, freeze your eggs, right?

00:26:16.559 --> 00:26:20.799
That's something that you can do so that you can find the right person and take those next steps.

00:26:21.119 --> 00:26:36.319
But really take your time and find the right person because this is the biggest decision that you'll ever make in your life, truly, in my opinion, because your partner will either elevate you or bring you down.

00:26:36.480 --> 00:26:45.920
And you need to be able to have somebody, depending on what you want to do, right, with your life, that's gonna help elevate you and get you to where you want to be as well as together as a unit.

00:26:46.079 --> 00:26:52.880
And so I just am always, you know, you can be in your 60s and still find love and find marriage and find that person that's right for you.

00:26:52.960 --> 00:26:54.880
And you can have a second marriage too, right?

00:26:54.960 --> 00:27:02.400
Second, hopefully not a third or fourth, but you know what I'm saying, but you can have another marriage where you have you find that right person, but just take your time.

00:27:02.559 --> 00:27:11.119
And it's not easy to find the right person, especially in this day and age, for sure, with the apps and you know, with the way that society is going right now, but they're out there.

00:27:11.279 --> 00:27:12.160
The people are out there.

00:27:12.319 --> 00:27:23.440
You just have to uh, you know, keep searching and keep going into the right places and and you know, ask your friends that you trust to, hey, do you know anybody?

00:27:23.519 --> 00:27:23.680
Right?

00:27:23.759 --> 00:27:27.119
Like don't be don't be afraid to ask for help too, right?

00:27:27.279 --> 00:27:29.039
And also matchmakers.

00:27:29.200 --> 00:27:31.200
I think people overlook matchmakers, they do.

00:27:31.359 --> 00:27:34.480
Like right now, right now, I feel like matchmakers should, they're probably trending up.

00:27:35.359 --> 00:27:35.680
You know what?

00:27:36.079 --> 00:27:36.400
They should.

00:27:36.640 --> 00:27:40.319
Because if you think about it, you and I, we've watched Millionaire Matchmaker on Netflix, right?

00:27:40.559 --> 00:27:47.039
But uh even just helping out some other people that we know personally that are looking for their significant other.

00:27:47.200 --> 00:27:50.720
When we've mentioned matchmaker, they're saying, wait, huh?

00:27:50.960 --> 00:27:51.839
I never even thought about that.

00:27:52.000 --> 00:27:52.799
I never thought about that.

00:27:52.880 --> 00:27:55.440
I've heard of it, but I've never thought about that for myself.

00:27:55.680 --> 00:27:58.319
Highly recommend take a look and just see.

00:27:58.480 --> 00:27:59.119
You never know.

00:27:59.279 --> 00:28:02.400
This is somebody, this is their job is to match you up.

00:28:02.640 --> 00:28:03.119
Expertise.

00:28:03.440 --> 00:28:04.480
Expertise, right?

00:28:04.559 --> 00:28:08.319
I have however many years in this field matching people up.

00:28:08.400 --> 00:28:15.920
And I think that that's just overlooked when we talk about, you know, if you are, you know, a little bit later in life potentially and who you're looking for.

00:28:16.160 --> 00:28:17.440

Episode 53: What No One Tells You About Marriage: 9 Lessons That Actually Matter

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