Sept. 23, 2025

Episode 51: Happy Couples Do This ONE Thing Every Day

Episode 51: Happy Couples Do This ONE Thing Every Day

Marriage doesn’t lose its spark, you just need to water it daily.

In this episode, we explore why the honeymoon phase ends, how to keep both love and friendship alive, and why tiny acts matter more than grand gestures

Expect real stories, simple habits (like surprise flowers, doing dishes, and $20 dates), and insights from couples who’ve been married for decades.

Whether you’re newly married or celebrating years together, you’ll walk away excited to choose each other every single day.

Subscribe for more honest relationship wisdom each week.

00:00 - Introduction: Beyond the Honeymoon Phase

04:07 - Dating vs Reality: The Representative Fades

06:50 - Love vs Like: Choosing Your Partner Daily

11:30 - Five Game-Changing Acts of Service

18:28 - Surprises That Matter in Marriage

27:20 - Building Routines and Asking Better Questions

35:22 - Consequences of Not Prioritizing Marriage

WEBVTT

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Hey Cupply Fit fam.

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Welcome back to another episode.

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Today we are talking about how to keep the spark alive after the honeymoon phase.

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Listen, I'm telling you.

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A lot of people I know are curious because right now I heard the marriage rates are down and I think they're down because people see all of this negative publicity.

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You know what?

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It's so much bad news.

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There's a lot of bad news around marriage.

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And can I tell you, what also makes people concerned is that when you see the billionaires getting divorced, you're like dang, like you know what they say more money, more problems.

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But right is that really the case?

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right and to your point.

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The honeymoon phase is when you first get married to two years oh, I didn't know.

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It's two years the honeymoon.

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Yeah, I'd be feeling like people be at the honeymoon phase first six months listen, okay, because you want to know something starts getting real, especially if and it's interesting because this is just my opinion, but I believe that to go from you as a single person to then living with somebody when you get married first off off, I'm in it.

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I said I do.

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We made a vow, I signed the paperwork, we're in it, and now I'm just figuring out how you live Like, are you dirty?

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Do you leave your clothes all over the place?

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How responsible are you?

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Oh, listen, there were signs.

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There are signs.

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There are signs and people blew right past them on that initial journey.

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But can I tell you what the question I have for those listening how long does it take for someone's representative to disappear?

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What do you mean by representative?

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The person that they're presenting themselves to be, because a lot of times During dating is what you're talking about?

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Yeah, because you know everybody wants to put their best foot forward, right, it's kind of like you see on, you know on the sitcoms where, like you're coming over, she promised you a home-cooked meal and, like she, she ordered takeout and threw the containers out.

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You're like, oh, that can't, that chicken tastes like canes delicious is it?

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a home cook you make?

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You got the canes recipe, but I said it to say.

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And then, like you get into the marriage, you're like wait a minute, you don't cook, you don't cook, you're making me.

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That's egregious you were making me homemade chicken tenders for two years.

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Get, get married and you're like those were actually.

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That was takeout the whole time.

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That's egregious.

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Because at the same time, you're not being truthful with the person to where they can make the choice if they want to stay, Because in that, for that example, you that's a deal breaker.

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That's a deal breaker.

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But let me tell you another one that would be a deal breaker.

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What about the wives that said my husband has never seen me without?

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A full face of makeup.

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Never, never, you wake up before him.

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Yes, and put the makeup on and get back in the bed and get back in the bed Come on the theatrics have to stop.

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You have to be your real self.

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But again, right, some of that would be in the honeymoon phase, but now we're after two years.

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That's my question.

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Is that, is that six months when they stop?

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She stopped doing a makeup thing, or is this like two years?

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I mean?

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that's obviously everyone's preference right.

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Whenever they weep the person that you're talking about specifically, that we are throughout the stretch.

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I mean it's a stretch, but don't you feel like whenever they show up, if, let's just say, you jump in a swimming pool and that face of makeup is no longer there, no, no, no, don't you look, you're mindful.

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That's true.

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You're mindful, you're neck up.

00:03:06.996 --> 00:03:09.245
Yeah, yeah yeah, under no circumstances can you go.

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That makes sense.

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Not happening, unless I have waterproof makeup on.

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Things are advanced, things are advanced.

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First off, not advanced.

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No, I did.

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That's thought about.

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You know, the enhancements on the hair.

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You know I'm not knocking it right.

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Come on the man weaves and the enhancements.

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I saw the the waterproof enhancements.

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They had it on looking steve harvey fresh and they just dumped some water on him and didn't go anywhere.

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I was shocked yeah, same for makeup.

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I was like wow so well, ladies, do you, do you feel like your man lied to you, if he has a man weave, if you met him and you thought he had dreads, but he's really bald under there.

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Well, whoop it.

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That's true.

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I would feel finessed.

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I personally would be concerned If that bun was not yours.

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If that bun just went in the wind one day, I would be appalled.

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I just want you to know.

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Okay, let's get back to the topic.

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The topic so how to keep the spark alive after the honeymoon phase.

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Honeymoon phase is typically zero to two years, okay, but what we do need to normalize is, although you can make it feel as if the honeymoon phase is longer than that, that's typically for most marriages where the fizzle starts to happen in the sense of okay, this is starting to get real right, like we're starting to get real about where we are, who you are, what you are, and so I think we need to normalize that the honeymoon phase does end.

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However, you don't need to stop dating as if you are not in the honeymoon phase.

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I agree a hundred percent and we get that feedback a lot because we we never want to come in and say we're the experts, but we do do a great job of asking as many people that have more years in the game than we do decades right, like half a century, like yo, we've been doing this for a decade.

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That's true, Nine years in right Like what?

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what works for you?

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Something that just came to my mind that you, that you touched on right there too, was, as you look at getting you know, beyond that two years you said the fizzle starts to, you know can happen.

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What does that re-engagement look like?

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Right Like what?

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Are cause?

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A lot of times, people aren't actively working on the marriage together because I don't know what the statistics and numbers are.

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But what do people tell you, friends and family?

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As soon as you get married, you need to have a baby.

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Oh, you know what?

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Start your family right now, which nobody- which sounds great when you're in the honeymoon phase.

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It does sound cute.

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Then all of a sudden you get out of the two years and it's like um so yeah you got a one-year-old and you're like whoa, whoa, because also again, I feel like and that's also a lot of transitioning happen in a short amount of time and then that's when you start getting into potentially the five years and you're looking back like wow what do we do?

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What do we?

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Why do we move so fast?

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Yeah, even and don't let somebody else's timeline for you dictate your timeline to your point.

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I even think about back to you know, I think honeymoon phase, right, I even think back to when we got married.

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If we could go back and do it over, there were some things obviously not only smaller wedding, much smaller, but also we wouldn't have rushed the wedding that I actually wanted, yeah there we go, and we wouldn't have had it as soon as we did.

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We would have given more time right, pushed it out, because there's nothing like.

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Don't feel like other people need to rush you or or speed up timelines, because it happens a lot.

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It happens a lot, it happens a lot.

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It happens a lot.

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It happens a lot.

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So then, do you think that there's a difference between loving your spouse and liking them daily?

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Yes, okay.

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Elaborate or your take.

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So my take is you can love the best way I can think about it, it's a spouse but it really can be anybody, right.

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Right, you can love somebody, but but not like what they did that day.

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Yeah, it can be a family member, family member, whoever it can be.

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Like yo, I love you, but yo, you really got on my nerves, but I don't like you.

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You know, I had a family member cars parked in the driveway, they backed in and just literally wrecked my car, just ran into it, parked in the driveway.

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But I said it to say that day did I like that behavior?

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Absolutely not.

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I was not feeling them, but I still loved them, right.

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So I think there's that there's a difference there.

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But I think the goal is that how do we be on the same page?

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That I do like your behavior, cause it's one thing if you had a bad day and but like we don't want those to turn into a sequence of days or weeks or months or years where it's like, dang, I really don't like you.

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Like I love you, but like ooh.

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Well, it's interesting you say that, because what came to my mind was we're in the honeymoon phase, I love you, but then love we always hear often right love sometimes is not enough.

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Often, right, love sometimes is not enough.

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So you have to, then, at least like the person that you're with and like to be.

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You know, uh, whether it's to be around them, to talk to them, but you have to at least like them, like the qualities, like what they stand for, what they bring to the table.

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At least like, because, again, sometimes the, the love sometimes can not fade, but but it can.

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Just it's seasons, right, where sometimes like, listen, I don't like the, the love that I had for you, maybe in the honeymoon phase, is very different now because our life looks different, our season looks different, we have kids, we have this, we have that, and you know there's a lot happening at one time, whoa.

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But I choose you every day, and I think that's something else that we need to talk about too is when you keep that, when you're talking about keeping the spark, do you choose your partner every day that you wake up?

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Because it is a choice.

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And a lot of people, I think.

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I think that goes into exactly what you're saying and I think a lot of times people don't realize that it's a choice.

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Yes.

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Because people think like man, you got married and like they're locked in.

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People always say you know the girl, you need to lock him down yeah or you gotta, you know you lock her down or whatever it is.

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But the reality is like nobody's truly locked down, like you're married.

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But you have to choose to show up, be in a relationship, build together, work on it together, get through things, trials, adversity.

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So it's easier said than done.

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But it takes two people right, like they say, it takes two to tango.

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But truthfully, you have to be able to show up and be.

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Like yo, are we both in this.

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And, like you said, if you don't like each other, I feel like it's hard to make anything work when you don't like somebody, and we see it a lot when you're out.

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If you just look out and like people just got to look on their face like, look, I'm like dang, why are y'all?

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leaving out.

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Yeah, maybe y'all hungry looks like you guys don't like each other.

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Yeah, you see it a lot.

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And here's the other thing too, to your point of what you were saying before.

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Right, you can have seasons where either you don't love somebody or you don't like somebody where you don't love them.

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Yeah, there's some people yeah I mean, I'm not talking about anybody, i'm'm just more so again over the years of just hearing different People do say they fell out of love.

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Yeah, but different perspectives.

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For example, right, yes, we're talking the honeymoon phase, zero to two years, but then after that so much can happen.

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Right?

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Maybe somebody's progressing in their career faster than you are.

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Maybe you've transitioned into a role where I don't even I don't want to be a stay at home mom or stay at home dad.

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This is not the life that I chose.

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Now you start resenting the other person.

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I don't even recognize you anymore.

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Right.

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So you cannot love somebody for sure, um and, and also not like them.

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But what we were saying is is that there is that choice every day when you wake up and the bare minimum is to like that person, because that's really what's going to get you over the hump of okay.

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Now we're past the honeymoon stage.

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How do we keep this spark alive without feeling as if we are, um, without feeling as if we haven't been choosing each other?

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Yeah so, um, I think that's really interesting there.

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Any other takeaways?

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No, you know, to the choosing each other.

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I think that's a great way of looking at it, Because every day you got a choice.

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You do, you do and you know.

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I love the quote of do you think that the grass is greener on the other side?

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But the grass is greener where you water it, and so, being very mindful, of that how are you pouring into your relationship?

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How are you keeping, what are you doing to ignite that spark?

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And then also realizing too I think it's very important to talk about seasons when we talk about marriage, because it's a lifetime, and so when you talk about seasons too, there are going to be times where man, the, we've been grinding right, the spark hasn't quite been there, we haven't really ignited it.

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But if somebody, it's effort, then after that where's the effort into making sure we're igniting that spark?

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And it's it goes even into the attraction of marriage or the attraction of being with somebody else, or outright attraction to the other person.

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That can waver in each season.

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You know, I know, even for me, although I still value quality time as as one of my top love languages, I didn't realize until you started doing some acts of service where I said, oh, oh, I love this.

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This is like I didn't realize it until we went into that season and I said, oh, my gosh, like the, the burden that you take off of me of having to clean the house every day, making sure laundry's done, all of the things that come with just life, uh, in a household, uh, and sharing that with each other, that was something I didn't necessarily know I needed, but the more that you did it, the more I was like, okay, the attraction piece is getting it's different than what it may be was before, with just quality time, or quality time is like my top, but now acts of service and quality time are, like you know, one or two, one or two.

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And for the husbands, cause I think right now some people might be struggling like well, how do you?

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Because what?

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What I heard you say just now is there was a, there was a behavioral change right in my actions, and so some people are probably listening like in effort.

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Husbands might be wondering and why is my woman?

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How do I either create that change or how do we start on the journey to that?

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And I think it really starts small, because obviously your reaction and knowing that that's a love language for you, then it's like okay, I see how you're responding to that right.

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So it's like okay, what does that look like?

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So on a regular work day, you know, if I'm working from home, I get done at the gym.

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Typically I'm throwing my things in the laundry basket and I'm going to keep rolling, we're on the go, and then you realize like, realize, like, all right, the laundry basket is full, similar to the trash.

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The trash is full.

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Do I wait until?

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You ask me hey, trash is overflowing, do you mind taking it out?

00:13:30.307 --> 00:13:39.775
And you gotta ask me again hey, then then you just go ahead and tie it up and just put it by the door like hey and and again, I'm just taking ownership too of like you can.

00:13:39.775 --> 00:13:42.392
Just, you're busy, you're thinking about the things, but it will take me.

00:13:42.485 --> 00:13:44.451
But also, I think it's conditioning exposure as well.

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That's true, Like let's be honest right.

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At least in my experience.

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A lot of men that I've come across are thinking that, well, she's got it.

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She's supposed to be my mama, she's supposed to take care of the household, that's what she's supposed to do.

00:14:00.253 --> 00:14:00.734
Baby boy.

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Come on, Mama need a life too.

00:14:03.990 --> 00:14:05.153
Jodi, Come on Jodi, Come on Jodi.

00:14:06.284 --> 00:14:13.413
So I think, but to even go a little bit deeper into what you said when you said the behavior change.

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Listen to what your wife is saying.

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I promise you that your wife is telling you.

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Take out the trash Directly.

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I promise you that your wife is telling you directly or indirectly where she needs help, and so that's a great area.

00:14:27.212 --> 00:14:28.693
To kind of start is okay.

00:14:28.693 --> 00:14:30.956
What have I been hearing my wife say over and over?

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What are the things that I'm listening to?

00:14:32.756 --> 00:14:40.784
And again, not tuning her out, not looking at it as being naggy or she's nag, you know, she's just man, she's on me, she's always on me.

00:14:41.306 --> 00:14:47.458
I can name five things right now that, just off the top of my head, will be a game changer for most marriages.

00:14:47.458 --> 00:14:49.692
Number one dumping the trash before.

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Before you even get asked, when you see it getting full, go ahead and bag it up and make sure you and is this specifically for men?

00:14:55.025 --> 00:14:55.946
This is for men, yeah.

00:14:56.905 --> 00:15:02.989
And then also refilling it with a liner in the trash, because I do see, sometimes, like you know, it's lazy, you skip a step.

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Take the trash out.

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Now it's empty.

00:15:04.730 --> 00:15:06.671
You got to throw something in there, that's true.

00:15:06.671 --> 00:15:07.311
Don't be lazy.

00:15:07.311 --> 00:15:08.572
So that's one.

00:15:08.572 --> 00:15:10.972
Secondly, the laundry.

00:15:10.972 --> 00:15:15.615
If you see it overflowing and if you don't know how to do laundry and separate it, ask.

00:15:15.615 --> 00:15:22.879
There's a couple of times where I've asked you like yo, this purple, this is going with the colors or the darks you like, throw it in there with the color clothes, right?

00:15:22.899 --> 00:15:24.799
So, on a simple side, google it.

00:15:25.039 --> 00:15:30.601
Yeah, that's true, chat GPT, you better ask AI, take a picture of it and be like yo where did this go?

00:15:30.601 --> 00:15:31.222
So that's two.

00:15:31.222 --> 00:15:32.982
Third is dishes.

00:15:32.982 --> 00:15:47.390
For me, I did not like the, the dirty dishes, so personally, I got to glove up, glove up.

00:15:47.390 --> 00:15:48.794
Dishes are getting done and I don't mind helping out, right?

00:15:48.794 --> 00:15:49.638
So like things like that were big.

00:15:49.638 --> 00:15:52.225
That's three, and the other two that just come to my mind flowers, grab flowers, that's it.

00:15:52.225 --> 00:16:00.269
You don't have to grab a hundred dollar flowers, but if you drop $20 or less on some flowers and if you don't know what flower your wife likes, ask.

00:16:00.750 --> 00:16:04.153
Ask, ask and write it in her contact section.

00:16:04.153 --> 00:16:06.076
Or in a note somewhere or in a note section.

00:16:06.096 --> 00:16:06.736
Major key.

00:16:06.736 --> 00:16:09.240
The last one, and I know this one this is going to hit home.

00:16:09.240 --> 00:16:11.001
Somebody's going to send this to their husband.

00:16:11.001 --> 00:16:13.989
Wipe around the toilet seat, put the toilet seat down.

00:16:13.989 --> 00:16:19.155
You know what Like Sometimes it's just the little things, but, fellas, we got to do better.

00:16:19.155 --> 00:16:26.529
If you see that it needs to be cleaned, don't wait until your wife does it and you know, push the toilet brush by the toilet and says who's going to get to this?

00:16:26.529 --> 00:16:29.274
Just go ahead and throw that comment in the bowl.

00:16:29.274 --> 00:16:32.169
She's going to notice.

00:16:32.672 --> 00:16:42.816
Yes, and although we don't have kids yet, I think something that we've heard over time is the helping out with the kids, so if that looks like making their lunches for.

00:16:43.015 --> 00:16:43.756
Can we, can we before?

00:16:43.756 --> 00:16:44.778
I didn't mean to cut you off.

00:16:44.798 --> 00:16:45.539
You did cut me off.

00:16:45.539 --> 00:16:52.524
We were in the airport and saw the lady just, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, I looked at him.

00:16:52.524 --> 00:16:53.894
I gave him such a dirty look.

00:16:54.096 --> 00:16:54.822
We thought she was by herself.

00:16:54.822 --> 00:16:55.245
She was alone.

00:16:55.245 --> 00:17:01.157
This lady had four kids.

00:17:01.157 --> 00:17:02.099
It was egregious.

00:17:02.424 --> 00:17:04.854
Well, I mean, the audience doesn't know the audience doesn't know.

00:17:05.244 --> 00:17:06.769
Mother, four kids.

00:17:06.769 --> 00:17:09.416
She's got three large bags.

00:17:09.416 --> 00:17:11.092
We thought she was traveling alone.

00:17:11.092 --> 00:17:16.406
I'm helping her grab bags off the SkyTrain and she goes to walk towards the plane.

00:17:16.406 --> 00:17:17.887
She's like, oh no, I'm okay, I'm okay.

00:17:17.907 --> 00:17:20.790
And then her husband comes off the same SkyTrain.

00:17:20.851 --> 00:17:22.011
Wasn't even standing by her.

00:17:22.011 --> 00:17:24.034
Wasn't even standing by her With the four kids.

00:17:24.334 --> 00:17:25.355
And he's asked what did he ask?

00:17:25.355 --> 00:17:27.637
He asked something about is Terminal 3 over here?

00:17:27.817 --> 00:17:28.598
I was like my God.

00:17:28.618 --> 00:17:30.220
You're not even helping out your wife.

00:17:30.220 --> 00:17:31.942
And you're watching her struggle.

00:17:31.942 --> 00:17:36.346
He's holding no bags and no kids.

00:17:36.346 --> 00:17:36.807
I was like my God.

00:17:36.807 --> 00:17:37.888
But again, I've talked about this before.

00:17:37.888 --> 00:17:50.834
This is why the top divorce lawyer said 70% of divorces, which it's actually gone down from 80%, are initiated by women.

00:17:50.834 --> 00:17:52.637
For that exact reason.

00:17:53.105 --> 00:17:53.547
What do?

00:17:53.667 --> 00:18:06.211
I need you, for I can almost guarantee you if he wasn't helping in that situation, he's not helping at home, he's not cleaning that bowl, he's not bringing home the flowers's not doing, he's not taking out the trash.

00:18:06.211 --> 00:18:06.974
I can almost guarantee you that.

00:18:06.974 --> 00:18:07.798
So then it's for what?

00:18:07.798 --> 00:18:08.138
What do I?

00:18:08.138 --> 00:18:10.406
You're literally a burden, like.

00:18:10.406 --> 00:18:11.971
I've already got these kids and you're just.

00:18:11.971 --> 00:18:14.416
You're my fifth child and I'm too grown for this.

00:18:14.416 --> 00:18:16.369
I'm too grown for this.

00:18:16.369 --> 00:18:20.019
Um, and you did cut me off.

00:18:20.019 --> 00:18:21.083
I don't remember what I was saying.

00:18:21.143 --> 00:18:40.380
I'm saying that was just, it jumped out at me like I had to share yes, well, I was also going to be uh, saying on the other side, because you've talked about effort and how you do have to put effort into the spark, and I have heard people doing something called a oh, what's it called?

00:18:40.380 --> 00:18:47.316
They're essentially doing a romantic getaway, but this is like the romantic getaway that's going to make or break us.

00:18:47.316 --> 00:18:53.196
Oh, I think don't wait that long like a couple's retreat yeah, literally like it's this is make or break.

00:18:53.237 --> 00:18:56.132
You love that movie that is a good one this is make or break for us.

00:18:56.313 --> 00:18:57.336
It's already too.

00:18:57.336 --> 00:19:03.049
It's already a little bit too late when it comes to that point, although for some people that may be the turning point.

00:19:03.049 --> 00:19:05.695
For them, it's the little, it's the small.

00:19:05.695 --> 00:19:15.652
Actually and that's our next point is the micro habits that are happening, whether it's daily, weekly, monthly, of the even compliments.

00:19:15.852 --> 00:19:33.567
Let's be honest, when's the last time that you both have complimented each other and it hasn't been backhanded, right right, or it hasn't been something where I'm being a little uh, you know, a little sneaky, a little, a little something like when's the last time you genuinely commented or complimented the other person?

00:19:33.567 --> 00:19:36.113
I think that's something that's underutilized.

00:19:36.113 --> 00:19:41.070
And then also something that, yes, yeah, we both did.

00:19:41.070 --> 00:19:51.667
Um, something too that goes into the compliments is if you are not to a point where you can verbally compliment because you also might be beefing, right, we're.

00:19:51.728 --> 00:20:06.080
We're trying to keep the spark alive after the honeymoon phase looking at each other yeah, so you may be beefing, you may be upset with each other and you're not necessarily talking, yeah, but a great couple of tips that we've said also in previous episodes.

00:20:06.080 --> 00:20:24.751
Number one that sticky note being able to write a sticky note, putting it into you know, a lunch or putting it on a mirror somewhere where the other person is going to be able to see it, and then also going on Pinterest and typing in literally wife, husband, compliments, screenshotting it and sending it.

00:20:24.751 --> 00:20:35.852
So now it's one of those things where, oh wait, I have to even go a little bit further, because you had to go open up the Pinterest app, you had to type this in, screenshot it, send it to me.

00:20:35.991 --> 00:20:49.468
All of that's effort and, although we sometimes don't, if it's not a grand gesture, sometimes we look, we can look at these micro habits as being like, okay, well, you know, I need more, I need more, I need more.

00:20:49.468 --> 00:20:53.205
And it's like, well, let's just, let's just start small with the micro habits.

00:20:53.205 --> 00:21:08.031
So the compliments, the uh, the playfulness, you know just the other day, uh, you know we were, sometimes we'll bring up inside jokes, you know, when we're watching something and it's just that quick laugh where it's like, oh, my gosh, I remember that that was actually when we were dating.

00:21:08.031 --> 00:21:17.285
Or you know, for example, every time we're we're filming and you say save it like that's something, save it save it, that was that was like in cancun.

00:21:17.305 --> 00:21:27.722
That was before we were married and we were having the time of our life at an adults only hotel and we were getting the content and you kept saying, save it, save it.

00:21:27.722 --> 00:21:34.424
We were about we were about six superman drinks deep, though but be careful with that ice be careful with that ice.

00:21:34.424 --> 00:21:36.772
Yeah, I learned the long way or the hard way.

00:21:36.772 --> 00:21:40.445
Um so, mike, yeah, so micro habits, any other micro habits you can think of.

00:21:42.328 --> 00:21:45.393
You touched on so many great ones, feel on a booty.

00:21:45.653 --> 00:21:46.173
You know what I mean.

00:21:46.734 --> 00:21:47.256
Love yours.

00:21:47.516 --> 00:21:50.279
Love yours, but at the same time don't always as a woman, right?

00:21:50.279 --> 00:21:53.988
Don't always.

00:21:53.988 --> 00:21:56.978
Just, you know, sometimes while I'm cooking and you're trying to grab on me.

00:21:56.978 --> 00:21:58.321
It's like listen, this isn't quite the time.

00:21:58.321 --> 00:21:59.163
Skill is hot.

00:21:59.163 --> 00:21:59.785
You know what?

00:22:00.144 --> 00:22:02.048
I'm saying this isn't the time, but I'm here for a booty grab.

00:22:02.048 --> 00:22:04.029
Okay, that's what I'm saying and you know, I think it's definitely love yours.

00:22:04.029 --> 00:22:14.592
If your partner is mentioning the compliments that she got from the clerk at the gas station, or the guy at the car wash, or the person that's checking her out at the grocery store, she's letting you know.

00:22:14.632 --> 00:22:15.394
She's letting you know.

00:22:16.256 --> 00:22:16.596
Come on now.

00:22:16.805 --> 00:22:17.165
Might be close.

00:22:17.165 --> 00:22:19.151
Come on now, keep eyes on me, you might be on the edge.

00:22:19.191 --> 00:22:20.473
You know, hold her tight boss.

00:22:20.815 --> 00:22:21.897
Hold her tight.

00:22:21.897 --> 00:22:35.118
Okay, we talked also about how attraction shifts over time, but then let's also talk more about examples of how you can spark your marriage after the honeymoon phase.

00:22:35.118 --> 00:22:40.756
So we talked a little bit about surprises, or did we A little bit?

00:22:40.756 --> 00:22:44.247
I mean, I think like I think a good example.

00:22:44.287 --> 00:22:57.397
I think a good example of a surprise is the flowers and it doesn't need to be like and I, I think I sometimes I don't feel like I have to say this, but, fellas, I feel like I do have to say this is that flowers before flowers.

00:22:58.228 --> 00:22:58.931
She likes flowers.

00:22:58.931 --> 00:23:05.977
Not everyone loves flowers, but something that she, that you know chocolates when you bring it, oh my gosh, thank you so much.

00:23:05.997 --> 00:23:07.247
Some people's love languages food.

00:23:07.247 --> 00:23:09.231
Like, bring me something, period.

00:23:09.231 --> 00:23:14.932
If you bring me this, whatever dessert, and it's like, oh my god, oh yeah, that could be it that's it it could be the lunch.

00:23:14.932 --> 00:23:21.317
Yes, right, so I say that to say the bringing me lunch to work or something if something, or just coming to see me at work.

00:23:21.826 --> 00:23:23.613
Oh my gosh, what a surprise.

00:23:23.613 --> 00:23:24.970
Like that's a great surprise.

00:23:25.211 --> 00:23:25.551
That's true.

00:23:25.551 --> 00:23:30.224
I mean, I used to remember somebody used to come into school like you got somebody coming in, everybody looking like who's that, who's that?

00:23:30.404 --> 00:23:52.903
Somebody drop some off for you you know, and I'm just thinking of a quick surprise when you were working at the airport, still in your family-owned business, those chai's made and I used to tell you like hey, I'm gonna be coming down, you know I have to pick up the vouchers whoop, and you're like, okay, like see you soon, you'd have a chai ready for me.

00:23:52.903 --> 00:23:56.834
I was like, oh my gosh, what a surprise just so y'all know I love it.

00:23:56.874 --> 00:23:59.106
Just so y'all know, it's a 20 ounce delicious made with love.

00:23:59.126 --> 00:24:02.036
Yes, it was made with love iall know it was a 20-ounce Delicious Made with love.

00:24:02.036 --> 00:24:02.576
Yes, it was made with love.

00:24:02.597 --> 00:24:03.460
I could taste it, it was good.

00:24:03.460 --> 00:24:03.721
Come on now.

00:24:03.721 --> 00:24:04.001
So surprises.

00:24:04.001 --> 00:24:05.125
But that's a little example.

00:24:05.484 --> 00:24:09.155
So we've been talking, I think, a little bit more about what are surprises for women.

00:24:09.155 --> 00:24:10.777
What would be a surprise for men, right?

00:24:10.777 --> 00:24:16.309
What would you want as a surprise, I'll give you a Caniac.

00:24:16.549 --> 00:24:19.834
Caniac is a treat, but I got to be mindful of the eats.

00:24:19.834 --> 00:24:24.678
What I will say, I mean something that I like to do just in my downtime, that's mindless.

00:24:24.678 --> 00:24:28.082
When I came home, you had the Madden right there or the 2K.

00:24:28.082 --> 00:24:29.487
Yes, like new Madden.

00:24:29.487 --> 00:24:32.836
Or 2K is an automatic like, because you know it's not necessarily something that I like need.

00:24:32.836 --> 00:24:39.326
It's not a need, right, right, it's not a lot, it's like mindless and just being able to game.

00:24:39.326 --> 00:24:43.328
So that's one, but like knowing your partner, it's really knowing your partner.

00:24:43.348 --> 00:24:47.288
Another one is kicks right Like it could be literally.

00:24:47.288 --> 00:24:50.539
Hey, I saw the all-white Air Force Ones are getting a little dirty.

00:24:50.539 --> 00:24:53.201
Grabbed you a fresh crispy pear.

00:24:53.201 --> 00:24:56.214
Yes, all-whites, yes, that's naturally like.

00:24:56.569 --> 00:24:58.577
But again to your point knowing your partner right.

00:24:58.577 --> 00:25:01.103
Are they more into camping and outdoors?

00:25:01.202 --> 00:25:02.410
Because if you're listening, do they love hats?

00:25:02.410 --> 00:25:05.941
If you're really listening, they might have mentioned REI is having like.

00:25:06.152 --> 00:25:07.007
Yeah is having a sale.

00:25:07.007 --> 00:25:07.549
I'd love to go.

00:25:07.549 --> 00:25:08.571
You're and you're like okay.

00:25:08.592 --> 00:25:11.214
Yeah, and just go ask what are the top five most popular things in here.

00:25:11.275 --> 00:25:11.776
To your point.

00:25:11.776 --> 00:25:17.743
We know a couple where she surprised her husband with a custom truck Custom oh my gosh Built out.

00:25:17.743 --> 00:25:19.085
Oh, my word.

00:25:19.105 --> 00:25:22.017
Flashing Lights lights lights yes.

00:25:22.190 --> 00:25:28.080
So, to your point right, it is knowing your partner and that's also a great way, like we've been mentioning, to keep that spark alive.

00:25:28.080 --> 00:25:32.163
Uh, date nights we talk about that all the time.

00:25:32.223 --> 00:25:34.065
They are mandatory we just went to in and out.

00:25:34.065 --> 00:25:35.226
It's just, we just went to.

00:25:35.226 --> 00:25:36.166
You know what?

00:25:36.186 --> 00:25:37.307
can I tell you how many?

00:25:37.307 --> 00:25:38.570
How many times did I bring that up?

00:25:38.590 --> 00:25:39.093
three or four.

00:25:39.113 --> 00:25:39.534
This is so.

00:25:39.534 --> 00:25:40.759
This was literally last week.

00:25:40.759 --> 00:25:45.453
We were in vegas visiting your grandparents, we were at a conference, the whole thing, right.

00:25:45.453 --> 00:25:48.911
So, um, you were a little bit tired, but I was just like man.

00:25:48.911 --> 00:25:50.334
It's so nice here.

00:25:50.334 --> 00:25:51.778
It's's like 78 degrees.

00:25:51.778 --> 00:25:55.076
Do you mind if we just go to a park that's right down the street?

00:25:55.076 --> 00:25:55.959
So I did some research.

00:25:55.959 --> 00:25:59.621
I found a really great park that had some serious equipment.

00:25:59.621 --> 00:26:01.125
We were able to get a workout in.

00:26:01.125 --> 00:26:18.286
There's a basketball court, there's some Frisbee things going on like Frisbee league, but come to find out they had an entire, almost like a small farmer's market, so we were just walking through there local artists out there local artists out there singing and I was just I loved it.

00:26:18.326 --> 00:26:24.631
We ended up walking at least a mile to a mile and a half and then starving, obviously, and we were like let's just go to in and out.

00:26:24.631 --> 00:26:25.894
When's the last time you've had in and out?

00:26:25.913 --> 00:26:30.374
it's been a long time my west coast folks know what, they know what it is they know in and out.

00:26:30.453 --> 00:26:38.738
So, uh, you know we went, didn't have to share a fry, if you know man, if you know, you know, you know listen, to listen to our, our first come on.

00:26:38.738 --> 00:26:40.263
Uh, no, is that our first episode?

00:26:40.284 --> 00:26:41.710
one of the early ones, but one of the early ones.

00:26:41.710 --> 00:26:47.173
If you ever been down, if you ever been, if you know, if you ever been down pockets inside out, yikes, shared a french fry with your partner.

00:26:47.173 --> 00:26:49.477
That's real.

00:26:49.497 --> 00:26:52.362
That's real, real right, so we had two fries.

00:26:52.362 --> 00:26:54.105
I had protein style cheeseburger.

00:26:54.125 --> 00:27:03.130
You got your share the shake, shared a vanilla shake, a small shake too, and we sat inside, in and out, because typically we're in the drive-thru let's take it let's go home, let's just sit on the couch watch this.

00:27:03.811 --> 00:27:04.814
I loved it.

00:27:04.814 --> 00:27:06.416
I was like, but again, so simple.

00:27:06.416 --> 00:27:12.192
We something for free, which was the park, and then we went to in and out and spent 20, 20-n-out and spent $20.

00:27:12.653 --> 00:27:14.434
Shout out to In-N-Out for the affordable prices.

00:27:14.434 --> 00:27:17.318
I mean I feel like they have not, like they could have really jumped crazy.

00:27:17.318 --> 00:27:22.285
Like you go to Five Guys, it'll cost you $40 for two burgers and some fries.

00:27:22.384 --> 00:27:25.087
Hold on now, because the fries you get one large.

00:27:25.147 --> 00:27:26.349
It is a heavy bag that can feed two people.

00:27:26.349 --> 00:27:27.451
How much that potato cost?

00:27:27.451 --> 00:27:31.135
Okay, Okay, yeah, we're not getting into that, I'm just if you really want to get into the margins.

00:27:32.297 --> 00:27:34.759
I'm just saying yes, they're doing good business.

00:27:34.759 --> 00:27:37.203
Date nights are mandatory.

00:27:37.763 --> 00:27:38.065
Dave.

00:27:38.085 --> 00:27:40.030
Buster's is another one, yeah for us.

00:27:40.050 --> 00:27:45.339
You don't have to go eat, but we literally would go to Dave Buster's, get a power card with like 50, how many ever points?

00:27:45.339 --> 00:27:51.718
Put 20 bucks on there, 40 bucks, and literally play until card is out and literally play until card is out and we have a ball every time.

00:27:51.877 --> 00:27:53.840
Every time, but that actually goes into.

00:27:53.840 --> 00:28:01.912
So date nights, they're mandatory, put them on the calendar and then also figure out.

00:28:01.912 --> 00:28:05.362
Because I know a lot of grievances that I also hear from wives is I don't want to always have to plan the date nights.

00:28:05.362 --> 00:28:13.378
So if we maybe there's one month that you're planning the date nights, I'm doing the next month, or we alternate weeks, that's fine.

00:28:13.378 --> 00:28:24.013
But I know for wives and we just don't want to always have to plan everything because we're planning so much already, like we have to literally take care of a household If you're working, it's all the things.

00:28:24.013 --> 00:28:29.374
I'm going to need the husband to go ahead and step up in that position and um and figure that out.

00:28:29.374 --> 00:28:34.103
So, uh, after this is going to be.

00:28:34.103 --> 00:28:35.045
We talked about effort.

00:28:35.045 --> 00:28:37.069
We talked about those sweet gestures.

00:28:37.069 --> 00:28:43.077
That is, I think, what you were talking about a little bit earlier too the routines that you all build together.

00:28:43.077 --> 00:28:45.695
Maybe it's a workout we work out every Wednesday.

00:28:45.695 --> 00:28:49.219
Maybe we do a class at our local Lifetime.

00:28:49.680 --> 00:28:49.780
Swim.

00:28:50.490 --> 00:28:58.077
Yeah, maybe we swim, maybe we jog, we ride bikes, like whatever that looks like having some sort of routine with your partner.

00:28:58.077 --> 00:29:00.314
Yeah, I love that.

00:29:00.413 --> 00:29:01.455
We gotta get out there, by the way we do.

00:29:01.455 --> 00:29:04.063
Now that it's getting cooler, we do Get out on the links we do.

00:29:05.131 --> 00:29:16.564
But anyways, just you know, being able to have that routine together is going to build, and maybe the routine starts off with the date nights, right where you're starting to build those out, and then you build the routines together where it's like this was actually so much fun.

00:29:16.564 --> 00:29:18.266
I love doing this paint and sit.

00:29:18.445 --> 00:29:28.875
Maybe we can do this at home now too and even if date night right now, if it does not exist and maybe you're in that fizzle which we hear that a lot a lot of times I can't remember.

00:29:29.277 --> 00:29:30.219
I just had the last time you went.

00:29:30.419 --> 00:29:35.188
I just had somebody said I couldn't tell you since we had our kid the last time we've been out on a Monday.

00:29:35.188 --> 00:29:37.935
I was like, oh, he was like it's been a couple years.

00:29:37.935 --> 00:29:42.759
So I said it to say if you haven't been doing a date night, don't feel like you've got to go from zero to 60.

00:29:42.759 --> 00:29:43.863
Real quick.

00:29:43.863 --> 00:29:53.298
Go ahead and start off with hey, we're just going to plan the first date night, put it on the calendar, we're going to lock it in, sent the calendar invite, put it on the big board.

00:29:53.298 --> 00:29:56.642
Like, basically, we're not missing this, it's concrete on the schedule.

00:29:56.642 --> 00:30:01.166
We're going to go and then you're going to see man, we're even closer, we're more connected.

00:30:01.166 --> 00:30:09.837
Whatever that may be coming out of date night, man, now all of a sudden we've already got the next one planned, or we got an idea to plan the next one.

00:30:09.857 --> 00:30:11.681
That could even be something we talk about yes, not the day-to-day.

00:30:11.701 --> 00:30:15.237
And again, we've also mentioned this before two other tools that you can use.

00:30:15.237 --> 00:30:23.638
There are so many couple games that are cards that you can buy at Walmart and you'll be able.

00:30:23.638 --> 00:30:47.050
It's a stack of cards, I know the one that we have is there's five categories it's from family, individual goals, our couple goals goals, intimacy, and then there's one other one and I think that's really important to be able to have if you don't have, if you're trying to spark, right, if you're trying to ignite the spark, and it's been a little bit awkward, or it's just been.

00:30:47.332 --> 00:30:49.635
We haven't been in this setting together in some time.

00:30:49.635 --> 00:30:54.203
That's a great way to ignite, um, that spark.

00:30:54.203 --> 00:31:07.344
The other thing I was going to say, too, is pinterest, how many times where we've been out, and it's not that we run out of things to talk about at all, but just sometimes, you know, let's think of other questions that I haven't asked you before that I'm curious about.

00:31:07.344 --> 00:31:11.013
You know, what was maybe your first pet's name or where it was?

00:31:11.013 --> 00:31:15.020
You know, um, or asking like, hey, what was one of?

00:31:15.020 --> 00:31:16.804
What did you want to be when you grew up?

00:31:16.804 --> 00:31:19.414
Or what did you want to be when you were growing up?

00:31:19.414 --> 00:31:24.513
Right, that first kind of job that you thought of when you were a kid and you'd be so surprised at.

00:31:24.513 --> 00:31:41.155
You are learning new things about your partner which can again ignite that spark for you after the honeymoon phase, because after the honeymoon phase you feel like gosh, I'm in the routine of marriage and it can feel like gosh, where's the?

00:31:41.155 --> 00:31:43.501
I need something a little like where's the spark?

00:31:44.069 --> 00:31:45.775
And to your point, when it comes to that spark too.

00:31:45.775 --> 00:31:53.704
I think there's so many layers to each individual and everyone's having these individual experiences as well.

00:31:53.704 --> 00:32:07.855
Every day, you're having experience when we're not together, right, and so I think a lot of times, people can be so infatuated with the either the hunt or the chase, or spending time and getting to know somebody new, right, like, oh, I'm just getting to know this person.

00:32:07.855 --> 00:32:18.343
Like, oh, they're telling me all about them and it's so fun and it's, but it's like there's all of these things that you may not know about your partner, that you can have that same, like you said by asking these questions hey, tell me about your week.

00:32:18.343 --> 00:32:19.528
What were some of the wins that you?

00:32:19.548 --> 00:32:19.669
had.

00:32:19.669 --> 00:32:23.969
Well, I was just gonna say that's exactly what I was gonna go into was shout out to leticia fry.

00:32:23.969 --> 00:32:30.859
She was telling us that she would be asking her kids what are your three roses and your three thorns?

00:32:31.240 --> 00:32:33.785
Today, today, oh, got to think, got to ponder on that.

00:32:33.805 --> 00:32:35.896
Right, and you need to ponder on that and think about it like gosh.

00:32:35.896 --> 00:32:40.895
The three roses, these are the three winds, the three thorns Ah, these are things that didn't necessarily go my way.

00:32:40.916 --> 00:32:41.458
Traffic.

00:32:41.458 --> 00:32:42.260
It could be small, right.

00:32:45.413 --> 00:32:53.701
It doesn't always have to be super heavy, right, exactly, exactly small micro habits or micro lessons that you can be learning along the way about your partner.

00:32:53.701 --> 00:32:58.207
I can almost guarantee you there's going to be something new about them that you don't know.

00:32:58.207 --> 00:33:07.145
Just because we go through so many seasons, we go through so many versions of ourselves, I think it's really important that we make sure that we're keeping the spark alive.

00:33:07.810 --> 00:33:13.122
Yeah, I mean, and again, prioritizing your relationship because it's going to cost you so much more to not.

00:33:13.122 --> 00:33:20.614
It's like anything If you don't invest into it, you're going to wish that you did and you're going to end up investing into something else, right or like.

00:33:20.713 --> 00:33:29.750
Kevin O'Leary said I think he's gone through one or two divorces and he mentioned he said people say that you know she gets 50 percent.

00:33:29.750 --> 00:33:36.771
He said no, no, no, that you know she gets 50.

00:33:36.771 --> 00:33:42.472
He said, no, no, she gets 50 and an extra 25 because it's the taxes, it's the litigation, it's the all the bills that come with if you don't, you know, go through mediation and just have it done that way.

00:33:42.472 --> 00:33:49.420
If you really take it to court, um, there's a lot of fees that you don't necessarily know about when it comes to dissolving a marriage.

00:33:49.420 --> 00:34:04.790
So I think let's think about and you know it's so interesting because I heard this on the show mom uh that we've been watching on Netflix and although the the mom and the daughter are, uh, former alcoholics, they're trying to get on the right track.

00:34:05.050 --> 00:34:09.858
And one of the uh the mom was sponsoring a woman.

00:34:09.858 --> 00:34:16.610
The woman came over to her house and said you know, I'm really struggling, my daughter, I thought we were going to have this relationship.

00:34:16.610 --> 00:34:21.556
Like, coming out of the gate, she doesn't want to be around me, like I really want to have that drink.

00:34:21.556 --> 00:34:23.235
She said well, let's walk through.

00:34:23.235 --> 00:34:32.092
If you have that drink, she said, you lose your sobriety, you are potentially like spiraling because you're not going to just necessarily have one.

00:34:32.092 --> 00:34:34.135
She's like I'm going to have 10.

00:34:34.135 --> 00:34:35.617
You're going to lose your child again.

00:34:35.778 --> 00:34:44.793
Right, let's go through the consequences of if we don't prioritize this marriage and if we don't keep this spark alive, what could happen.

00:34:44.793 --> 00:34:57.460
And sometimes you know having that conversation or writing that down it can be very uncomfortable, but let's keep this in mind every time we get into a place of stagnation and we're just figuring out like okay, where, what is the next step?

00:34:57.460 --> 00:35:00.648
How do we spark this marriage?

00:35:00.648 --> 00:35:02.715
Like, how do we get, how do we get it going right?

00:35:02.715 --> 00:35:05.550
Get it back on the tracks is also what you hear too sometimes.

00:35:05.550 --> 00:35:06.434
Like we're off track.

00:35:06.753 --> 00:35:12.195
We need to get back on track and one of the things for the fellas you know, to your point, when you said, think about the consequences, and laying it out.

00:35:12.195 --> 00:35:18.360
I will never forget I had a speed coach when I was coming out of college, coach Brian and he dropped his just wisdom on me.

00:35:18.360 --> 00:35:22.498
I think he had like five kids a former NFL player, but he basically told me.

00:35:22.498 --> 00:35:44.802
He said, when it comes to the consequences, or when you're thinking about the decisions that you're making when it comes to marriage for those that are married, he said I want you to picture your wife, your kids, your family and somebody else being up in your bed in your house and your kids and everybody calling them daddy and I just and again, we weren't even married, like none of that, but I just sat there.

00:35:44.951 --> 00:35:46.226
No, you've told me that multiple times.

00:35:46.690 --> 00:35:51.394
I was up, I was like, oh my God, I couldn't even picture it.

00:35:52.610 --> 00:35:57.041
But it takes somebody going through a traumatic experience.

00:35:57.061 --> 00:36:02.416
Yeah, you're right, going through a traumatic experience like that to be able to help some, the younger generation, and give back.

00:36:02.530 --> 00:36:23.501
And that's really what we try to do with this podcast is we just try to give you what we've learned, what we've heard what and make it simple, digestible and potentially, you know, hopefully easier for you, with your partner, to be able to do the things that we talk about, for example, just in this episode of sparking your, your marriage.

00:36:23.621 --> 00:36:27.173
But we don't know it all and we're still learning as we go.

00:36:27.173 --> 00:36:38.458
But we just want to be able to give back our knowledge as much as we can, because you know, know there is a lot of bad rep, like we talked about in the beginning of the episode, around marriage right now specifically, and why should I get married?

00:36:38.458 --> 00:36:39.041
What's the point?

00:36:39.041 --> 00:36:52.829
And I'm talking to some of these, you know younger women that are around 25 and they're just, I'm good, I just want to travel the world, I just want to live my best life, you know, hang out with my girlies and, like you know a man and there, but I'm okay by myself.

00:36:52.829 --> 00:37:00.019
And so I think that you know as much as you know women, as much as we say that we, you know, we always look.

00:37:00.610 --> 00:37:01.695
Come on, I was getting cold out.

00:37:01.695 --> 00:37:03.476
It's about to be cuffing season.

00:37:04.110 --> 00:37:05.295
Yeah, it gets lonely.

00:37:05.295 --> 00:37:09.840
Summer's over Summer and beach season, and pool parties.

00:37:09.989 --> 00:37:13.876
So you know people get to looking, you know who's going to be in your holiday photos.

00:37:13.876 --> 00:37:17.260
Yeah, okay, I'm just saying, you know when they drop everybody.

00:37:17.280 --> 00:37:18.181
Who's wearing the matching PJs?

00:37:18.181 --> 00:37:19.364
Come on, come on, who's?

00:37:19.384 --> 00:37:20.144
going to have the matching PJs.

00:37:20.144 --> 00:37:22.980
And for the fellas, be careful, don't fumble your lady.

00:37:22.980 --> 00:37:25.217
Somebody else scoops and scores during the NFL season.

00:37:36.510 --> 00:37:36.992
That's right careful.

00:37:36.992 --> 00:37:37.655
Yeah, we see it too many times.

00:37:37.655 --> 00:37:38.557
We have come on cardi being offset.

00:37:38.577 --> 00:37:40.184
Okay, ratchet, so anything else that you want to add before we wrap up?

00:37:40.184 --> 00:37:42.891
Um, no, I mean, these are all things that I think are really impactful.

00:37:42.891 --> 00:37:52.621
It's going to help somebody just seeing that these are tangible ways to not just create the spark but keep the spark, and these are all things that we're doing in real time.

00:37:52.621 --> 00:37:54.717
So these are like true, try it and test it.

00:37:55.190 --> 00:38:01.882
Yes, absolutely, absolutely so great episode.

00:38:01.882 --> 00:38:03.246
I'm glad we talked about this.

00:38:03.246 --> 00:38:06.114
Yes, I think we've heard this a lot, so thank you so much.

00:38:06.114 --> 00:38:09.057
Couplely Fit, fam, for listening to another episode.

00:38:09.057 --> 00:38:13.585
If you are watching us on YouTube, please like and subscribe.

00:38:13.585 --> 00:38:16.255
Share this with a friend, share this with a couple.

00:38:16.255 --> 00:38:21.358
Let us know in the comments also some things that you do to ignite your relationship.

00:38:21.358 --> 00:38:23.567
We'd love to be able to hear what you have.

00:38:23.567 --> 00:38:29.579
If you are following us on social media at coupley fit, c O U P L-I-T.

00:38:29.579 --> 00:38:35.958
Dm us, let us know if you enjoyed this episode and if you're enjoying the podcast too.

00:38:35.958 --> 00:38:38.175
We also send us some ideas.

00:38:38.175 --> 00:38:39.860
We're open, y'all, we're open.

00:38:39.860 --> 00:38:41.777
We're trying to feed the people.

00:38:41.777 --> 00:38:45.960
So, as always, thank you so much.

00:38:45.960 --> 00:38:50.438
Until next time, keep growing, glowing and feeling better together.

00:38:50.438 --> 00:38:52.130
Bye.