Sept. 23, 2025
Episode 51: Happy Couples Do This ONE Thing Every Day
Marriage doesn’t lose its spark, you just need to water it daily.
In this episode, we explore why the honeymoon phase ends, how to keep both love and friendship alive, and why tiny acts matter more than grand gestures.
Expect real stories, simple habits (like surprise flowers, doing dishes, and $20 dates), and insights from couples who’ve been married for decades.
Whether you’re newly married or celebrating years together, you’ll walk away excited to choose each other every single day.
Subscribe for more honest relationship wisdom each week.
00:00 - Introduction: Beyond the Honeymoon Phase
04:07 - Dating vs Reality: The Representative Fades
06:50 - Love vs Like: Choosing Your Partner Daily
11:30 - Five Game-Changing Acts of Service
18:28 - Surprises That Matter in Marriage
27:20 - Building Routines and Asking Better Questions
35:22 - Consequences of Not Prioritizing Marriage
WEBVTT
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Hey Cupply Fit fam.
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Welcome back to another episode.
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Today we are talking about how to keep the spark alive after the honeymoon phase.
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Listen, I'm telling you.
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A lot of people I know are curious because right now I heard the marriage rates are down and I think they're down because people see all of this negative publicity.
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You know what?
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It's so much bad news.
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There's a lot of bad news around marriage.
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And can I tell you, what also makes people concerned is that when you see the billionaires getting divorced, you're like dang, like you know what they say more money, more problems.
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But right is that really the case?
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right and to your point.
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The honeymoon phase is when you first get married to two years oh, I didn't know.
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It's two years the honeymoon.
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Yeah, I'd be feeling like people be at the honeymoon phase first six months listen, okay, because you want to know something starts getting real, especially if and it's interesting because this is just my opinion, but I believe that to go from you as a single person to then living with somebody when you get married first off off, I'm in it.
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I said I do.
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We made a vow, I signed the paperwork, we're in it, and now I'm just figuring out how you live Like, are you dirty?
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Do you leave your clothes all over the place?
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How responsible are you?
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Oh, listen, there were signs.
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There are signs.
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There are signs and people blew right past them on that initial journey.
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But can I tell you what the question I have for those listening how long does it take for someone's representative to disappear?
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What do you mean by representative?
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The person that they're presenting themselves to be, because a lot of times During dating is what you're talking about?
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Yeah, because you know everybody wants to put their best foot forward, right, it's kind of like you see on, you know on the sitcoms where, like you're coming over, she promised you a home-cooked meal and, like she, she ordered takeout and threw the containers out.
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You're like, oh, that can't, that chicken tastes like canes delicious is it?
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a home cook you make?
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You got the canes recipe, but I said it to say.
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And then, like you get into the marriage, you're like wait a minute, you don't cook, you don't cook, you're making me.
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That's egregious you were making me homemade chicken tenders for two years.
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Get, get married and you're like those were actually.
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That was takeout the whole time.
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That's egregious.
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Because at the same time, you're not being truthful with the person to where they can make the choice if they want to stay, Because in that, for that example, you that's a deal breaker.
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That's a deal breaker.
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But let me tell you another one that would be a deal breaker.
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What about the wives that said my husband has never seen me without?
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A full face of makeup.
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Never, never, you wake up before him.
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Yes, and put the makeup on and get back in the bed and get back in the bed Come on the theatrics have to stop.
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You have to be your real self.
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But again, right, some of that would be in the honeymoon phase, but now we're after two years.
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That's my question.
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Is that, is that six months when they stop?
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She stopped doing a makeup thing, or is this like two years?
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I mean?
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that's obviously everyone's preference right.
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Whenever they weep the person that you're talking about specifically, that we are throughout the stretch.
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I mean it's a stretch, but don't you feel like whenever they show up, if, let's just say, you jump in a swimming pool and that face of makeup is no longer there, no, no, no, don't you look, you're mindful.
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That's true.
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You're mindful, you're neck up.
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Yeah, yeah yeah, under no circumstances can you go.
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That makes sense.
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Not happening, unless I have waterproof makeup on.
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Things are advanced, things are advanced.
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First off, not advanced.
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No, I did.
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That's thought about.
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You know, the enhancements on the hair.
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You know I'm not knocking it right.
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Come on the man weaves and the enhancements.
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I saw the the waterproof enhancements.
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They had it on looking steve harvey fresh and they just dumped some water on him and didn't go anywhere.
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I was shocked yeah, same for makeup.
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I was like wow so well, ladies, do you, do you feel like your man lied to you, if he has a man weave, if you met him and you thought he had dreads, but he's really bald under there.
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Well, whoop it.
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That's true.
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I would feel finessed.
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I personally would be concerned If that bun was not yours.
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If that bun just went in the wind one day, I would be appalled.
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I just want you to know.
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Okay, let's get back to the topic.
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The topic so how to keep the spark alive after the honeymoon phase.
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Honeymoon phase is typically zero to two years, okay, but what we do need to normalize is, although you can make it feel as if the honeymoon phase is longer than that, that's typically for most marriages where the fizzle starts to happen in the sense of okay, this is starting to get real right, like we're starting to get real about where we are, who you are, what you are, and so I think we need to normalize that the honeymoon phase does end.
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However, you don't need to stop dating as if you are not in the honeymoon phase.
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I agree a hundred percent and we get that feedback a lot because we we never want to come in and say we're the experts, but we do do a great job of asking as many people that have more years in the game than we do decades right, like half a century, like yo, we've been doing this for a decade.
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That's true, Nine years in right Like what?
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what works for you?
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Something that just came to my mind that you, that you touched on right there too, was, as you look at getting you know, beyond that two years you said the fizzle starts to, you know can happen.
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What does that re-engagement look like?
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Right Like what?
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Are cause?
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A lot of times, people aren't actively working on the marriage together because I don't know what the statistics and numbers are.
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But what do people tell you, friends and family?
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As soon as you get married, you need to have a baby.
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Oh, you know what?
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Start your family right now, which nobody- which sounds great when you're in the honeymoon phase.
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It does sound cute.
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Then all of a sudden you get out of the two years and it's like um so yeah you got a one-year-old and you're like whoa, whoa, because also again, I feel like and that's also a lot of transitioning happen in a short amount of time and then that's when you start getting into potentially the five years and you're looking back like wow what do we do?
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What do we?
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Why do we move so fast?
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Yeah, even and don't let somebody else's timeline for you dictate your timeline to your point.
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I even think about back to you know, I think honeymoon phase, right, I even think back to when we got married.
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If we could go back and do it over, there were some things obviously not only smaller wedding, much smaller, but also we wouldn't have rushed the wedding that I actually wanted, yeah there we go, and we wouldn't have had it as soon as we did.
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We would have given more time right, pushed it out, because there's nothing like.
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Don't feel like other people need to rush you or or speed up timelines, because it happens a lot.
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It happens a lot, it happens a lot.
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It happens a lot.
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It happens a lot.
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So then, do you think that there's a difference between loving your spouse and liking them daily?
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Yes, okay.
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Elaborate or your take.
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So my take is you can love the best way I can think about it, it's a spouse but it really can be anybody, right.
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Right, you can love somebody, but but not like what they did that day.
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Yeah, it can be a family member, family member, whoever it can be.
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Like yo, I love you, but yo, you really got on my nerves, but I don't like you.
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You know, I had a family member cars parked in the driveway, they backed in and just literally wrecked my car, just ran into it, parked in the driveway.
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But I said it to say that day did I like that behavior?
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Absolutely not.
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I was not feeling them, but I still loved them, right.
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So I think there's that there's a difference there.
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But I think the goal is that how do we be on the same page?
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That I do like your behavior, cause it's one thing if you had a bad day and but like we don't want those to turn into a sequence of days or weeks or months or years where it's like, dang, I really don't like you.
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Like I love you, but like ooh.
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Well, it's interesting you say that, because what came to my mind was we're in the honeymoon phase, I love you, but then love we always hear often right love sometimes is not enough.
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Often, right, love sometimes is not enough.
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So you have to, then, at least like the person that you're with and like to be.
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You know, uh, whether it's to be around them, to talk to them, but you have to at least like them, like the qualities, like what they stand for, what they bring to the table.
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At least like, because, again, sometimes the, the love sometimes can not fade, but but it can.
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Just it's seasons, right, where sometimes like, listen, I don't like the, the love that I had for you, maybe in the honeymoon phase, is very different now because our life looks different, our season looks different, we have kids, we have this, we have that, and you know there's a lot happening at one time, whoa.
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But I choose you every day, and I think that's something else that we need to talk about too is when you keep that, when you're talking about keeping the spark, do you choose your partner every day that you wake up?
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Because it is a choice.
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And a lot of people, I think.
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I think that goes into exactly what you're saying and I think a lot of times people don't realize that it's a choice.
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Yes.
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Because people think like man, you got married and like they're locked in.
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People always say you know the girl, you need to lock him down yeah or you gotta, you know you lock her down or whatever it is.
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But the reality is like nobody's truly locked down, like you're married.
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But you have to choose to show up, be in a relationship, build together, work on it together, get through things, trials, adversity.
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So it's easier said than done.
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But it takes two people right, like they say, it takes two to tango.
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But truthfully, you have to be able to show up and be.
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Like yo, are we both in this.
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And, like you said, if you don't like each other, I feel like it's hard to make anything work when you don't like somebody, and we see it a lot when you're out.
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If you just look out and like people just got to look on their face like, look, I'm like dang, why are y'all?
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leaving out.
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Yeah, maybe y'all hungry looks like you guys don't like each other.
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Yeah, you see it a lot.
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And here's the other thing too, to your point of what you were saying before.
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Right, you can have seasons where either you don't love somebody or you don't like somebody where you don't love them.
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Yeah, there's some people yeah I mean, I'm not talking about anybody, i'm'm just more so again over the years of just hearing different People do say they fell out of love.
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Yeah, but different perspectives.
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For example, right, yes, we're talking the honeymoon phase, zero to two years, but then after that so much can happen.
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Right?
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Maybe somebody's progressing in their career faster than you are.
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Maybe you've transitioned into a role where I don't even I don't want to be a stay at home mom or stay at home dad.
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This is not the life that I chose.
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Now you start resenting the other person.
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I don't even recognize you anymore.
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Right.
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So you cannot love somebody for sure, um and, and also not like them.
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But what we were saying is is that there is that choice every day when you wake up and the bare minimum is to like that person, because that's really what's going to get you over the hump of okay.
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Now we're past the honeymoon stage.
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How do we keep this spark alive without feeling as if we are, um, without feeling as if we haven't been choosing each other?
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Yeah so, um, I think that's really interesting there.
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Any other takeaways?
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No, you know, to the choosing each other.
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I think that's a great way of looking at it, Because every day you got a choice.
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You do, you do and you know.
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I love the quote of do you think that the grass is greener on the other side?
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But the grass is greener where you water it, and so, being very mindful, of that how are you pouring into your relationship?
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How are you keeping, what are you doing to ignite that spark?
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And then also realizing too I think it's very important to talk about seasons when we talk about marriage, because it's a lifetime, and so when you talk about seasons too, there are going to be times where man, the, we've been grinding right, the spark hasn't quite been there, we haven't really ignited it.
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But if somebody, it's effort, then after that where's the effort into making sure we're igniting that spark?
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And it's it goes even into the attraction of marriage or the attraction of being with somebody else, or outright attraction to the other person.
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That can waver in each season.
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You know, I know, even for me, although I still value quality time as as one of my top love languages, I didn't realize until you started doing some acts of service where I said, oh, oh, I love this.
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This is like I didn't realize it until we went into that season and I said, oh, my gosh, like the, the burden that you take off of me of having to clean the house every day, making sure laundry's done, all of the things that come with just life, uh, in a household, uh, and sharing that with each other, that was something I didn't necessarily know I needed, but the more that you did it, the more I was like, okay, the attraction piece is getting it's different than what it may be was before, with just quality time, or quality time is like my top, but now acts of service and quality time are, like you know, one or two, one or two.
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And for the husbands, cause I think right now some people might be struggling like well, how do you?
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Because what?
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What I heard you say just now is there was a, there was a behavioral change right in my actions, and so some people are probably listening like in effort.
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Husbands might be wondering and why is my woman?
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How do I either create that change or how do we start on the journey to that?
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And I think it really starts small, because obviously your reaction and knowing that that's a love language for you, then it's like okay, I see how you're responding to that right.
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So it's like okay, what does that look like?
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So on a regular work day, you know, if I'm working from home, I get done at the gym.
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Typically I'm throwing my things in the laundry basket and I'm going to keep rolling, we're on the go, and then you realize like, realize, like, all right, the laundry basket is full, similar to the trash.
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The trash is full.
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Do I wait until?
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You ask me hey, trash is overflowing, do you mind taking it out?
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And you gotta ask me again hey, then then you just go ahead and tie it up and just put it by the door like hey and and again, I'm just taking ownership too of like you can.
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Just, you're busy, you're thinking about the things, but it will take me.
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But also, I think it's conditioning exposure as well.
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That's true, Like let's be honest right.
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At least in my experience.
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A lot of men that I've come across are thinking that, well, she's got it.
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She's supposed to be my mama, she's supposed to take care of the household, that's what she's supposed to do.
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Baby boy.
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Come on, Mama need a life too.
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Jodi, Come on Jodi, Come on Jodi.
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So I think, but to even go a little bit deeper into what you said when you said the behavior change.
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Listen to what your wife is saying.
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I promise you that your wife is telling you.
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Take out the trash Directly.
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I promise you that your wife is telling you directly or indirectly where she needs help, and so that's a great area.
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To kind of start is okay.
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What have I been hearing my wife say over and over?
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What are the things that I'm listening to?
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And again, not tuning her out, not looking at it as being naggy or she's nag, you know, she's just man, she's on me, she's always on me.
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I can name five things right now that, just off the top of my head, will be a game changer for most marriages.
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Number one dumping the trash before.
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Before you even get asked, when you see it getting full, go ahead and bag it up and make sure you and is this specifically for men?
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This is for men, yeah.
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And then also refilling it with a liner in the trash, because I do see, sometimes, like you know, it's lazy, you skip a step.
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Take the trash out.
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Now it's empty.
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You got to throw something in there, that's true.
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Don't be lazy.
00:15:07.311 --> 00:15:08.572
So that's one.
00:15:08.572 --> 00:15:10.972
Secondly, the laundry.
00:15:10.972 --> 00:15:15.615
If you see it overflowing and if you don't know how to do laundry and separate it, ask.
00:15:15.615 --> 00:15:22.879
There's a couple of times where I've asked you like yo, this purple, this is going with the colors or the darks you like, throw it in there with the color clothes, right?
00:15:22.899 --> 00:15:24.799
So, on a simple side, google it.
00:15:25.039 --> 00:15:30.601
Yeah, that's true, chat GPT, you better ask AI, take a picture of it and be like yo where did this go?
00:15:30.601 --> 00:15:31.222
So that's two.
00:15:31.222 --> 00:15:32.982
Third is dishes.
00:15:32.982 --> 00:15:47.390
For me, I did not like the, the dirty dishes, so personally, I got to glove up, glove up.
00:15:47.390 --> 00:15:48.794
Dishes are getting done and I don't mind helping out, right?
00:15:48.794 --> 00:15:49.638
So like things like that were big.
00:15:49.638 --> 00:15:52.225
That's three, and the other two that just come to my mind flowers, grab flowers, that's it.
00:15:52.225 --> 00:16:00.269
You don't have to grab a hundred dollar flowers, but if you drop $20 or less on some flowers and if you don't know what flower your wife likes, ask.
00:16:00.750 --> 00:16:04.153
Ask, ask and write it in her contact section.
00:16:04.153 --> 00:16:06.076
Or in a note somewhere or in a note section.
00:16:06.096 --> 00:16:06.736
Major key.
00:16:06.736 --> 00:16:09.240
The last one, and I know this one this is going to hit home.
00:16:09.240 --> 00:16:11.001
Somebody's going to send this to their husband.
00:16:11.001 --> 00:16:13.989
Wipe around the toilet seat, put the toilet seat down.
00:16:13.989 --> 00:16:19.155
You know what Like Sometimes it's just the little things, but, fellas, we got to do better.
00:16:19.155 --> 00:16:26.529
If you see that it needs to be cleaned, don't wait until your wife does it and you know, push the toilet brush by the toilet and says who's going to get to this?
00:16:26.529 --> 00:16:29.274
Just go ahead and throw that comment in the bowl.
00:16:29.274 --> 00:16:32.169
She's going to notice.
00:16:32.672 --> 00:16:42.816
Yes, and although we don't have kids yet, I think something that we've heard over time is the helping out with the kids, so if that looks like making their lunches for.
00:16:43.015 --> 00:16:43.756
Can we, can we before?
00:16:43.756 --> 00:16:44.778
I didn't mean to cut you off.
00:16:44.798 --> 00:16:45.539
You did cut me off.
00:16:45.539 --> 00:16:52.524
We were in the airport and saw the lady just, oh my gosh, oh my gosh, I looked at him.
00:16:52.524 --> 00:16:53.894
I gave him such a dirty look.
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We thought she was by herself.
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