Sept. 9, 2025

Episode 49: A Day to Celebrate, a Lifetime to Build

Bride vs. Wife: The Real Difference 💍➡️❤️

There’s a big gap between planning for a wedding and preparing for a marriage. In this episode, we break down the difference between the glam of the big day and the real work of building a life together.

From $25,000 weddings to social media highlight reels, society sells the fantasy, but the grind of marriage is where love really grows. We talk finances, family dynamics, and the everyday routines that actually hold a relationship together.

Are you preparing for the party or for the partnership? 

This conversation might change how you see both.

00:00 - Wife vs Bride: The Main Question

03:22 - Signs You Only Want the Bride Experience

08:02 - Wedding Costs vs Long-Term Investments

14:40 - Marriage as a Marathon, Not a Sprint

19:37 - Family Dynamics and Relationship Testing

25:32 - Practical Marriage Advice and Growth Together

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Hey Cupply Fit, fam, Welcome back to another episode.

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We are so excited for you to join us today.

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We are going to be touching upon a hot topic when do you want to be a wife or a bride?

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But before we jump in, please, if you are watching us on YouTube, like and subscribe.

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If you are watching any of our clips on social media, again follow us at Coupley Fit C-O-U-P-L-E-Y-F-I-T and DM us.

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Let us know your thoughts on what you were feeling thinking about the episode.

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Let's dive in.

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So I think it's really important to talk about the difference between wanting the wedding day versus wanting the marriage life.

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What are your thoughts?

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You're absolutely right.

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I think we can actually take a step back.

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Oh, okay.

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Before we even get to the wedding day, some people just want the ring Right.

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You know some people, just, you know, I always see.

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It's like you see the post that start dropping where everything's got the finger and the ring in it that's right, it's like steering wheel nail salon yes, check me out.

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It's like right so, but it becomes such a focus on, like I want to be wifey, right, I want to be married.

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I want the title.

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Do I really want what comes along with the union and the responsibilities?

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yes, absolutely and so I wrote down something that's with the union and the responsibilities yes, absolutely.

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And so I wrote down something that's called the glam versus the grind.

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It's a lot of people that wasn't shooting in the gym.

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Somebody remembers that Were you with me shooting in the gym.

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Yes.

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Were you with the grind, or are you only here for the grind?

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Yes, yes, now what we're talking about, the grind is going to be a little bit different.

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So, when it comes to the glam and being the bride, it's very much about.

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This is the moment I'm here for the party.

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It's the dress, it's the ring, it's IG worthy wedding, it's our hashtag, right so very in the moment of the wedding day, as opposed to when you are a wife, you're talking.

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This is long-term commitment, this is communication, this is partnership, this is respect, compromise, consistency all things that are long term, not just that instant.

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I'm here for the day no, you're spot on, and I think two things can be true right, because we had, we had a hashtag, we had all of those things, but it was also.

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No, but I'm saying that's what this is about, is I'm here for the main day, the main event, and then after that it's oh, I guess we're married now, you know what it kind of reminds me of I'm trying to remember what country, but in another country, and I think they had like R 17 million dollars on the wedding and like the what the marriage lasted, like six months yeah, that's what I'm talking about.

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That's exactly what I'm talking, like they had rihanna.

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I mean she's performing, it's that right, it was, it was the kim kardashian marrying.

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What, chris humphries, I believe it was I forgot, and that was 90 days how many people she's been married.

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I mean, she's been married to about four or five people now at least three dang so that's a lot.

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I mean it's a lot, so right is she here for being the bride I think, or bearing, being the wife I think it's all of the being the bride right, it's all of the things that you mentioned.

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It's the ig, it's the glam yes but to your point, right, we live in such an era now, too, where social media will show you the glam moments, but it's a lot of people right now living in a grind moment, right Like.

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There's more and more people that are overcoming adversity, are trying to figure things out.

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Right.

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There's more and more, even on the relationship side, people's families that are Kardashian.

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It's a blended family.

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Whoever she marries for the fourth time, they're going to be in a blended family.

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She has kids from a previous relationship, so like you have to be prepared for those other elements.

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Um, yeah, it's not just going to be easy.

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Yes, so interesting enough, right?

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What are some signs that you might only want the bride experience go ahead?

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well, one of the ones, yeah one of the ones that came to my mind a sign that you only want the bride experience.

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Are you willing to do the work?

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So if your partner says, hey, let's go to marriage counseling, and that's.

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I wrote that down too, and they're like you know what, I don't want to go to marriage counseling, but I do know where I want to go for my bachelorette, that's a sign she's not really focused on the long game.

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Correct, so I wrote you have more excitement for the wedding day than the relationship.

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Can you repeat that?

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More excitement for the wedding day rather than the relationship.

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And there's a quote that I loved If you're not excited, you're not invited, you're not invited.

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So if you're not excited, you're not invited.

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But that's not just for the wedding, that's for the relationship.

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I want to see some enthusiasm.

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So to your point, ray are you investing more time into planning your wedding, yes, or are you investing more time into preparing for marriage?

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So something that we've talked about before, too, was also what are you doing during the time that you are engaged?

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Right now, the engagements here you have the ring I.

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This is something we learned.

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You know we were engaged and married in 10 months.

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Definitely don't recommend that.

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Spend some time in the engagement phase, where you are learning to just more about, hey, what I mean.

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I do think that this should be discussed before, which is why we were talking about the premarital counseling and even going back to our previous podcast episode of some of the pre-marriage questions that you should be asking, because when you're engaged is not the time to start talking about.

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Oh well, how do we want to raise our kids?

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Are they going to be religious?

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What type of schooling?

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Who's going to be the disciplinary, and that all needs to be covered before we even get engaged.

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And now, when the engagement happens it?

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Okay.

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Now let's start talking more about.

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What does life look like after our wedding day, right?

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Do we want to start kids right after?

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Do we want to wait a little bit?

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Do we want to travel, right, what are start talking more like that as opposed to oh hey, by the way, how much student loan debt do you have?

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Yeah, one thing I know.

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I know we weren't afraid to ask some of the tough questions.

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At all.

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Do you cook?

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Okay, First date.

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I'm just I'm just keeping it real.

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That was one of my first questions, right?

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So don't be afraid to.

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If it matters to you, don't be afraid to ask, but you're also saying that this is again in our previous episode, where we talked about what are your not red flags, but what are your deal breakers.

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Or green flags, and for you no, but for you a deal breaker is if you can't cook that was a deal breaker for you, deal breaker, you're not having it.

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That was up there with the athleticism, but what I was going to say when it comes to, also just to the point that you were making, I think that right now, so many people want the hype, they want the excitement, they want the excitement, they want the social media experience, but then what?

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Because what really happens and I saw something recently too, when it was a poll and I think it was split like 60-40, but they were talking about people that spend I think the average wedding is like $25,000.

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Something crazy.

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I know it's like $25,000.

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So the question was do you spend the spend the 25 000 on average on a wedding?

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or do you get a house, or do you get a home and I heard people gave the example bought a home did the wedding in the backyard or at the house.

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So smart, it was a house working the whole brilliant brilliant because when you think about it and I love it, even when I think about our wedding not only do we have a ton of people, but like there were people there that I'm like man who are you?

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Man, who is this?

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Who is this?

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Whose friend is this?

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So I say that to say right.

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So I say that to say when you have those who you know up in here, when you had that experience, you're like, wait a minute, this could have been way more intimate, way smaller.

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But also when you have a home and you invest into that, that can be something.

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You're a family for generations, that's something that's correct.

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That's something that's going to be a positive asset for you versus the wedding is.

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Don't get me wrong.

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You have the memories, but that's an experience.

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That's one time you got the photos but like there's so much spent and we just saw the statistics and the data around normal flowers $20.

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Wedding flowers $200.

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And you're like it's literally the same flower.

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It was wild.

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You found out it was a wedding and you 10 times remember.

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Yeah, I remember that.

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I remember that, I remember sitting down in the flowers.

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It's like this is a $5 sandwich, this is a wedding sandwich, $50 sandwich.

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Yes, or they try to get you right.

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If you want a venue, they will try to say that you have to use their catering, you have to use their Do you want alcohol, like everything is yeah, everything You're taxed.

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It's like being at a wedding.

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A wedding is like being at a restaurant and everything is a la carte.

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Everything, like literally the fork, the knife, the water oh, you want ice cubes.

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Yes, okay, but that's what it feels like, though.

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It does Like literally everything is itemized.

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I know and you're like dang, how did we get to 25?

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Oh, now how?

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Now I see.

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Yeah, no, we were definitely one of those couples that were on the higher end, not by choice.

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Not by choice.

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We had a budget on what we wanted to do and even for us, I remember.

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I mean, you know, we.

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We had some critical conversations.

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We did to the point of should we just elope, because we're doing this for everybody else, but what are we doing for ourselves?

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You, this is again.

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This wedding is about you and me, and again that, but I feel like that's also going into we're talking about do you want to be a bride or do you want to be a wife?

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It's the same too for I.

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I feel like men as well, although the right when you talk about society and it's like, oh well, girls, ever since they were younger, were always thinking about their wedding and their wedding dress and all of those things.

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I was not one of those girls that thought about that, so for me, I would have.

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I always thought about being a wife, not being a bride.

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So even when that happened and we had our wedding, it went by so fast, so fast.

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We barely got to eat.

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I don't even think I even drank an alcoholic drink.

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That's crazy, it went by so fast and it was open bar.

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That's crazy.

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You didn't have a drink.

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That's what I'm saying.

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It was open bar and people were going off on the open bar, open bar, but anyway, people who are having too good of a time but having too good a time, and I don't even get a drink.

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I'm the bride and I don't even get one.

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But that goes.

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But that goes to the point.

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I didn't mean to cut you off, but that goes to the point of who are you doing this?

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who are you doing this for?

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is it for your union or for other people to have a good time?

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Yes and what came to my mind, one of the best pieces of advice that I heard and and we found this out after we got married.

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So this is for somebody that's going through this stage of wedding or planning right now.

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If you haven't talked to them in the last year, they're not invited.

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They're not invited.

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So that means if you ain't talked to them in the last 10 years, they definitely ain't invited.

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They're not invited.

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And don't let somebody bully you.

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That's a big one.

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Don't let somebody bully you especially if you're the bride and it is, it's your in-laws or or somebody on the on the husband's side of the family and again we're talking a heterosexual relationship and it's on the other side of the family.

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Like, don't let anybody bully you into something that you don't want, that you are trying to accommodate for everybody else.

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Again, this is about you.

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It's the time to be not bridezilla.

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You don't need to be rude and and disrespectful, but definitely stand up for yourself.

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Fair but firm fair but firm and a perfect example of that.

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What does that look like?

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And these are areas where, again, I'm seeing it as areas of opportunity, cause, when you spoke to some of those things, you're speaking to me, so I hear that one is saying no, all right, no, we're not going to do that.

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And we had the critical conversations but, even when you're having it right.

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you said but you use the key word which, not realizing it until later on, it's like no, it's bullying.

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And what does that look like?

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Sometimes you have family that, uh, you know, pull the seniority card.

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Yes.

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So-and-so was at our wedding.

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So-and-so, we've known them since.

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And you haven't talked to them since.

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Stop it.

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This family member, or X, Y and Z, but what it creates, though, is that the list just keeps getting added to Correct So-and-so, so-and-so so-and-so.

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And then who's paying for this?

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That's another big one investment and that can be into a house or something like that.

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Basically, don't do it for the gram.

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Really think about that long game.

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But if you're having this discussion or listen to this episode and someone just cannot see past like the 20 or 50 or 100,000, whatever the wedding is that is of their dreams, if they can't see past that and they also don't have that money in their account, that's a red flag.

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Because if you got it now, if you're like, hey, I've been working so hard, I've been saving since I was 16.

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And I just want I'm just keeping it real right my family's got the money set aside for me and it's like we can do whatever we want for the wedding.

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That's one thing, but a lot of people are coming in like I really want somebody to sponsor your wedding.

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Definitely do that, um.

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However, on the flip side, here's the thing just being fair if you were that little girl that has always thought about your wedding and it's something that you've talked about over time and you know exactly what you want you've had your pinterest board or vision board then I would say that would be an opportunity for you to see where you can trim right, like see where you can save money.

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But definitely try to do what your dream has always been, because there are, I know, some women now, but you know that were younger girls and they said I always, like I had a vision of what I wanted and I'm so excited for it.

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But, to your point, don't get so distracted by that vision that you forget how long the journey is, because the journey is lifelong.

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The journey is is consistent.

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It's you have to.

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It's a choice every day that you have to make in order for you to be staying on your.

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Your goal of staying married right and not being able to drift apart in in all those things.

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I feel like that's a whole nother topic.

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Is is right and not being able to drift apart in all those things.

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I feel like that's a whole nother topic is.

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It's not the goal to get married, it's to stay married.

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Correct.

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And then it's not just to stay married, but it's to be happily married.

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Correct.

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Because how many people are married right but not on the same page?

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Yes.

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And I just love what you touched on there too, which the journey.

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Journey, it's a marathon, not a sprint right and I think sometimes it's like that wedding is such a sprint and now you've overdone it, potentially in debt, struggling trying to figure out like, okay, what's next, and it's like this that season ended so fast, but now, if you think about it right, what society will tell you and this is what a lot of people put pressure on us was like you need to hurry up and get married, like you said, 10 months.

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Right, but then you're compounding.

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Is that what you're?

00:14:25.044 --> 00:14:28.221
going to say Compounding Because we got engaged, right?

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We really didn't have the money for this $20,000, $25,000.

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Well, hold on and that's out of pocket.

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That's not the world that we live in.

00:14:49.642 --> 00:14:50.624
It was a um.

00:14:51.206 --> 00:14:54.445
I'll see you in two weeks listen, I'll see you in a month, got you.

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I'll see you in a month.

00:14:55.347 --> 00:15:01.582
Right, it's kind of not quite lay away, but it was like I'm gonna go ahead come, I'm gonna put some on it, I'm gonna keep coming to see you.

00:15:01.582 --> 00:15:09.105
So, when I even think about that, give yourself more time, because it allows you to save, it allows you to go ahead and afford that ring, it allows you to have it paid off.

00:15:09.105 --> 00:15:13.664
But think about it, fiance, your husband is invested into the ring.

00:15:13.664 --> 00:15:14.888
That's a big investment.

00:15:14.888 --> 00:15:18.279
Now, the average wedding is another twenty twenty five thousand.

00:15:18.279 --> 00:15:19.701
That's a big investment.

00:15:19.701 --> 00:15:21.904
What do people say as soon as you get married?

00:15:21.904 --> 00:15:23.388
Oh well, where are you going on your honeymoon?

00:15:23.388 --> 00:15:25.070
Who's funding the honeymoon?

00:15:25.070 --> 00:15:30.519
You're taking all this time off work, so you're making less, you're spending more, and then guess what they tell you.

00:15:32.038 --> 00:15:32.741
Where's the baby at?

00:15:33.255 --> 00:15:36.936
First come marriage, then the baby in the carriage and you're like wait a minute, how?

00:15:36.975 --> 00:15:39.357
much A baby costs $30,000 for the first year.

00:15:39.418 --> 00:15:40.918
Can you speak how much?

00:15:40.938 --> 00:15:52.590
money did we just rack up $30,000 for a baby, $20,000, let's call it $25,000 for the wedding, and then maybe you know, I don't know what the average would be, and just to put it in perspective $30,000 for a baby.

00:15:52.609 --> 00:15:53.769
some people can't fathom that.

00:15:53.769 --> 00:16:00.504
That's what some people make in an entire year, correct, and food, god forbid, anything happens.

00:16:00.504 --> 00:16:05.464
And you have to, like you know, invest more braces all these not in a newborn, but you get what I mean.

00:16:05.464 --> 00:16:10.769
Right, there's all these things you got to put money into and it's like, wait, we're compounding.

00:16:10.769 --> 00:16:12.315
But that's what they talk about, right?

00:16:12.315 --> 00:16:14.942
But what also do they say you need to buy a house.

00:16:14.942 --> 00:16:17.807
Before you get the, you have the baby, so why don't you go buy?

00:16:17.807 --> 00:16:23.990
You got to buy your dream home and it's like, wait, we're, we're in our twenties or thirties and it's this idea of your dream home.

00:16:24.350 --> 00:16:31.596
But when we see the stats, people don't make their, like their peak income until they're in their mid fifth, like early to mid fifties.

00:16:31.596 --> 00:16:45.764
But social media is like you need to have your dream home at 20, 28 or 30, right, married, two kids, all, and it all is just compounded and stacked.

00:16:45.764 --> 00:16:50.884
And then people end up in a situation where the financial struggles are now in play, right, you can't do the paycheck to paycheck, right, even if you're making good money.

00:16:50.884 --> 00:16:59.336
But that goes to the biggest, one of the biggest pressures on a marriage in a relationship which is finances yes, you're absolutely correct and this goes into.

00:16:59.355 --> 00:17:01.379
So then what are some signs that you're ready for the wife?

00:17:01.379 --> 00:17:07.047
Energy that can look like you value teamwork, you know that you're building a future.

00:17:07.047 --> 00:17:09.430
You're growing in seasons as well.

00:17:09.430 --> 00:17:24.356
That's one thing we've talked about multiple times over the episodes that we've recorded is who we were, back in our early 20s when we first met to our, you know, mid to late 20s when we started coupley fit, and now we're in our mid 30s.

00:17:24.356 --> 00:17:25.980
I mean, we went through three seasons already.

00:17:25.980 --> 00:17:28.816
Just there, um, that we can think of, right.

00:17:28.876 --> 00:17:30.282
So just to that point.

00:17:30.282 --> 00:17:38.477
I just wanted to say when we talk about the seasons I mean we've talked about on other episodes I had a friend you know, friend of a friend of ours and came and visited and was like, oh, are you?

00:17:38.477 --> 00:17:40.019
You know y'all, where are the spots?

00:17:40.019 --> 00:17:41.602
You know where are the places to go and to go out?

00:17:41.602 --> 00:17:49.384
And I was like I can tell you like where's brunch, like places to eat, but I'm like I don't really know where the club spots, like I don't even know where to send you.

00:17:49.805 --> 00:17:53.684
But it just when you talk about the seasons, you want to be with a partner that's on the same page.

00:17:53.684 --> 00:18:14.580
Where we were, we had times where we dancing, met in a club, right, having good times, but then it did evolve, right, it's like karaoke, it's earlier nights, it's not necessarily and we still have fun and have a good time, but just, you want to find somebody that's on that same page, whereas we have seen some couples where one person is like I'm out of the club life and the other's like I'm still in it.

00:18:14.862 --> 00:18:21.128
But to your point, right, you're saying that you want to evolve together in each one of these seasons or stages.

00:18:21.128 --> 00:18:33.926
And then we also hear too right, when you get married that you know people start growing apart because, again, one person may need be evolving in one season, but you're still stuck back in fall of 2013.

00:18:33.926 --> 00:18:36.159
Now, don't get me wrong.

00:18:36.199 --> 00:18:37.202
Living in a TBT.

00:18:37.483 --> 00:18:38.719
Yes, now, don't get me wrong.

00:18:38.719 --> 00:18:49.155
Right, there are times, especially in a marriage, where one person may be further or in their next season, and you're, you're going to be coming into that season and that's okay.

00:18:49.155 --> 00:18:51.763
But again, it's that choice that you're making to.

00:18:51.763 --> 00:19:00.263
We're going to grow together, we're going to evolve together, I'm going to be, you know, consistent and everything that I do so that we can keep moving forward together.

00:19:00.263 --> 00:19:05.481
But when you're talking about the bride energy, it's just moving forward.

00:19:05.481 --> 00:19:06.483
Well, the day happened.

00:19:06.483 --> 00:19:07.045
Now what?

00:19:07.045 --> 00:19:14.516
Then it hits you, you know, maybe three, six months in, you're like, oh shoot, I'm married, I'm here, this is a lifelong commitment.

00:19:14.516 --> 00:19:15.998
Oh my gosh, were we ready?

00:19:15.998 --> 00:19:17.801
Did I ask all the right questions?

00:19:17.801 --> 00:19:19.124
Did we do we?

00:19:19.124 --> 00:19:20.766
Are we actually on the same page?

00:19:20.766 --> 00:19:27.342
And so that's when you know it can start turning into more of that bride energy as opposed to the, the wife energy that we've been talking about.

00:19:27.342 --> 00:19:37.080
Yeah, so do you think that society glamorizes weddings and rarely highlights the daily work of marriage?

00:19:37.080 --> 00:19:38.790
One hundred percent, absolutely.

00:19:38.810 --> 00:19:41.554
It's a business, absolutely they're monetizing.

00:19:41.614 --> 00:19:43.124
I think it's a three billion dollar business.

00:19:43.325 --> 00:19:44.008
Three billion dollars.

00:19:44.008 --> 00:19:54.298
And, if you think about it right, in that three billion there's all of these monetizations, right, it's like the bachelorette, it's the parties, it's the uh, the preparation, it's all of the things.

00:19:54.298 --> 00:20:00.046
But, like you talked about, right, there's not that same level of support once you get married, right?

00:20:00.046 --> 00:20:00.989
You're going to talk about it.

00:20:00.989 --> 00:20:02.492
It's like great.

00:20:02.492 --> 00:20:08.467
You know, it's almost like you did it it's like as soon as it's like the day you get married, it's like they just push you out the nest that's it and they got.

00:20:08.527 --> 00:20:31.271
I hope you got wings and you're supposed to be flying with a partner yes, yes, and to your the, the good news is that, because social media is so prevalent now, we are seeing that more people are talking about those you know arguments that can happen on a daily basis when you are married and just there's more kind of realer content coming out.

00:20:31.271 --> 00:20:51.272
However, without a shadow of a doubt, the wedding is absolutely highlighted, much more than the daily work that is required for marriage, and so when we see social media right, like we talked about, it's the honeymoon, like you said, it's the ring, it's the dress, it's the oh my gosh, let me get the drone footage right it's what?

00:20:51.272 --> 00:20:51.753
What can we?

00:20:51.753 --> 00:20:57.673
How can we make this look like a movie, all of the production that goes into it and who's the production?

00:20:57.673 --> 00:20:59.036
For, don't get me wrong.

00:20:59.096 --> 00:21:01.613
I mean, if we really think about it, when's the last time we looked at our wedding video?

00:21:01.613 --> 00:21:02.656
No, don't get me wrong.

00:21:02.656 --> 00:21:06.101
Obviously I wish we had a different, like wedding video in person and all that stuff.

00:21:06.101 --> 00:21:08.267
But how often do you look back at your wedding video?

00:21:08.267 --> 00:21:12.755
Not often, I don't, and even couples we talk to they're like the wedding video.

00:21:12.755 --> 00:21:14.878
I don't even know where it is, can't even tell you.

00:21:14.878 --> 00:21:15.681
That's a good point.

00:21:15.681 --> 00:21:16.461
Don't have my dress.

00:21:16.461 --> 00:21:18.405
I, I kept my dress, though I still have mine.

00:21:18.405 --> 00:21:25.474
But uh, marriage, right, when you start talking about marriage, you're talking bills, you're talking telephone bill.

00:21:25.494 --> 00:21:31.049
You can't pay with telephone, but you can't pay your telephone bills because you spend all this money in all these other areas.

00:21:31.049 --> 00:21:36.528
But then you're talking schedules, right, conflicts, but then also, how do you resolve those?

00:21:36.548 --> 00:21:45.444
conflicts family dynamics conflicts and family dynamics are two things that are really huge, because that's another thing with marriage, it's not talked about enough.

00:21:45.444 --> 00:21:53.292
You're literally blending you're blending two families two families and really you're trying to blend, because tech everybody doesn't end up getting blended.

00:21:53.313 --> 00:21:53.653
Correct.

00:21:55.144 --> 00:21:55.305
You hope.

00:21:55.305 --> 00:21:59.836
It's the hope and the attempt to merge two families together.

00:21:59.836 --> 00:22:02.125
Yes, and then it becomes even things that we talk about.

00:22:02.184 --> 00:22:03.530
So you're married to your point right.

00:22:03.785 --> 00:22:11.393
We're merging two lives together, but then we're merging two family dynamics together, and what we know about families is everybody has their.

00:22:11.554 --> 00:22:11.954
Oh listen.

00:22:11.954 --> 00:22:14.945
Everybody's family has their, everybody has.

00:22:14.965 --> 00:22:16.830
we know about families is everybody has their oh listen, every everybody's family.

00:22:16.830 --> 00:22:20.060
Everybody has the drama, the crazy, like everybody's got everybody just like it's define this dysfunction.

00:22:20.060 --> 00:22:21.567
Name it like everybody's got something.

00:22:21.749 --> 00:22:34.321
You can't spell family without lies you can't spell family without lies, that's true that's crazy, um, but but just to that point, I was just thinking and this is going to help somebody is that's going to be a test in itself.

00:22:34.321 --> 00:22:42.846
How do you and your partner communicate, handle different things from a marriage or planning a coordination effort?

00:22:42.846 --> 00:22:50.001
Because there's going to be either miscommunications, there's going to be, uh, disconnects, there's going to be like sit downs that probably have to happen.

00:22:50.001 --> 00:22:51.886
There's going to be conversations about budgeting.

00:22:51.886 --> 00:23:00.008
Like, if you really think about it, the wedding for a lot of couples is one of the big projects that you work on as a couple for the first time.

00:23:00.288 --> 00:23:02.134
If you think about it, right, let's let's really think about it.

00:23:02.134 --> 00:23:04.892
There are couples who don't even make it through the process.

00:23:04.932 --> 00:23:09.028
You're not even making it to the wedding day we've heard a couple people say that they, you know they've been engaged a couple of times.

00:23:09.028 --> 00:23:10.770
A couple of times, right where?

00:23:10.830 --> 00:23:13.474
Yeah, and it just it's not working out.

00:23:13.496 --> 00:23:16.480
Which I just want to take a second and commend those people too.

00:23:17.305 --> 00:23:21.028
Yeah, because you're not getting yourself into a situation where it's, I feel, trapped or stuck.

00:23:21.028 --> 00:23:29.733
But how many people, though, would rather like there's people that we've talked to that were like I knew I want to hold on to the companionship they already knew what it was before they even got married.

00:23:33.664 --> 00:23:35.131
Even got married, but they, they didn't want to miss out.

00:23:35.131 --> 00:23:35.854
They were a walking red flag.

00:23:35.854 --> 00:23:37.500
They were, but they didn't want to miss out on the glam the glam was too good.

00:23:37.520 --> 00:23:39.929
Yeah, I sent out the invites, the glam was too glorious.

00:23:40.349 --> 00:23:43.296
I don't want to let people know it wasn't this.

00:23:43.296 --> 00:23:43.737
Ain't that?

00:23:43.737 --> 00:23:50.327
That's right, but the people that we do know that have gotten engaged and then didn't go through with it or went another route.

00:23:50.970 --> 00:23:55.464
They literally dodged a bullet and I saw, I heard something.

00:23:55.464 --> 00:24:01.115
It's you know it pertains to what we're saying, it's just worded differently.

00:24:01.115 --> 00:24:05.329
But it said don't oh my gosh.

00:24:05.329 --> 00:24:10.724
It said don't miss out on your husband because you have a boyfriend.

00:24:10.805 --> 00:24:12.695
So when you think about that, it's like what huh, what do you mean so if you have a boyfriend?

00:24:12.695 --> 00:24:13.742
So when you think about that, it's like what?

00:24:13.742 --> 00:24:15.990
What do you mean so if you have a boyfriend?

00:24:15.990 --> 00:24:17.295
And when you're engaged?

00:24:17.295 --> 00:24:30.868
Yes, you have the fiancé aspect, right, but you have the fiancé aspect and then you're realizing, the more that you're planning, the more that you have more conflicts, because that's really where the conflicts start coming out truly is when you start planning a wedding, because you have the family dynamic conflict.

00:24:30.888 --> 00:24:32.332
Also because you have the family dynamic conflict.

00:24:32.332 --> 00:24:33.114
Also my mama in there saying things.

00:24:33.134 --> 00:24:42.151
You notice that you have the family dynamic conflict, but then you're going back and forth and you potentially could be beefing because it's like, oh my gosh, well, your mom said this, well, my mom said this or these are the finances.

00:24:42.151 --> 00:24:58.373
Or just finances, right, and then you realize like wait a minute, Now that I'm thinking about this, I don't think you're the husband for me you're not the right teammate, you're not the ideal team player ideal partner or teammate for me.

00:24:58.433 --> 00:25:09.151
So let me go ahead and move out of this situation so I can find my actual husband, my actual partner, who's going to be there, you know, stand by me and and move forward together.

00:25:09.151 --> 00:25:17.145
So let's give some practical advice, right and again, we always say we are not experts by any means.

00:25:17.145 --> 00:25:20.032
We just try to give you our experiences.

00:25:20.032 --> 00:25:21.678
Experiences and our viewpoints.

00:25:21.678 --> 00:25:31.654
Again, in october, we're coming up on being married for nine years, so we've had some experience and we've we've gone through some seasons and some of what we're talking about.

00:25:31.654 --> 00:25:35.867
So something that we did before premarital counseling big big.

00:25:35.907 --> 00:25:39.516
We did that with our pastor and I think it was only like three months.

00:25:39.516 --> 00:25:42.088
Right, it was like 90 days, 90 days.

00:25:42.088 --> 00:25:46.327
But he was asking us tough questions he's trying to almost like stir it up a little bit.

00:25:46.367 --> 00:25:47.614
When was the time that you were upset?

00:25:47.674 --> 00:25:51.330
yes, I was like when was the time that you were upset but you didn't say something to your partner?

00:25:51.330 --> 00:25:52.013
You, You're like, oh hold on.

00:25:52.034 --> 00:25:54.785
Now that you ask, let me dig into my bag here.

00:25:55.045 --> 00:25:59.894
Yes, exactly, exactly, so that he could also see how do you deal with conflict, right?

00:25:59.894 --> 00:26:03.974
How do you resolve it and then, ultimately, how do you repair it before you get married.

00:26:03.974 --> 00:26:07.172
Are you having those conversations about money?

00:26:07.553 --> 00:26:08.576
Critical conversations.

00:26:08.576 --> 00:26:17.130
About in-laws about kids about conflict, how you deal with conflict.

00:26:17.130 --> 00:26:19.155
These are critical conversations that need to be had, and make sure that you're not.

00:26:19.217 --> 00:26:27.046
You're speaking to your partner, not to their representative okay, because a lot of it's a lot of people that want to be a baller, but you're not a baller in real life.

00:26:27.046 --> 00:26:37.116
Or you want to be, you're presenting yourself as this, but then when you get into it, it's like wait, you're really not that, so make sure, because, again, a lot of people right, and it's anybody dating.

00:26:37.116 --> 00:26:38.786
You want to put your best foot forward, right?

00:26:38.786 --> 00:26:40.529
How many people don't look like their profile photo?

00:26:40.529 --> 00:26:41.933
You know what?

00:26:41.933 --> 00:26:46.839
So it's like dang, you put your best foot forward, but now everybody, the ai come on everybody's.

00:26:46.961 --> 00:26:49.106
I've been seeing people dropping the ais.

00:26:49.207 --> 00:26:49.827
I'm like dude.

00:26:49.827 --> 00:26:50.288
Who's this?

00:26:50.429 --> 00:26:51.770
it's wild who is this?

00:26:51.770 --> 00:26:52.090
Who's?

00:26:52.090 --> 00:26:52.791
So?

00:26:52.811 --> 00:26:55.276
my point is and don't get mad at me when I see you in.

00:26:55.276 --> 00:26:58.826
Irl and I walk past you and you're like, oh, you don't.

00:26:58.826 --> 00:27:00.452
You don't recognize me, you don't see me.

00:27:00.452 --> 00:27:02.233
It's like, no, I don't recognize you.

00:27:02.273 --> 00:27:03.098
I was looking for the AI.

00:27:03.098 --> 00:27:04.184
I was looking for the AI version.

00:27:06.949 --> 00:27:09.092
I was looking for the AI version.

00:27:09.092 --> 00:27:14.200
You, I thought you, you know you had green eyes, and you, you have brown, get out of here get out of here.

00:27:15.146 --> 00:27:31.231
So, um, the other thing, too, right is are you creating couples routines, even when you are engaged before the big day, are you creating the routines that are going to be able to go into your shared values of building your life right for us?

00:27:31.231 --> 00:27:35.318
That us, that's faith, that was health and fitness, that was finances too.

00:27:35.318 --> 00:27:37.232
We had a really big conversation about that.

00:27:37.232 --> 00:27:46.373
And, just again, let's be real about where we are, because this decision that we're making is the realest decision that you can make.

00:27:47.476 --> 00:27:51.709
And I was just going to say, and this is probably where you're going, but also, what are those aspirations and dreams?

00:27:51.709 --> 00:27:53.874
Right, where are we headed, what is the direction that we want to go?

00:27:53.894 --> 00:27:53.953
in.

00:27:53.953 --> 00:27:54.476
What's the vision?

00:27:54.615 --> 00:27:57.388
Because people will say who's going to be the leader?

00:27:57.388 --> 00:27:58.232
That's a big one.

00:27:58.232 --> 00:28:04.381
People will say I outgrew my partner, or my partner wasn't the leader, or they weren't the head of the house.

00:28:04.381 --> 00:28:08.088
There were indicators Right Early on that.

00:28:08.088 --> 00:28:10.833
Either you didn't want to of somebody.

00:28:10.833 --> 00:28:12.654
If you're growing together, what are your aspirations?

00:28:12.654 --> 00:28:12.776
Like?

00:28:12.776 --> 00:28:15.799
Even conversations that we had of like what do you want to accomplish?

00:28:15.799 --> 00:28:16.441
What do you want to do?

00:28:16.441 --> 00:28:30.186
Even when for me, it was like the NFL was one of the things on my list there was so much beyond that in business and philanthropy and all of these things but we were on the same page in so many of these areas and it was like, oh no, these are green lights.

00:28:30.227 --> 00:28:31.768
But that also goes back to compatibility.

00:28:31.768 --> 00:28:39.596
Right, are you compatible in the spaces and areas that matter the most?

00:28:39.596 --> 00:28:40.436
Right?

00:28:40.436 --> 00:28:53.498
Are your values the same your morals, what you believe in you know, even if you are coming from two different backgrounds, do you still agree on the shared vision of what you want your life to look like?

00:28:53.664 --> 00:28:54.153
Same morals too, like no.

00:28:54.153 --> 00:28:54.517
That's key Morals and values, though.

00:28:54.517 --> 00:28:54.625
What do you value?

00:28:54.563 --> 00:28:57.432
still agree on the shared vision of what you want your life to look like same morals too, like no, that's key morals and values though what?

00:28:57.592 --> 00:28:58.733
do you value?

00:28:58.733 --> 00:28:59.695
Come on, come on.

00:28:59.695 --> 00:29:09.173
So also, right, when we talk about we, you if you've heard us with coupley fit again being in the health and wellness space we talk about a whole person approach, right?

00:29:09.173 --> 00:29:12.386
So it's not just the physical, it's the mental, emotional and spiritual.

00:29:12.386 --> 00:29:18.199
It's that keep that same energy when you're talking about the whole person approach to your marriage.

00:29:18.199 --> 00:29:24.166
What are we doing physically to make sure that we are keeping our marriage at the peak where it needs to be?

00:29:24.648 --> 00:29:29.794
Spiritually, mentally, emotionally, will there be highs and lows, of course.

00:29:29.794 --> 00:29:31.952
How do you navigate those highs and lows?

00:29:31.952 --> 00:29:36.125
Who's going to be the one where you know, hey, I'm feeling 30%.

00:29:36.125 --> 00:29:46.076
I need you to give me that 70 in order for us to kind of just move through this valley that we're going through, right, and being able to have those real conversations of.

00:29:46.076 --> 00:29:56.388
Are we willing to grow together, even through the seasons that seem like they are the darkest and the coldest, because that's really where people end up shifting and moving away from.

00:29:56.388 --> 00:30:02.054
Well, I'm just going to go on social media now and find me somebody new, because the grass is greener on the other side.

00:30:02.054 --> 00:30:09.433
It has to be when, really right, the grass is greener where you water it, so is there anything else that you want to add?

00:30:09.924 --> 00:30:20.726
No, that was spot on and I was was just gonna say that continue to pour in right water where you want to see things grow and the glass half empty or half full it's all about your perspective.

00:30:20.726 --> 00:30:27.848
Like I say, you can give two people the same situation, but it's all about their approach, their perspective and their.

00:30:27.868 --> 00:30:37.798
You know how they, how they approach it in the initiative that they take yes, you're absolutely correct, uh, so thank you so much for listening to another episode.

00:30:37.798 --> 00:30:40.673
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Bye.