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Hey, cuddly Fit fam.
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Welcome back to another episode.
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Today we are talking about one of the frequently asked questions that we get, which is how do we be healthy together?
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Why is it so hard?
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What are some ways that you know we can do health and wellness together?
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And some would say it's easier said than done.
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But when you're on the same page it is a game changer because you're going in the same direction.
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If one person is going to the vegan line, the other one's going fast food.
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It's going to be some tough decisions being made.
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Yeah, so we're going to be talking about the real struggles that happen with couples when you are dealing with health and wellness, and why it's so hard to get healthy together.
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So, before we get started, please, if you are watching us on YouTube, like and subscribe.
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If you are watching some of our clips on social media, please follow us at coupleyfit C-O-U-P-L-E-Y-F-I-T.
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Let's get into it, all right.
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So let's talk about, first and foremost are you and your partner aligned?
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That's a big one and I and I really think this almost this might hit a nerve for somebody, but there are a lot of times where one person in a relationship is more active or more focused on their goals than the other person and you're at different starting points, and so the alignment sometimes is a discovery that maybe you're not aligned and you have to be the catalyst in your relationship, but sometimes that just starts with one person.
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You're absolutely correct and to your point.
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I think it's accepting that you're different, accepting that you, like you said you're.
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We're starting at different points in our journey, but we also may have completely different goals.
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Right, for you, you may want more.
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You're building your muscle.
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For me, it's just general health.
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I just want to feel better.
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So, knowing that you can have different goals, that's perfectly fine, as long as you are working together towards those goals in some way right, which is going to come probably in the meal prepping session or, you know, in the activity section, right, and those things, and then finding out what's common and doing that together.
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Yeah, I like the common part too, because so many times we think about the differences and it's like, oh, you don't.
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You know I'm I'm ready to hit the weights and you're someone's doing cardio, but it's like, okay, where can we find that middle ground?
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And maybe it's literally walking at night after dinner or something that you know, cooking the meals, something that you all can find and bond over.
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Yeah, I think that's a great point to go into.
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Just talking about your why, why do you want to get healthy and be having that open conversation with each other of hey, this is why I want to get healthy.
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I want to do it for the kids, right?
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I want to do it for my general health.
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I just want to feel better.
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We've all been there where it's like I just don't feel good.
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I feel like, you know, we were just on a podcast yesterday and one of the gentlemen was talking about he was running and he felt some of his body parts jiggling and he said, whoa that was a wake up call for me of I need to make some adjustments.
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No, that's facts.
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I mean, I remember I went on a real, a real bender, and I'm not talking about drinking, I'm talking about eating.
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I went on a real, no calorie counting, free for all, eat whatever you want.
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And I really looked in the mirror after that weekend and I was like this has to stop.
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I said, oh no, I literally see it in my face.
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I see it.
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You know, like you said, you know things jiggling or you know some love handles.
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You're like wait a minute, this, this, this isn't supposed to be like this.
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I was supposed to just enjoy the ice cream and the and the fried chicken.
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So, yeah, but again, right, if you share your why with me, then that gives me an opportunity to at least remind you, maybe in that moment or after that moment where you are saying like, hey, oh my gosh, you know I was eating good this past weekend, and usually for us you'll come and tell me like man, gain this much, loss this much, right, those type of things.
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And so again, just telling your partner, this is why I want to get healthy.
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That's a great opportunity for you to be to remind them, but then also write that on a sticky note, right, and put that somewhere where you're seeing it so it can be a reminder every day of, okay, yeah, I don't want to get active.
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You know, I could just go from you know working remotely in my office chair to going right over here, few steps to laying on the couch and and throwing a binge watching something right.
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But it's like, okay, I saw the sticky note, my why I want to feel better, so let me go and get a 10-15 minute walk in.
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I love that you said that and something else that came to my mind, to that point that we do uh, we've been doing more and more.
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You figure out when are your triggers right.
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For example, a trigger is going to the grocery store when you're hungry.
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I mean, how did the double stuffed oreos get in the cart?
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I?
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don't know, and they're gluten-free for sure can I dunk it?
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yes so all of those things happen when you're like, okay, so we can't go in here when we're on an empty stomach because I'm buying things I don't need, right, or we had a long day.
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We've got to have some food prepped at the house that's easy to be prepared the plant based meatballs, like prepping chicken, whatever that might be to have a base and like a rice or bread to make sandwiches, like something that you can make quickly so that it's not like you know what we're on the way home.
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Let's just pick up that fast food.
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It was almost, I was when I tell you, not only were we one exit, we were one decision away from Chick-fil-A, one decision away.
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And so sometimes it was just like you know what, let's go ahead and save that, because eating at home, I didn't make the extra fry.
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You know what, let's go ahead and save that, because eating at home, I didn't make the extra fry.
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I didn't have six dipping sauces, which I love, and it makes a big difference.
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And you feel that difference.
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You feel those little small changes, or swan changes, stack up.
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Yeah, you're absolutely correct and that's right.
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Going back to even one of our previous episodes where we were talking about discipline and how it's the micro habits and that's what we're really talking about is it's the, the building of the habit and then the sticking to the habit, and the more that you can make the positive decision in some cases it's the right decision the better off that you're going to build that muscle of discipline and just saying no, I know we have food at home and sometimes you have to tell yourself what is your trigger.
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You know, one of your triggers may be I don't like to waste money, so therefore, I do have to remind myself.
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When I see the delivery fees.
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I feel offended.
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Yes, I'm like wait.
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This is double the price because I got to drop it off.
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How dare they, how dare you?
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But I just want to add something to that too, just one thing that I also noticed.
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It is a journey and a process, so meet your partner where they're at, or meet yourself and have grace for yourself, because one thing that we noticed, too, was it started off and it was like hmm, got a taste for a dessert.
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I'm going to go ahead and get the ice cream sandwich.
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Let's go ahead and order the full on, and it's like a big ice cream sandwich too.
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They didn't, went from the ice cream sandwich to frozen yogurt Still the toppings.
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Don't get me wrong, there's still cookie dough and all the toppings, but it's frozen yogurt.
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So that's like a scale down, we're getting better.
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And then it went from that to like a yogurt bar right at home that we're preparing.
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That's more controlled, but it's a healthier choice.
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So sometimes it also is like you don't have to completely remove things that you love, because I think a lot of people feel like they had that concern of like, what's life like if I can't enjoy my favorite peanut butter chocolate, whatever?
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Or you know, there may be something you can replicate.
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That's a protein bar that tastes like a hundred grand, or something like that, right, and to your point, and we're going to get into a little bit of meal prepping later.
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And to your point, and we're going to get into a little bit of meal prepping later.
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But I quickly, just because you mentioned this and it triggered something for me if you are a person of color, there's going to be some cultural foods that are staples.
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When you start talking about policy and how you can change perspectives around, that is realizing that you don't have to get rid of your cultural foods.
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And so I was just talking to my hairstylist today and she's Brazilian and she was saying I have rice with every single meal.
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That's just a part of my staple.
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That's what we do.
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It's cooked a certain way, all of these things, and even seasoned a certain way.
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And I said, yeah, you shouldn't have to get rid of that because you think quote unquote carbs are bad.
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It's just about moderation, right, there's just little tweaks that you have to make to your cultural foods, but still being able to have that comfortable feeling that comes from it, cause sometimes you know you get.
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You get something for for us, right, when we cook catfish woo that brings you right back to being at granny's house, right, like that's something that is nostalgic, it's something that really brings you back to your roots in full circle, and so getting rid of that and saying you can't have that, that's going to be I just can't have it every day.
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Right, right, like it's moderation.
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It's maybe even in the preparation.
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It's also in the portion size, right.
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So also think of it in that sense too, that you don't have to get rid of your favorite foods completely, uh, especially when it comes to cultural foods.
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It's just adjustments that's so true.
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I just want to shout out um girls is popping hi.
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I don't know if you want to give them a shout out to my girl sue, come on, she is the one.
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So, as we briefly get into, you know you mentioned that the goals are shared.
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Right, you have shared goals.
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Uh, going back to your why, but although your health goals can be personal, it's still relational, right, and let's be all the way real.
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Your partner's, you know goals, or the way that they're going about their health, is also going to affect you.
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Like, let's keep it all the way real a perfect example of that, I think, is um when we see you know other parents going through that journey where wife is getting pregnant, um or you know partners, getting pregnant and now husband is like I mean, I'm eating for two as well.
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And you always see, you know, some people do the um, the paternity photo shoot, and it's like the mom holding the belly and the dad got his belly out holding the belly.
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It's like this is a food, this is a food baby, uh.
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So yeah, like sometimes again the routine is like I get into that flow and you end up being on the same routine and flow and kind of eating the same things or sometimes the same portions.
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Yes, and I think, too, this brings it back to the motivation piece, right, like if you don't have a partner that's as motivated on their health journey as you are, that can affect you when it's.
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You know you're trying hard to eat the proper meals, you're trying hard to get active right, get your sleep water, all of the things, but your partner was like, hey, I'm going to bring this bucket of KFC chicken in here double up double up and you're there you know, and sometimes you know being a little antagonistic and eating in front of your face finger looking good and you're it's.
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I'll tell you what people that eat in their bed are diabolical.
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That's like if you're eating a bucket of KSC in the bed, I mean it sounds pretty comfortable, but if you think, about how many pieces are falling.
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How many crumbs are falling.
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But to your point though, like no, it does make it, and that antagonizing that can be hard, like I know.
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For me, I have to be mindful of it because you're gluten free, so I'll be having a gluten I'm you know that that warm bread that comes out of the restaurant before the meal starts.
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These like gluten.
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And I'm like Delicious, so, yes, balance but balance, but also realizing that, again, your habits, when it comes to your health and wellness, are going to impact your partner and being mindful of that, although you're not on the same path Right, or even starting at the same starting line, it's still just knowing that, ok, I'm going to at least try because you're, you're trying, I want to support you in your journey.
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And so you know, just going back and forth, like that is, is another way of saying how can I support you?
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And that support is so key because, when we look at the statistics and there's so much data that's been released around how many people are struggling with health related issues that are tied to lifestyle and diet?
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correct and it's.
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You would think, oh my gosh, you know they're, we're calling it, all these other things.
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It's like I don't know what happened.
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It runs in their family and it's like, listen, it's the lifestyle, it's the diet and almost 90 of the situations, and so that sometimes is the wake-up call when someone does get sick or gets dehydrated or hospitalized or god forbid something happens to maybe an elder too soon and they pass away, and that ends up being the wake-up call for somebody like, oh, so-and-so's dad or granddad passed at 50 or 45 and now you're like man, I really want to turn a corner and get healthier now for my kids or my grandkids, or to be around for my future.
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Yeah.
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Legacy.
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Yeah, absolutely so.
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Then we're going to talk a little bit about why it's hard for most couples to stay on their health and wellness journey or to even do it together.
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So we touch a little bit on one of your partner, or your partner can be motivated, but you may not be, or you're the disciplined one and your partner isn't.
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Um, and that can be.
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That can be very tough.
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But I think again, if you just are, reminding your partner of this is why I'm getting healthy and I need your support in this way.
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Typically, people are going to be more open, but it doesn't mean that they're going to change right.
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So you may need to then find a support system, find a walking group, find an outside source that's going to keep you accountable, and sometimes that's your apple watch.
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When it says time to stand, it's oh you know what I have sometimes.
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It hits me hard.
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I'd be like you just tapped me on my shoulder.
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Yes, yes, right, so sometimes it can be.
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It has to be that outside source.
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But to your point of what you said earlier, you may be the catalyst for your partner to then start feeling better with you, but it is.
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You know it's hard when you are the one potentially that's motivated and your partner isn't.
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And how to navigate that.
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And I love what you said about the accountability which could come in the form of technology like a watch or a Fitbit or Apple watch, or it could come in the form of getting a personal trainer.
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It could come in the form of utilizing your pet like your dog, where every time that dog goes by the door and is barking at the leash, it's like, oh, I guess we're going to go go for that walk.
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And then your partner builds up and is like you know what, every time you come back from that five or ten minute walk, I mean you just seem like you're more refreshed and you're more rejuvenated, like can I walk?
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I'm gonna walk with you tomorrow or now, both pairs.
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Like you're putting your shoes on now.
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All of a sudden you see your partner's shoes by the door and it's like, well, and let's be honest, right, we all have, whether we want to agree or not, some form of FOMO.
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Right.
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Did you have some fun out there?
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What happened on that walk?
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Yes.
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I can't even let you go out there and walk by yourself with the curls popping like that.
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To add to your point too, if you have kids, this is something that we've seen with previous clients and then also people tell us that they do on their journey.
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If they're the ones that are, the more you know, more motivated and disciplined they say.
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I'll just ask my kids hey, do you want to go to the park?
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Do you want to take your scooters out, right?
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Do you want to just come with you know mom or dad on this journey, that to the mailbox, right?
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And so then it becomes okay.
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Your kids are also holding you accountable, because kids get excited.
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It's like, okay, we have a little bit of a routine going.
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I like being able to get out and run around.
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Kids want to run around.
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I'm ready to get active in here, and if not, then just walking right, just being very starting, simplistic, and then going and adding to that, and then the person that's staying home is, you know, to your point, you're coming back and you've enjoyed yourself, you've had conversations with your kids, and the other person is going to start to feel left out.
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It's like you know what, the next time you go on a walk, let me know.
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It's like, oh, let you know.
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Okay, we'll definitely do that, so I think that's a great one too, right.
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Headband.
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Headband.
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You have a new music playlist.
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You are ready on band, on the band on the arm yes, you are ready.
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And the other person is like I still want to be hanging out, I want to be.
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I'm watching netflix I'm watching netflix playing video games, right or um what?
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yeah whatever that looks like for you.
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But timing misalignment that's another thing that we've heard over time from couples of just saying like it's really hard when I'm in this love, I'm at this level and my partner is not.
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So I would say give your partner grace to be able to get to where you are, or even to start, and when they do, give them that positive reinforcement and that encouragement of like, wow, oh my gosh, I just saw that you made this change right.
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You went, went from, you, added an extra bottle of water today, or I saw you do some extra steps today like congratulations, you're doing a great job.
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Maybe next time, if you want, I would love for you to come on a 10 minute walk with me, and typically what we've seen is that people are at least open to it and receptive.
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Uh, and it may take a couple of times asking like don't't ask one time, and then if the person says no, it's like I'm never going to ask you again.
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Right, it's when, when?
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that's me sometimes when the, when the student is ready, the teacher will appear.
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So give give your, your spouse, the opportunity to be able to at least start and get to where you are, uh, and give them that you know compassion to do that.
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Yeah, I love that and I think too, when we also look at and you touched on this earlier meeting your partner with an activity that they enjoy, right, because sometimes it's like Meeting, yeah, where they are.
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Like, where are you at?
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And sometimes you know, just as an example, you hear a lot of husbands that like, they love golf and they're like my wife doesn't like golf, but my wife wants me to get more active.
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So it's like a good compromise could be hey, babe, let's go to, let's go play, play around nine or 18.
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But like, even if I'm not playing with you, I'm on the cart, we're out there, whatever the case may be, and now come on now, or maybe you know there's some walking, but now that's an activity that he enjoys.
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Maybe you get a chance to do that with him, right, and there's that opportunity.
00:18:34.596 --> 00:18:42.663
Or you like golf, right, and we're both out there playing and now that's a whole new activity and thing that we can do together and just keep building.
00:18:42.990 --> 00:18:44.336
Yeah, I love that.
00:18:44.336 --> 00:18:49.942
So it's interesting because this next one we hear a lot.
00:18:49.942 --> 00:18:55.429
This also is just when you are a couple in general, but obviously right, feeling judged.
00:18:55.429 --> 00:18:58.335
I feel like you're nagging me a little bit, you're kind of on my back.
00:18:58.335 --> 00:19:01.878
I also feel like maybe I'm not supported.
00:19:01.878 --> 00:19:13.551
So we've heard that a lot over time and it can be discouraging, for sure, when you feel like you are being judged because you want to feel better.
00:19:13.952 --> 00:19:32.630
But this is also again coming back to well, if it's not going to be something that's going to come from within the household, on the accountability or even the motivation part, finding the outside source that is going to be able to do that for you, finding the outside source that is going to be able to do that for you.
00:19:32.630 --> 00:19:36.890
And you know, you sometimes can also start your journey in silence, in the sense of you're just making the changes.
00:19:36.890 --> 00:19:40.280
You'd be surprised how many people are looking and watching.
00:19:40.280 --> 00:19:42.636
Okay, I see that she did this.
00:19:42.636 --> 00:19:46.099
Ooh, she had a little bit of extra parfait left and she left it for me.
00:19:46.099 --> 00:19:49.237
This is actually pretty good, you know, and now you start asking for that.
00:19:49.237 --> 00:20:03.012
Right, you'd just be surprised at how often not only we've heard, but just you might have to start again on your own, start your own journey sometimes and then wait for your spouse to be able to to catch up to you.
00:20:03.432 --> 00:20:04.153
Yeah, I love that.
00:20:06.278 --> 00:20:08.882
So we've heard this too.
00:20:08.882 --> 00:20:10.845
Have you ever heard of?
00:20:10.845 --> 00:20:12.813
Uh, I'm trying to fix my partner?
00:20:14.496 --> 00:20:19.814
We have, we have um, and I mean think about.
00:20:19.814 --> 00:20:20.958
I'm trying to fix you.
00:20:21.057 --> 00:20:21.660
You're unhealthy.
00:20:21.660 --> 00:20:26.789
We have the test results right, We've gone to the doctor or you just notice it yourself.
00:20:26.789 --> 00:20:28.435
You've told me that you feel unhealthy.
00:20:28.435 --> 00:20:29.720
Let me fix you.
00:20:29.720 --> 00:20:30.990
Let me do that.
00:20:31.451 --> 00:20:31.932
And nobody.
00:20:31.932 --> 00:20:33.537
Nobody really wants to be on the other end of.
00:20:33.537 --> 00:20:38.155
Let me fix you, especially when it's not a situation where it's like we're doing it together, right?
00:20:38.155 --> 00:20:47.882
It does feel very much like I'm the you know I'm, I'm in the lab, right, or I'm the person that's being worked on in this scenario, and that can be hard.
00:20:47.882 --> 00:21:03.554
But I think what you said earlier of finding those little victories, and also I think there's something so, and I just think about having gone through a weight loss transformation and, you know, even having yo-yoed and playing sports, just going through those highs and lows.
00:21:03.554 --> 00:21:06.762
Don't have shame in wherever you are in your journey right.
00:21:06.942 --> 00:21:15.471
Because so often that shame will stop you from maybe sharing or talking to somebody or getting the help or whatever that looks like so literally.
00:21:15.471 --> 00:21:22.009
If you went and got that six-piece Kaniac combo I love it, by the way if you go and get a small Diet Coke.
00:21:22.511 --> 00:21:28.538
We need a cane sponsor, cane sponsor, right, but don't feel shame because you got a Diet Coke to go along with that.
00:21:28.538 --> 00:21:29.962
That literally could be your first step.
00:21:29.962 --> 00:21:33.910
And then it goes from the six piece to a four piece, then it goes from fried to grilled.
00:21:33.910 --> 00:21:50.026
But like, that space that you can hold for yourself and not have the shame to talk to somebody or get the help can really accelerate that journey but also open it up for your partner to not fix you but be able to collaborate with you in that process.
00:21:50.626 --> 00:22:03.490
Yeah, and I think what you're saying, too is also uh, you want to be able to listen to your partner, right, where I'm not talking at you, but I'm listening to what you're saying and I'm also going to help you too.
00:22:03.490 --> 00:22:12.894
So, if you, if I know that you're struggling in these certain areas right, let's say, you struggle on the snacking side, right, I'm going to, I'm not, I'm not.
00:22:13.096 --> 00:22:13.917
No, I love this.
00:22:13.917 --> 00:22:14.539
I'm a snacker.
00:22:15.191 --> 00:22:16.778
You are a snacker, was there charcuterie reward.
00:22:16.778 --> 00:22:18.491
Charcuterie.
00:22:18.491 --> 00:22:27.042
Right, If I know that that's the case, well then, okay, let me maybe prep some snacks for you that are going to be measured.
00:22:27.289 --> 00:22:30.519
So there's the portion control aspect yeah, I can't just go, I can't freehand it.
00:22:30.519 --> 00:22:34.605
When I freehand my snacks, they're all gone.
00:22:34.605 --> 00:22:36.737
They are, that was like the pandemic, quick.
00:22:38.366 --> 00:22:38.750
Pandemic.
00:22:38.750 --> 00:22:40.150
Circling back on the snacks Pandemic 15.
00:22:40.390 --> 00:22:41.535
It's like the kitchen was always open.
00:22:42.529 --> 00:22:43.655
Yes, yes.
