Episode 45: The Growth You Didn’t Expect from Marriage

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Hey, cuddly Fit fam.

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Welcome back to another episode.

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We are so excited I feel like we say that every episode, but we really are.

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This one's all about glow ups and grown ups, how marriage changed us inside and out.

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I'll tell you what Dee does.

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Always tell me she changed my life.

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Come on now.

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And the more that I think about it, the more she's right.

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That's like that meme that you see on Instagram.

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Yeah.

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Where a gentleman is saying you know, I know that my wife is right, I just don't like her tone.

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You know what?

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He's not wrong.

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He's not wrong.

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Yes, you know absolutely.

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Absolutely so today we are going there.

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We are talking about the glow up inside and out and how marriage has transformed us in ways we didn't expect.

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But before we truly get started, please like and subscribe.

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If you are watching us on YouTube, if you are watching our clips on social media, please follow us at Copley Fit C-O-U-P-L-E-Y-F-I-T.

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Let's get into it, all right?

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So this first part we are talking the before marriage glow up.

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So who did we think that we were before marriage or who were we before we were married?

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we before we were married.

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Wanna be a baller, shot caller, twin plays on the Impala.

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No, I'm like uh 22, were we though?

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But no, not in that sense.

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I mean I say that when we met I was still playing football, so I still very much identified as a football player at the time, very focused on that.

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But that was a part of, like, my identity shift, because it was a real gut check for me getting injured, not going to the NFL, and so that was a part of the journey too of just, like you know, going through my master's program and then like pivoting and just the life lessons that came along with that also.

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So I would say there was definitely a big transition, but also a season of being like who am I?

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Because I used to be an athlete.

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Who am I now?

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Because I thought I was going to be a pro athlete.

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Yes, and to your point.

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It's interesting because you know, I remember, when you were going through your master's program at the University of Akron.

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Go Zips, fear the room, fear the room and go zips.

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Fear the room, fear the room.

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And uh, that was you know.

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It was also nice to see, too, you going through your schooling, because I also was wrapping up my schooling at uh asu right sun devils.

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Well yeah I just wrapped up yeah, you're doing some certifications too yes, so I just wrapped up, but interesting enough, I mean before we met.

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I mean Q Q uh independent I N D E, p E N D E N T no totally and and to that point, that was something that really stood out.

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um, that also I just recommend for people that are listening.

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Whether you're dating somebody with your partner, I think it is important to have your own independent identities before you meet, because I think a lot of times, depending on when you meet your partner like if you're high school sweethearts or you meet early in college, like you're kind of formulating that together, versus you are super independent on your own, doing your own thing I was super impressed, just like you know, when you typically on a first date and you ask those initial questions are like oh, do you have your own place?

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Oh, do you have your own car?

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Oh, oh, oh, you're a winner, winner, winner, chicken dinner you know and that's kind of what the vibe was like was like oh, but you already had that going on for yourself and you had already graduated, and we're working full time and we're again on your journey.

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You know, it's still a journey.

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Like you know, we haven't figured it all out, but I could just see like, oh, no, she's ambitious, she has all of these things, so I felt like that was.

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I knew that was going to be a great compliment.

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Yes and I.

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What we had in common that still carries with us today is, you know, we we didn't work out in the gym together, but we made it a point that we were going to the gym.

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I was doing a little bit of a different workout than you were doing At one point.

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We were at different gyms, but that was something that was consistent for both of us was making sure that we stayed fit in that way.

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And then also, I was still meal prepping then for you too.

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But before then because this is before we're talking before marriage, I would yeah, I mean I was doing the same thing, but a lot of also.

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I was doing, uh, my first wave or version of healing as well.

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Just leaving.

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You know where I was raised, um, in Goodyear, arizona, which you know.

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There was a reason that you know I get asked all the time if I was in witness protection that's how far, far away it was and leaving a rural area that didn't suit me.

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That I had not so many great memories.

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I had to do a lot of healing when it came to family, but then also who I was, and I did that throughout college.

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But then by the time I met you, I did a lot of that healing, like that first version and first wave of healing, so you were also getting that person as well.

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Uh, so it was.

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Yeah, I mean we were.

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We were both on our our paths, our journeys.

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We had a pretty good idea of where we wanted to go.

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But then when we met each other in the club hey, when we met each other in the club, we very much were kind of like this is who I am, this is who who you are, and I think that we can complement each other well, um, and yeah, I think that was just a good like start to our relationship, although, again, it was in the club, but it was a good start because we did some research on each other big time?

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no, big time.

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Do you?

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You know what is?

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Do your due diligence yes it's important you know, and just getting to know, even the compatibility, right, I don't, I'm not, I don't know all of the horoscopes and all of the things, but I will say I'm a taurus, you're a scorpio, they do say they do work well together just as far as like yes um, you know how we operate and just like mindset, so some of those things just, I think, worked out in our favor.

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Obviously, we didn't plan that.

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We're like, hey, what should?

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we show Zodiac sign.

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No, no, no we found that out later I was like, oh, that's an extra, like plus one.

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Yes, and you actually sent me a.

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What was it?

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It was a website actually.

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I seen her potential y'all saw the potential early, not late yes, what's one thing you thought you had together before we were married, but you didn't man my finances before, like I really thought you know I was like man, you know, you know young thundercat already.

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You know we got a house, I'm young, you know let's go.

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And then you realize, like man, so much goes into it with life and starting a business, and that was something that we did together, that was on our journey, which you know.

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I'm not gonna tell anybody what to do, but like that's a big investment, especially when you, you know, initially get married right and you have a house and you're young, because if you think about it, like we could have done renovations and a whole bunch of other stuff yeah, we were investing in, like logos and branding and shirts and gym merch, like we literally were, like no, we're built like the things you see on tv of, like people you know selling shirts out of their trunk, like our yes everything was in the trunk it was on a folding table.

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Come on now still have the folding table still have the folding table and still have some of that merch come on on now.

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I just wore a Cupply Fit sports bra, cupply Fit tank and we used to have our matching yeah, matching t-shirt.

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Stay tuned, stay tuned.

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It'll come back.

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If y'all want it, let us know.

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Drop it in the comments if you want some Cupply Fit merch.

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Come on wristbands.

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We had to get your swan.

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What do you need?

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We got it.

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So one thing that I thought I had together but definitely didn't, I would have to say well, so it's kind of twofold.

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So on one end, I was like I said I was coming out of my first wave of my healing and so I thought that I had my.

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I did have my emotional maturity there, but then when you get into a relationship and then, ultimately, when you get into a marriage and you have to take the other person's you know, thoughts, feelings, concerns, everything into consideration, there's just a new way of being emotionally intelligent that I thought that I had packed down.

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I'm like, oh yeah, emotional intelligence check got it, which again, still did.

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It was just a different version that I had to learn getting into a relationship and a marriage, because we met in the club at 22.

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I think you might have been 23, though we were heading into 2023.

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I was still 22.

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So 22, 23, and then married at 25.

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I was 25 and you were 26.

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So some people you know nowadays that's kind of early, right, like some people would say that's early to to get married, but we and a lot of people ain't getting married, like you're seeing people with 23, 24, 25, 26.

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And it's just like we had a kid or we had a situation.

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Yeah, cohabitating.

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Or we cohabited like, and that's become the norm.

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And one thing I just interesting I saw some statistics around the fact of your likelihood of just success, prosperity, right Even going back to the biblical times, but having that foundation of being a husband and wife.

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Because, again, when you don't have that commitment and you're not locked in that way, a lot of things you know people feel like.

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I'm just making moves, I'm out of here.

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One argument I'm gone.

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Yeah, that's true, I'm going back to my place.

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That's true, and it's like we're walking away.

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If we upset, you better go.

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You know, go to the other room, come back, but for real, I guess it's a different level.

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So I think that's something, that it makes a difference, just for those that are listening out there too, that are maybe on the fence of like man it's marriage for me, or, you know, do it like no it makes a huge difference when it comes down to that foundation and that growth too.

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Yes, and it's interesting you say that because I've been watching more uh podcasts on YouTube, where the one of the main threads that I'm hearing throughout podcasts, especially ones that are talking about hey, I work with my husband, ie right, the founder of Poppy, she works with her husband.

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They just sold their company for $1.9 billion.

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She was on the Emma Grady's podcast, aspire, and she was talking about how the biggest decision that you will ever make in your life is your partner and who you marry that will.

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That is one of the biggest decisions, because they can literally either take you to the next level or bring you down.

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And that's true.

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We have seen that with our own eyes.

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Where it's?

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It's like whoa, this one person was on the trajectory to be this, this incredible person, and you know they married somebody or got into a relationship and they completely changed.

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And there are, there are somebody that you know don't even recognize now and, uh, it's.

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It's interesting too, because we always talk about being equally yoked right and being able to come into a situation where you both have done some sort of work, some sort of healing uh, you know, shadow work we always talk about right or or even knowing and learning yourself and what you're looking for, and then being able to then come to somebody almost as a your first version of being a whole person.

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Cause we always say, especially in this podcast, you are multiple versions of yourself throughout your entire life, and you know it's it's hard to do that work in the beginning, but when you find a, a somebody that is going, that believes in you, that supports you but then also challenges you, I think that's something too that people you know kind of shy away from a little bit in marriage is like I don't want somebody who's going to challenge me and it's not a challenge.

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You like, you know I'm trying to what, what, what, what'd you say?

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What'd you say?

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No, it's like it's a challenge your thought process, your perspective, the way that you might interact.

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So those are a couple of things I thought, too that I wanted to make sure that we just mentioned.

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No, I love that you mentioned that, and it kind of reminds me of a quote.

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You know, essentially being mindful of how you pick your mate, because that's going to be a part of your journey to being great absolutely it's really important.

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I just thought that was off the top just so y'all know.

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But I said I say that to say when we also talk about the fact of you know.

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You mentioned picking the right mate and like what can the consequences be of not picking the right partner and person?

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In my just devotional this morning I was was reading the old um Bible study notes and it was talking about if you pick a contentious partner, which oh, I know exactly.

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Is it the scripture?

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Is that what you're going to say?

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Yes, so.

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So essentially, if some people are like well, what's contentious, like, define that for me, but essentially contentious it's.

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You know, when someone gets upset with you or they don't have their way, is it a contentious environment?

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Is it angry, Is it hostile, Is it?

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Is it backbiting, Is it?

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Do you feel like it's not a comfortable?

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Is it not a safe space?

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Like right, Like it's contentious, right the room, you could just feel the vibes when it's contentious.

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Air feels thick.

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Air feels thick.

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Air feels thick.

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He's like oh, did it get dark in here?

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Like why are the vibes off?

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So that's contentious.

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But they said, being in a contentious relationship with a contentious man or contentious woman is the equivalent of living on the corner of your rooftop.

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I said this is in the bible in the corner of your rooftop.

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But if you think about it, how many people are trying to hide and get away?

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Yes.

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A room.

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Some people I be seeing the memes on on IG.

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Or video games, not just the video games, but people hide in the bathroom.

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Yes, legit.

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The three hours in the bathroom unacceptable, especially if you have kids.

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Unacceptable.

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And not only that.

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It's like you in a confined space, like it's not the most ideal right Like, but again.

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Your legs are going dead because you're on the table.

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Legs are shaking, hold me up.

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But if you think about that, right, it's like is that person in the contentious environment where I'd rather be confined to the bathroom for three hours to get some peace and to be by myself rather than be with my partner?

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That's a problem.

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That's probably a situation where, if they could rewind time and say, ooh, is this the most ideal partner?

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Is this person going to be right for me?

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Are they going to be contentious later on?

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And a lot of times, you know, and you just kind of gloss people, gloss over it.

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You're absolutely correct.

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We've seen it with our own eyes.

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You see a yellow flag run right past it and you're like hold on.

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Red flag Coach call a timeout, you just ignore it.

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And ladies, I know we do it.

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We think that we can change anybody and everybody, especially men, and that's not always true, and so something I'd quickly recommend is to take a look back, or hear back our episode where we had the pre-marriage checklist.

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Those are we, where we dive deeper into before you get married.

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These are some of the things that you need to talk about before heading into an eternal life with somebody, and a lot of the questions are uncomfortable.

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They are something that can make or break a relationship.

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However, wouldn't you want to know this now and not be in a situation where it's like I feel comfortable now, but five, 10, 15 years of down the line, I'm in a contentious relationship.

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I feel like I am in the corner of the rooftop.

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A contentious relationship.

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I feel like I am in the corner of the rooftop.

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Wouldn't you want to then know?

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Well, if I would have, you know, done some of the premier checklist beforehand, I would then be able to say, okay, maybe this is a deal breaker, and knowing what your deal breakers are, that's in the premier checklist that we talk about.

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And sometimes this doesn't mean throw away the relationship.

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You know, breaking up up with somebody or those types of things.

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It can literally be like we just need to put this out on the table on the table hey, you are x, you know.

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You know you don't eat pork and you know I'm a meat lover.

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Like I'm just saying, if that's if, if that is a thing for somebody, and it's like that, you got to talk about it, yes, and some of these are, you know, juvenile yeah, just want to make it simple, just make it simple on the examples to your point.

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but it is one of those things where you do have to lay out those and grievances, right, lay those out on the table so that both partners can also know where the other person is coming from.

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But you're also giving me a choice, because sometimes you can get into a marriage and now you feel like I have no choice.

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I, how do I?

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You know, if I do decide to, you know, remove myself from the situation, what's going to happen?

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We're so entangled.

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How are all the?

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We have kids, right, there's so many things that can happen.

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But if you do the work beforehand and at least put things on the table, you can then say to each other too, you know what, maybe we need to have professional help, maybe we do need somebody who is going to be able to guide us professionally, uh, in a way that's going to be constructive and effective.

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Because you know, even for us, we did pre-marriage counseling.

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Yeah, that was amazing, and it was with our pastor.

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You can do it with whoever, but that was something for us where it was just he's asking us questions and although we know each other well, we just, you know, it gave us that moment to sit back and think, okay, hold on, let me, before I answer, let me truly think this through before I answer this, because these are big questions.

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These are, you know, questions that need to be asked, but they're scary.

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And to that point of talking to you know, I love that the things that we talk about is not just us preaching something that we haven't lived.

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This is lived experience, right, not just theory.

00:17:48.646 --> 00:18:10.285
And I think that's powerful because, to that point, if it's a pastor or a confidant, someone also that can be neutral in this situation because you want to be able to have the candid conversation Maybe it's about family, maybe it's about finances, maybe it's about these other elements that you wouldn't necessarily have someone kind of probing or asking a second or third level question.

00:18:10.285 --> 00:18:24.193
But that's sometimes where you need to go when you're talking about marriage, because a lot of times people in you don't always have the foundation or the example of that transparency from your parents or, you know, even other relationships.

00:18:24.234 --> 00:18:26.741
I mean even when you're breaking generational patterns probably.

00:18:26.741 --> 00:18:34.655
And even when we look at TV, right Like people will have you think that it's like you're married, you're in love, argument exit Like you're just out of there.

00:18:34.655 --> 00:18:37.901
It's like wait where did like can we go argument?

00:18:37.901 --> 00:18:39.123
Can we go repair?

00:18:39.123 --> 00:18:40.344
Can we go there?

00:18:40.344 --> 00:18:45.236
Like but they don't show you that journey a lot of times on a what's the show?

00:18:45.236 --> 00:18:45.837
Love Island?

00:18:45.837 --> 00:18:46.980
They're not sure.

00:18:47.161 --> 00:19:00.790
I don't even know they're not, they're not sure you get what I'm saying, but whatever the show is of the day, like they're, not they're not showing you that and I think that's what a lot of people are that are that want the longevity are looking for when it comes to those keys.

00:19:00.994 --> 00:19:02.521
Yes, I absolutely agree.

00:19:02.521 --> 00:19:10.962
So how have we changed physically since the time that we were married to I'm sorry before marriage and then now?

00:19:11.395 --> 00:19:16.746
you know, it's crazy that you say that and I was wondering if I how transparent I was going to be with the audience.

00:19:16.746 --> 00:19:18.401
Oh but I'll say two things.

00:19:18.401 --> 00:19:21.468
I've definitely been eating good since we got married, without a doubt.

00:19:21.468 --> 00:19:36.098
So when people say, like you know, you get married and you know, basically I didn't let go of my physique and my figure, but I definitely was much more strict and strenuous on my diet and my training when we, like, first got together we were playing football exactly.

00:19:36.219 --> 00:19:40.749
I still hold myself to that standard, still to this day, you know so I gotta get.

00:19:40.749 --> 00:19:44.378
An athlete is an athlete I gotta get back right and we gotta be.

00:19:44.378 --> 00:19:52.163
If you didn't hear the last episode, gotta stay, gas station ready that's so real, uh, physically before.

00:19:52.824 --> 00:19:58.900
Well, again, you and I, we used to, we used to work out heavily.

00:19:58.900 --> 00:20:02.199
I mean, we still work out heavily, we do, but not that, not the same.

00:20:02.199 --> 00:20:05.127
I mean, you know, shout out to Larry Graham.

00:20:05.650 --> 00:20:05.990
LG.

00:20:06.491 --> 00:20:11.825
Shout out to Larry because, his program and we were doing his programs, whoa.

00:20:11.825 --> 00:20:15.336
I'll never forget the first time I did just so y'all know.

00:20:15.376 --> 00:20:16.419
I just want to tell y'all this.

00:20:16.419 --> 00:20:19.021
This is funny and this is just a little behind the scenes.

00:20:19.021 --> 00:20:30.185
This was an absolute relationship test in the dating process was taking D to my to work out with me at my trainer's gym and she didn't even realize what was happening.

00:20:30.185 --> 00:20:31.558
One we were about to go in deep water.

00:20:31.558 --> 00:20:33.086
This was a serious, intense workout.

00:20:33.086 --> 00:20:35.095
Yes, secondly, I love to work out.

00:20:35.134 --> 00:20:37.540
It was a full-on evaluation so I was here for it.

00:20:37.540 --> 00:20:39.144
And then I remember I was.

00:20:39.144 --> 00:20:40.488
I thought I'm working out with you.

00:20:40.488 --> 00:20:44.503
Oh no, you're doing your own workout for the.

00:20:44.503 --> 00:20:49.005
You're doing your own football workout and Larry just throws me in with some ladies training.

00:20:49.355 --> 00:20:51.605
I'm like I don't even know who this is.

00:20:52.695 --> 00:20:54.741
He's like, yeah, so she's doing this for 15 reps.

00:20:54.741 --> 00:20:55.545
This is on the other.

00:20:55.545 --> 00:20:59.336
I'll never forget and again I will not give up, like that's.

00:20:59.336 --> 00:21:03.267
The grit part is, I will literally throw up if I need to, and I almost did.

00:21:03.267 --> 00:21:04.931
I was like I'm going to go to the bathroom, keep going.

00:21:05.435 --> 00:21:07.920
I'm going to go to the bathroom quickly and I went in there.

00:21:07.920 --> 00:21:24.796
I just needed to take a break for a minute because I was in the matrix, your girl, me in the blender.

00:21:24.796 --> 00:21:25.998
So we were what.

00:21:25.998 --> 00:21:33.162
We took those same workouts when we were, uh, engaged so not quite married, but engaged before that.

00:21:33.162 --> 00:21:34.630
We used to be in the gym two hours.

00:21:34.630 --> 00:21:36.457
You know it was like 30 minutes of cardio.

00:21:36.457 --> 00:21:42.557
Then you jump into your stretch you know we did stretching and then we're jumping into our ab workout, which we're doing the decline abs.

00:21:42.557 --> 00:21:47.694
I was pushing 25 pound weight like what your girl was decline abs crazy it was crazy.

00:21:48.196 --> 00:22:04.344
And then you're jumping into the workout and it's heavy weight a little bit on the higher reps you were squatting, sometimes 185, I think, maybe 205 a couple of times on the squats for 15 yes, guys in there looking around like yes, I'm doing 90 on the lap, pull down for 15.

00:22:04.403 --> 00:22:06.949
I'm like girl, we're gonna get through this.

00:22:06.949 --> 00:22:13.992
But um, we, I, we are, I don't work out as heavily, yeah, uh, like that before.

00:22:13.992 --> 00:22:15.836
So that's the only thing that's kind of changed physically.

00:22:15.836 --> 00:22:17.800
But before that that I mean, I've always been active.

00:22:17.800 --> 00:22:22.409
You know, I would mountain bike, I would, you know, do pool workouts.

00:22:22.409 --> 00:22:24.980
That's one of my other favorite things to do is pull workouts too.

00:22:24.980 --> 00:22:26.967
But that was probably physically.

00:22:26.967 --> 00:22:30.361
How have you changed emotionally?

00:22:31.001 --> 00:22:32.023
Night and day.

00:22:32.464 --> 00:22:37.097
Since before, yeah, night and day, that's so true.

00:22:37.157 --> 00:22:41.365
Night and day the maturation process um.

00:22:41.365 --> 00:22:48.588
I'm really grateful for the evolving yes uh, yeah yeah I just oh, that's it, that's it

00:22:48.628 --> 00:22:54.780
that's all you got for the people I had a lot to reflect on right there.

00:22:54.780 --> 00:23:06.971
A wave of emotions came over me as I was thinking about I I think it's, um, it's a combination of one seeing how I had such a mentality.

00:23:06.971 --> 00:23:09.157
Just, you know, really, the warriors mentality.

00:23:09.157 --> 00:23:16.925
You talked about grit and the work ethic and, like football, you gotta have a certain energy, like, especially as a middle linebacker, quarterback of the defense it's a gladiator sport.

00:23:16.945 --> 00:23:17.856
It's a gladiator sport.

00:23:17.876 --> 00:23:21.767
so, like the, to be able to be kind of, you have to turn it on and turn it off.

00:23:21.767 --> 00:23:23.321
It's like a switch right.

00:23:23.321 --> 00:23:28.347
But then it's like, okay, how do we really make that transition?

00:23:28.347 --> 00:23:40.862
And, as we talked about, when you don't transition into something that you enjoy and something that you love and you're trying to figure out your passion and what's next, and really you feel like you kind of had your dream right on the fingertips and it's like, okay, like did I loot?

00:23:40.862 --> 00:23:44.786
Like I know I thought that was like a part of the purpose and a part of the plan.

00:23:44.786 --> 00:23:47.201
What does God have for me in store now?

00:23:47.201 --> 00:24:02.642
Right, and so I just, I just think it was like that figuring out process took me to, like, you know, it took me to some humble places, allowed me to really grow and then also to do a reset and find out like, okay, that's who you were and it's still a part of you, but who are you now?

00:24:03.202 --> 00:24:08.480
Who's the post athlete, kurt, and who are you going to be and what type of impact do you want to create?

00:24:08.801 --> 00:24:16.268
And then I started to really embrace the fact that, although I didn't in my mind achieve that, you know that one dream of going to the NFL.

00:24:16.268 --> 00:24:24.836
I got a chance to see oh, I mean so many guys that played and came behind me, that I've mentored, that I work with see them be able to achieve that dream.

00:24:24.836 --> 00:24:40.714
So it's like embracing the joy in that and not being um kind of resentful to just like the football universe for having being injured and like playing, you know just all of the things right, and trying to replay the time and go back to like what I could have done differently.

00:24:40.714 --> 00:24:44.144
So I know that was a long answer to the question, but that that has done a.

00:24:44.144 --> 00:25:02.450
It's made a big difference on the emotional side of just figuring out what's next on the journey, cause if you don't have the passion and a purpose and you're not feeling like you're moving in a direction that you want to go, it's just you're not as excited and jovial and passionate about just every day.

00:25:03.070 --> 00:25:14.909
Yes, and you know, I think this is a great time to also talk about for the women that are with athletes that are going through that transition.

00:25:14.909 --> 00:25:21.078
That can be a very difficult time for both people, because you had a lot of anger at that time too.

00:25:21.760 --> 00:25:22.663
I couldn't even watch the game.

00:25:22.663 --> 00:25:24.146
I wasn't even watching football.

00:25:24.355 --> 00:25:27.063
Yeah, and there were some other you know external factors as well.

00:25:27.063 --> 00:25:38.144
But I remember I had to tell you multiple times you're taking your anger out on me and I'm not having it, you know, and there were a couple of times, even in the gym, where you know you were taking your anger out on me and I said, oh, no, no, no, you're going to go.

00:25:38.144 --> 00:25:40.346
Yeah, we're going to go opposite ends of the gym.

00:25:40.346 --> 00:25:46.903
I'll see you at the locker room when you're done, because, no, you're not going to talk to me like that.

00:25:46.903 --> 00:25:57.548
But, uh, but again, I was, I knew where you were and I knew I've been giving you that grace because you are in that limbo phase of trying to figure out who you were.

00:25:57.548 --> 00:25:59.758
But also, I'm not going to be somebody who's going to let you.

00:25:59.758 --> 00:26:03.337
You're not going to walk all over me in the sense of you're going to take your anger out on me.

00:26:03.337 --> 00:26:07.548
So I did be, I was more vocal, uh, in that sense.

00:26:07.688 --> 00:26:18.548
But for the women that are with the, uh, you know their husbands are making that transition from being an athlete to, you know, trying to figure it out.

00:26:18.548 --> 00:26:22.753
It is a journey and you know there's going to be a lot of anger.

00:26:22.753 --> 00:26:24.959
There's going to be, like you said, resentment.

00:26:24.959 --> 00:26:29.356
I had a couple of years left in me, whatever that looks like, have grace.

00:26:29.356 --> 00:26:40.364
But also don't let it be a situation where, uh, you're being kind of walked on and you're the one that's taking the brunt of the anger, because it's not you and knowing that.

00:26:40.364 --> 00:26:43.256
So it's not like a combative like how dare you talk to me like that?

00:26:43.256 --> 00:26:43.916
No, it's just.

00:26:43.916 --> 00:26:48.298
But hey, I just want to let you know right now you're taking your anger out on me and I don't appreciate that.

00:26:48.700 --> 00:26:50.744
Yeah, I think the therapy side, too, is so important.

00:26:50.744 --> 00:26:55.786
I wish that was something that I would have explored during that transition window.

00:26:55.786 --> 00:27:04.460
I also don't know if you were ready I know, but sometimes even when you're not ready, like it should have started as soon as the injury happened definitely of like because again I'm.

00:27:04.599 --> 00:27:08.057
You know you talk about closing, you know closing all the windows it's.

00:27:08.057 --> 00:27:21.178
You know you're in a dark room just looking up like, oh man, woe is me, and you're like, okay, I need to transition out of that, right, but I appreciate you calling that out and it just shows that one no one's a finished product, right.

00:27:21.178 --> 00:27:42.588
When it comes to like, oh, we're perfect, it's like no, there's gonna be these seasons or windows where you know people talk about the peaks, when it's you know being at the games and being on the field and all the things, but not the valleys, when it's like whether it's the depression or the anxiety, or you know injuries, broken leg neck's bothering you, different things that have happened.

00:27:47.194 --> 00:27:51.154
So no, that's a great call out because and I think people deal with that in different careers and different you know all different phases right.

00:27:51.415 --> 00:27:59.221
So just being able to figure out what that support looks like, getting the help as needed, but also expressing, that's one thing I appreciate that you did.

00:27:59.221 --> 00:28:05.688
You expressed it to me, whether it was my tone, what I said, how I said it, whatever the case may be.

00:28:05.688 --> 00:28:14.757
But what was impactful about it, too, that I really appreciated was I had to then digest why.

00:28:14.757 --> 00:28:18.655
What's the root of why my tone is elevated?

00:28:18.655 --> 00:28:21.492
What's the root of why my jaws are clenched?

00:28:21.492 --> 00:28:22.395
And all of our photos?

00:28:22.395 --> 00:28:23.428
I'll never forget that.

00:28:23.428 --> 00:28:24.349
You were like.

00:28:24.349 --> 00:28:26.496
You know we take an like are you?

00:28:26.644 --> 00:28:29.644
are you not happy because we're taking these photos and you're not smiling?

00:28:29.826 --> 00:28:33.932
And I was like I already said, are you happy Cause you're not showing it in these photos?

00:28:39.204 --> 00:28:40.770
That's a great question and really what it?

00:28:40.790 --> 00:28:42.577
but I think back, you know, linebacker, middle linebacker, all the photos are like.

00:28:42.597 --> 00:28:50.973
You know, it's like, yeah, football photo football photo no smiles, right, all grit and just also you know being, you know kind of some of that Detroit energy and some of the places right.

00:28:50.973 --> 00:28:51.835
It's like you know you.

00:28:51.835 --> 00:29:04.154
You don't always come up and show up with a smile because people you know will think it's sweet, that's right, and take advantage, take advantage you got to come up give the tough exterior, and so some of that working through those things definitely made a difference.

00:29:04.684 --> 00:29:06.186
Yes, and I'm glad that you shared that.

00:29:06.186 --> 00:29:36.701
I married, I was um a lot more vocal, but then we got into some external situations where I found myself being shut down, and it was odd to me because that's not the person that I am, but it reminded me of my home situation.

00:29:36.701 --> 00:29:43.328
So when I talked about that healing phase, that first wave of healing phase in college, a lot of that had to deal with my home situation.

00:29:43.328 --> 00:29:50.731
You know, being raised in a rural area as a black woman, that was something that was very traumatizing in a lot of ways.

00:29:50.731 --> 00:30:12.532
And so dealing with that, but then also coming full circle, where I got into another situation where, you know, I'm being shut down, just like I was at my house, and so it was odd to be back in that situation and I but I remember, though it was, I remember that you and I, I always stayed vocal with you, which is that's all that matters anyways.

00:30:12.905 --> 00:30:19.146
But with the external situation, I was like, oh, I could have stood up for myself here, I could have said this why didn't I say this Right, and those things?

00:30:19.146 --> 00:30:29.153
And so that changed a little bit when from when we were engaged and then like the the beginning part of our marriage, but that's definitely changed.

00:30:29.153 --> 00:30:53.790
Now, where you know, going through another phase of healing, I've learned that and really, therapy honestly, therapy was another way of me being able to stand up for myself in a way that was conducive to where I was, because before it was, I didn't know how to do it, and so I was able to get some tools of how to say certain things.

00:30:53.790 --> 00:31:01.806
I also was doing some more research on YouTube, right Of like how do you deal with conflict and what do you say, and so I think that helped a lot there.

00:31:02.288 --> 00:31:02.791
No, I want to.

00:31:02.791 --> 00:31:12.386
I want to circle back, because people might be wondering what you're referencing right there and, interesting enough, I mentioned the pre-marriage, one of the biggest things that I thought I had a handle on.

00:31:12.386 --> 00:31:12.967
That I didn't.

00:31:12.967 --> 00:31:14.449
I said finances, that was one.

00:31:14.449 --> 00:31:20.954
The other one was really family Like, and that's, I feel like a bit of what you're not a bit all of what you're touching on right there.

00:31:20.954 --> 00:31:37.558
But family was one where I just I just knew like, oh man, it doesn't matter when I get married, like kumbaya, everybody holding hands, big family, everything is great.

00:31:37.422 --> 00:31:38.642
But, like, there's all these additional dynamics.

00:31:38.642 --> 00:31:40.382
People have their approach of how they want you and your family to integrate into how they do things, which can be very different.

00:31:40.382 --> 00:31:50.105
And it was interesting because, to the point that you're making right now, I had certain people in my family or even at the time you know, some old friends that were like Deanna's, so quiet and blah, blah, blah quiet, I'm like.

00:31:50.105 --> 00:31:54.209
And for me, I'm so confused because I'm like that's the exact opposite.

00:31:54.209 --> 00:31:57.436
People that know Dee are never like oh yeah, she's quiet and reserved.

00:31:57.877 --> 00:31:58.699
And she needs to be more vocal.

00:31:58.739 --> 00:31:59.961
If anything they're going to say, she's loud.

00:32:01.326 --> 00:32:14.230
She needs to be more outspoken and more vocal, and I'm like, no well, either you haven't given her opportunity to speak, you haven't asked her anything about her, it's not a safe space, or you're not giving that opportunity to be able to share in those types of things.

00:32:14.230 --> 00:32:16.692
So that's why you have this perception.

00:32:16.692 --> 00:32:22.278
And so there's just a lot of those little things where I thought like, oh no, it's easy, but again, somebody that's listened to this.

00:32:22.278 --> 00:32:30.653
The integration of your marriage or your relationship with family, that's a whole other episode, that's a whole other episode and we will touch on that.

00:32:31.726 --> 00:32:35.515
So how have we changed spiritually?

00:32:36.317 --> 00:32:38.832
Oh man Before and after.

00:32:39.065 --> 00:32:44.796
So I would say spiritually was interesting and it's going to sound crazy, but I know there might be some people that resonate with this.

00:32:44.796 --> 00:32:51.955
I was more in the church, like we were more like in church every Sunday back then.

00:32:51.955 --> 00:33:03.205
But we're more connected spiritually, more in tune with God now than ever and I think it's our, not only our daily practice but also that understanding of like we are the church right.

00:33:03.205 --> 00:33:05.231
How are we living God?

00:33:05.231 --> 00:33:09.846
How are we God's hands and feet or messengers out in the everyday world?

00:33:09.846 --> 00:33:13.496
By how we impact people and how we treat others and those types of things.

00:33:13.496 --> 00:33:23.791
I think that's been like a really big difference maker and not to say that we know again, we're going to obviously be in church on Sunday and do that as well, but I think it's really the how are you living?

00:33:23.952 --> 00:33:24.173
Yeah.

00:33:24.192 --> 00:33:25.076
Like, how are you living?

00:33:25.076 --> 00:33:28.474
It really kind of goes back to you know, those people that are, you know 90s.

00:33:28.474 --> 00:33:30.307
Remember the WWJD bracelets?

00:33:30.307 --> 00:33:31.667
Yeah, what would Jesus do?

00:33:31.667 --> 00:33:32.749
How are you living?

00:33:32.749 --> 00:33:34.912
Like, really, how are you living?

00:33:34.912 --> 00:33:35.873
Your lifestyle type.

00:33:36.292 --> 00:33:39.616
Yes, are you sending Monday through Saturday to come repent on Sunday?

00:33:39.616 --> 00:33:40.637
Come on, we've been there.

00:33:40.637 --> 00:33:41.558
Oh, we've been there.

00:33:41.558 --> 00:33:43.800
When I met her, I was at church on New Year's Eve.

00:33:43.820 --> 00:33:44.481
We were in the club.

00:33:44.481 --> 00:33:47.575
I was at church on New Year's Eve before I met you in the club.

00:33:47.575 --> 00:33:48.667
Come on now.

00:33:48.667 --> 00:33:49.451
The Lord sent me.

00:33:49.451 --> 00:33:50.767
The Lord gave me a sign.

00:33:50.826 --> 00:33:55.634
We say it's our BC days, our before Christ, Even though we knew Christ it was A little backslid.

00:33:55.654 --> 00:34:11.135
It was Backslid, slide, yes, and I think for me, spiritually, before again growing up in a household that was a little bit conflicting, where my mom's Catholic, my dad is Jehovah's Witness I didn't identify, so therefore I had to go on my own spiritual journey.

00:34:11.135 --> 00:34:25.998
I've always been connected to God, though there's been many times where the Holy Spirit has literally stopped me from either going somewhere, from doing something, from just a thought that I might have.

00:34:25.998 --> 00:34:27.101
The Holy Spirit has literally come over me.

00:34:27.101 --> 00:34:27.744
So I've always been spiritual.

00:34:27.744 --> 00:34:28.485
But what really?

00:34:28.485 --> 00:34:31.512
What came to you when it came to you and us getting together?

00:34:31.512 --> 00:34:33.407
That was something for me that you were.

00:34:33.427 --> 00:34:35.217
You were so heavily involved in the church and that was something for me that you were.

00:34:35.217 --> 00:34:39.655
You were so heavily involved in the church and that was something for me that was different.

00:34:39.655 --> 00:34:40.208
It was very.

00:34:40.208 --> 00:34:47.052
I remember the first time and people are going to be like I think they're going to be in the comments tearing me up, but that was the first time I listened to Kirk Franklin was with you.

00:34:47.052 --> 00:34:48.376
I was like, who's this?

00:34:48.376 --> 00:34:49.536
She's jamming?

00:34:49.536 --> 00:34:52.086
Hey, come on now.

00:34:52.266 --> 00:34:53.807
Love it.

00:34:53.807 --> 00:34:56.730
And this is before Kirk was wearing them little shorts too.

00:34:56.730 --> 00:35:00.512
He wasn't wearing them shorts, he was wearing them workout pants, or grinding on the you know what.

00:35:00.913 --> 00:35:04.976
So, spiritually you opened me up to a lot.

00:35:04.976 --> 00:35:07.097
And then even the pastor that we had at the time.

00:35:07.097 --> 00:35:10.179
He was very much aligned with where we were at the time.

00:35:10.179 --> 00:35:13.043
Although we've removed ourselves from that church now.

00:35:13.043 --> 00:35:29.490
It was something that was instrumental for us both to be able to get on that cadence, like you said, of making sure that we were coming to church every Sunday and then also being you know, you were part of the men's service, women's service, being able to also give back and speak on health and wellness.

00:35:29.490 --> 00:35:36.755
We were hosting boot camps at, you know, our church, and so just being able to be involved that way too was something that, um, spiritually just filled our cups.

00:35:36.755 --> 00:35:39.969
But to your point, we definitely are, are more in tuned now.

00:35:40.329 --> 00:35:43.286
Absolutely and just for somebody that's listening, it might be like Holy spirit.

00:35:43.286 --> 00:35:43.969
What do you mean?

00:35:43.969 --> 00:35:44.469
Like I'm not.

00:35:44.469 --> 00:35:52.737
I'm maybe not at the point on it from a faith or spiritual level to really know what that means, but sometimes the Holy spirit can be that just feeling.

00:35:53.018 --> 00:36:05.806
You ever hear somebody say like I had a feeling, yeah, like I had a feeling not to go there that day or that moment across the street and then something happens across the street, it's like, oh my god, I'm so glad I didn't you know, like there was a wreck or there was something.

00:36:05.806 --> 00:36:06.387
That happened.

00:36:06.387 --> 00:36:09.375
A lot of times that is the Holy Spirit, that's that voice.

00:36:09.375 --> 00:36:17.956
Or you know intuition, whatever you want to call it, but it's that Holy Spirit that's reminding you like, hey, I'm protecting you, I'm looking out for you.

00:36:17.956 --> 00:36:18.898
Are you listening?

00:36:18.898 --> 00:36:19.800
Are you in tune?

00:36:19.800 --> 00:36:22.670
And I think that's something else that's really more impactful now.

00:36:22.670 --> 00:36:27.773
There used to be so many different voices throughout the day back then.

00:36:28.164 --> 00:36:29.451
Yeah, it was constant.

00:36:29.626 --> 00:36:41.010
It was constant, that a lot of times, if there's constant noise or distraction, you're not able to really tap in and hear that holy spirit.

00:36:41.010 --> 00:36:41.693
Right, yeah, if you can be in tune.

00:36:41.713 --> 00:36:43.057
There are signs that are happening, yeah, and wonders and miracles.

00:36:43.057 --> 00:36:43.619
Absolutely, absolutely so.

00:36:43.619 --> 00:36:54.150
How did you change mentally before you were married and why, when we're married, yeah, I would say I would say mentally, um, definitely a maturation process.

00:36:54.230 --> 00:37:11.905
Like you know, I I knew there were areas that I was advanced, but, like I just know, there's being a lifelong learner and really seeing how much you don't know, like I just didn't know what I didn't know how much I didn't know, which sounds kind of crazy, but that would probably be the biggest thing.

00:37:11.905 --> 00:37:18.972
Like when they say there's more life and there's more to learn and more to live, like I truly understand and I know there's even I'm going to say this even more.

00:37:18.972 --> 00:37:22.054
We'll talk about this 20 years from now, 30, 40 years from now.

00:37:22.054 --> 00:37:24.353
It's like man, we didn't know what we knew now then.

00:37:24.353 --> 00:37:48.028
So I would probably say like that's the biggest thing and mentally, having the tools and the resources like therapy, like meditation, like the power hour and different things that we put in place to really give us that framework to not be distracted, to be able to really stay on track to our purpose and purpose driven, because the more distractions, right, it's like fastest.

00:37:48.851 --> 00:37:55.684
You know line is from point A to point B, but if you're bouncing around or distracted, it's going to take you a longer time to get to the goal, to point B, but if you're bouncing around or distracted it's going to take you a longer time to get to the goal.

00:37:55.704 --> 00:38:01.606
Yes, and I think for you to add to what you just said, yes, on the therapy piece, that has been a big one.

00:38:01.606 --> 00:38:05.257
But I think a lot of it too is the open-mindedness where before.

00:38:05.257 --> 00:38:09.675
It's not that you were a closed off, you weren't a closed minded person, but it was just a.

00:38:09.675 --> 00:38:15.891
It was a little bit of the machismo, right when it's you know a little bit more on the man side.

00:38:15.891 --> 00:38:29.445
And no, I don't think you know, I don't think I should be doing you know, therapy or wellness retreats or aerial yoga, right those things.

00:38:29.465 --> 00:38:51.744
But I think as we, as we progress through our marriage and it'll be nine years in October, and again I'm you you also trusting me too, where I'm not going to steer you wrong in the sense of, hey, I think this is going to be great for your mental health, like, I don't think when we first got married, you're going to be going to Savon and having a Buffalo drum being, you know, waved in front of you or doing the aerial yoga or the Feng Shui class or any of those things.

00:38:51.744 --> 00:38:54.155
I don't think that you mentally were open to it.

00:38:54.155 --> 00:39:09.905
But as we just progressed, and even in our own health and wellness journeys and seeing what it is, what a sound bath is and sound healing and learning more about each one and going through these processes has been a big game changer.

00:39:09.905 --> 00:39:13.655
I've been seeing in your mental health, too to be able to move forward.

00:39:13.677 --> 00:39:15.148
No, I'm big time I, and I agree too.

00:39:15.148 --> 00:39:18.675
It might start off with just journaling before it's like sound healing.

00:39:18.735 --> 00:39:19.577
Close your eyes.

00:39:19.577 --> 00:39:21.885
Hold hands, you're surrounded by a group of people.

00:39:21.885 --> 00:39:22.989
Yes, like wellness retreat.

00:39:23.766 --> 00:39:25.291
It's a build-up process.

00:39:25.291 --> 00:39:26.034
You know what I mean.

00:39:26.034 --> 00:39:35.998
And going like and I appreciate you for also meeting me where I was at on the journey and us continuing to stack these experiences because it continues to build right.

00:39:35.998 --> 00:39:40.514
And so, now that you build your muscle memory, you're like, hey, I am more open to, yeah, a wellness retreat.

00:39:40.514 --> 00:39:54.489
I'm open to us going to, like even now, like hotels and things we go to, we're mindful of our mental health, of like, oh, is this, does this have wellness elements at the hotel to be able to stay in our routine, which is, again, it's a game changer yes, I, I agree.

00:39:55.170 --> 00:40:04.485
I would say for me what's changed mentally before we were married and after mentally?

00:40:04.485 --> 00:40:25.840
For me, honestly, I think it's just the, the learning of the new versions of myself and letting go of some of the older versions and not being so like no, I have to hold on to that part of my identity where your identity is just morphing, it's just turning into something that's greater.

00:40:25.840 --> 00:40:30.557
And before I would be trying to hold on to things.

00:40:30.557 --> 00:40:44.391
And even you know I've talked about this before but with my body dysmorphia, that was something before that took over so much of my mental clarity really, because I used to think so much about my body.

00:40:44.391 --> 00:40:46.135
What people thought about my body?

00:40:46.195 --> 00:40:47.398
Do I look like an athlete?

00:40:47.398 --> 00:40:48.121
Am I lean?

00:40:48.121 --> 00:40:48.851
How do I look?

00:40:48.851 --> 00:40:50.355
Always worried about how?

00:40:50.355 --> 00:40:51.237
How did I look?

00:40:51.237 --> 00:41:03.896
But you did a you know, a great job over the years of just speaking life into me and then also just telling me, you know, getting comfortable too right with each other and those things and being vulnerable in that sense in the mental space.

00:41:03.896 --> 00:41:06.659
But yeah, I think that's the biggest one for me.

00:41:06.889 --> 00:41:08.476
Yeah, you find like wine in the summertime.

00:41:08.596 --> 00:41:09.298
Yes, I love you.

00:41:09.298 --> 00:41:13.003
All right, so we're going to jump into a fun Q&A this is supposed to be rapid fire.

00:41:13.003 --> 00:41:14.449
Up into a fun Q&A this is supposed to be rapid fire.

00:41:14.449 --> 00:41:20.478
So what's one habit your spouse has now that makes your life better?

00:41:20.478 --> 00:41:24.934
So one habit that I have now that makes your life better.

00:41:25.722 --> 00:41:27.072
I'm trying to think of one habit.

00:41:27.072 --> 00:41:28.257
I mean, there's so many like.

00:41:28.257 --> 00:41:32.780
I'm trying to think of one habit that you have now.

00:41:34.871 --> 00:41:41.809
For me it's, it's, uh, your discipline, definitely your discipline.

00:41:41.809 --> 00:41:45.016
Like you, really, you do a great job and it is you.

00:41:45.016 --> 00:41:47.202
It does go back to your, your athlete mindset.

00:41:47.202 --> 00:41:55.119
I feel like you're literally preparing yourself for game day, for a tournament or like something like that.

00:41:55.119 --> 00:42:05.032
So you approach every day in that way of like, no, today is game day, or today is the day that I'm going to prep for that big meeting that I have at the end of the week.

00:42:05.032 --> 00:42:16.518
You know that I'm going to give it my all, but then also your preparation every day looks just like that and being disciplined in your routine.

00:42:17.090 --> 00:42:17.753
So I'm going to give.

00:42:17.753 --> 00:42:25.561
I would say mine for you is your vast vision and being able to stay on the macro, because I'm very much like you said I'm game day.

00:42:25.561 --> 00:42:27.396
Yes, I've got the itinerary for today.

00:42:27.597 --> 00:42:27.838
Yes.

00:42:28.010 --> 00:42:29.815
But not necessarily for two years from now.

00:42:29.815 --> 00:42:33.458
Right, like that framework, we're going to get there.

00:42:33.458 --> 00:42:34.820
But like no.

00:42:34.820 --> 00:42:38.244
But that's that balance and that yin and yang of like.

00:42:38.244 --> 00:42:39.266
You do such a great job with that.

00:42:39.266 --> 00:42:39.987
This is rapid fire.

00:42:40.349 --> 00:42:45.577
Yes, what's something you thought was annoying at first, but now you secretly love.

00:42:45.849 --> 00:42:47.476
Oh man, something I thought was annoying was you.

00:42:47.849 --> 00:42:51.393
First off, the fact that you came so quick and you couldn't come quick with the last one.

00:42:51.393 --> 00:42:52.679
That's crazy.

00:42:52.679 --> 00:42:58.000
You warm me up, you warm me up and the fellas are going to get this one.

00:42:58.000 --> 00:42:58.543
He said oh well, annoying.

00:42:58.583 --> 00:43:04.371
Oh well, let me tell you no, the fellas are going to get this one, but basically correcting me about, you know, telling me I should slow down when I'm eating.

00:43:04.492 --> 00:43:09.257
Oh yeah, that's true, that's true, Like fella, is this your last meal?

00:43:09.317 --> 00:43:11.340
Can you please slow down?

00:43:11.340 --> 00:43:13.581
Yes, that's taking time and I used to be offended.

00:43:14.262 --> 00:43:15.103
How dare?

00:43:15.123 --> 00:43:15.244
you.

00:43:15.244 --> 00:43:23.096
How dare you tell me to slow down and it's like no, thank you, I need water, I need to slow down, so I don't eat two dinners.

00:43:25.041 --> 00:43:28.639
Yes, something I thought was annoying at first.

00:43:28.639 --> 00:43:37.594
I mean, you just, sometimes you're just, you come so heavy on the testosterone and, like the, I'm in your face, I'm like, okay, like.

00:43:37.594 --> 00:43:41.141
I do, I do pull up on her like, give me a little bit of a break.

00:43:41.141 --> 00:43:42.932
Okay, I need a little bit of room here.

00:43:42.932 --> 00:43:45.478
I love it, I love it.

00:43:45.478 --> 00:43:47.771
But then, you know, sometimes I'm like wait a minute.

00:43:47.791 --> 00:43:57.565
She'd be like I'm popping up on you, like, hey yes, but it's just heavy testosterone, like you're giving me game day and I'm like, wait a minute, we're just prepping for the week.

00:43:57.829 --> 00:43:59.456
Fellas, it's always game day.

00:43:59.456 --> 00:44:00.157
Somebody's with me?

00:44:01.710 --> 00:44:05.400
Okay, what's one way your spouse has helped you glow up?

00:44:05.849 --> 00:44:09.280
Oh man, I would have to say so many areas, but just even.

00:44:09.710 --> 00:44:11.036
I'm glad you were quick with this one as well.

00:44:11.992 --> 00:44:13.077
Come on, let me get warmed up.00:44:13.077 --> 00:44:15.014


The first one was like trade.00:44:15.014 --> 00:44:16.157


I want to make sure I give a trade.00:44:16.157 --> 00:44:18.943


I'm talking, I'm really making sure that I got the right information here.00:44:18.943 --> 00:44:34.655


These are easy, I'll have to say, like as far as just elevating some of my routines and habits to open myself up to what better products are out there, ie skincare routines hair care hair care, even like for me.00:44:34.735 --> 00:44:43.556


You know, I've been frugal to a fault in some ways and you're like babe, it's not worth saving twenty dollars and not conditioning exposure and not have any leg room on the flight?00:44:43.556 --> 00:44:52.393


No, I refuse like babe, you're flying, you're getting ready to fly on a 10-hour flight and you're like it's 20 to save on the leg room, like we don't need to and it makes.00:44:52.393 --> 00:44:56.831


But again those little things of like it doesn't make sense and I'm like you know what.00:44:56.831 --> 00:44:57.373


You're so right.00:44:57.373 --> 00:45:02.422


Conditioning and exposure yes, yes, uh.00:45:02.563 --> 00:45:11.121


One way you've helped me glow up is, uh, on the on the workout side.00:45:11.121 --> 00:45:24.215


I would say on the workout side just because again you're coming in like it's game day, like you're in the training room at the university of Washington or you know the two other schools you went to, and you're just you.00:45:24.215 --> 00:45:26.882


It's we're in here to to move some weight.00:45:28.210 --> 00:45:29.235


So say something else.00:45:30.579 --> 00:45:31.402


Well, that was one.00:45:31.623 --> 00:45:32.505


Okay, no worries.00:45:32.505 --> 00:45:33.449


What are you going to say?00:45:33.449 --> 00:45:36.436


You know, your footwear has really been elevated since.00:45:36.476 --> 00:45:37.097


It has.00:45:37.097 --> 00:45:38.440


You're right, you're right.00:45:38.440 --> 00:45:42.449


My sneakers, yes, my sneakers, my sneakers, okay, love that.00:45:46.731 --> 00:45:47.452


Oh, I'd be eating good too.00:45:47.452 --> 00:45:49.313


I'll have to say that one.00:45:49.313 --> 00:45:50.313


Yes, you do cook for me.00:45:50.333 --> 00:45:53.556


So that, listen, I'm just trying to keep up with granny, that's it Okay.00:45:53.556 --> 00:45:54.836


Lessons and takeaways.00:45:54.836 --> 00:45:58.179


What's one tip for couples that they should live by?00:45:58.639 --> 00:46:00.420


Keep God first.00:46:00.420 --> 00:46:01.681


Keep the faith as the foundation.00:46:02.221 --> 00:46:04.501


Yes, faith is the foundation.00:46:04.501 --> 00:46:10.646


One tip for couples to live by is to give grace.00:46:11.907 --> 00:46:13.547


Charge it to my head and not my heart.00:46:14.027 --> 00:46:19.032


To give grace Most of the time it's a miscommunication facts.00:46:19.032 --> 00:46:22.038


Okay, what's one thing that changed your view on marriage?00:46:23.000 --> 00:46:23.119


us.00:46:23.119 --> 00:46:34.195


Okay, man, to be honest, you know, I wasn't always as optimistic about marriage and just like being in a happy marriage and then it can work and last and all those things you, you just don't see it that often.00:46:34.195 --> 00:46:38.143


Yeah, so from like being able to be the example.00:46:38.543 --> 00:46:42.378


Yes, that changed my view on marriage.00:46:42.378 --> 00:46:46.659


Well, I always knew that I was going to be.00:46:46.750 --> 00:46:48.375


Five love languages would be my second one.00:46:48.456 --> 00:46:48.856


That would.00:46:48.856 --> 00:46:49.398


That's a good one.00:46:49.398 --> 00:46:49.920


That's a good one.00:46:49.920 --> 00:46:55.340


On marriage, I always knew that I was going to be a wife.00:46:55.340 --> 00:47:00.074


That was something that I just knew in my heart.00:47:00.074 --> 00:47:13.661


But I would say one thing that changed my view on marriage is more so being in a marriage and realizing that you have to, there's a whole nother person that you are.00:47:13.661 --> 00:47:29.195


You are I don't want to say you're taking on their, their baggage, but you are taking on every, all of your conditioning, your exposure Baggage is a great way to think about it, but not to be in a negative way.00:47:29.215 --> 00:47:34.677


But if you, you're going from all of your bags, my bags, we all go on one trip.00:47:34.869 --> 00:47:41.338


Yes, yes, yes, that changed your view on marriage, Because you hear about it but you don't know it until you live it.00:47:41.338 --> 00:47:44.161


And then you live it and it's like oh, this is what we're talking about.00:47:44.181 --> 00:47:44.985


It's an ussy.00:47:44.985 --> 00:47:45.849


This is really ussy.00:47:45.849 --> 00:47:47.898


We both got to take this on it is really ussy.00:47:57.213 --> 00:48:00.744


What's one lesson you wished earlier in our marriage?00:48:00.744 --> 00:48:08.454


One lesson I wish I learned earlier would have been I would say we did a decent job for again being in our early twenties.00:48:08.454 --> 00:48:12.963


But I would say something earlier that we could have learned is just how to better, how to effectively communicate.00:48:12.963 --> 00:48:14.094


But again we did it.00:48:14.094 --> 00:48:14.496


We did a great job.00:48:14.496 --> 00:48:15.342


I thought for where we were in our lives.00:48:15.342 --> 00:48:16.007


But again we did a great job.00:48:16.007 --> 00:48:18.677


I thought for where we were in our lives.00:48:18.677 --> 00:48:22.280


But again, if we can, just a lesson that we wish we learned earlier.00:48:22.280 --> 00:48:27.054


There would have been just some more clarity on some things, I think earlier on.00:48:28.289 --> 00:48:34.655


Yeah, I would say something earlier would be yes, making it all about him, as in God, but then making it all about us.00:48:34.655 --> 00:48:41.159


So I think a lot of times earlier on whether it was functions parties, celebrations, even wedding, like yo.00:48:41.530 --> 00:48:48.059


Why are there so many other people that are coming up at thought and are like it's what they want to do, and what do y'all want to eat?00:48:48.059 --> 00:48:48.731


What do y'all want to do?00:48:48.731 --> 00:48:49.452


Where do y'all want to be?00:48:49.452 --> 00:48:56.360


Like, listen, if y'all ain't joining us and are what we want, right, like, and if nobody else joins us, it's about me and you anyway.00:48:56.360 --> 00:48:59.923


So, like, having that early on is a game changer.00:49:00.764 --> 00:49:01.826


Yeah, I agree.00:49:01.826 --> 00:49:04.894


Anything else you want to add?00:49:04.894 --> 00:49:05.958


That's it All right.00:49:05.978 --> 00:49:07.161


Mike's still here, but it's dropped.00:49:07.469 --> 00:49:09.452


Yes, so we shared the before marriage.00:49:09.452 --> 00:49:16.590


Glow up, how we've changed even some of our lessons and takeaways to bring your best self into your marriage.00:49:16.590 --> 00:49:23.753


If this episode made you laugh, think or maybe send your spouse a thank you, please share this with another couple.00:49:23.753 --> 00:49:26.722


We want to be able to touch as many lives as we can.00:49:26.722 --> 00:49:29.597


Our whole mission with Coupley Fit is to create generational health.00:49:29.597 --> 00:49:31.431


This is one way that we can do it.00:49:31.431 --> 00:49:37.163


So until next time, keep growing, glowing and feeling better together.00:49:37.163 --> 00:49:38.545


Bye.