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Hey Coupley Fit fam.
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Welcome to another episode of the Coupley Fit podcast, where we're talking all things health, marriage and mindset.
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Today we are going to be talking about marriage, and a big component of that is date nights.
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But we know that it's a little bit more expensive than what we would prefer, so we're going to be talking about inexpensive date nights.
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Yes, things that you can do for date night if your money is funny and your change is strange.
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Oh, change is strange.
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Been there.
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Been there so well.
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Actually, let's start with how we've been there and one of the stories.
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If you want to go into a couple of stories, this is back in 2019, when we were struggling the most.
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Yeah, well, I think you know when I think about it.
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Um, and I saw a tweet this week and it was somebody that said we're three days away from the first of the month, rent is due and I'm $800 away from paying my rent.
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What can I do, basically, with like three days, like there's three days left on the clock, what do I do?
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And I think there's so many people that are dealing with, and I was just looking at the comments on X or Twitter and I was seeing all the people like yo, I've been there or you know, these are the things.
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You know, give blood plasma, try this and I was just like it's so real for so many people.
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And then you see social media and it's like oh, you should be going on date nights, she should be enjoying your spouse, you should be doing all these things.
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It's like, well, what if I don't have gas to go anywhere?
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What if I?
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don't have money to tip or money for just extra going out, and so even fast food, even fast food.
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I mean, we've been there where we're in and out, and it's one fry share maybe no burger, maybe one burger, one fry, right.
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But like, if you're at that point, what can you do to still date your spouse and not lose that connection when you're going through those valleys?
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The first and foremost is, when we talk about date nights, it's the value of quality time and, yes, that's a part of the five love languages, but when we really talk about quality time, it's extremely important.
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And then there's also some misconceptions around it as well.
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Some people may say, oh, it's a clingy relationship, or are you whipped Right and it's like well, first off, I'm in a marriage or I'm in a long-term relationship, that's okay.
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And second, when we talk about quality time, it's really the emphasis on quality.
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Yeah, I mean when you think about quality, there's no dollar amount associated with that that's right.
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So you know, for all of the people that are like, oh, the first date or the dates need to be $1,000 or $100.
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It's like Slow it down, pause, pause.
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You can actually and this is not to be cheap or any of those things, but it could be so thoughtful to actually plan a picnic at a park or bringing food from home.
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You actually have the blanket set up.
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You maybe have some questions or things that you can ask, right, but I'm just like those are all things that we've even done.
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Where it's like we don't have the money to go out tonight or spend a hundred or a thousand dollars on some extravagant experience, how do you just still engage and still make sure that that time and moments are quality?
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Right and quality in my mind is being present, it's showing up and being present in that moment.
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That there's that, you know it goes back to the Rihanna song, you know, make me feel like I'm the only girl in the world.
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It's that same situation where I want all of your attention.
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I want it undivided as well, right Phones away preferably either kids are asleep or somebody is watching them where we can have that true quality and intimate time together where we're both present in this moment.
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And I think that can be overlooked because we have so many distractions whether it's digital distractions, I don't want to say kids are a distraction, but it can be in some cases where you may not be able to really dive into the quality component.
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But it is extremely important, especially when we talk about relationships and marriages.
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So do you think that there are misconceptions when it comes to dating your spouse or just inexpensive date nights, in the sense of you need to have a lot of money to be able to date, to go on a date?
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I think so, I think 100, and I think that there's it's this era and culture right now of the social media era not in social media is a great thing but, when you see on social media it going viral that you can't go to cheesecake factory on a date because that's being cheap, like that really blew my mind.
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That blew my mind and that's not fast food.
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This is sit down dining sit down cheesecake, what?
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yeah, I mean you can flip through that menu for for days, days.
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But I say that to say, like those types of viral oh, if you're not making this amount of money, you know?
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I even see some of the tweets if you're not making x amount of dollars, you shouldn know.
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I even see some of the tweets If you're not making X amount of dollars, you shouldn't be dating.
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Like that's crazy.
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And what I always say to those people, what I always say to those people too, is are you bringing that to the table?
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Like, how do you have this standard that someone needs to make X amount of dollars to be dating, but yet you don't make that?
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Or you don't bring, you're not able to cover the cost of the bill.
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Like you don't bring, you're not able to cover the cost of the bill.
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Like don't expect that of someone that you're going out with, right?
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And so I think those types of conversations and dialogue make it to the point where even couples, someone that's in a relationship or a marriage, it's like Ooh, I can't necessarily afford to do it.
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Or what do I do?
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Or is it going to be looked at as I'm being cheap if I do something that doesn't cost a lot of money, but I love what you said earlier of the quality time and being present, because there's people that are spending a thousand, or you know people can spend $10,000 on a vacation or whatever it is, but you were on your phone the whole time emailing talking on the phone and you were never there with your partner or your family, and it felt like you were never with us.
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Right.
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Right.
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You hear people say that all the time, Like yeah, you were there.
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Your body's here, but you're not physically, you're not mentally here, right, so sacrificing the cost of like, yeah, you maybe put the money there, but being present and I think we always like think about that or you hear that of the dad that's like, oh, he made all of this money but he was never present, compared to the dad that maybe didn't have all the money but he was walking you to practice or walking you to school or being there every day.
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Those are the memories, that's what you remember that are long lasting.
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Correct Same thing in a relationship.
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Same thing and to your point when it comes to the misconceptions that you have to spend a lot of money.
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I remember even our first date night uh, or date period was at Dave and Buster's great time.
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You know, $50, which at the time when we were in college I was expensive, but $50, you have all access to the games.
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You know we didn't get any food or drinks, but we were really there for the thrills of the game of the games.
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So it really is again, what is your, your bracket right?
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What's the money that you're able to actually spend?
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And then, if you don't have the money, then what are some like kind of free opportunities or free things that you can do?
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So we're going to dive into that a little bit here in the episode, but before we do, we want to talk about why you should not only be having date nights, but then also how important it is to your relationship.
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So one of those ways, it's an enhanced emotional connection.
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You know you feel like, okay, we are now able to connect on a different level because we don't have any distractions.
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It's just going to be you and I.
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We're present, we're in the moment.
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You know, we're looking at each other, we're having a conversation, hopefully, and it is just allowing you to be able to emotionally uh, we always say like be vulnerable, right, we like to have the saying of a judge free zone.
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So it's, you know, I might say something like gosh, I want to tell you something, but I'm a little nervous to tell you, and it's like judge-free zone.
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As soon as somebody says that, it's like okay, now I can be more open with you about my vulnerability or how I'm feeling in this moment, and it just, again, it allows to have that deeper emotional connection together.
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Yeah, and speaking of the connection, I think so often people are trying to find that like reconnection or that bridge.
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Yes, the spark.
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The spark, and it takes effort.
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It does.
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And when you talk about a date night, and how often should you have date night?
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Or should there like, are date nights important?
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I think about a team, for example.
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So, whether it's work like and I always like to use sports as an example right, but like right now for the NFL fans, otas just started, or like training camps or getting ready to to start, and you hear the coaches talk about how important it is to have everybody in the building, or to have the camaraderie and the time spent together.
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I mean, we want to have our quarterback passing to the wide receivers, we want to have meetings where everybody's in the room and they're connecting and building the relationships.
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If that's important for a team to win a championship, how important is it for the relationship to continue to thrive in a marriage, to be able to still?
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You know, call the championship the next anniversary, right?
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We want the next anniversary to be something that we're celebrating and we're excited about, right?
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So how do we do that?
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It's the off season season, it's the weekly date night, it's the prioritization, putting it on the calendar, like.
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Those are the things that make a big difference.
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When I think about, like, how do we go from?
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Maybe no spark, or there could be more spark, and we all feel like there could be more spark.
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I feel like we see a couple that's shining bright or loving on each other.
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We're like hey, what like?
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What's y'all secret?
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What y'all you know what you doing, what are y'all doing so that we can add that to our mix as well?
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And I think it's also a great opportunity to reduce stress too.
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Right Like now, it's okay, there may be have been stress around the relationship or just stress in your situation, but now, when you're able to sit down and hopefully you can be vulnerable with that person, that's like also, what we talk about with date nights is to be able to put a time limit on also how much you talk about the kids, cause that's something that we've heard.
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When we do talk to some parents that are going on date nights, they're spending a majority of the time talking about the kids, and then it's like okay, well, what about our relationship?
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Like where are we?
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And you've heard us if you've listened to some previous episodes we always talk about your love tank.
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And where is your love tank?
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And do you have a love tank, you know, maybe for your kids, but then you also have a love tank for your relationship.
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And where is that?
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And are we able to fill that up, which is going to help to reduce that stress as well, or are we adding more stress by having it be depleted and like we haven't been able to have that connection or find that spark?
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Yeah, and to that point that you made of it could be kids, where for us it's not kids, right, but for other people it might be.
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You're taking care of a parent or a grandparent.
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Yeah, sure, right, and that's becoming more real for us now, too, where we're seeing, like you may be in the role of caregiving phase.
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And now you're just talking about caregiving, what are the needs, what's the schedule, what are the appointments?
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And it's like, ooh, that's just like talking about the kids when you're at date night.
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And I think, the more that you can, even for me, I think taking the mindset of this can also be that stress reliever from taking a break from work or a hard stop Cause for me.
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I mean, I just I always like to use myself as an example of areas I want to improve, but sometimes I could be so focused on the, you know, like the grind and the work, that it's six, it's seven, 30, like on a weeknight, or even on a Friday, and I'm still working.
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And I love date night because if we put date night, it's like date night's not at eight, date night's at like 530.
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Yes, early.
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There's a hard stop from work.
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You have to change clothes, shower, shut it off.
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We're not talking about work and it's like this pivot into how are we doing, like even a self check in of like how am I doing?
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And so I love being able to also, like you said, focus the conversation on, and sometimes people just need to know, like how do I have that conversation and engage one-on-one with my partner, like how do we, how do I get to that point where we're?
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We are having that judge for your open dialogue 100%.
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And and I think that that's also a great opportunity to use your Google calendar, right, if you have a Gmail account, then you can.
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You have access to a Google calendar.
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And if you are scheduling date nights out, again, doesn't necessarily need to be weekly, cause I know that's not feasible for everybody it does need to be consistent.
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So let's say it's bi-weekly.
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You know that every Friday at you know, five or five 30, this is going to be our date night.
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It allows you to plan ahead, right.
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It allows you to also take that step back from work and realize, like, okay, we need to transition now into fueling our relationship and putting that time back into our relationship.
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If you need to make some adjustments, you have it on your calendar, you can make adjustments, you talk about it before you do and you can let it again work for you, right, where you now know, hey, if somebody is, you know, wants you to go out on that Friday, for example, that's our date nights.
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If they want you to go on that Friday at five, it's like, actually, I already have something on the calendar, can't go, so sorry, um, but we can.
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You know, maybe I can do that tomorrow or next week when I don't have date night but really prioritizing not only your spouse but the the dating of your spouse.
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Dating doesn't just end when you get married.
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Dating is constant and it's going to be something that you have to continuously put the effort into, and so I think it's really interesting when we talk about you know the value of quality time, why you have to invest into your date nights and make it a true priority in your relationship.
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Yeah, and I just wanted to add to that too is the when I think about the scheduling and I really like using the calendar to make it a priority, but also what that allows you to do, too is is plan around what's currently already on the calendar, correct?
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So if you know that you have to drop grandma off or the kids off or something at an event, it's like, hey, they're going to be there at choir lessons for two hours, they're going to be here for two hours.
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Hey, drop them off already, be ready, and now that's date night for two hours and we're going to pick them up so you can build it in.
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We're now every week they've got x lesson or practice and that's when we go and do our date night.
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So I think the building it in and then that prioritizing it lets your partner know that this really matters and this is, and you matter right, because so often, like we'll let the job know they matter.
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You know, man, we let every we even we letting the person at the fast food know that extra scoop at your polo.
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We appreciate you, but you don't say that to your partner, right?
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So it's like making sure that it goes around full circle yes, and so now let's get into some of the inexpensive date nights that we can do.
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So, just to give you all an example, when kurt and I this is again back in 2019 that's when we were struggling the most financially you know we have one tank of gas that's gonna hopefully speaking of the take a gas.
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I mean I, we have one tank of gas that's going to hopefully last.
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Speaking of the tank of gas, I mean I remember you know going in with that card and you get that decline.
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You're like wait, wait a minute, I can't refill no gas.
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So you know you can't go on date night, at least can't drive to one, but I have to walk to date night.
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Right, like date night, needs to transition to being at home at the park, at the park, the park.
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So we've gone through the financial struggles of not being able to have the actual money and I'm talking about we maybe have ten dollars to be able to spend on a date night or just even a meal, whatever that looks like.
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So then we started thinking, okay, well, what can we do at home that's still going to give us the quality time that still allows us to be able to date each other.
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And one thing that we started to do was a date night jar.
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So this is something this goes back to gosh also, just when we were first married to like it.
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It's changed and evolved over time.
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But we have two Mason jars and we take just small pieces of paper.
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We'll write date nights or ideas on to this piece of paper, fold it and then you'll put yours into your jar, I'll put mine into my jar, and when it's time for date night, you'll choose one, I'll choose one.
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We look at them and say, okay, which is either the best one or just the one that we want to do, and then that will be become our date night.
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So if you're doing kind of at home, you can have an at home date night jar and you can have a going out date night jar and you know you may be tipping more into the at home, which is perfectly fine, but some ideas for at home are is to have a themed movie night.
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So I know you love movies.
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This is something that and popcorn and popcorn.
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So this is right up your alley, but it's taking those moments of going out and spending money.
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And how can we do that at home and create that same environment?
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So one thing that I did I don't know if you remember this, but one thing that I did was I took all the couch cushions off of the couch.
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I put them on the ground.
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I moved like our coffee table out of the way and I put like a sheet over and, um, I had blankets, I had pillows.
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I made like a little smorgasbord of, um, you know, chocolate chips and M&Ms, you know, basically taking your movie snacks, bringing that into home and then having popcorn, having drinks.
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I even took it a step further and made like movie tickets little, just at home, movie tickets that took me.
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I mean you can honestly print them off now, but it's just a little way that it's like okay, this maybe costs me some paper, some ink.
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If you already whatever snacks you already have at home, I would stay there.
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You know what I'm saying.
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Put them into a container, Ziploc, whatever you need to do, If you have a little bit of money like you know, $10, just go and grab a couple of snacks from um shoot even the dollar store.
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You can grab some, some great snacks ten dollars at the dollar store.
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You got ten snacks.
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You have ten, nine with tax come on, don't play.
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So um again.
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Right, how can I bring those outside experiences and bring them in home?
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So themed movie nights would be a great one.
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What movie would you watch?
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I do remember that and I was such a that was such a great one that was so good.
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You look a little fire sure, uh movie night.
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What would I watch?
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Uh, I'm gonna go because it's date night.
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I'm definitely gonna go with a rom-com you love a rom-com.
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So I think it's gonna be like, uh, what?
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What just came to my mind was like watching a hitch or like a couple's retreat, something in that, like wheelhouse.
00:18:11.205 --> 00:18:16.824
Okay, and then, quickly, the other one that you really like is it's with Vince Vaughn and Jennifer Aniston.
00:18:16.824 --> 00:18:17.444
What's that one?
00:18:17.585 --> 00:18:18.086
The breakup.
00:18:18.145 --> 00:18:19.087
The breakup.
00:18:19.167 --> 00:18:22.203
Okay, you don't want to watch the breakup for a day, you don't, but it's funny.
00:18:22.203 --> 00:18:23.919
Come come with the kick drum and.
00:18:23.999 --> 00:18:31.397
Gary, come come come, come I mean it ended up working out in the end.
00:18:31.397 --> 00:18:31.718
So that's.
00:18:31.718 --> 00:18:31.979
It was a rom.
00:18:31.979 --> 00:18:32.378
Epitome of a rom-com.
00:18:32.400 --> 00:18:36.387
Yes, so that one um cooking dinner together, make it like a restaurant experience, right?
00:18:36.387 --> 00:18:40.203
I don't know if anyone has seen on instagram, there is this mom.
00:18:40.203 --> 00:18:41.307
She has three kids.
00:18:41.307 --> 00:18:48.163
She literally romanticizes the experience of having um going to a restaurant.
00:18:48.163 --> 00:18:50.568
She will create like a three course meal.
00:18:50.568 --> 00:18:53.962
She will have little menus out in front of them.
00:18:53.962 --> 00:18:55.666
They will have like the full setup.
00:18:55.666 --> 00:18:58.140
They have their napkins, their silverware.
00:18:58.140 --> 00:19:00.444
She makes these really cute drinks for them.
00:19:00.444 --> 00:19:03.522
Um, I think it's a mocktails, obviously, right, mocktails.
00:19:03.522 --> 00:19:11.557
That's a great way to to just incorporate what you already have at home and taking that restaurant experience and bringing it into what you're doing.
00:19:11.557 --> 00:19:15.416
And you can take it a step further and start really diving into like cuisines.
00:19:15.416 --> 00:19:18.022
Oh, so let's do an international cuisine night.
00:19:18.022 --> 00:19:23.248
First course is going to be we're exploring the world of Mexico, right?
00:19:23.248 --> 00:19:35.964
And then the next one's going to be we're exploring the world of Paris, right, and just turn it into a romantic date night that doesn't have to cost you much but then still brings in an experience.
00:19:36.555 --> 00:19:43.681
Yeah, and also don't feel like you have to have all the answers, because I think so often you know like our episode is going to give you a lot of great tips.
00:19:43.681 --> 00:19:50.481
But if you're also like, ooh, I want to do a themed night, go to Pinterest, right?
00:19:50.674 --> 00:19:52.721
Search some additional ideas.
00:19:52.800 --> 00:20:00.906
create a little board that you can come back to and it has five or 10 things that are like easy, inexpensive and you can do them together.
00:20:01.268 --> 00:20:07.824
Yes, and to your point, I have a date night board in my Pinterest and it's been a game changer just to look back at and see.
00:20:07.824 --> 00:20:09.027
You know, what can we do?
00:20:09.027 --> 00:20:12.044
So we're going to kind of speed through a little bit more.
00:20:12.044 --> 00:20:14.500
So we have you can do game night or a puzzle night.
00:20:14.500 --> 00:20:15.743
We love to do Scrabble.
00:20:15.743 --> 00:20:18.922
That's one of our favorites Scrabble with a glass of wine.
00:20:18.922 --> 00:20:21.121
Right, we have a little like fire, you know.
00:20:21.121 --> 00:20:22.204
So that's very cute.
00:20:22.204 --> 00:20:24.222
We can do a DIY spa night.
00:20:24.222 --> 00:20:26.061
So we've done that before.
00:20:30.414 --> 00:20:30.977
Oh we've done that before.
00:20:30.977 --> 00:20:31.740
Oh, you love it and you love it.
00:20:31.740 --> 00:20:32.784
You're like these are chill, these are chill.
00:20:32.784 --> 00:20:35.634
I know I'll throw, like a sheet mask or the eye mask, into the freezer for maybe just 10 minutes.
00:20:35.634 --> 00:20:41.176
Pull those out, I'll throw that onto kurt feeling exfoliated he's listen and he's living his best life.
00:20:41.176 --> 00:20:42.181
He's like, oh yeah.
00:20:42.181 --> 00:20:44.412
Then, all of a sudden it's like well, can I get a foot rub?
00:20:44.432 --> 00:20:50.208
let me put my robe on let me yeah, let me put my robe on right just Just really romanticizing the at-home date nights.
00:20:50.208 --> 00:20:53.883
You can do a paint and sip, which I love, those you can just go to Michael's.
00:20:53.883 --> 00:20:54.965
We've done that before too.
00:20:54.965 --> 00:20:55.748
Go to Michael's.
00:20:55.748 --> 00:21:02.319
That one's going to be a little closer to like a 20, 25 mark, depending on what type of wine, right, you want to add a little bit more.
00:21:02.319 --> 00:21:05.483
But a paint and sip, that's always a good one.
00:21:05.483 --> 00:21:11.455
There too, you a good one.
00:21:11.455 --> 00:21:11.656
There too.
00:21:11.656 --> 00:21:12.882
You can do a backyard camping, which that's right up my alley.
