Episode 31: Real Talk on Mental Health

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Hey Cupply Fit fam.

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Welcome to another episode of the Cupply Fit podcast.

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Today we are going to be talking about what is on most people's minds right now, and that's mental health.

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Although it is Mental Health Awareness Month, we wanted to dive a little deeper into what is mental health, how do I know if I'm struggling with it, and then also what are some areas of opportunity where I can get some help.

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But before we get started, I just wanted to shout out a disclaimer that we are not mental health professionals.

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We do have some experience with mental health being in the health and wellness space, but we are not professionals.

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If you feel like you need help coping, or if you feel like you need help with your mental health because you're struggling, we do ask that you please seek professional help.

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We will give you some areas of opportunity to receive that help at the end of the episode, so stay tuned for that.

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But we want to make sure we have that disclaimer because mental health is a sensitive subject.

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No, it's a sensitive subject and I feel like not a lot of people talk about it or about their experiences or struggles with mental health.

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You know, and it's unfortunate, but sometimes you just see the end result right, whether that's someone having an outburst or being like dang, are they okay and it's like now they need to go get help, versus the journey of like I'm actually seeking therapy or I'm going through different practices to help with my mental health.

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And to your point, I think it's taking it back to preventative care and we don't want, you know, similar to what we talk about with physical health, we don't want to have the ailment go to the doctor and they say that we're so much further along and if we would have caught this earlier we could have made some changes to like that chronic disease.

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So I think it's the same thing when it comes to our mental health as well.

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We want to prevent that outburst, or prevent the anxiety, depression that may be coming on, so that we can continue to, you know, feel better.

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And mental health is so different than the physical at times because people will think from a physical standpoint oh well, that person looks great, or physically like they look, like they have it going on.

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But mental health can be one of those things where it doesn't matter how much money you have or car you drive, what it looks like from the outside, mentally or in your own head things could be totally different than what the optics look like.

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Absolutely so.

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I think most people are probably thinking to themselves okay, we hear mental health, but what does that mean?

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What is mental health?

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So we wanted to give you just a quick overview of some information that we found, which mental health encompasses an individual's emotional, psychological and social well-being.

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It influences how we found which mental health encompasses an individual's emotional, psychological and social well-being.

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It influences how we think, feel and act.

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It also affects our ability to cope with stress, to relate to others and to make choices, but it helps us to realize our own potential, how to work productively and fruitfully and how to contribute to the community.

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So I wanted to.

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I saw an interesting example on social media about you know what, how we can look at mental health, and I saw that it's similar to your internal weather system.

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So we see, you know you're with weather systems there's highs and there's lows, there's bright days, there's rainy days, but how can we regulate our internal weather system?

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I thought that was so interesting and I thought it also brought it down from being this almost ambiguous what is mental health?

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To saying, ok, internal weather system, we see the weather every day.

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That's something that every person can relate to and that can make it a little bit easier for you to be able to maybe recognize your own mental health.

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And it does simplify it as well, because when you think about mental health, like the weather in that example, if there's a storm, storms come right.

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We have rainy days, sometimes it's not raining but it's cloudy.

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Okay, you know, you don't know what's going to happen, something unexpected?

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Right, you don't want a tornado or a tsunami right to come.

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But sometimes mental health you feel like man.

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Am I getting attacked?

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Or did something come out of nowhere that I didn't anticipate, whether that was professionally, with business, or personally, with family, or with your spouse or significant other, or just something that you've been dealing with in your life, maybe from childhood or things like that.

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And I know we've had, we've both had a lot of experiences that people have no idea, that we've gone through both individually and together.

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That really took a lot of um work to get through, to overcome and to stay mentally positive.

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Sometimes people think like man, you guys are always positive, you're always optimistic, it's like it's easy and it's like no, you have to make a choice every day.

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We don't just wake up and we're like today is sunny, even if it's raining.

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It doesn't work like that.

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You're so right.

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I think that's a great way to also start talking about some statistics, right?

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Like, okay, yes, we're talking about mental health, we have an idea of what it is, but what are some statistics, specifically when it comes to America?

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Now, before we dive in, I do want to give just another quick disclaimer about.

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You're going to hear me say mental illness, and so I want to give a little bit more insight into that.

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So mental illness is, you know, disorders that significantly affect your mood, thinking and behavior.

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So it can be things like anxiety, depression, eating disorders, addictive disorders.

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So when you hear these stats that are coming up, that's what I'm going to be mentioning when I or that's what I want you to more so think about when I say mental illness.

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So the first stat that I have is one in five US adults experience mental illness in any given year.

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That's significant.

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I mean, if you line people up, or if you're around five people right now, there's one person around you that has struggled this year.

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Right and it doesn't.

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And when you think about lining up a row of five people, each person can look differently and you don't know who is.

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And that's what's so different with mental illness.

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Like if someone's limping, you know, like oh, maybe they hurt their foot or they hurt their leg, and like I can go and help them or ask if they need help.

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But when it's mental health, you have no idea.

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There can be no signs, no signals, nothing that someone gives off.

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But then sometimes it's tragedy that strikes, or unfortunate news, and you realize, man, they were really struggling with something behind the scenes this entire time and nobody, we didn't even know.

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You're absolutely correct, and we're going to go into some signs here later in the episode so that you also, as maybe someone's support system, can see some of the signs in the your significant other or just the people that are around you and be able to either talk to them and sit down with them and have conversations that will allow somebody to be vulnerable vulnerable about where they are in their space.

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But one thing I also saw we all went through the pandemic worldwide and it has significantly impacted our mental health.

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So when we do go back to that one in five US adults that experience mental illness in any given year think about the pandemic.

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We can all, as soon as you hear pandemic, all of us can go back to a moment where we felt maybe some depression, maybe some anxiety, maybe some addictive behaviors the alcohol and drugs were on the rise during that time and so it's interesting to hear that we are all going through it, and I think that's something we're going to notice as we continue throughout.

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The episode is we all are going to go through something, and how can we see if we're the ones struggling with it, what are the signs and then what are some ways that we're going to be able to help?

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And something with the pandemic, too, that I think impacted so many people was that level of isolation.

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Isolation.

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Like people didn't realize, and I know there's some really key stats around isolation and not being able to interact, engage, be around other people.

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But when you're just by yourself and you're locked in, you know, and even single friends, but then the couples you know got to talk about the fact that there's a lot of couples during the pandemic that hadn't spent that one-on-one time together it was like hold on, do I like?

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you I don't really like you don't really, and that's unfortunate, that people have to deal with that, because you find out when you're really together, because so many times if you're just, we're working, we're vacationing, we're on different schedules and different routines, so we're really not having to see are we growing together and on the same page, and I think that made a big difference too for both couples and individuals of like how many people are in a relationship.

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But realize that I was isolated and by myself, although I'm in a relationship.

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That ain't no better word.

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You're absolutely correct.

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So next dot, 46 percent of americans will meet the criteria for a diagnosable mental health condition at some point in their lives.

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46 percent of americans, that's a significant I.

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I mean we're talking again if you see two people in front of you.

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One out of two One one out of two.

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And how many people, to your point, are not, are in denial.

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I mean because I just think about how many people are like I'm not going to the doctor Just for physical.

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Like you feel something hurting you but you won't go to the doctor because you want to tough it out or because you are afraid of what the doctor might say.

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That's when it comes to a physical ailment that you know is hurting.

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Think about when it's mental and there's the stereotypes or there's the you know negative connotation with I'm going to go in and ask for help or get an assessment to see like, are these emotions or thoughts okay?

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And I think a lot of people are afraid to do that.

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I think you're absolutely correct because, interesting enough, half of the people will develop the conditions by the age of 14.

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By the age of 14.

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And you know, I think we'll talk a little bit later about some of our journeys with our mental health, but by the age of 14, you know, I've mentioned before in a previous episode I'm a big brother's, big sister's mentor, and she's 14 and I'm hearing how she's speaking and during this time, peers are the ones that are essentially teaching you, uh, when it comes to developmental psychology, and so if your peers are anxious, if they're depressed, if they are also seeing things at home that they're then taking into school, some of the things that she's told me, my jaw has dropped to the ground.

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I cannot believe that some of these kids are saying these things, and sometimes you don't know what they're saying, but there's other times where it's just like just the fact that that came out of your mouth and someone else is hearing it.

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They may internalize that.

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And now this turns into I am hyper anxious, like I have a lot of anxiety, I'm, maybe even depressed, I'm, I'm having these addictive behaviors and I don't necessarily know why.

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But at the age of 14, that's a critical stage.

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Typically you're just starting high school, like you're a freshman in high school and we can think back to when we were freshmen in high school.

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It's such an awkward time, you know, depending on, like you know, puberty, and then also your, your environment.

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It's just every.

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You're trying to figure out so much at one time and if you don't have the proper influences, that can absolutely affect your mental health.

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Yeah, and you're young and impressionable, absolutely At that age.

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You're young, you're impressionable, you're trying to find your footing in your way, but so often people forget that the power of life and death is in the tongue.

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So the things that you say can truly have someone thinking, believing more in themselves or believing less in themselves, right Like?

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I believe there's some stats around for every negative thing that you hear, you have to hear like nine or 10 positive things to offset it.

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So just when we think about that, whether we're talking to our kids or to our friends or to even a classmate or a colleague, like, speak positive into someone but also speak positive to yourself.

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Because if we're talking negative or we're our hardest critic which I know we all can be at times like who's letting yourself out of that match of I've got to be better, or I can't give myself grace, or I can't allow myself to think about, maybe, the things that I'm struggling or working through, which is very real, everybody's going through that.

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Yes, and I mean the stats say it, everyone is going through it.

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And so now, when we talk about the anxiety, I think that is something that has absolutely been on the rise, especially with social media coming out.

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You know we both started social media.

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You know it was my space back in the day, but we were in high school, relative maybe eighth grade, right Like when that started.

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So we had I was just talking to somebody about this the other day I said, man, the the glory days of having your Nokia phone where you only have snake, you know, you only you don't have access to the internet, and it's just so.

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It's something that we don't see.

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Everybody is on their phones and if we're talking addictive behaviors, how many people are addicted to their phones?

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Yeah, I mean, it can be very real and there's a time where you, for work, you had to drive into the office, clock in start work, but now a lot of people are working remote right Since the pandemic, so now your work is on your phone.

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I know I can be guilty of it where it's way past clock out hours and I'm like looking at notifications or I'm checking that email or I see even sometimes it's just the name of someone.

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It's like, oh, that might be serious or I've got to check that and that can give you anxiety.

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Of course.

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Like just feeling like you've got to be on or feeling like you have to always check notifications and things like that.

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So being able to create space and give yourself that opportunity to disconnect from just the phone or from social media makes a big difference too.

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Absolutely.

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And if you haven't checked out, our previous episode, we were talking or a couple of episodes ago we were talking about digital detox.

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And you know, for us that's on Sundays, the Lord's day, where we do take that time off of our phones, and you know it's not we're completely neglecting.

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You know if it's an important call or if it's a message from mom right, we got, we're going to, we're going to hit you back, but, um, just taking that time for yourself to be able to let your cortisol levels which are your stress hormones be able to come down.

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And just something I was going to add to that too Like I feel, like with um, with iPhone.

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I just appreciate having the like, the work or the notification to do do not disturb and it's like you can allow calls from friends family and it's like you can allow calls from friends, family, certain people, right, your favorite list, I believe it is your favorites but to be able to not get, because man, for me, and I know you too getting the notifications and you're getting alerts, oh my gosh.

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And then you get the spam calls and different things.

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It's just like man.

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Why is it?

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And if you have a watch, an Apple Watch or something else, for notifications, it's like my watch is ringing, my phone is ringing, things are light.

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I'm getting.

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I'm getting anxiety just thinking about it.

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Right.

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So how do we step away from that?

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And it's great to have technology, but it shows that we can be more advanced from a technology standpoint or more accessible from social media to see what people are doing, but also more disconnected than ever because it's less one-on-one interactions with people in real time.

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Yes, and interesting going back to that 14 year old age, right, one thing that we're hearing is that we are in an epidemic of loneliness for the younger generations.

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To your point, although we are as connected as ever, we are the most disconnected.

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It's to the point now where kids almost don't even know how to interact with each other unless it's through the phones, unless it's through social media, like the texting, kids go crazy.

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You know they're like hey, are you on this game, are you doing this?

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And not having an actual conversation with each other, and that's very concerning.

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So now, as we've been talking about anxiety, 42.5 million US adults have anxiety disorders, making it one of the most common mental illnesses.

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And quickly.

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I want to go back to the definition of mental illness disorders that significantly affect your mood, thinking and behavior.

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So, just like we were talking about with the phones, instantly, as you were describing it, I felt kind of my heart rate fluttering, I felt my palms getting a little bit sweaty, I felt a little bit overwhelmed, because it brings that anxiety on where you don't know how to disconnect.

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I feel like a lot of people are like well, how do I actually do that, especially if I am a professional?

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What are some ways that I can do that and still be able to, you know, be in both worlds right Of, maybe it's family time and you need to make sure that you're present with your family, but then you know work.

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if you are, you know, a professional or C-level, whatever that looks like for you, you still are able to not neglect your responsibilities there as well and and to that point of being present, one of the things that I know we noticed uh, a big difference between the us and traveling in europe and other countries is like at the table when you sit down in the states.

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In the us it's like everybody's on their phones.

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Everybody's on their phones.

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Everybody's at their tablet, or if people aren't on their phone or tablet they're not talking to each other.

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I've got nothing to say, I have nothing to say to you, just looking around.

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Staring Like think about being out to eat.

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It's a problem If you're out to eat and you're talking to your waiter or waitress more than you're talking to your date or your spouse.

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Listen, listen.

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And we have so many stories which we're going to have an episode talking just being in the service industry.

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You and I were in the service industry for 15 years combined.

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The amount of times that I used to see parents just throw a tablet at their kids with the headphones set and then, when they're ready to order, they're asking their kids to take their headphones off.

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they're throwing a fit how dare you, don't you dare take these headphones take my headphones set off and then also to your point of couples that are supposed to be quote unquote on date night and they're not talking to each other.

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They're looking around and guess what it then becomes.

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We're gonna now look around and we're gonna gossip about other people, because that's how we then also are maybe connecting, but that's not.

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We're not going to now look around and we're going to gossip about other people because that's how we then also are maybe connecting, but that's not.

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We're not going to be talking about, like the root of why we're not talking to each other.

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Oh no, we're not going to do that.

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We're going to then talk about other people, and we were talking about gossip culture before this because we were shocked at, um, a couple of things that we've seen no, but to your heard, but to your point on that, when it comes to that gossip culture and that makes it easier right, it's easier to watch reality tv it's an escape.

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That's what it's an escape, and it's easier to see this extreme of like oh man, well, they're not talking, they're not talking to each other at all, or it's actually getting even more um negative, right on reality tv or the example that you're watching in a restaurant.

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Yeah, real housewives.

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You feel me, but what about us engaging and having those conversations at the table and, I think, making it the standard to not be on the phone or not be at your device to have some thought starters or some questions, to just open up that dialogue?

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That's such a difference maker because I think back to when, you know, I was under that age of 14 and some of the biggest mental health struggles that I had, a lot of it was just because I felt like I didn't have a safe space to express how I was feeling, express the things that were happening.

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You know I was.

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You know we grew up.

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We talk about this, but I grew up in an era and the household was, like you know, children speak when they're spoken to, Right, Like you know, I'll ask you a question.

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You respond versus you just speaking what's on your heart and your feelings?

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don't matter, correct Absolutely, and we'll talk a little, dive a little deeper into that story here in the episode.

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But I want to give this last step, because I think this is incredibly impactful of when we think about mental health.

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But then also, again, this is something that is common and realizing that the more that we do talk about mental health and the more that we do express these stats, people are going to realize again commonality.

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Right, we live in a world right now where everything is division, especially here in the United States, and so now, what can we bring together for everyone that makes it seem like, okay, we have something in common.

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So in 2024, an estimated 57.8 million adults had a mental illness, but only 43% received mental health care.

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Now I want to take this a step further because again, you hear 57.8 million.

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It's like, oh my gosh, that's an exorbitant, exorbitant amount.

00:20:38.065 --> 00:20:54.112
But let's go to an NFL stadium, right, if you ever have ever been to a game before, or maybe even a graduation sometimes are held an NFL stadium, right, if you ever have ever been to a game before, or maybe even a graduation sometimes or held at NFL stadiums Massive An average NFL stadium holds 70,000 people.

00:20:54.112 --> 00:21:05.432
It will take 829 stadiums filled to reach that 57.8 million people.

00:21:05.432 --> 00:21:09.752
Wow, I'm almost lost for words.

00:21:09.752 --> 00:21:11.605
I'm almost lost for words.

00:21:11.605 --> 00:21:19.071
That is how many adults have had a mental illness, but only 43% have received mental health care.

00:21:20.521 --> 00:21:32.067
So if I'm doing the math correctly, that's 800-plus stadiums, but basically 400 or 300 of those stadiums that are filled, basically only 300 are actually getting help.

00:21:32.067 --> 00:21:35.310
The other 500 or 500 stadiums are just people that are filled, are on, like, basically only 300 are actually getting help.

00:21:35.310 --> 00:21:42.351
The other half the the other five, four or five hundred stadiums are just people that are struggling with the mental health issue or illness but it's either undiagnosed or they haven't gotten help.

00:21:42.351 --> 00:22:08.567
But that's what we see so often where and it's a reminder to not judge or to seek to understand before you judge because sometimes you're seeing somebody doing something or acting out or behaving whether it's a child or an adult and we think, man, that person's crazy and we use that word so often- man that's crazy, but the reality is they might actually have a mental illness or need mental help, and I think that's.

00:22:08.768 --> 00:22:21.066
It's such a taboo where some people will say crazy or say they have a mental health issue and they haven't been diagnosed, or someone hasn't been either treated or diagnosed for it, and it can get lost in translation.

00:22:21.066 --> 00:22:23.170
But people do to your point with the stats.

00:22:23.170 --> 00:22:24.112
People need help.

00:22:24.712 --> 00:22:28.046
People need help and that's what those stats are telling us is in.

00:22:28.046 --> 00:22:37.768
It's not just we're not talking hundreds, even thousands of people, we're talking millions of people that need some sort of help.

00:22:37.768 --> 00:22:58.051
And so now, as we've been talking about some of these incredible stats, you at home might be thinking okay, well, how do I know if I'm struggling with my mental health and so if you're seeing persistent changes in your thoughts, feelings and behaviors that impact your ability to function daily?

00:22:58.051 --> 00:23:05.734
So I know, for me, my anxiety, that is something that is also generational as well.

00:23:05.734 --> 00:23:18.458
You know, I have people in my family that struggle with anxiety and I see it, even if it's just like a tapping of the foot, it's a tapping of the fingers, it's a um, an anxiousness that I see.

00:23:18.458 --> 00:23:20.904
And then I started noticing that in myself.

00:23:20.984 --> 00:23:26.784
And then once I, you know, in certain periods of my life, I noted that my anxiety would just be higher.

00:23:26.784 --> 00:23:34.792
And sometimes the anxiety just gets higher just from the amount of notifications you were talking about on your phone, where I have now had to make some changes.

00:23:34.792 --> 00:23:36.907
You know you can mute notifications.

00:23:36.907 --> 00:23:49.372
I will go through probably once every two or three hours and just delete the notifications that I don't need to respond to, so that I'm not looking at my phone and just scrolling through the notifications that I have.

00:23:49.372 --> 00:23:55.221
So then, taking that a step further, the notifications that I have.

00:23:55.240 --> 00:24:33.885
So then, taking that a step further, if you see changes in your mood, your sleep, appetite, energy levels or behaviors that are persistent for more than two weeks and they interfere with your work, school relationships or daily activities, that's when I read online that you should receive some professional help, and I think once we said the two weeks, when I read that, I said, oh, there's been plenty of times in my life that there's been some sort of thought, feeling your behavior that's been daily, that has affected me for more than two weeks, absolutely, but did I go and get care for it?

00:24:33.885 --> 00:24:38.151
No, but I also didn't know that that's considered struggling with your mental health.

00:24:38.151 --> 00:25:00.185
So we hope that this helps somebody in this space to realize that you may be struggling with your mental health and that it's also okay to not be okay and to seek that professional help 100%, and I also think about in those moments, or flashing back to when you were in that situation or even when I was who are the people that you can go and talk to.

00:25:01.289 --> 00:25:26.210
Right, where are the trusted resources, whether that's a parent or a friend or a family member, or, in an ideal situation, if you can, speaking to a professional right, whether that's if you have a resource at school, a health counselor, or you know to a professional right, whether that's if you have a resource at school a health counselor, or you know a doctor, or you know a therapist that you can go to, which I know a lot of people don't necessarily have access or resources, and it's like, if I do see that I'm dealing with something for two weeks, who do I talk to?

00:25:26.779 --> 00:25:29.243
Absolutely, and stay tuned until the end of the episode.

00:25:29.243 --> 00:25:36.394
We will give you all some tips and also some organizations that you can reach out to to receive that help.

00:25:36.394 --> 00:25:52.451
So now it's okay, I know that I'm struggling, but maybe what are some more potential signs that maybe me, as a family member, or someone that I see that I care about, may be struggling with their mental health?

00:25:52.451 --> 00:26:07.971
So more signs are, you know, persistence, sadness and hopelessness, which you and I have talked about that in a previous episode where we were talking about struggling with mental health and how we felt that hopelessness feeling.

00:26:07.971 --> 00:26:11.769
You see increased anxiety and worriness.

00:26:11.769 --> 00:26:13.866
There's thoughts of self-harm.

00:26:13.866 --> 00:26:24.653
You withdraw from social activities, which I know for me that's one of my ways to cope was pulling away from social activities.

00:26:24.653 --> 00:26:37.825
Also, increased irritability and anger, excessive guilt or shame, changes in your personal hygiene, excessive guilt or shame, changes in your personal hygiene, which I quickly just want to mention.

00:26:37.845 --> 00:26:58.563
A viral clip, I believe it was on tiktok, of a woman who did not leave her bed for weeks and you just saw all, or you couldn't even see the carpet, because that's how much trash clothes, how much trash clothes, feces.

00:26:58.563 --> 00:26:59.808
She had a dog, so feces, things like that.

00:26:59.808 --> 00:27:01.434
She had a husband too, and her husband was actually recording her.

00:27:01.434 --> 00:27:02.178
He's like why aren't you getting up?

00:27:02.178 --> 00:27:05.967
Why are you so lazy, why are you not doing these things?

00:27:05.967 --> 00:27:10.961
And she could just tell she hasn't moved from that spot on her bed in weeks.

00:27:10.961 --> 00:27:12.964
You could tell but that's a but.

00:27:12.964 --> 00:27:18.394
That's another way of seeing that somebody is struggling with their mental health.

00:27:18.394 --> 00:27:23.852
If you see increased risky behavior and then if you also see changes in personality as well.

00:27:24.579 --> 00:27:39.623
Yeah, and I think how you respond to seeing these signs really matters, because I'm just thinking about if someone is struggling with like clearly those are all signs of struggle, right, or self-loathing, or just that you know there's something happening in that window.

00:27:39.623 --> 00:27:47.385
But is the response to it your partner recording you and putting on social media, or is it right, let me get you help?

00:27:47.385 --> 00:27:55.227
Let's maybe call someone, or let's maybe have a phone call or facilitate an opportunity to get you to like speak to somebody and get some help.

00:27:55.227 --> 00:28:06.606
And so I think how we can support somebody that's going through it is a really key part, because we all need help and need those passion partners to assist, and I know we've both had some situations.

00:28:07.087 --> 00:28:19.117
One thing that immediately came to my mind, as you were saying, like that two-week window, I remember being in college, my freshman year, and we were having a terrible season, like literally bad season.

00:28:19.137 --> 00:28:22.246
I was supposed to be playing, I'm red shirting because I hurt my knee.

00:28:22.246 --> 00:28:25.624
I'm in Seattle and it's going through that gloomy season.

00:28:25.624 --> 00:28:27.593
So it's like gloomy and all those things.

00:28:27.593 --> 00:28:38.127
And I remember going through this period where, like I'm wearing all black clothes, I'm like like wearing my hood up, I'm not really like talking to people Hoodie, mellow vibes, right, and it's like that's not my natural energy.

00:28:38.127 --> 00:28:47.967
But I felt like I was in this like kind of down gloom and doom state, like a fog, a fog, and like I was matching that energy.

00:28:48.079 --> 00:28:49.622
I'm sitting in the back kind of back of class, I'm not really engaged.

00:28:49.622 --> 00:29:00.561
I'm sitting in the back kind of back of class, I'm not really engaged, I'm just kind of going through the motions and just trying to get through and to be able to go back to like my dorm and like be inside Right, like eat and just that was it.

00:29:00.561 --> 00:29:22.121
And so I realized, like in that example too, where you can have different seasons, where you're going through a struggle or a slump and that's a great time, would have known then what I know now to talk to somebody versus it lasting or going through a longer period of depression or sadness or just struggle because you're going through it by yourself.

00:29:23.323 --> 00:29:32.155
You're absolutely correct and I'm glad that you shared that story, and I appreciate you sharing that because I feel like that will also give people insight to into again what does that look like Like?

00:29:32.155 --> 00:29:33.622
What does that look like like?

00:29:33.622 --> 00:29:36.074
What does struggling with your mental health look like?

00:29:36.074 --> 00:29:36.836
And you can?

00:29:36.836 --> 00:29:42.803
There were a couple of things that we mentioned before on the signs right where, um you know, there were some changes in your personality.

00:29:42.803 --> 00:29:49.101
There were, um potentially like increased irritability and anger oh yeah, I used to.

00:29:49.121 --> 00:30:09.617
I used to also like to that moment, like Hoodie Mello, but I used to sit by myself, like me my roommate isolate everybody's eating inside and, like the team eating area, we used to sit like sit outside, just being again isolating myself but not realizing how much mental health had to do with that, versus it's just a swinging mood or I'm just like feeling like this right now.

00:30:10.019 --> 00:30:10.942
Yeah, absolutely.

00:30:10.942 --> 00:30:18.420
And this takes me back instantly to probably when I was struggling with my mental health the most, and that was in middle school.

00:30:18.420 --> 00:30:23.891
You know I just moved from Boston, massachusetts, to Goodyear Arizona.

00:30:24.291 --> 00:30:25.193
Are you in Witness Protection?

00:30:26.080 --> 00:30:31.428
When I say Goodyear and I say where I live, people ask me were you guys in WITSEC Witness Protection?

00:30:31.428 --> 00:30:34.582
It was an extremely rural town, you know.

00:30:34.582 --> 00:30:37.628
There were 23 black students out of how many?

00:30:37.669 --> 00:30:39.272
23 out of how many out of.

00:30:40.281 --> 00:30:42.910
I mean, it was a newer school because, again, this is a very rural area.

00:30:42.910 --> 00:30:47.748
The school was, uh, maybe a year or two.

00:30:47.748 --> 00:30:52.356
Well, by the time I was like at school we just had our first graduating class.

00:30:52.356 --> 00:30:56.708
So again, you're talking very small town, you're talking very rural.

00:30:56.708 --> 00:31:00.018
You know one gas station, there's one.

00:31:00.018 --> 00:31:02.246
The supermarket was 20 minutes away.

00:31:02.246 --> 00:31:04.656
We say we're going down the hill, that's what you'll.

00:31:04.656 --> 00:31:06.241
That was the reference that we used to use.

00:31:06.943 --> 00:31:20.719
And I remember I'm coming from such a diverse you know not only background but then also environment, where I'm in Massachusetts, and then I'm coming to a very rural, almost isolated, uh, you know community.

00:31:20.719 --> 00:31:24.810
And I remember the first day of school I bawled my eyes out.

00:31:24.810 --> 00:31:26.977
I was just I couldn't believe I was here.

00:31:26.977 --> 00:31:29.522
I didn't see anybody that looked like me.

00:31:29.522 --> 00:31:37.221
I was just in a state of this can't be real, Like this can't be life.

00:31:37.260 --> 00:31:43.965
And then, as I was going through school, through middle school and things like that, I had a lot of hopelessness.

00:31:43.965 --> 00:31:46.612
I was thinking to myself I'm never going to get out of here.

00:31:46.612 --> 00:31:53.173
I don't know what it looks like on the other side of this storm right now and I'm in it.

00:31:53.173 --> 00:32:00.892
And I remember I used to self-isolate to cope, which now I realize that's literally one of the worst things that you can do is to self-isolate.

00:32:00.892 --> 00:32:05.612
I used to also be very angry.

00:32:05.612 --> 00:32:08.167
I used to be tired all the time.

00:32:08.167 --> 00:32:13.631
The fatigue would set in and I knew something was wrong, but I didn't know how to get help.

00:32:13.819 --> 00:32:24.893
I also didn't feel like I was in a family unit that would allow me to have a safe space to to tell somebody these feelings, and so I just felt alone.

00:32:24.893 --> 00:32:31.863
I felt by myself, there's nobody to talk to, it's only me, Um, and I have to get through this, but I don't know how.

00:32:31.863 --> 00:32:34.230
I'm in middle school, I don't have the resources.

00:32:34.230 --> 00:32:41.829
Mental health back in this was what two early two thousands that was not even mentioned.

00:32:41.829 --> 00:32:42.411
It wasn't really.

00:32:42.411 --> 00:32:47.651
It wasn't talked about almost at all Like it is now Um, and so I remember I can like.

00:32:47.651 --> 00:33:02.551
As soon as we started talking about mental health, my mind instantly went back to that and I was not myself, Like my personality was not necessarily myself, and I just remember it was such a struggle, but I just didn't feel like I had anyone to talk to or or express how I was feeling.

00:33:03.032 --> 00:33:20.106
And you know something that you mentioned there, cause I think back to the stats you talked about of that 14 years old and under being like a key age in middle school, and I think back, my biggest struggles, like you said, were also under that 14 age range, where you feel like man.

00:33:20.106 --> 00:33:34.789
These are such big emotions and for me I was a little bit of a different student than maybe the average, like I would have done much better, like being hands on, like I enjoyed recess, lunch, like school ending versus like being in class.

00:33:34.789 --> 00:33:39.310
I'm like looking at the clock, I feel like the walls are shrinking, palms are sweaty and things like that.

00:33:39.310 --> 00:33:45.954
But it was just me wanting to like kind of thinking a little bit differently and my approach is a little bit different.

00:33:45.954 --> 00:33:57.922
But how teachers and schools responded to that, especially when I was in middle school, sixth, seventh grade, being at a private school at a church in right outside of Detroit.

00:33:58.002 --> 00:33:59.807
But share more of that story yeah.

00:33:59.827 --> 00:34:06.633
So basically you know, I'm a new student at a grade, coming in in sixth grade at a school FCA.

00:34:06.633 --> 00:34:14.871
It was at a huge like at a mega church Word of Faith right outside of Detroit in Southfield, and I remember my parents being so excited that I got into this school.

00:34:14.871 --> 00:34:16.894
Thank you, jesus Pulled the car over.

00:34:16.894 --> 00:34:19.278
Thank you, jesus, he's got to this school.

00:34:19.278 --> 00:34:20.099
It's going to be so great.

00:34:20.099 --> 00:34:21.831
You know uniforms, all of the things.

00:34:21.831 --> 00:34:22.813
Good school.

00:34:33.025 --> 00:34:35.251
It was predominantly black, like all black, which was a very different experience than what you had.

00:34:35.251 --> 00:34:38.523
But what I realized was that my class that I was coming into, everybody had been together from K-5 all the way through middle school.

00:34:38.523 --> 00:34:48.998
So I'm coming in as the outsider, as the new person that doesn't know the flow and how the school operates, and it was like a little bit military in some ways on how they wanted you to like be you.

00:34:48.998 --> 00:34:52.168
They say jump, you say how high, you're not talking back, you're not.

00:34:52.168 --> 00:34:54.856
You know they can hit you with the ruler and like things like that.

00:34:54.856 --> 00:35:08.032
And for me I just I wasn't that kid, I was the kid that was asking second, third level questions, things that might've seemed like I was trying to be funny or like do more talking.

00:35:08.032 --> 00:35:09.476
It was just me being myself.

00:35:09.476 --> 00:35:15.112
But how that was responded to was like this kid is a troublemaker, he wants to be the class clown.

00:35:15.112 --> 00:35:16.838
We're going to kick him out of class.

00:35:17.306 --> 00:35:19.411
I remember my mental health getting so bad.

00:35:19.411 --> 00:35:24.188
To get out of class I used to staple my fingers just staple my as a kid.

00:35:24.188 --> 00:35:24.610
Staple my finger.

00:35:24.610 --> 00:35:26.639
Tell the teacher that my you know I staple my fingers, just staple my as a kid.

00:35:26.639 --> 00:35:27.001
Staple my finger.

00:35:27.001 --> 00:35:31.653
Tell the teacher that my you know I staple my finger on accident just to go down to the nurse's office.

00:35:31.653 --> 00:35:43.074
I walk the halls for I would get me out for like an hour or so but like thinking about how bad that was and like self-harm is like obviously really bad, but not realizing like what's happening.

00:35:43.074 --> 00:35:46.530
Why is our, why are these behaviors happening?

00:35:46.530 --> 00:35:53.326
And I remember it got to the point where I'm getting in trouble, I'm getting, you know spanked beat at home for my behaviors at school.

00:35:53.746 --> 00:35:57.407
And then I'm at school and they used to like do things like put me down in the lost and found.

00:35:57.407 --> 00:36:00.215
Yeah, they, I'll never forget, they put me down in the lost and found.

00:36:00.215 --> 00:36:05.791
It's dark, it's like the basement of the church, basically, and my day is spent me just sorting the lost and found.

00:36:05.791 --> 00:36:07.134
You know fate.

00:36:07.134 --> 00:36:09.577
They just face my desk towards the wall.

00:36:09.597 --> 00:36:19.871
I used to eat by my eat lunch by myself, facing the wall, like things like that that aren't good for a kid because mentally, um, it made me definitely feel by myself, but also it made me act out.

00:36:19.871 --> 00:36:28.960
So when people talk about like um, you know, you kind of put someone in a cage, whether it's a pet or whatever, and it's like man, you know you kind of put someone in a cage, whether it's a pet or whatever, and it's like man, you put that, you know.

00:36:28.960 --> 00:36:32.833
You know, put someone in the cage or like lock them in somewhere and now when they get out, they're acting out.

00:36:32.833 --> 00:36:37.135
How do you think I acted when I'm not in that situation or when I come home?

00:36:37.135 --> 00:36:46.715
And so I think about that, because that was definitely my biggest like struggle time Mental health wise, wasn't at middle school time and it was so pivotal.

00:36:47.079 --> 00:37:04.280
I'm just grateful that I overcame it and didn't succumb to like greater, you know issues correct and you know we've mentioned this in a previous episode and you know we it's always difficult for us to talk about, but during that time that we're that we're talking about.

00:37:04.280 --> 00:37:05.992
So when you were talking about stapling your fingers, I used to fight.

00:37:05.992 --> 00:37:06.976
That was one way, that time that we're talking about.

00:37:06.976 --> 00:37:08.083
So, when you were talking about stapling your fingers, I used to fight.

00:37:08.083 --> 00:37:15.068
That was one way that I would be able to like get out of class and just be out of this environment was to just start a fight.

00:37:16.692 --> 00:37:16.992
And people.

00:37:16.992 --> 00:37:19.878
I'm going to be honest I feel like some people couldn't see you fighting.

00:37:19.898 --> 00:37:20.378
I know they couldn't.

00:37:21.659 --> 00:37:22.880
But they don't know you heavy-handed though.

00:37:22.900 --> 00:37:24.280
That's right, I get it from my mama.

00:37:24.280 --> 00:37:27.543
You're definitely heavy-handed for sure I am, but I used to fight to get out of the club.

00:37:28.347 --> 00:37:29.210
She doesn't hit me, y'all.

00:37:29.210 --> 00:37:30.755
I said you're heavy-handed.

00:37:30.755 --> 00:37:34.072
Somebody in the comments is like Kurt, do you need a safe place?

00:37:34.072 --> 00:37:36.893
No, I'm in a safe place, I promise, but you are heavy-handed.

00:37:46.224 --> 00:37:46.304
I am.

00:37:46.304 --> 00:37:46.625
That's true.

00:37:46.625 --> 00:37:47.385
That's true, that's power lifter.

00:37:47.385 --> 00:37:49.407
That's power lifter in your jeans, both my arms right now.

00:37:49.427 --> 00:38:12.137
So, yes, so I know, for for both of us, during that time where we were struggling the most you know we've talked about this in a previous episode, but we did struggle with, you know, suicidal ideations as well during that time and, um, you know we've we've talked about what that looked like for both of us in the sense of, again, the hopelessness was so strong for both of us.

00:38:12.137 --> 00:38:18.237
I literally remember I used to dream about how can I run away, how can I get out of this situation?

00:38:18.237 --> 00:38:19.521
I have nobody to call?

00:38:19.521 --> 00:38:23.552
Like, okay, I'm just going to pack up this bag with these items.

00:38:23.552 --> 00:38:25.297
I need to have food, I need to have water.

00:38:25.297 --> 00:38:34.356
It's going to take me to get from here down the hill, it's going to take me this amount of time, and then how am I going to get from the hill to the freeway to try to get picked up?

00:38:34.356 --> 00:38:44.336
Like I used to think about that being in middle school, but you know, those are, um, it's hard to talk about, even though we're on the other end of it, like we're.

00:38:44.336 --> 00:38:46.900
You know, we've gone through that storm, we see the rainbow.

00:38:47.320 --> 00:38:49.483
But I know something, even two things for me.

00:38:49.483 --> 00:38:54.760
So number one I know that genetically, depression runs in my family as well.

00:38:54.760 --> 00:39:00.653
So anxiety and depression, which both fall under that, you know mental illness or you know mental health.

00:39:00.653 --> 00:39:06.675
And not even two years ago, you know, I was going through a spout of depression.

00:39:06.675 --> 00:39:08.552
I just lost my grandmother unexpectedly.

00:39:08.552 --> 00:39:11.052
We had a lot of things also happening personally.

00:39:11.052 --> 00:39:21.159
I'm changing personally and there were, you know, I'm getting bombarded with a lot of maybe feelings, behaviors, emotions that I was avoiding.

00:39:21.159 --> 00:39:42.030
And that's also where I realized, you know and talked about in therapy, that I have in some cases avoidant behavior which can also lead to some of those mental health struggles, and so also realizing, like depression is not something, that it's more common than you think, you know, I know for me just some signs that I knew that I was in.

00:39:42.110 --> 00:39:50.548
It was I'm, I'm not well, I'm not motivated for the day I was holding onto a lot of inflammation in my body.

00:39:50.548 --> 00:39:53.054
I'm just, I'm apathetic.

00:39:53.054 --> 00:39:59.757
I could, I don't really have care, I don't have, I can't see the next day.

00:39:59.757 --> 00:40:02.144
Really, I'm just like I'm just going through the motions.

00:40:02.144 --> 00:40:14.128
It's a lot of mindlessness is what I noticed there, but something else that we also have in common, too, was our body dysmorphia, and I didn't realize that that was categorized as a mental illness.

00:40:14.188 --> 00:40:22.021
But when I thought about my mentality when I am, when I was at the height of my struggle with it, it's all I thought about.

00:40:22.021 --> 00:40:35.434
When you say, when we go back to like the definition of the mental illness, the disorders that significantly affect your mood, thinking and behavior, it's all I thought about was how does my body look?

00:40:35.434 --> 00:40:42.594
How does if I eat this, then it might make me bloated and I'm not going to look good in this and I have this little pudge right here.

00:40:42.594 --> 00:40:47.945
But meanwhile I'm getting, you know, dms and messages and all these things, and people are like body goals and all of these things.

00:40:47.945 --> 00:40:49.692
I'm saying how are my body goals?

00:40:49.692 --> 00:40:53.472
My body looks like this, yeah, no, but it's to your point.

00:40:53.804 --> 00:40:58.036
It's how, not just how other people see you, but how you feel and how you see yourself.

00:40:58.036 --> 00:41:00.373
That is such an important part.

00:41:00.373 --> 00:41:09.550
And dealing with that feedback of wait, how do I feel right now?

00:41:09.550 --> 00:41:13.246
Right, and then, how am I internalizing those moments, those experiences or those thoughts and I appreciate you sharing that too, about.

00:41:13.246 --> 00:41:38.512
You know the struggles that we've had and how, um, it's impacted both of us, because I know we always say that we're we're able to have these conversations and the reason we talk about it is because it's not easy and also we want to be able to help, even if it's one person, not go through what we went through, or know that you're not alone or that you know there's this world where mental health isn't really talked about until it's too late, exactly, and I feel like I'm so grateful.

00:41:39.324 --> 00:41:41.248
You know you mentioned mentorship and that you have a.

00:41:41.248 --> 00:41:45.253
You know a mentee, a little in the Big, the big brothers, big sisters program, who you know.

00:41:45.253 --> 00:41:57.813
You talk about mentorship, and then I think about my one of my mentees who's now in college, but I started mentoring him when he was in eighth grade and it was so crazy how similar, although different times, different ages, everything.

00:41:57.813 --> 00:42:05.572
I'm in a different stage where now I'm becoming a mentor, but my mentee is dealing with similar struggles under the age of 14, dealing with mental health.

00:42:05.572 --> 00:42:11.699
Unfortunately, his dad you know that was, you know was his dad succumbed to suicide.

00:42:11.699 --> 00:42:15.130
So he was dealing with those thoughts and that mental health struggle.

00:42:15.130 --> 00:42:28.469
And so I just think about that and it's like, man, what if I didn't go through what I went through to be able to have the timing to be a blessing or to help or maybe to even just listen to somebody else that needs it you know what I mean which is so important.

00:42:28.909 --> 00:42:34.184
Absolutely, and so I really appreciate you sharing your experiences.

00:42:34.184 --> 00:42:59.896
I think a lot of people are going to be shocked, yes, by both of our experiences, but you know when you start, when you start talking about teachers locking you in rooms and you know facing walls and and things like that, when you're supposed to be in a you know kind of community space and this is at a church and this is at a church, but also can we also, you know, in the black community as well for both of us again, we talked about this in a previous episode what is church for?

00:43:00.739 --> 00:43:02.483
like churches, church is therapy.

00:43:02.483 --> 00:43:06.275
That is where you go to have some sort of spiritual therapy.

00:43:06.275 --> 00:43:10.617
But then we said that it can be therapeutic but it's not therapy.

00:43:10.617 --> 00:43:17.965
It's not that professional help that you do need if that's something that you feel like I'm having a hard time coping 100%.

00:43:18.065 --> 00:43:30.416
And to that point too, I know something that was a struggle for me, because in the black community, like the church can't do and for a lot of times and a lot of situations the church can't do any wrong- that's right, no wrong, no wrong.

00:43:30.704 --> 00:43:40.376
And I know, for me as a kid it was hard because I would House of God I'm, but the difference is is that yes, it's the house of God, but everyone that's there are still human.

00:43:41.005 --> 00:43:47.358
So there's that human element and I know the struggle for me was that I'm expressing to my parents like hey, I didn't do that.

00:43:47.358 --> 00:43:58.380
Or they're saying I did something in school, I'm getting in trouble or I'm the scapegoat for some of these situations at school now, because I'm considered as like I was being viewed as a troublemaker or those things.

00:43:58.380 --> 00:44:05.659
And because it's a church school that played into, like my parents being like no, like the school's got to be right.

00:44:05.659 --> 00:44:12.371
Played into like my parents being like, nah, like the school's got to be right, like this is a church, right, they get, you know they're, they're of the cloth, or like you know, clearly, this is something it was you and I'm like man, I don't have.

00:44:12.371 --> 00:44:15.581
Clearly the school is has it out from there.

00:44:15.581 --> 00:44:17.389
They're making me out to be a bad guy.

00:44:17.389 --> 00:44:20.605
I'm telling my parents and they're like, no, why would the school be wrong?

00:44:20.605 --> 00:44:25.014
They're saying this and you feel like you have nowhere to go or no outlet.

00:44:25.014 --> 00:44:26.606
You know, not heard, right, not heard.

00:44:26.626 --> 00:44:27.771
We've talked about this before.

00:44:27.771 --> 00:44:30.846
We're in every relationship, even when you're 14 years old.

00:44:30.846 --> 00:44:32.690
I want to be seen, heard and valued.

00:44:32.690 --> 00:44:34.474
Correct, you know, and I'm not being.

00:44:34.474 --> 00:44:36.887
You're not seeing, potentially, the signs.

00:44:36.887 --> 00:44:47.438
Right, I'm not being heard, although I'm telling you, and that's why I always just want to challenge parents that, no matter at what age, your kids are so much smarter than you think.

00:44:47.438 --> 00:45:04.255
If you have the conversations with your kids in a way that they also understand, allow them to ask you the tough questions, give them the space to be able to be themselves, but then also tell you when they're struggling and when they tell you believe them.

00:45:04.255 --> 00:45:15.414
I can't tell you the amount of times that I've heard you know people that are our age that I'm just having a conversation with, just saying I told my parents and they didn't believe me, and how sad is that.

00:45:15.414 --> 00:45:24.128
And then also, as the child, you now feel I have nobody or I now need to look somewhere else, and that looking somewhere else can lead to maybe risky behavior.

00:45:24.128 --> 00:45:26.570
Right, where we can, you know, start getting into that?

00:45:27.974 --> 00:45:32.539
Now let's talk about ways to improve your mental health.

00:45:32.539 --> 00:45:35.032
Right, we've talked about what is mental health.

00:45:35.032 --> 00:45:36.976
How do you know if you're struggling with it.

00:45:36.976 --> 00:45:38.568
What are the potential signs?

00:45:38.568 --> 00:45:43.268
We also mentioned some of our own personal struggles, but what are some ways that we can improve our mental health?

00:45:43.268 --> 00:45:53.275
One, first and foremost, is identifying unhealthy coping mechanisms right, so that drinking the smoking if you're having medicine as well.

00:45:53.275 --> 00:45:57.034
Right Prescription drugs overeating something as simple as that.

00:45:57.034 --> 00:46:01.036
Or if there's social withdrawals, which that was something that I was mentioning before.

00:46:01.244 --> 00:46:04.530
And I just want to pause on overeating and I didn't mean to cut you off, but like that can be such a big one.

00:46:04.530 --> 00:46:06.664
And I'm want to pause on overeating and I didn't mean to cut you off, but like that can be such a big one.

00:46:06.664 --> 00:46:10.976
And I'm even thinking about for myself because of the emotions around food.

00:46:11.385 --> 00:46:11.666
Yeah.

00:46:11.826 --> 00:46:13.851
Oh man, you're like you know if.

00:46:13.851 --> 00:46:15.175
I'm having a bad day, man?

00:46:15.175 --> 00:46:15.976
What am I about to eat?

00:46:15.976 --> 00:46:17.271
I'm having a good day.

00:46:17.271 --> 00:46:18.378
How am I about to celebrate?

00:46:18.378 --> 00:46:19.184
What am I about to eat?

00:46:19.184 --> 00:46:22.052
If it's a birthday or a celebration, what are we about to eat?

00:46:22.052 --> 00:46:39.836
Right, and so a lot of times, that mindset, that fixation can drive you towards those cravings or to those foods being like I'm finding joy in that my friend food is my friend food is making me feel it's my happy place, my happy place yeah, but it's not mental.

00:46:39.856 --> 00:46:47.190
That's not the mental health solution to get to the root of maybe, like what are you struggling with or what are you maybe running from or running towards right?

00:46:47.210 --> 00:46:48.152
now Correct, right.

00:46:48.152 --> 00:46:57.253
So identifying that too is a main piece, because once you can identify that you're struggling, then we can start making some progress in the ways of how to improve that.

00:46:57.253 --> 00:47:01.005
So the next one is, you know, getting physically active.

00:47:01.005 --> 00:47:14.255
Or what we like to say is our philosophy that we've also trademarked for Cup Leaf Fit, which is SWAN, which stands for sleep, water, activity and nutrition, and just doing a little bit more in each category per day.

00:47:14.255 --> 00:47:18.856
You know, if you were able to sleep five hours yesterday, try to sleep five and a half today.

00:47:18.856 --> 00:47:20.030
Same on the.

00:47:20.030 --> 00:47:26.657
You know, physical activity If you were able to get a 10-minute in, try to get a 30 minute walk in.

00:47:26.657 --> 00:47:39.190
Right, Just little small changes, because nature is going to change the way that you think, it's going to get your endorphins going and it's going to be able to help you cope better when you're also out of your environment.

00:47:39.250 --> 00:47:46.695
Yeah, and activity, I would say too, that would be one for me, like we're in health and wellness and activity is a part of our daily life and our routine.

00:47:47.115 --> 00:48:28.778
But when I think back to the under 14 and the middle school days, activity and sports is really what saved my life, because that recess, that playing ball, that plans, that's when I was able to let it all like, basically let it all go right, have fun, like kind of all your cares go into the wind and I'm not worried about the school stuff, I'm not worried about like I'm just having fun or just playing ball and I think, getting back to that space, even as an adult, that might be walking your dog, that might be jumping in a rec league or playing basketball at the park, softball, volleyball, like whatever it is, or if it's just you individually going out and getting fresh air, but there's so many benefits of the sun shining on your face, just getting moving, which we didn't say workout.

00:48:28.778 --> 00:48:31.170
You don't have to go run a marathon, it can literally be.

00:48:31.170 --> 00:48:36.574
I just went and walked around the block, but that makes such a big impact on your mental health and wellness.

00:48:37.045 --> 00:48:38.371
Yes, huge, huge impact.

00:48:38.371 --> 00:48:50.692
And I'm actually glad that you brought up that sports reference because, as we're mentioning, that was an outlet for us and so for me, playing volleyball, I used to get all of my anger out, like I couldn't wait to slam a ball.

00:48:50.692 --> 00:48:52.552
I was trying to hit people in the face.

00:48:52.552 --> 00:48:53.025
I'm trying to.

00:48:53.025 --> 00:49:02.793
You know, I just couldn't wait to get on the court and just get all of this anger and anxiety, everything that was feeling so overwhelming at the time.

00:49:02.793 --> 00:49:04.452
I channeled it there.

00:49:04.452 --> 00:49:12.992
But, interesting enough, something I'm realizing now is like, oh, how find a way to, to re-channel that?

00:49:12.992 --> 00:49:18.932
Because, you know, not necessarily playing sports in the magnitude that we did before, how do you channel that anger now?

00:49:18.932 --> 00:49:22.992
Right, and that's something else that we can talk about a little bit later to your point with channeling that anger.

00:49:23.112 --> 00:49:25.387
You know we mentioned like that eighth grade, that middle school.

00:49:25.387 --> 00:49:34.222
I remember freshman year of high school yes, yes, my first day of football and again letting out that aggression anger sports was how I did it.

00:49:34.302 --> 00:49:48.630
and so I remember my freshman year of high school and this is at a you know top high school, uh, in Michigan for football, and they sent me out there with the rest of the freshmen, first day in pads, and they were like all right, we're doing tackling drills, kurt, we're gonna line you up here, put another kid.

00:49:48.630 --> 00:49:57.038
My first tackle, first play, I broke a kid's collarbone and they were like we got to send him to the other field, like you can't be over here with a freshman.

00:49:57.038 --> 00:49:59.773
You got to go over to the JV and the varsity players.

00:49:59.773 --> 00:50:07.476
But I realized like it wasn't just because I was big and strong, it was that aggression and those things that I was dealing with from home and from school.

00:50:07.804 --> 00:50:12.469
Right, and you're not trying to hurt anybody, it's just Well, no, I was.

00:50:12.670 --> 00:50:18.539
I mean, I had some ill intentions but it was like it's where you let is where I was able to let that out.

00:50:18.539 --> 00:50:28.465
But to your point, when you stop playing sports and you're no longer playing football and a lot of times for me it is working out, it is me pushing myself strength training.

00:50:28.465 --> 00:50:44.588
I try to push myself to that point of like failure, to that point of challenge, so that I I reached that point in a controlled environment, versus like you're at work and you're, you know, going off the deep end on somebody and it's like dang what happened?

00:50:44.628 --> 00:50:45.893
It's better to do that in the gym.

00:50:46.054 --> 00:50:49.507
Yes, okay, yes or yeah, whatever space that looks like for you.

00:50:49.507 --> 00:50:53.556
Uh, so the next one is build and maintain meaningful relationships.

00:50:54.746 --> 00:50:57.588
That's so important, so important, so powerful the relationships in your circle.

00:50:57.588 --> 00:50:58.532
They say your circle.

00:50:59.494 --> 00:51:00.175
Show me your circle.

00:51:00.425 --> 00:51:02.012
Show me your circle, I'll show you your future.

00:51:02.012 --> 00:51:06.693
So if you look at the people you spend the five people you spend the most time around.

00:51:06.693 --> 00:51:09.985
If they're all successful, you'll be the fifth or the sixth Correct.

00:51:09.985 --> 00:51:20.806
If they're all not successful, or if they're all heading the wrong direction, guess successful.

00:51:20.806 --> 00:51:21.329
Or if they're all heading the wrong direction, guess where they're going to pull you.

00:51:21.329 --> 00:51:27.588
And so that space and that energy is so important in knowing who are the people that fill up your tank almost like a gas tank, where you feel more refueled and more energized, versus who's draining you and feels like you're on E or like man.

00:51:27.588 --> 00:51:29.315
I just talked to them and I'm on fumes.

00:51:29.315 --> 00:51:31.106
Those are people you got to move away from.

00:51:31.387 --> 00:51:32.507
Absolutely and to your point.

00:51:32.527 --> 00:51:34.471
I mean the amount of kids that we've talked to.

00:51:34.471 --> 00:51:48.847
We do a lot of work with at-risk youth that say I didn't want to do that but because I was getting peer pressured, which, as we've all been peer pressured, and it's so strong in that moment that you feel like you have to do it.

00:51:48.847 --> 00:52:07.889
When you realize if you just sit in that uncomfortability for, honestly, I think the stat said five to 10 seconds you'll get over that hump of the uncomfortability and get back into the authenticity of yourself, which is I don't want to do that and I actually know that that's not good or that's a bad behavior and that's not who I am.

00:52:07.889 --> 00:52:08.813
I'm not going to do that.

00:52:08.813 --> 00:52:30.380
How many people have we heard that have gotten into trouble, you know, and and some even going to juvie right, some even going and literally being behind bars because they made this decision that they didn't want to make, because they were around people that were pressuring them in the wrong ways or made them feel as if you know, you have to do this in order to be this person.

00:52:30.505 --> 00:52:34.411
I appreciate you saying that about the peer pressure in the circle, because I always like to say the same.

00:52:34.431 --> 00:52:44.112
That know, I've got friends that got degrees, phds, llcs and felonies and felonies, and so the difference is a fine line between all of those categories.

00:52:44.112 --> 00:52:46.307
Sometimes it's just who you were hanging out with.

00:52:46.307 --> 00:52:48.958
I mean, one of my friends was a dynamic athlete.

00:52:48.958 --> 00:52:51.427
I'm talking about crazy vertical leap he could.

00:52:51.427 --> 00:52:59.300
He was one of the only people I've ever seen jump up and can touch the top of the backboard, not the rim, I'm not talking about the rim, the top of the backboard.

00:52:59.300 --> 00:53:05.925
But with the wrong group of people you know out and about late night someone wants to make some in that middle school age.

00:53:06.025 --> 00:53:10.949
Right, this is more like early 20s, so early 20s, 19, 20 years old.

00:53:10.949 --> 00:53:21.378
With the wrong crowd, he's one of the younger guys in the group but they try to make a quick money type of decision and he's still serving a 15 to 30-year sentence right now.

00:53:21.378 --> 00:53:24.922
And I'm talking about I message him, we talk via J-Pay and those things.

00:53:24.922 --> 00:53:38.135
But the reality of that and now the years and what he's trying to claim back from a couple of decisions where, if you would have took that five to 10 seconds to think about, wait, the peer pressure weight, I don't even are these long-term?

00:53:38.175 --> 00:53:40.159
friends Is this it's not worth it.

00:53:40.179 --> 00:53:40.780
It's not worth it.

00:53:40.780 --> 00:53:47.509
It's not worth, you know, 15 years of my life.

00:53:47.509 --> 00:53:48.050
Nothing is nothing.

00:53:48.050 --> 00:53:50.679
Come on now, um, and so, interesting enough, this goes right into the next tip of change your outlet outlook.

00:53:51.963 --> 00:53:52.105
Yeah.

00:53:52.885 --> 00:53:55.894
Goes into my next question of change your outlook.

00:53:55.894 --> 00:54:16.804
So that can look like reframing your life's challenges, right, and saying that this is happening to me, but I have the opportunity to then change the way that I think about this and say, although this is a challenge that's happening right now, I can seek the professional help that I need to get through this challenge.

00:54:16.804 --> 00:54:25.445
I know that this is not going to last right, the five minutes, the five days, the five years right, it's not going to last.

00:54:25.445 --> 00:54:29.936
And also being able to in some way tap into some positivity, right.

00:54:29.936 --> 00:54:32.268
So I know for you what you also like to do too.

00:54:32.268 --> 00:54:35.137
Is you like to also watch motivational videos on YouTube?

00:54:39.445 --> 00:54:41.429
Yeah, and it's a, it's a huge one for me to motivational uh, you know, david Goggins is a huge one.

00:54:41.429 --> 00:54:42.012
Shout out to David Goggins.

00:54:42.012 --> 00:54:55.460
But being able to hear that inspiration, and sometimes, when you're feeling down or I'm feeling, uh, cause we can have those woe is me moments, I don't want to do it today, I don't want to have, I don't want to work today, I don't want to work out but to hear that inspiration and motivation from whoever it is.

00:54:55.460 --> 00:55:00.905
It could be a movie, sometimes it is, sometimes it's just me watching Gladiator and I'm like are you not entertained?

00:55:00.905 --> 00:55:01.827
Are you not entertained?

00:55:01.827 --> 00:55:05.657
I'm ready, right, and so you know, find that inspiration wherever you can.

00:55:06.164 --> 00:55:06.525
Absolutely.

00:55:06.525 --> 00:55:12.572
I know something for me, too, when we talk about changing your outlook, I say that I'm a recovering perfectionist.

00:55:12.572 --> 00:55:16.335
That's something that I need to work on and get better at.

00:55:16.335 --> 00:55:29.454
And going back to one of my favorite books by Dr Brene Brown, which is Daring Greatly, she mentions that perfectionism is actually not about being perfect for yourself.

00:55:29.454 --> 00:55:30.860
It's being perfect for others, and that goes into people pleasing.

00:55:30.860 --> 00:55:51.235
And if we talk about people pleasing and mental health, when I tell you that a lot of struggles I've had have come around trying to please other people, trying to do things for other people and make them feel safe, comfortable, and not realizing that how much of a detriment that was to myself.

00:55:51.235 --> 00:55:57.657
And lastly, a way to improve your mental health is to develop a stress relief toolkit.

00:55:57.657 --> 00:55:59.268
I love this.

00:55:59.268 --> 00:56:12.757
I think this is because we talked about this similarly to physical health too, of having a sort of toolkit that you can access, and so it can be something like meditating, journaling, getting into nature, which we've already mentioned.

00:56:12.757 --> 00:56:13.380
I know.

00:56:13.440 --> 00:56:15.025
For me, I love herbal tea.

00:56:15.025 --> 00:56:19.467
That is a ritual that I do every morning, even this morning.

00:56:19.467 --> 00:56:20.190
I asked you today.

00:56:20.190 --> 00:56:21.114
I said do you want a tea?00:56:21.114 --> 00:56:27.978


And I really enjoy the calmness of making the tea and how that brings down my stress levels.00:56:27.978 --> 00:56:31.114


And then also it can also be like getting a massage.00:56:31.114 --> 00:56:41.112


And now, if you're in a relationship, okay, that's a great way to say, hey, um, stress relief toolkit, boo, I need you to come and give me a nice massage here.00:56:41.112 --> 00:56:45.356


Uh, that can be a great way to also help with the stress and one of the things that come to my mind.00:56:45.376 --> 00:56:50.304


so all of the things that you mentioned we do and I'm glad that I'm like man, make sure I'm checking those things off the list.00:56:50.304 --> 00:56:55.905


But also I like to use a stress ball, like if I'm in meetings or I'm feeling busy, I'll just have the stress ball.00:56:55.905 --> 00:57:05.233


Sometimes it's anxious, like not jumping in or like thinking about I'm getting ready to present, I'll have that little stress ball and I've got them like kind of placed different spots.00:57:05.233 --> 00:57:07.492


But it could be something small like that that can make a difference.00:57:08.164 --> 00:57:09.489


Yes, and you actually collect those.00:57:11.735 --> 00:57:12.215


Fun fact.00:57:12.525 --> 00:57:13.952


Yeah, it's fun with the stress balls.00:57:13.952 --> 00:57:17.166


Okay now.00:57:17.166 --> 00:57:18.429


So fun fact, yeah, it's fun with the stress balls, okay.00:57:18.429 --> 00:57:20.335


Now you know we've talked about a plethora of things when it comes to mental health.00:57:20.335 --> 00:57:24.210


But now what are some ways to get help if you know that you're struggling?00:57:24.210 --> 00:57:26.916


So first and foremost is to talk to someone you trust.00:57:26.916 --> 00:57:35.409


That can be family and friends, that can be a religious leader, that can also be a mental health professional, which can be a counselor, a psychiatrist.00:57:35.409 --> 00:57:37.952


It can also be a mental health professional which can be a counselor, a psychiatrist.00:57:37.952 --> 00:57:40.253


It can also be specialized mental health centers as well.00:57:41.376 --> 00:57:51.088


And when we talk about someone that you can trust, you know we always talk about even with business, right, people buy into you because they also they know like and trust you.00:57:51.088 --> 00:57:56.878


So find somebody that you feel safe with first and foremost you feel safe with first and foremost, and second, that you know you can't.00:57:56.878 --> 00:58:04.949


You don't have to kind of pour your whole heart out in like your first session, right?00:58:04.949 --> 00:58:13.635


If it takes you a couple of times to maybe warm up because this is a new topic or a new area that you're expressing to somebody, it's okay if it's multiple meetings, unless you do need the help.00:58:13.635 --> 00:58:26.876


It's critical and you need the help now, then that may be an opportunity to go to like a therapist or a counselor, but just talking to someone that you can trust is a great way to start helping yourself improve your mental health.00:58:27.336 --> 00:58:37.708


Yeah, and if you're wondering who is it that I can trust or who can I share it with, I would say it's somebody that when you've shared something with them in the past, you haven't felt like dang.00:58:37.748 --> 00:58:40.789


I told you that Now everybody knows, everybody knows, or you judged me?00:58:41.090 --> 00:58:45.195


Correct, and so that's a little tip that can help you just be like okay, this might be the right person.00:58:45.195 --> 00:58:53.670


Or they didn't judge you, or they didn't tell your business to everybody, or they're just a good listener, or they're someone that you feel like is a confidant, or someone that's close.00:58:53.670 --> 00:58:58.418


That's always great, but again, these aren't someone that substitutes for a mental health professional.00:58:58.418 --> 00:59:00.701


This is just a way that you're not internalizing.00:59:02.465 --> 00:59:02.826


Internalizing?00:59:02.826 --> 00:59:06.114


Yes, yes, because that's where you know the suicidal ideations can then come in.00:59:06.114 --> 00:59:08.969


You know, I have nobody, I can't talk to anybody.00:59:09.431 --> 00:59:10.275


Nobody cares.00:59:10.766 --> 00:59:36.617


Nobody cares, and that's when you can start thinking of those extreme options, and so we just want you to know that you can talk to somebody that you do trust and that also, you are here for a reason and absolutely you being here and I think about that for me, you know, having my mentee right, and I'm like man Duke, if I didn't go through what I went through, how would I be able to maybe help him the way that I can as a mentor now, or even you as a mentor now?00:59:36.617 --> 00:59:43.702


So if you're in, if you're listening and you're in that situation where maybe you're struggling or you're wondering if, like, is it worth it to keep going?00:59:43.702 --> 00:59:51.150


Definitely keep going, because there's somebody that's going to be looking to you as motivation, as inspiration or as a reason to not give up.00:59:51.530 --> 00:59:52.492


Absolutely and quickly.00:59:52.492 --> 01:00:14.978


Just going back to when you talked about trust and family and friends, religious leaders, if I don't want people to be discouraged if you tell somebody and they don't maybe have the reaction that you're looking for continue to reach out to somebody, continue to try to seek that help and don't give up.01:00:14.978 --> 01:00:20.320


And that goes right into kind of what you were mentioning is don't give up, there is somebody that does want to help you.01:00:20.320 --> 01:00:32.349


They just it just may take a couple of people to kind of get through and realize, okay, they weren't necessarily the, the ones that I may trust or I thought that I could, but now I'm just going to go and talk to somebody else.01:00:32.610 --> 01:00:34.916


And you started off and you gave the example of the weather.01:00:34.916 --> 01:00:37.101


And talk to somebody else.01:00:37.101 --> 01:00:44.179


And you started off and you gave the example of the weather and I think for someone or anyone that's going through a storm right now or is in the midst of the rain, know that that rainbow is on the other side.01:00:44.179 --> 01:00:49.393


It is so you can find a rainbow in the clouds, but you have to keep looking and keep going and not give up.01:00:49.735 --> 01:00:52.867


Absolutely, and so then, if you feel like you have someone that you can talk to, that's excellent.01:00:52.867 --> 01:00:55.369


But then, if you feel like you have someone that you can talk to, that's excellent.01:00:55.369 --> 01:00:58.972


But then, if you don't right, you can utilize online resources.01:00:58.972 --> 01:01:05.719


The great thing about most of us having a cell phone, which is what we were talking about earlier right, how do we use our resources?01:01:05.719 --> 01:01:08.360


And we can use it by visiting Psychology.01:01:08.360 --> 01:01:19.974


Today they have a find a therapist tool, so you can find a therapist in your local market type, in your city, your state, your zip code and it will pop, you know, populate therapists for you.01:01:19.974 --> 01:01:21.418


So that's a great opportunity.01:01:21.418 --> 01:01:24.291


There's also findtreatmentgov.01:01:24.711 --> 01:01:36.014


I do understand with the government right now, especially in America, we are maybe not as trusting, but if we can have at least a service that has some sort of treatment options, it's just an option.01:01:36.014 --> 01:01:42.306


If you, if that's something that you're interested in If you have insurance, reach out to your insurance company.01:01:42.306 --> 01:01:48.871


I know that's something that we also did as well was reach out to our insurance company, who is in our network, where our insurance will cover.01:01:48.871 --> 01:01:52.378


Most of you know our sessions, you know.01:01:52.378 --> 01:02:04.769


I think we only had a copay which was like $25 or something of that nature, and so just feeling very fortunate to be able to have insurance, and if you do, that's an option that your insurance company does have resources for you.01:02:04.769 --> 01:02:08.277


And then, lastly I've mentioned this before is almacom.01:02:08.277 --> 01:02:31.311


So almacom, a great opportunity for you to be able to type in again where your location is, race, religion, gender, even to just see if there's somebody that is in your area, or telehealth right that you have the access to, to be able to talk to somebody.01:02:32.594 --> 01:02:35.478


Lastly, crisis support.01:02:35.478 --> 01:02:37.597


We just want to give you a little bit of.01:02:37.597 --> 01:02:48.630


I just did some research on, okay, what are if I'm in the crisis right now, currently, because some of these options are, you know, potentially tomorrow or next week, but what if I'm in it right now?01:02:48.630 --> 01:02:53.773


There's something 988-SUICIDE-IN-CRISIS hotline.01:02:53.773 --> 01:03:06.853


You can call or text 988 or 988lifetimeorg for immediate support from a crisis counselor.01:03:06.853 --> 01:03:20.630


So if you feel like you're going through it right now, you're struggling, you're having those, you know, suicidal ideations or it's just really something that has overtaken your complete day, this might be something, a resource for you too.01:03:20.630 --> 01:03:36.083


And lastly, if you don't want to necessarily call somebody, there is the crisis text line, which you can text MHA274741 to connect with a crisis counselor.01:03:36.103 --> 01:03:54.036


Wow, no, this is a lot of powerful resources and I think it's a reminder that we should not only keep going, but that people are counting on you and that there is an opportunity to get help and we're not too big for it or our problems aren't too big.01:03:54.036 --> 01:03:57.885


We do have that opportunity to turn the page or a new chapter.01:03:57.885 --> 01:04:03.557


Or you know in the weather example, find the rainbow, you know, after the clouds.01:04:04.184 --> 01:04:05.126


Absolutely so.01:04:05.126 --> 01:04:13.994


We hope that this helps you to be able to know what mental health is, see if you're struggling with your mental health, and also some resources for you as well.01:04:13.994 --> 01:04:15.588


Thank you, Cupply Fit fam.01:04:15.588 --> 01:04:18.032


We appreciate you listening to this episode.01:04:18.032 --> 01:04:24.115


We hope that this has helped you and if you know somebody that is struggling with their mental health, please send them this episode.01:04:24.115 --> 01:04:27.672


Please like and subscribe on our YouTube channel.01:04:27.672 --> 01:04:33.682


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