Blueprinting Forever: Your Pre-Marriage Checklist
Marriage is one of life’s most meaningful journeys, and like any great adventure, it deserves thoughtful preparation. Yet, while many couples spend months planning the perfect wedding day, they sometimes overlook the deeper conversations that truly lay the groundwork for a lasting partnership. After eight years of marriage and countless conversations with other couples, it’s clear that some topics are just too important to skip.
One of the biggest is family planning. Whether or not to have children is a conversation that should happen long before vows are exchanged. Some people know they want a big family. Others are certain they don’t want kids at all. Both perspectives are valid, but being aligned—or at least understanding where each other stands—is essential. And it’s not just a yes or no question. It’s about when, how many, and what to do if fertility challenges arise. With one in six couples facing fertility issues, it’s a sensitive subject that deserves care and honesty. Talking through the emotional, physical, and financial impact of raising children can also help set realistic expectations. The cost of having a child can be upwards of \$20,000 in the first year alone, so factoring that into your future plans matters.
Finances are another big one. Money can be a source of stress or a tool for security, depending on how it’s handled. Conversations about how to manage finances together—whether you’re combining everything, keeping things separate, or creating a hybrid system—can help prevent conflict down the road. Who’s paying what, who’s saving for what, who’s better at budgeting? There are no wrong answers, but there are better strategies, and those often come from being transparent about debts, goals, habits, and priorities. It can help to do a financial “check-in” together, or even meet with a financial advisor, to get clear on where you’re starting and where you want to go.
Career goals also deserve attention. Life changes fast, and job paths often don’t follow a straight line. Will one partner’s career take the lead for a while? Are you both open to relocating for new opportunities? What if one of you decides to go back to school or change paths entirely? These questions matter, because expectations that aren’t talked about can become points of resentment later. Even high-profile couples like Tom Brady and Gisele Bündchen have shown how shifting career priorities can put stress on a marriage if conversations aren’t ongoing.
Values, beliefs, and spiritual practices shape how you experience the world—and how you’ll build your life together. Even couples with similar upbringings can differ in how they want to carry those beliefs forward. Whether it’s religion, traditions, or moral values, discussing how these elements play into your relationship and your future family is key. For couples from different faiths or backgrounds, talking through how holidays are celebrated or how children might be raised brings clarity and mutual respect. Pre-marital counseling can help facilitate these kinds of conversations and uncover things that might otherwise go unsaid.
Then there are the everyday dynamics—who does what around the house, how affection is shown, how you handle conflict. These things don’t need to be rigidly defined, but having a shared understanding of expectations and communication styles makes all the difference. Learning each other’s love languages, for example, can help you connect emotionally and feel seen. As people grow, their needs change, so being open to evolving together is part of the deal.
Lastly, it’s worth talking about your social lives and long-term dreams. What boundaries do you want to set around friendships, social time, or extended family? Who do you turn to for support when things get hard? And what do you both envision for your future—whether it’s travel, building a business, starting a family, or buying a home? Sharing your dreams and supporting one another in reaching them builds a strong foundation of partnership and trust.
At the heart of all of this is communication. These conversations won’t guarantee you agree on everything, but they’ll help you understand each other better and create space for navigating differences as a team. Marriage isn’t about perfection—it’s about partnership. It’s not the storybook version where everything is effortless, but a real, evolving friendship where two people choose to grow together. And that, more than anything, is what makes it beautiful.
