Episode 84: Are Your Marriage Rules Helping or Hurting Your Love?

Welcome And The Rules

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Welcome back to the Coupley Fit Podcast. We are Kurt Indiana. We are so excited for this episode because we're gonna be settling the internet's biggest relationship debates. We want to know do you agree or do you disagree? Or it depends.

SPEAKER_00 0:17

In the comments, we want to hear it.

SPEAKER_01 0:18

Let us

Who Pays For The Date

SPEAKER_01 0:19

know. Okay, so this first round is dating hot takes. We've been hearing a lot about dating. I heard it's treacherous.

SPEAKER_00 0:29

I heard it's the the wild is I might shake some things up with my takes because I had a lot of you know different feedback and vision points on like dating than maybe the average person.

SPEAKER_01 0:42

Okay, so number one, sure, the person who asks for the date always pay.

SPEAKER_00 0:48

Always is strong. But if you invited me out, you should be ready to pay. I'm just saying, I agree. You know, whoever it is, if you invited me out, so we are in an era and I just want to speak to it. There are some ladies that are being more aggressive and saying, hey, I want to ask you out. Come, you know, come out, whatever. A guy might feel like, wait, I I don't really know. So this this might be controversial to some. She might be like, Oh, I asked him out, but I expected him to pay. But I feel like you should get clarity. What are you gonna say? Are you paying?

SPEAKER_01 1:17

Are you paying before like hey, just so you know, before we go, oh, I asked you.

SPEAKER_00 1:21

It's my treat.

SPEAKER_01 1:22

Okay. You know, now, does that masculinity-wise for men, if a woman were to say that and say, Hey, I actually am gonna treat this time around because I'm asking you out, is that something that's like a negative? Is that something that's maybe a oh, I didn't, I wasn't expecting that, so that's actually a positive.

SPEAKER_00 1:41

It is. So I mean, I'm gonna just use a real example. I remember early on, you offered to pay for lunch. And I was absolutely shocked.

SPEAKER_01 1:49

Carl Jr. Carl Jr.

SPEAKER_00 1:50

Listen, and the thing is, it doesn't have to be expensive, but it immediately separated you from the others' candidates in the in the in the potential dating pool.

SPEAKER_01 1:58

First off, not candidates. This is crazy. But it's the real world.

SPEAKER_00 2:01

Everybody else, everybody else that may be out here that's listening, like, man, how do I separate myself, whoever that may be, how many people can say, like, yo, I've offered to pay?

SPEAKER_01 2:11

Right?

SPEAKER_00 2:12

Not many. So naturally it was different, and it was like, oh, wait, like, and it showed me that you were genuinely interested. You weren't looking for a free meal from me. Because unfortunately, you have to ask that question of like, does she really want a link, or does she just want free free Chipotle?

SPEAKER_01 2:26

Well, I mean, the good news is that in that situation, at least for us that you're talking about, you called me because your car was your car was in the shop. You're like, hey, can you come get me? Come on. So in my mind, I'm like, all right, when you think about it, it's like, uh, like how much is this gonna run?

SPEAKER_00 2:41

That was additional context.

SPEAKER_01 2:42

And then, yeah, how much is this gonna run me? And then in our case, it's like, okay, what's you know, at that time, what's $10 on a Carl Jr. chicken sandwich.

SPEAKER_00 2:51

And I'm saying this to say this was not in the like, we're in a relationship, like this is in the early, like we're we're getting to know each other.

SPEAKER_01 2:57

And this is also after the club, meeting in the club. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 3:00

So this is this is in the like we're getting to know each other phase where like you got the person's number, you're gonna know them. So if you can outright like be different, yeah and offer to pay, or as a guy, not you know, being the average person that's like, oh, I got it, we're you know, let me take you out to eat, because I feel like that's corny too.

SPEAKER_01 3:17

Okay. Now, because we're talking about dating and paying, when it comes to the first date, number one, where do you think that you should take somebody on a first date?

Best First Date Ideas

SPEAKER_01 3:28

And then number two, are men always supposed to pay even if they are not the ones that are maybe asking?

SPEAKER_00 3:37

First date. So I've got I've got multiple answers to this. Okay. Go ahead.

SPEAKER_01 3:43

I was just gonna go first on the on the where to go. Yes.

SPEAKER_00 3:46

I so you go first.

SPEAKER_01 3:47

Okay. I personally think dinner on a first date, no. I think that's too much, too fast happening for a first date. I'm just trying to get to know you. It needs to be a coffee, it needs to be something that's very like let's go get a gelato, let's go get something that's simple, easy, kind of fast, casual. We're popping in, we're popping out, because I'm just getting to know you. And like you said, most people have rosters. Like it's not gonna be a situation where you're potentially my number one, you're maybe number three, number four on my list.

SPEAKER_00 4:19

You're not gonna get on the list. You're trying to, this is your meeting to get on the list.

SPEAKER_01 4:22

You're trying to, you're trying to come off the bed. Come on now. Okay, and so you're a free agent. You're walking the streets. No, you're not walking the streets, baby. What? So I think that's number one. First and foremost, I don't think that you should really do dinner until maybe the third or fourth day. Maybe even no, third or fourth date is cool. But those first two dates, you're just trying to see. First off, do we even vibe?

SPEAKER_02 4:43

Correct.

SPEAKER_01 4:44

You know, is there something about you that even gives me the ick and I'm just good to go? Like I'm just getting to know you on kind of like that surface level. Cause again, we're all human beings. Vanity is a big part of not only society, but also us as human beings. And so if I see you in person and I feel like I'm getting catfish, honey, I'm not coming back. Like this is our last coffee. This is the last coffee. Thank you so much for the latte. Now, don't get me wrong, am I gonna get a pastry? I might get a little pastry as well. But I'm not gonna, I personally feel like a dinner on a first date is a is a hard note, and especially for men, because men are usually the ones that are being the suitors, right? They're the ones that are going out and trying to um get the first date. And so, with that being said, like y'all protect your pockets. You know what I'm saying? Protect your pockets. Uh, but then when it gets to the dinner time, we at least have some substance behind. So we're having a deeper conversation at dinner. You know, I also kind of know a little bit more about you. Maybe the expectations aren't as high because we've done a coffee and a froyo and uh a matcha, like we've done some smaller things. So now I'm not gonna come in here and try to blow a bag. Uh I don't think that's for everybody, though. There are some people that are gonna come in on that dinner and be like, thank you so much. I want um, I know this says MKT next to the salmon, but let's go ahead and have that. Add lobster tail. Oh, wait, but my kids, let's add a kids menu.

SPEAKER_00 6:04

Diabolical. That that there.

SPEAKER_01 6:06

Okay, so that's my take on the on the first date.

SPEAKER_00 6:09

My take on the first date is I'm gonna go very niche. There's someone listening to this that this is gonna be a breakthrough for you. If you're looking to uh create some future athlete, if you're looking to create some future athletes and you're thinking about pedigree.

SPEAKER_01 6:22

You keep saying this. My first date wild.

SPEAKER_00 6:25

Our first date. We where do we go on our first date? We went to Dave and Buster's. Shout out to Dave and Buster's.

SPEAKER_01 6:29

Yeah, but it's not like you were in there. It was it wasn't until Ocho Cinco. It was not.

SPEAKER_00 6:37

Shout out to Ocho Cinco.

SPEAKER_01 6:38

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_00 6:39

Which, interesting enough, we got a chance to meet uh Montreal Aloettes in Canada, but this had nothing to do with that. Absolutely nothing. And we've already gone on our date before then. So before Ocho even said this, we I had already took you to David Buster's.

SPEAKER_01 6:50

Yes, but you were that's not what you were looking for. First off, you I don't even think you chose it. This is crazy.

SPEAKER_00 7:01

I I need to roll. Where do I roll back the film and go back to not only No, you remember that?

SPEAKER_01 7:06

You remember that commercial where they throw the yellow flag and it's like actually I picked David Busters because of the fact that one, it's engaged, it's a lot of the things that we just said, it's engaging.

SPEAKER_00 7:18

You can get to know somebody, but I really wanted to see what did the lateral movie. Okay, we'll we'll go along with your story. Hand-dye coordination, competitiveness, do you enjoy sports? All of those things was in one outing.

SPEAKER_01 7:30

Oh, was that the take?

SPEAKER_00 7:31

That was the take. That was the take. First off, first off, the first date should be.

SPEAKER_01 7:36

You might as well go on a on a dinner date because Damon Buster's is $50. It might cost you, it might cost you, it might cost you better, you better go on a summer Monday, a summer jam Monday.

SPEAKER_00 7:44

It might cost you $50 to find out if you're gonna have a first rounder or maybe a fifth rounder.

SPEAKER_01 7:48

This is crazy. I can't even believe it. I'm just saying.

SPEAKER_00 7:51

If it costs you $50 to know up front that there's no lateral movement and she maybe has weak ankles, so you can find that out on the first day.

SPEAKER_01 7:58

No lateral movement. This is wild. Okay. Next question. Should well, first off, y'all, again, in the comments, come for him, come for us. It doesn't make sense. Who's getting a point? Who do you agree with, disagree with? We want to know. Again, DM us on IG or let us know in the comments because, you know, this is serious business, y'all. We we talking the real stuff. Okay, next question.

Second Date Honesty And Rejection

SPEAKER_01 8:25

Should someone tell you exactly why they don't want a second date?

SPEAKER_00 8:32

Ooh.

SPEAKER_01 8:33

People aren't built for that.

SPEAKER_00 8:34

They're not built for it.

SPEAKER_01 8:34

They're not built for it. You can't handle the truth. Okay, but here's what I will say. Should you tell someone exactly why they don't want a second date? I think that people would feel more comfortable doing that over text. It all depends on how it's said. Yeah. Right? Because something could just be as simple as, hey, you know, um, it was great hanging out with you. I just don't think I'm interested at this time. Um, wish you the best of luck on your dating journey. Because you never know, you could splin the block. Like, you know, it might take some years for that person to maybe catch up where you're at, but yeah, to tell them exactly why you don't want a second date.

SPEAKER_00 9:16

I'm gonna say no.

SPEAKER_01 9:17

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 9:18

And I'm gonna say no because, you know, they talk about in the Bible. If you have anything good to say, basically, like keep keep it to yourself sometimes. Keep it to yourself. Keep it to yourself. So I'm not sure we're exactly the verse on that one. Uh it may have been granny that said that, but keep it to yourself if you don't want to have something positive. No, Granny, she was a granny, she was an usher. She not so she knows if I call her, she'll know. She'll know the verse. Um, but I say that to say it's one of those things where you don't want to say something like, let's just give an example. If someone's breath is just way too hot, and that's the reason they're not getting a second date. You don't want to send the text, no matter how nice it is, but like, ooh, you know what? The closer you got to me, the more my stomach got upset. I'm not going on a second date. Someone would be like, that would be hurtful. Wow. But that could be true. Wow. So two things could be true.

SPEAKER_01 10:06

I think it's a better It's like, hey, maybe you want to get a brand deal with uh Listerine. I'm gonna tell you something that somebody told me.

SPEAKER_00 10:12

I'm gonna tell you something that somebody told that somebody told me that's the nicest way I've ever heard of delivering somebody.

SPEAKER_01 10:17

No, take two.

SPEAKER_00 10:18

Take two. If somebody offers you a mint and you take one and they say, no, you need another one. They leave the container open. They leave the container open and say, No, take two.

SPEAKER_01 10:27

That's the that's the And if it's an outoid and they're telling me take two. Oh.

SPEAKER_00 10:31

You need to you need to let it sit. Don't chew it. Let that out.

SPEAKER_01 10:34

Let that melt. Let that melt on the tongue.

SPEAKER_00 10:37

Because that's that that's just things that come to my mind.

SPEAKER_01 10:39

Because you know because you don't ever want to be mean.

SPEAKER_00 10:42

Correct. You don't want to be mean. We live in an era where people are trying to be. Not only are they gonna get offended, but I think about the the red balloon show.

SPEAKER_01 10:49

Yeah, pop the balloon.

SPEAKER_00 10:50

Where you get interviewed. Hey, so why did you, you know, what was it? Why did you not yeah?

SPEAKER_01 10:54

People are mean on there.

SPEAKER_00 10:55

But sometimes people say to me.

SPEAKER_01 10:56

Somebody outright said recently, like, oh, I thought he was ugly. I said, Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_00 11:02

That's that that's hurtful. That, but that's my point.

SPEAKER_01 11:04

That's hurtful.

SPEAKER_00 11:05

Or can we be honest?

SPEAKER_01 11:07

That's hurtful.

SPEAKER_00 11:07

Pull up on the date, you know, for all my Friday people, they're gonna love this one. Thought it was Janet Jackson. So you said you said she looked like Janet Jackson. She looked like Freddie Jackson. She looked like Freddie. She pulled the she pulled the hat off the bird.

SPEAKER_01 11:23

S gave a nice kiss.

SPEAKER_00 11:24

She was bald headed. So I said it to say if you said, Oh, that's Janet. That's Janet. But if you have that experience and it's like, man, come on, you don't look like your profile photo. Yeah, like you know, this is an old pig.

SPEAKER_01 11:36

We can't do it.

SPEAKER_00 11:36

I just feel like

Dating Photos And Catfishing

SPEAKER_00 11:37

those are reasons where you just gotta say.

SPEAKER_01 11:38

Okay, so then how often should you be updating your photos?

SPEAKER_00 11:42

Oh.

SPEAKER_01 11:42

On the date on the apps.

SPEAKER_00 11:44

It's a great question. I feel like it's how it depends on how drastically different you look. Basically, if you had a crazy 90 days, you didn't change, change your took your beard off, you gotta update the photo because now people are expecting beard and you're giving, you know, you look a different person. It happens a lot. I saw somebody I know it does. I saw somebody, you know, out of the conference there was so upset that like I didn't remember.

SPEAKER_01 12:04

Oh my gosh, I just said this to me.

SPEAKER_00 12:05

And I was like, and I felt so bad, but then I thought back to myself and I was like, man, you didn't look like your photo on you didn't look like your photo. Like I know I said something to you, but you look different, especially on LinkedIn.

SPEAKER_01 12:14

It's wild. I need, I need professionals. Listen, professionals go get that professional photo and headshot and update your LinkedIn. And I'm gonna be honest, we had to tell my mama, I was like, mom, hi, can't do this. This is from a little too long ago. You're still you still got it, but we're just we just gotta get us gotta we gotta update it a little bit. And I also said the same thing about different hairstyles, different hair colors. You change your hair color, you change it different, um, you know, obviously if there was a a weight gain, a weight loss, all of these things, like don't be mad at me when I don't and I've only met you one time. Like, don't get mad at me. That's crazy to me.

SPEAKER_00 12:51

And some will say you have to be more memorable.

SPEAKER_01 12:53

You have to be more memorable. And quickly, this is just a side note. Um, one of my if we're talking hot takes, one of my biggest hot takes is um don't ask me to meet up or get together if there's no intention of doing that. Don't waste my time and don't waste your breath. Period.

SPEAKER_00 13:10

So I that see this is your Scorpio. I'm giving a little bit, you know, that's towards me being a little bit more friendly. I could be guilty of that. First of all. Oh, yeah, we're gonna link, man. Great seeing you. Ah Why? Don't know if you're not going to know if we're gonna link.

SPEAKER_01 13:26

So why are you saying you?

SPEAKER_00 13:28

It sounded good.

SPEAKER_01 13:28

It sounded good. Right, but I don't want to hear that.

SPEAKER_00 13:32

I don't want to hear that.

SPEAKER_01 13:33

I can't tell you how many times I've heard that from from women that I see out there like, oh my gosh, this is amazing. It was so nice to see you. Let's link. And I just look at him and I walk away. I'm done. I'm done. I'm not playing the game, it does, I'm not going back and forth.

SPEAKER_00 13:47

It does that's a good point. I mean, it is it is a uh in some ways, it's a game being played.

SPEAKER_01 13:51

Is it a pleasantry? Oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_00 13:52

But it is pleasantries, that's what it is. No, no, no, no.

SPEAKER_01 13:54

No, no, no, no. No, no, no, no. If there's no intention behind it, don't waste your breath, don't waste my time.

Money Boundaries And Menu Choices

SPEAKER_01 14:03

Okay, if someone orders, and we kind of touch on this. If someone orders the most expensive thing on the menu, should they offer to split the bill?

SPEAKER_00 14:14

Absolutely. Well, so here I'm gonna say split the bill. I'm gonna say no. No. They shouldn't offer to split the bill if they buy the most expensive thing on the menu. It goes back to our prior question: who invited who out? If I invited you out and I bring you to a place that has things on the menu that I can't afford, I've already made the I've already made the.

SPEAKER_01 14:33

No, that's literally what I'm saying. I'm not date, but date in your bracket. Can I give you an example? You gotta be dating in your bracket. Don't be trying to go out and get the ladies that are, you know, um, they may be used to a certain lifestyle, and that's not a lifestyle you can provide at this time. What I would suggest is again, going back to what we said, hey, let me take you to, and there's some cute, you know, coffee shops, smoothies, like there's cute. And ladies, we're here for the aesthetic. So, you know, and again, are we did, but also are we dating to be intentional or are we dating to just have fun? Because there's a difference, right? And if you're just trying to have fun, then you know, exactly. Do whatever you want to do. But if it's intentional and I'm trying to really find somebody and, you know, find a husband, find a wife, then I think you have to be very intentional with your time and with your money.

SPEAKER_00 15:21

And this is one of the biggest, the top three decisions you're ever gonna make.

SPEAKER_01 15:24

But also that tells me a lot about you.

SPEAKER_00 15:26

That's true. It does. Okay, if I bring you out, if I bring you out somewhere, perfect example. Perfect example the same person that you take out to eat, the same person that you take out to eat, and they buy the most expensive thing on the menu, let you know they they'll take it to the max. So when you bring them to your Christmas holiday party and they get drunk and they start stumbling, you're not surprised because again, it was open bar. And they're in here at the holiday party in your life.

SPEAKER_01 15:49

I've been here for the thrills.

SPEAKER_00 15:50

I've now I've got to apologize to my colleagues and my boss because my guest acted a.

SPEAKER_01 15:56

Let me add to that. What does a birthday look like? What does an anniversary look like? Come on now. Come on. What does when the trips hit? Are you are you looking to be at the Ritz? Come on. Or are you looking to be at the courtyard mayor?

SPEAKER_00 16:09

And if you if you want to be at the Ritz, do you have Ritz money?

SPEAKER_01 16:12

Can I tell you something? This is a little bit um, this is another hot take. What I would do, not necessarily like I don't even know if I would do this. This is it's it's a hot take, but this is this is more so just off the TOP. Is if I was a guy, I would low key like dip, like not, I'm not leaving the restaurant, but when that check hits, I'm gonna go ahead and just scoot to the scoot to the uh bathroom. You know, she might take a peek. She probably won't, but she may take a peek or not. And I'm just, you know, just see if if that's even something where could you even, could if I wasn't here, could you afford what you just ordered?

SPEAKER_00 16:45

And that's but that's that's gonna be to the point of where I'm getting at is that's the real question that only the person on the date knows. You gotta be careful. I I already know guys would go to that bathroom and all of a sudden she's not at the table. She ran off on the entire wheel and on the date because she thought you were gone.

SPEAKER_01 17:02

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Right when the check came.

SPEAKER_00 17:04

So I think you gotta be mindful, but but to that point, you're paying regardless, so who really cares?

SPEAKER_01 17:09

But make sure it's in your range.

SPEAKER_00 17:10

Make sure it's in your range. Yes. When we say in your range, we're not saying that you have to say, oh, this person's out of my range per se by any means. But for example, if I'm talking to one of my mentees and they're saying a girl wants, this is for somebody in college. For example, she wants you to take her to Benny Hanna's, and you're like, I thought we were gonna meet up at the cafe. Uh, what was the spot over issue? Like on the MU? We're gonna meet at the MU? You thought you were grabbing lunch at the MU. She likes, no, I thought we were going to Benny Hanas. Benihana's. And we're not talking happy hour.

SPEAKER_01 17:41

And we're not talking the the birthday. No, no, no birthday coupon.

SPEAKER_00 17:45

So you're like, wait a minute, like already, that that gives me pause. Does she want to really just get to know me?

SPEAKER_01 17:49

I just lunch menu. But you see where I'm going. People sleep on lunch menus.

SPEAKER_00 17:53

But you but you see where I'm going. Sometimes you have to say only bring the lunch menu out.

SPEAKER_01 17:56

That's crazy. Even if it's dinner. Happy hour.

SPEAKER_00 17:59

Only bring listen.

SPEAKER_01 18:00

She's gonna eat up the kids' menu. It's 115 hour.

SPEAKER_00 18:02

We're gonna be on the patio.

SPEAKER_01 18:05

Happy hour?

SPEAKER_00 18:06

Keith or the Mr.'s on.

SPEAKER_01 18:07

That's crazy. But we're at flooding.

SPEAKER_00 18:10

We're in a nice restaurant. Come on now. Come on. Meals and deals.

Social Media Soft Launch Debate

SPEAKER_01 18:13

Okay. Is it a red flag if someone has never been in a long-term relationship? I think it depends on how old you are.

SPEAKER_00 18:19

I think it depends on how old you are.

SPEAKER_01 18:21

There's some factors in there.

SPEAKER_00 18:22

I think there are factors. Um, and it depends on how, you know, we have to take a step back, and that's what's long term.

SPEAKER_01 18:28

What is long term? You're right. What is long term? And then also some people will be um dating, but like not saying they're in a relationship. Do you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_00 18:38

Basically they didn't update the Facebook status back in the day.

SPEAKER_01 18:41

It's still it's complicated.

SPEAKER_00 18:42

But they got somebody.

SPEAKER_01 18:43

But y'all have been together for five five years.

SPEAKER_00 18:45

I get it.

SPEAKER_01 18:46

Come on. Okay, let's see. Is soft launching your relationship on social media healthy or immature? Do you know what a soft launch is?

SPEAKER_00 18:59

I do. You do. Well, well, I I I would say it depends on it on the person, right? Like I feel like if you know you're not if I think if it's all about the soft launch on social media, it's a lack of maturity. Like if that's what it's about. Right? It shouldn't be about the relationship, and then you decide together when you want to post, how y'all do it, like that's a whole nother conversation. But if like that's giving me um a coordinated effort. Like the PR teams came together and was like, hey, y'all look like a good look. Like let's you know, let's post it on the 15th. You know, that y'all are together, but it's like, you know, versus genuinely like, hey, we're rocking, we're on vacation, and like, no, this this is the one. Take that photo.

SPEAKER_01 19:37

What are your thoughts? I heard this uh on Instagram. And there was a woman that says she doesn't post her relationship, because again, what you do post on social, people are gonna have an opinion about.

SPEAKER_02 19:48

True.

SPEAKER_01 19:48

And so if you want to protect it, a lot of people won't are just being mindful of what they post. And so what she chose to do is not have her husband all over her page. He's kind of sprinkled here and there. They've been married for a significant amount of time, but she posts him to her inner circle, so you'll see him all over the um or the friends. I'm sorry, the friends, you know, the green friends. So she'll post him all over there, but he's also with it as well because they want to they're married. I hear you, but they just want to protect their relationship, is essentially what she said. So, what are your thoughts on that?

SPEAKER_00 20:22

I'll tell you what, if I'm only being shown to your close friends and not your your your other friends, I'm just you know, everybody else don't know, don't know I exist. Like it's about protection though.

SPEAKER_01 20:31

So they give it from protection. I hear I hear you. Like, I don't want people to have an opinion about my relationship, and I know some influencers that do the same where their husband will kind of like pop in and pop out. You know that they're with somebody, you know that they're married, but you just don't see them that way.

SPEAKER_00 20:45

I think the influencer aspect is a is a unique dynamic. Because it sounds like she's an influencer, maybe he's not.

SPEAKER_01 20:51

No.

SPEAKER_00 20:51

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 20:52

That's just I was just like, that was kind of a state.

SPEAKER_00 20:55

Basically, I think it's it's open to to whomever, but I do just think naturally it may open up to people don't think you're in a relationship. Or that like they're it's not very present. And I'm not saying it has to be because there's people that aren't on social media at all and are married. But again, when you are active and you are posting, you are sharing things, and it's like, dang, I'm getting everything else. I saw what she had from lunch for lunch, I saw vacation, but I didn't know her husband was with her. Unless you and a close friends.

SPEAKER_01 21:19

I know we can't.

SPEAKER_00 21:20

To me, that's a little bit like and we've seen. Are you out here by yourself? So I just you know, that's it's just to me, I again that's just that's just me. But to each his own. If her husband's not tripping and it's working for them, that's that's basically what I'm getting at. If you like it, I love it.

SPEAKER_01 21:36

Okay. If it works for you, then love it. Let's jump into round two.

Marriage Priorities And Family Boundaries

SPEAKER_01 21:42

Okay, these are marriage hot takes.

SPEAKER_00 21:44

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 21:45

Your spouse should always come before your parents.

SPEAKER_00 21:49

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 21:49

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 21:50

Biblical.

SPEAKER_01 21:51

Yes. Again.

SPEAKER_00 21:52

Granny Granny's got the verse, but this is biblical. This is now you're the head of your own household, and this is contrary to what you'd hear pre Marriage and it doesn't work in the advantage of uh the family members in a lot of times. But like even going to marriage counseling and sitting down with the pastor, he's like, Oh no, absolutely that's the case. So that's where I that's how I'd answer it.

SPEAKER_01 22:13

I I 100% agree.

SPEAKER_00 22:14

Practicing it is a lot harder.

SPEAKER_01 22:16

A lot harder. It's a lot harder. It requires boundaries. Uh setting those boundaries, sticking to those boundaries, and also again, you teach it or you tolerate it. You need to teach your family how this new dynamic is going to work, or you're gonna tolerate what's gonna keep coming at you from all angles. Because it, you know, everyone's gonna say something when when the boundaries start coming into place and you start actually holding them up, then all of a sudden we really got an issue up in here.

SPEAKER_00 22:41

What you mean, Christmas and in my house?

SPEAKER_01 22:43

What you mean? What you mean? Christmas every year at my house? What do you mean?

SPEAKER_00 22:46

Thanksgiving too.

SPEAKER_01 22:47

Thanksgiving for Christmas is my holiday.

SPEAKER_00 22:49

Yeah, people anytime people claim a holidays, we gotta slow down.

SPEAKER_01 22:52

You got your mind. Okay, you should defend your spouse publicly and discuss disagreements privately.

SPEAKER_00 22:59

100%. And that's not just your spouse. I feel like that's really in any situation, in a perfect, in a ideal scenario, and I wanna say perfect scenario, but in an ideal scenario, you're addressing that behind the scenes versus like you're you know nobody wants to be put on blast. And it in a lot of times it is a miscommunication or a disconnect. Right. So like there's no need to put them on front street. And you see this a lot where people are like, I need to prove them that they were wrong, I was right, say it.

SPEAKER_01 23:26

Yeah, you say it, say it, say it.

SPEAKER_00 23:28

And they're like, uh you what? You're right. Okay. And then they don't want to say anything for the rest of the day. It's silent in the house. Yes. And it's like, but I got them to say that I was right.

SPEAKER_01 23:38

And it was like But just a just a funny perspective on that. Usually women, like, we don't want to owe we don't want to tell like our significant others you are right. Although that's literally what you guys are holding on to. Like, I'm right. You say it. Say it.

SPEAKER_00 23:53

I heard it the other day, wanted to play it back and did you say that again?

SPEAKER_01 23:58

Say that again. A little louder, a little louder for the people in the back.

SPEAKER_00 24:01

For the people in the back.

SPEAKER_01 24:02

Uh, okay, so love that. And again, y'all, please make sure you let us know what your takes are. And also give us some questions too that we can discuss maybe on another podcast episode because um we've got a lot of takes for y'all.

SPEAKER_00 24:16

We got takes.

SPEAKER_01 24:17

Okay, so uh your spouse should be the first person you call with good news.

SPEAKER_00 24:24

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 24:25

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 24:26

That's just in my opinion. And I say this because your spouse should be your best friend, in my opinion.

SPEAKER_01 24:32

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 24:32

If they are your best friend or that close confidant, that would be the person that you want to share things with. Don't get me wrong, like there could be someone's gonna be like, I'm my mama. There could be exceptions. Like, I, you know, if if I if I do get good news about the Detroit Lions, you are not my first call. Right. I would call my uncle. But I feel like that's an exception because it's very unique. If it's generic good news, you would be my first call.

SPEAKER_01 24:53

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 24:54

And I think this is a question that you can ask somebody, even like that you can ask yourself if you're dating somebody. If they're not your first call, or your second, or your third, is this the person you should be investing your time in and relationships with?

SPEAKER_01 25:07

Yes, I know for women. Um, I just heard this the other day uh on the Maybe It's Kiki Palmer podcast, and um she was talking to one of her guests, and uh what'd she say? She said, Oh, if you can't see the other person, and she's speaking from a woman standpoint, so if you can't see the man being a father to your kids, it's a no. It's a pass. Keep pushing.

SPEAKER_00 25:36

But to that, but to that.

SPEAKER_01 25:37

Because how many p how many times have you heard, oh, I can't leave my kids with my husband, or I just don't trust him, or and I've you know, I've heard that from many women, and I'm thinking to myself, how did you get here? Right. Or just more so that must be not only really lonely, but that's a lot of pressure on one person when you both have kids. Like these are our kids, but I don't trust you with our kids. That's crazy.

SPEAKER_00 26:04

That's tough.

SPEAKER_01 26:04

Yeah. Couples shouldn't keep score.

SPEAKER_00 26:08

Yeah. I mean, you you should keep you don't want to keep any records of right and wrong.

SPEAKER_01 26:12

No.

SPEAKER_00 26:12

Although it's easy to do and be like, I was right just recently, two days ago. Um, but no, you don't want to.

SPEAKER_01 26:18

Or have a book in the back of your pocket, you pull out like a like a caddy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 26:23

Throw it up in the grass. I think I'm right today. I think I'm on par today.

SPEAKER_01 26:30

Facts. Okay. Let's go to round three. Oh. Family and friends.

Holidays Friends Venting And Backing Spouse

SPEAKER_00 26:37

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 26:37

Should grandparents be allowed to post your children online without asking.

SPEAKER_00 26:44

What are your thoughts on that one?

SPEAKER_01 26:45

I think for most people, I don't think they're gonna have an issue with it. I think for us, because we're also in this space of uh social media and brand partnerships, all the things that come with it. I know for us, this is something that we've gone back and forth about, is that we don't know if we're going to show our kids' faces. Um, because we do know that there's a whole kind of unfortunately, there's a dark side that can happen. Um, I know for us, we were just talking about this. My mom would be too juiced and is not gonna ask and is just gonna post and be like, she's from New York, so she's gonna be like F you.

SPEAKER_02 27:24

Post it.

SPEAKER_01 27:24

Like post it. These are my grandkids, right? Kind of taking some of that ownership. I should be able to do kind of what I want. Um, but I again we go back to kids in it want to um potentially be in this life, right? They are not at a place if they're younger where they can give you that consent. And so we're playing around with it. But as of right now, for us specifically, we're asking that if they do ask us and we approve or or not approve, but I think most people are gonna disagree.

SPEAKER_00 27:55

Yeah, I I think so too. And I think most people can't um fathom the idea of just having that collaboration or having that conversation because they may not be in a space where, like, are you are you psychologically safe? Can you say, hey, I don't want you to post that, or do you feel like that's your grandkids are gonna do what they want, you know what I mean, type of situation. Um, but I do think also because I see people post like first day of school, it's got the school's name on it, kids' face, all of the things, but then they can really be traced. They can't because I that you know, I I hate to say that I watch the videos of like the CIA agents and like the detectives, and they're basically like, hey, be careful with some of the sensitive information, right? Real time, like these things, because you never want to have to be mindful of that, but I just think I you'd rather be overly cautious. Right. You know, people pulling up at your kid at the airport, like, hey Joseph, you're out of the room.

SPEAKER_01 28:42

And you're like, hey man, you don't know us. No. Should parents be able to stop by your house unannounced?

SPEAKER_00 28:48

No, nobody should be stopping by unannounced.

SPEAKER_01 28:50

You gotta let me know.

SPEAKER_00 28:52

I want the mailman to send me a notification.

SPEAKER_01 28:54

Right. Okay.

SPEAKER_00 28:54

Amazon's on the way. Delivery's 10 minutes out. Uh, and I just think it's out of respect, right? Like it's it's it's nothing to send a text message. I'm not saying it has to be a call and scheduled and we planned it weeks in advance. But if you're on your way, hey, I'm in the air, I'm in the area, hey, I'm in the neighborhood, wanting to see if I could stop by. Like, I don't think that's a big deal. I just think you call first. Like you just don't know what people got going on.

SPEAKER_01 29:16

100%. And also there's times where listen, we're we as a family over here are having a window day.

SPEAKER_00 29:23

Correct.

SPEAKER_01 29:24

And this is just gonna be chill, family time, just us.

SPEAKER_00 29:27

We've been outside and now we're inside.

SPEAKER_01 29:28

We're inside. Uh, is it okay to spend every holiday with one side of the family?

SPEAKER_00 29:36

Um, I would say it's okay if that's where like if that's what you're all aligned on, right? So just in a hypothetical situation, if somebody doesn't have that bridge and they're like, oh man, it's easier. We're gonna meet you meet over at your house. That's one thing. But if it's a situation where every like we want to do our own holiday, we've got your family, we've got my family, there's got to be collaboration. It's gotta be a shared calendar, it's gotta be we make multiple stops if that's the case. Like, I just think it's and I heard people say, like, they did the multiple stops thing and they were like, I'm not trying to stop at three places on Christmas. So I agree, like maybe it's you do Christmas Eve, you do like I just think it's one of those where also what do they say? If you want to make everybody happy, you should sell ice cream.

SPEAKER_01 30:16

Oh, okay. Uh, so my take would be to your point, spending every holiday with one side of the family if that's agreed upon, and it's hey, every Thanksgiving, you know, because again, not everyone lives in the same state, right? So every Thanksgiving, we're gonna go to my house and Christmas, we're gonna go to yours. If it's agreed upon, yes. If it's not agreed upon, then absolutely not. There can't be one side of the family that claims a holiday and they're saying, oh, this is every single time, uh, or every year you're going to be coming over to our house and your family doesn't get to see you, or if they want to see you, they have to come over here. That's selfish.

SPEAKER_00 30:55

Well, nobody wants to be dominated either.

SPEAKER_01 30:57

Being dominated, I refuse. Let's see. Okay. Um, is it okay to vent to your friends about your spouse?

SPEAKER_00 31:04

What are your thoughts?

SPEAKER_01 31:06

To vent to your friends about your spouse. I think it depends on what you're saying, how you're saying it. Um, I do think there's some nuance because we've even said before in previous episodes that telling your family about what's going on in your relationship, it can get messy very fast. And then, you know, uh, in the words of uh my little sister, her dad, it's never too late. And people never forget.

SPEAKER_00 31:38

Oh, they know. He broke. He's broke. He's broke, that's what the group chat says.

SPEAKER_01 31:45

Well, I just think that it can, it can stir up a lot. I think that um you just have to be mindful of what you're saying.

SPEAKER_00 31:53

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 31:54

Because you also still want to respect your relationship and respect your spouse. But you know, there's times where you still want to vent to your girls or, you know, vent to your guys, but and I think there's a I I think there's a great balance to your point.

SPEAKER_00 32:05

Was there something she's gonna add? No. I think there's a great balance because to your point, your friends or your family don't forget. So if you get to complaining about how terrible they treat you and how bad they, although this may have been a bad day, and this was like my, you know, I'm saying their perspective that they internalized, if you share all of those things, they're like, oh my gosh, this is the worst person. Like they did all of these bad things to you and they don't respect you, and they don't, when it's like, wait a minute, did you just paint them in a bad light because you were having a bad week? Right. And now they think you need to, you need to end the relationship, right? So there's like that side, but then there's also the side where someone's in an unhealthy relationship and you're not sharing what's going on because you don't want your friends or family to hold you accountable of like, hey, sure, that's not cool.

SPEAKER_01 32:46

Sure. Or judge you.

SPEAKER_00 32:47

Or judge you of like, hey, you know, he locks the fridge. I can't, you know, I can't get snacks after six. I'll be hungry. I'll be hungry. Like, that's something that's like, hey, man, that's that's not cool. Why is there a lock on the fridge? Like, but that should be shared.

SPEAKER_01 32:59

First of all, that's crazy. That's crazy. I know it's a big thing. The lock on the fridge is wild.

SPEAKER_00 33:03

Just using that example is wild.

SPEAKER_01 33:05

Okay. Uh, should your spouse always back you up in front of family?

SPEAKER_00 33:11

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 33:12

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 33:13

I feel I feel like you should. I feel like there's a lot of things.

SPEAKER_01 33:15

It goes back to the disagreements that we mentioned.

SPEAKER_00 33:17

There's nothing worse than being that person that's sitting there like these.

SPEAKER_01 33:22

Your spouse is staring at you on the cup.

SPEAKER_00 33:24

He's on the cup. And your spouse is looking down at you like this.

SPEAKER_01 33:29

You ain't gonna say nothing?

SPEAKER_00 33:30

Oh, you don't are we just gonna be silent? And I'll tell you what, there's only there's only one. There's only one moment more silent than that moment, and that's you in the car. That's you in the car.

SPEAKER_01 33:41

Maybe.

SPEAKER_00 33:41

In your thoughts.

SPEAKER_01 33:42

Maybe that's true.

SPEAKER_00 33:43

Or that's when somebody's popping off. What uh what do he say? What's smokey say? You know, when they're when they when they're round, I'll be quiet. I'll be quiet. I'll be talking again.

SPEAKER_01 33:52

That's crazy. That's crazy. But should your spouse always back you up in front of family? Yes.

SPEAKER_00 33:58

I feel like they should.

SPEAKER_01 33:58

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 33:59

Uh, but again, you can if I I want to throw a caveat on it.

SPEAKER_01 34:03

If you want to throw a caveat, because sometimes you can sometimes, yeah, if there's a if there's a blatant disrespect.

SPEAKER_00 34:07

If you're out of line and you're wrong, again, it doesn't have to be a situation where it doesn't have to be a good one.

SPEAKER_01 34:12

Even if you're wrong, though.

SPEAKER_00 34:14

We said I said earlier, I agree that you pull it to the side and you have the sidebar not in front of everyone. Yes. But if someone blatantly disrespects Like if you calling your mama a B-word, I mean whoa. If somebody call if somebody disrespect Granny, you gotta you gotta step in and say what we gotta step in.

SPEAKER_01 34:29

We can't she's a senior.

SPEAKER_00 34:31

We cannot talk, we cannot talk to our elders. Hold on, hold on. I was hold on Wait a minute, wait a minute. And you have to say something like, let's be respectful.

SPEAKER_01 34:38

Let's let's be respectful.

SPEAKER_00 34:39

I know everybody's running out.

SPEAKER_01 34:41

Let's go ahead and take the plate into the other room. Everybody's running hot. Everybody has three timeouts, and that's your first time.

SPEAKER_00 34:47

It's just your first timeout.

SPEAKER_01 34:48

Because you're talking crazy.

SPEAKER_00 34:49

And it's okay to do that and acknowledge it's not okay to talk crazy. There has to be a timeout.

SPEAKER_01 34:53

There has to be a timeout. Um, should couples make decisions together before committing to plans with friends?

SPEAKER_00 35:02

Um, I'm gonna say no just because I'm guilty of I will put something on the calendar. You had no idea. You're like, we're where are we going? What's I'm like, oh yeah, I'll talk to so-and-so. We're we're we're exposed. This was actually the time that I ran into somebody and said we're gonna link up later, and we didn't, that was the one that got added to the calendar.

SPEAKER_01 35:19

That's crazy. But here's the thing what I would also mention is when we say committing to plans with friends, are these our individual friends or are these like couple friends?

SPEAKER_00 35:29

Great question.

SPEAKER_01 35:29

If it's a couple's friend, we gotta talk about it.

SPEAKER_00 35:31

That's a separate episode. Okay.

SPEAKER_01 35:33

But if it's but if it's individual friends, there still needs to be individual friends, yeah.

SPEAKER_00 35:38

As long as the calendar is available, like you do your shared calendar. I'm golfing with Nick on Friday. Like, that would be something you just put on a calendar. I wouldn't have to like ask for approval. But if like really approval, no, but some people are it's not asked for is it asked for approval?

SPEAKER_01 35:53

Do you think people have it's like that?

SPEAKER_00 35:55

Some people are moving like that, you know, where you like, I have to ask. Wifey said, wifey said, I can't go, I can't participate in fantasy football this year. I I gotta ask. Like, that I know some guys that that is that is a part of the conversation. Okay, I had somebody tell me. Wait, hold on.

SPEAKER_01 36:10

We have our one of our producers in here.

SPEAKER_00 36:12

I had somebody tell me recently I do things before my wife asks. I I get them done before she even asks.

SPEAKER_01 36:17

I was like, man, perfect. Love that. I know, but literally love that.

SPEAKER_00 36:20

But he sounded like he may have needed a uh a safe space. He might even need to slide him a phone number. You blink twice. No, I mean, wait, wait, real quick. You need me to say that.

SPEAKER_01 36:32

And then we're gonna wrap up this episode. I think we need to do a part two because I've got about four more rounds for y'all. Okay, we haven't even got into social media, health and lifestyle, home life. So we're gonna do a part two. Absolutely. But what that reminds me of is a meme where it was actually an older couple. They had to be probably in their 70s. And so she is sitting on the couch, her husband's in the back in the kitchen, and she says, This is the sign for if you're being abused, and he's even the back like help me. Help me. She turns around, he's like, huh? And then she said, So do this sign if you want. He does both, and then she starts running after him. So I thought that was really cute, but it's like it's it's cute for a like a skip, but maybe not obviously not in real life.

SPEAKER_00 37:14

It reminds it reminds me of, and I'm just using this as an example, the couple that you mentioned where she only posts her husband to the close friends.

SPEAKER_01 37:19

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00 37:20

She's posting her at the beach on vacation. He's posting in the sand drone shots, him writing help in the sand. Like, help me.

SPEAKER_01 37:28

Send help. Send help. Send

Couple Calendars Part Two Tease

SPEAKER_01 37:30

help. Okay, so we're gonna wrap up here. We'll do a part two and answer some of these other questions. Like we said, y'all, please weigh in. Do you agree with us? Do you disagree? Are you feeling as if, you know, we want to hear your hot take of the thing?

SPEAKER_00 37:44

You never go on the first date of Daven Busters. Let us know.

SPEAKER_01 37:46

You know what I'm saying? Let us know. Do you think that um, you know, you can talk to your spouse any type of way in front of your family? Some people feel that way.

SPEAKER_00 37:55

And let us know how it works for you. How does that work out for you?

SPEAKER_01 38:00

Okay. All right. Well, we appreciate y'all so much for listening to another episode of the podcast. If you feel like somebody would, you know, learn something new or they have their own hot take, please send this episode to them. Um, as always, follow us on social media at Coupley Fit, C O U P L E Y Y F I T. As always, keep growing, glowing, and feeling better together. Bye.