Episode 87: Are You Moving in the Same Direction as Your Spouse?

Are You Still Building Together?

SPEAKER_00 0:00

Welcome back. Today we are talking about are you building the same future as your spouse? You said I do to the same marriage, but are you still working toward the same future?

SPEAKER_01 0:14

Is it goals or or or not building the goals together? Or not seeing a lot of that.

SPEAKER_00 0:21

So let's talk a little bit about the difference between maybe a shared direction and identical goals. What are your thoughts?

SPEAKER_01 0:29

Yeah, I think a shared direction, one, I think it takes the communication to even find out what is that shared direction. Because I think a lot of times what we we typically see is people are, I mean, again, you get it. When you before you get into the marriage, you're operating as an individual. How do you operate in a team environment when we now are aligning on maybe it's buying a house, maybe it's starting a family, it's how we're gonna raise our kids, all of those things, or even like the health goals.

SPEAKER_00 0:56

Right.

SPEAKER_01 0:56

We see a lot of times, like one person's like, I'm all in, I'm doing 75 hard, other person's doing 75 soft. Nothing wrong with that, judge free zone. But it could be a situation where it's like, wait, I thought I was gonna have more support from you, or I'm working on this challenge or what or goal and you're working maybe against you're bringing donuts and things in the house. And it's like, wait a minute, I thought we were on our new year's resolution. So I just think a lot of times if you're not communicating it and then getting on the same page and then being transparent about what does that, what do you expect from me from a support aspect or from a joining in with you? Because like if I popped up and said, hey, I'm about to run a marathon, you'd be like, hey, how can I support you? But I'm not running alongside you for you know 20 plus miles.

SPEAKER_00 1:40

Right. Maybe a half marathon. Okay, I can you'd be on the bike. I can work, I can work up to a half marathon. But to your point, right, when you talk about a shared direction, that's even what we mentioned with the inner circle that we've launched with Coupley Fit. Is it's okay to have different goals, but you need to be going in the same direction. Because oftentimes we see so many people that started off, okay, we got married and we think that we're heading in the same direction. But how many times have we heard that couples end up growing apart? Because you're not constantly coming back to what is our vision? What is our direction? And we don't need to necessarily always have identical goals. There can be some goals that, like you mentioned, we want to get a house, maybe the vision that you have for your kids and where you want them to go. That can be identical, but at the same time, still leaving room to both be able to grow in the same direction and still keeping that effort also going into that same direction.

SPEAKER_01 2:36

And I see a visual, like as you were talking, I was seeing like a visual of like a couple in the car and like, you know, somebody's drop grabbing the steering wheel, like, no, we're going, we're exiting here. Yes. We're like, no, we're driving straight. And then it's like, what happens also when adversity hits? And maybe you get thrown a curveball, right? Whatever that might look like. And then now it's like, wait a minute, what you know, what do we do when it's raining?

SPEAKER_00 2:58

Yes.

SPEAKER_01 2:58

Are we able to then still be on the same page and navigate because it's harder to see what's in front of us, right? Or there's more distractions, or maybe it's family or different things that are happening that are adding to like, wait, we're we're actually not moving in the same direction towards that shared goal.

SPEAKER_00 3:13

Right. And so we kind of touch upon it a little bit when we said having a house or that's a goal that you may have. But

Money Priorities And Hard Conversations

SPEAKER_00 3:20

what do you do when your spouse has a different financial priority or objective? How do you maybe talk through that? How do you end up coming to a point where, again, we can have different goals, but going into that same direction?

SPEAKER_01 3:39

It's a great question. I feel like one, the first piece we always talk about, and this is maybe a step back, but who's the person that you chose? Like the decision-making process of your partner and your mate. Because there's some people that let's just be honest, we see it a lot too, not to sidetrack us, but we see it a lot too, where like people are tricking early. Early. First night, just met you. I bought a bottle, or I bought drinks for you and all your friends. And now the expectation is, oh, you're setting a precedent. You're setting a precedent that Louis Vuitton is an option, or that we can just go and duck into, you know, Cartier or whatever the case may be. And you're like, whoa, whoa, whoa, I thought we were saving for a house. Right. I thought we were stacking, you know, I thought it was all money in, no money out, versus the other way around. And I think that can be a piece of it of like, wait a minute, what precedent did you set? Because somebody might be in a relationship, like, wait a minute, like you presented yourself as a provider. And this in today's day and age, there's a lot more women that are in that dynamic as well, where they are in that provider scenario. But so if the systic, you know, you came up and you told him, like, hey, you ain't got to work, you don't have to do anything, I got you. Don't be surprised when he gets caught into that routine. And now you're like, wait, we need to be saving.

SPEAKER_00 4:51

And it's like, no, I thought we were I thought we were spending at all times.

SPEAKER_01 4:55

At all times.

SPEAKER_00 4:56

At all times. Yeah. But to your point, when we talk about different financial priorities, I know even for us, something that you were so fortunate enough to come out of college with was no debt.

SPEAKER_01 5:07

It's true.

SPEAKER_00 5:08

You had an athletic scholarship, so it was very easy for you to kind of move on to your next level and next phase. But I remember we had a conversation before we had got married. I said, listen, I had to take out student loans. This I lived on my own. I was working full-time. I had a very different path than you did. And it was at that time very difficult to be able to make ends meet while still being in school full time. So I had to supplement in some ways. And so we had that conversation though, about, hey, this is where I'm at. I want you to know before we even say I do, this is where we're at. And so again, I think talking about those financial priorities, something too is we typically are coming from a place of maybe where we are, which is in our mid 30s, but what about the people that are in their 40s, 50s, even 60s? Right. What happens if you do have kids that are potentially going to a private school or are you paying for their college, right? And having those conversations with your spouse about, hey, are we going to continue to do what we said we were going to do in the beginning and pay for college? Or is this now an opportunity where, you know, they can learn some life skills and get and get out there in whether it's a paid internship or getting even a part-time job during the summer. I think a lot of those things need to be talked about because things shift, right? There may have been, when you first were married, there may have been a situation where you both were doing well and you both had a really great paying job. But then as we see now, how many people have lost their jobs just within the last couple of years is significant. And so now we have to change those financial priorities. But again, we can still have the same direction, but it just may be, oh, well, we were going to buy a house in the next five years. That might be pushed out to seven years, right? And just making sure you're having those conversations and being realistic in the conversations that you're having, especially when you talk about finances.

SPEAKER_01 7:02

Well, no, I appreciate you calling it out and making a good example there on, you know, the student loans and just the difference, right? I was, again, fortunate and blessed to be able to be a student athlete and have that dynamic. I wish I was in the NIL era.

SPEAKER_00 7:15

Oh, right now.

SPEAKER_01 7:16

Come on now. Well talking about they pay for school. I'm like, But you weren't paying me, you know, like um, but I I I definitely I definitely feel that. But I appreciate that example because one, this is gonna prompt somebody to to share and be transparent. And then for that person that is maybe older, the 40, you know, 40 plus, or you know, maybe this isn't your first marriage or first, you know, right time going down this path. I think about some of the questions they ask when you're going through the home buying process. Oh my god. Do you have any alimony?

SPEAKER_00 7:45

They do.

SPEAKER_01 7:46

Do you have any this? Do you have any child support? Do you have any? I mean, they're like boom, boom. Yes. And so sometimes if you're going through your debt. If you're going through, and it's not that you want to like, you know, feel like you're on attack mode of asking all these questions, but like if you're going to buy a house, they're asking those things. And so hopefully, before you get into that dynamic, you've already asked your partner and you've level set of like, we both are writing out the same answers, right? Versus I thought I thought it was no to all of those things. And like, actually, and another thing to your point, aside from, you know, there's a lot of things that are happening with, you know, AI and automations. And, you know, I saw, you know, um, Amazon is rolling out, I believe, a million robots. Now that unfortunately, that's gonna be, you know, a a sticking point for people that are doing those roles today. But then also it's like, well, wait a minute, how do you adjust? And and also something else to factor in that not a lot of people are talking about, but we've been seeing it more and more the amount of people that are gambling and putting it on rent, like thinking, but again, everybody thinks about the positive of, oh man, this is the one.

SPEAKER_00 8:55

Correct.

SPEAKER_01 8:56

Like, I'm gonna bet on this game, I'm gonna double, like double up.

SPEAKER_00 9:00

And I'm betting it all on a parlay.

SPEAKER_01 9:03

I need five things to go right.

SPEAKER_00 9:04

It's crazy. But then also just uh quick side note because we are touching on gambling, the the marketing, right? You're seeing that, oh, put five down, could win 500. I come on.

SPEAKER_01 9:15

Sign up and get $50 for your first bet.

SPEAKER_00 9:17

$50 for your first bet. You got do not fall for it. Do not fall for it. It is all a marketing ploy. The whole point is they want you to be able to spend, spend, spend. That is also why casinos and when you go to Vegas, right? You're coming in with, okay, I potentially am gonna gamble. So I'm gonna bring in however much to gamble, but then you end up leaving the tables and it's like, oh my gosh, I just took out a loan at the uh casino. My whole car payment's gone, my rent is gone, my child, I'm dipping into my child's college funds.

SPEAKER_01 9:50

And we know people that have had, like, hey, this month it's real because my partner spent the mortgage. Spent the mortgage on gambling, thinking that he, you know, what'd he say? He thought it was uh he was white hot, and all of a sudden it was a cool breeze.

SPEAKER_00 10:04

Cool breeze.

Gambling, Marketing, And Financial Risk

SPEAKER_00 10:07

So let's jump into career ambitions versus protecting time for your relationship. How do you balance the two, whether you are both high achievers or one person is? How do you balance the ambition while also still being able to protect the time that you have to put into your relationship?

SPEAKER_01 10:29

Something's got to give.

SPEAKER_00 10:30

Okay.

SPEAKER_01 10:31

So I'm gonna say that first and foremost because a lot of people will say one of two things. Some will say, Oh, you have to um like either focus on the relationship right or only focus on the work, but there is an ability to sacrifice. And so I think about for us, like we started a business after we got married. We had, you know, did different work that really required us to travel and be in other cities to take big risks.

SPEAKER_00 10:57

Oh, yeah.

SPEAKER_01 10:58

But because of that, it wasn't a situation where we weren't together because we did a business that was together. But I couldn't have imagined having like just done something where I'm just off on like I'm just off on my own grinding, doing this work, and you're like, oh, okay, see you when you get back, right? Like we we created an environment where we were doing the work together. And then even when there's travel and it's we're doing something individually, we try to incorporate the other person where maybe you travel with me, or vice versa. But I think for us, the biggest thing, we waited to start our family. Because if you think about it, a lot of times, like you, you know, you you start, you have kids, and now it's more expectations, right? Like it's not a thing.

SPEAKER_00 11:39

There's some restrictions.

SPEAKER_01 11:40

There can be. I'm just there's definitely restrictions. Just the reality is like the kids have needs, their priorities are before your own. Like I know, you know, we even talk about it where we hear parents say, like, hey, I, you know, I'm eating last because I'm trying to make sure that my kids have food and they that everything, you know, they have school clothes and shoes and all of the things. And it's like, wow, you have to make the sacrifice, but where do you find that balance? Because I think you just have to make sacrifices and realizing what the right sacrifice is, is where you want to have discernment, you want to prey on it, you want to make sure you have the right person. Because it's not that it can't be done, but I feel like a great example, like we see LeBron James and Savannah, and we just saw, you know, they did the home tour and those things, but it's like she's coming out of her shell now more, more interviews, podcasts, different things. But for how long? Like, I don't think I heard like Savannah say five or 10 words, like years prior to this, but it's been 20 plus years of LeBron being the

Career Ambition Versus Relationship Time

SPEAKER_01 12:42

star, and he's on the stage, and you're like, man, he got three kids, and yeah, they're down there, you know, maybe quartzide or coming to the game. But we know that he's leaning on his partner in the better half, especially when you're traveling for, you know, 82 games or, you know, in and out of the city. So I just use it as an example of it does require that balance, but ideally, these are things that you talk about on the front end, and hopefully nobody has to take a true backseat.

SPEAKER_00 13:06

Well, it's interesting you say that because that was going to be my point that I was gonna bring up. So I know we typically say sacrifices. I've been actually subbing that word out and saying trade-offs because sacrifices can make it seem like you're depleting something or you're having something that maybe has to uh die in a way. You know how they say you're like an ego death or something like that.

SPEAKER_01 13:27

Somebody has somebody has some dreams that her Savannah played basketball.

SPEAKER_00 13:30

She did play basketball.

SPEAKER_01 13:31

Come on now, she might have had hoop dreams.

SPEAKER_00 13:33

Exactly. So I would say trade-offs for sure, uh, is the word that I'm starting to use. Now, will what I will say is women, ambitious or not, society has brainwashed us to think that women need to be the ones that are taking the vaccine. And that's really difficult when you are an ambitious, high achieving woman and you do get into a situation, whether with somebody that is the uh same as you and has those same type of ambitions, or that is um maybe not at the same level that you are, but still is requiring you to take a back seat in some ways. So I don't think it's celebrated as much for women as it is for men when it comes to being ambitious, unless you're outright the breadwinner. Then we're talking things that are that get very different.

SPEAKER_01 14:29

And then they say that sometimes when the woman's a breadwinner, at times it's like, oh, well, can you are you gonna find someone or the right person because you're you're considered as maybe you're dominating or you're too, of course, you know, you're you're in the lead role and you're not letting him be the man in the situation in some examples.

SPEAKER_00 14:47

Absolutely. So I do think that being ambitious is celebrated more for men than it is for women. I do think that we're getting better, but I do still see oftentimes in marriages, there is some sort of expectation, whether that's in the actual relationship or at work, that a woman needs to take a step back or take a back seat, or maybe just not be as ambitious. So you may not take the promotion because your husband's telling you that he wants you at home more, or your kids are telling you, hey, mom, I don't see you as much as often, and I want you to come to my games, or I want you to be a part of my life more. So then there has to be that trade-off there. Now, when this comes into how do you protect your relationship at this same time, a lot of this comes down to priorities. And what I will say is what you prioritize is eventually going to be the thing that is going to make or break. And so depending on what you're prioritizing, if you're prioritizing work and that's what you have to do because you are the breadwinner, and I'm just speaking kind of from a woman's standpoint, then that can be looked at as okay, well, that's great that you're doing that over there. Keep doing that, but then also spread yourself so thin because you're still, you still need to show up for me as your partner. You still need to show up for me as mom, as aunt, as caregiver. So therefore, when does it get to a point where there is that protection of peace for women in a relationship? But more importantly, where can we as women be able to look at our partner and say, hey, I need help maybe prioritizing? How can we work on this together? That can look like a weekly date night where you get out at that, you're getting out at 5 p.m. on a Friday and it's a non-negotiable. And I think that's something too, we've talked about in previous episodes is what are the non-negotiables? You have to prioritize your relationship. We know that because we've seen too often that when you don't, how many people are just growing apart? And then that's why we're seeing these divorce rates that are so high. But what we're also seeing too, and Oprah just did an episode about this on her podcast, was women in their 40s are emotionally divorcing rather than actually going through with the full process. So they're saying, listen, we're still in this relationship, but I'm emotionally checked out. I'm good. I don't even really, I don't want to be in this marriage. I don't want to be in this relationship. So I'm just, you know, we'll pop in and do the fake smiles on social or do the fake smiles in front of everybody. But when we get home, we're in separate rooms, maybe separate levels. If you have a two-story, right? Like there's so many things too where you what are you prioritizing? Because that is going to be what ultimately is going to steer the relationship.

SPEAKER_01 17:35

All right, it makes sense. And in the words of Wale, they're gonna lug me for my ambition.

SPEAKER_00 17:39

Wale. Okay, so now do you think that you need to align as

Health Alignment And Avoiding Complacency

SPEAKER_00 17:45

a couple? And you know, we're talking about towards your future, and we said I do. Do you need to align on your health, longevity, retirement, and lifestyle goals? And we can just choose one and kind of go.

SPEAKER_01 17:57

Yeah, I think you should. I think as we look at health, at least and I don't think it's a have to, but it does help if you are on the same page. And what I think of is, you know, again, love a good quote, but Nick Saban. Mediocre people don't like high achievers. That's right. And high achievers don't like mediocre people. So they don't want to like so the the challenge there is sometimes people are like, oh my gosh, really like so-and-so, or things are greater. Maybe metabolism was really fast when we were young. Now getting older, that has changed.

SPEAKER_00 18:29

Of course.

SPEAKER_01 18:30

Hormones, hormones, you know, change metabolism, and now it's like, well, wait a minute. I'm oh, but some people are okay with like, I don't care. Like, I'm gonna eat what I want, like, I don't want to work out. I heard somebody say I already got you.

SPEAKER_00 18:42

So what do I do?

SPEAKER_01 18:43

That part too. What am I working out for? For what? I already got you.

SPEAKER_00 18:46

I already got you. You're locked in, you're not going anywhere.

SPEAKER_01 18:49

And that's a mistake.

SPEAKER_00 18:50

That's a mistake.

SPEAKER_01 18:51

That's when your partner starts emotionally checking out. I that's not what you want, but that happens so often because people get complacent, comfortable, comfortable. You're like, oh, well, I was doing all of these things, routine, I was doing all of these things to get the mate, to get married, to have kids. And now you get that, and you're like, I can kick my feet up and it's over. No, no, no.

SPEAKER_00 19:13

No, no, no. No, no, no.

SPEAKER_01 19:15

Again, somebody just said somebody said recently I was at a conference and I mentioned to somebody that we were celebrating 10 years married, and they said, Oh, brother, you renewed your contract.

SPEAKER_00 19:24

You know what? We're gonna actually an episode about that.

SPEAKER_01 19:26

I said, I said I've been hearing that more. So I hadn't I hadn't thought about that, but absolutely. I mean, we you know, I guess is that another way of saying choose.

SPEAKER_00 19:33

You are signing a piece of paper. I mean, it's yeah, interesting.

SPEAKER_01 19:37

You know, it's a it's a four-life commitment, yeah. But in some people's minds, they're like, Again, I guess that's a way of saying, are you continuing to choose your partner? Right. And I feel like that's a part of what we're talking about is are are you also investing in yourself? Because when we look at self-development, and I'm just thinking about us, right? Like, even when like we can go a couple of days and be like shut in, like chilling on the couch, relaxing, love it, love it, love it, love it. But like by the time day like three hits, day two or three, yeah, we're like, okay, it's time to get out. We got to get moving, we gotta get outdoors, they're crazy. But there's some people that are like, no, like I don't, yeah, I don't need to get out. Like, I can be in like a rut for an extremely spirited uh extended period of time, or I can just be shut in. And it's like when those things happen, can you lean back on the habits that you created, the healthy habits, the wellness? Those are things that come to my mind that you want to be on the same page on. Otherwise, it can pull you apart.

SPEAKER_00 20:36

Yes, absolutely. So I'm gonna quickly touch on the longevity because that goes into health longevity-wise. Again, I would say for couples, having the same direction is what is your why of wanting to stay healthy or live as long as possible, right? It can literally be just one thing where it's I'm doing it for my kids, or it can be for an event that you are looking forward to where I'm waiting for my daughter to get married. And, you know, figuring out what that looks like for you of why you want to live as long as possible. Cause at the end of the day, you want to be with your partner, I would assume, for as long as you can, and you want to be able to live life for as long as you can. So figuring out that why retirement's very different

Retirement And Lifestyle Vision Planning

SPEAKER_00 21:24

now. How many times? And we saw this when we were in Vegas with your grandparents. Do you remember we were at Costco and we were looking around? I said, How many people in here look like they're in their 70s and maybe 80s that are still working? And I don't even think it was a still working. I think they might have retired and had to come back to work.

SPEAKER_01 21:43

Absolutely. Well, let's not even just talk about Costco, Uber.

SPEAKER_00 21:46

Well, yeah, Uber.

SPEAKER_01 21:47

We have some Uber drivers. I'm like, my guy. But I don't know, like, I don't know if you come on now. Yes. Driving slow, but it's like, wait, but you maybe retired, but people. Seeing I ran through savings or I had something happen, or you know, God forbid somebody has a health issue. Yes, that can be it'll literally cost you an arm and a leg.

SPEAKER_00 22:11

Yep, absolutely. Um, so retirement too. How do you want to retire? When do you want to retire? What does retirement look like for you? Do you even want to travel? Is that something that you want to do when you're retired, or do you just want to, you know, maybe go out into uh the a rural area, get you a little trailer, a little tiny home, and just garden and and kind of go off grid, right? What does that actually look like for you? And then lifestyle goals, what do you want your life to look like? I feel like so many people just don't even talk about, and maybe it's not giving yourself permission to dream or giving yourself permission to even think that far ahead because we're so in the moment so many times. But what do you actually want your life to look like 10, 20, 30 years down the line? And how do you show up as that person or show up to become that person that you ultimately want to be right now? And what does that look like? And how do you ask your spouse for that support, or even if they're on that same goal as you? Is this something that you're even willing to do? Do you want to go off grid with me? She might be like, honey, no, what are you talking about? Absolutely not.

SPEAKER_01 23:23

I'm you know, I'm not, I'm I'm one of those people, I'd rather be in the city. I'm not trying to be out there camping. I want to have the fresh fruits and all those things, but I'm I still need some city violence.

SPEAKER_00 23:31

No, give me, I mean, not fully off-grid, but if I could just be out in like a flagstaff and just be in the woods, uh, I'd love to.

SPEAKER_01 23:39

And I just want y'all to know she's not kidding. And we got all the survival kits and things that you could think of.

SPEAKER_00 23:44

But I also grew up camping. You didn't grow up like that.

SPEAKER_01 23:46

That's true.

SPEAKER_00 23:46

I pitched the tents, fires, blow-up mattresses, the whole thing. So, how do you support individual dreams without sacrificing the partnership?

Supporting Big Dreams Without Splitting

SPEAKER_01 23:59

It's a great question. Um, and I think it's a lot, it's more nuanced than just one like simple answer or one catch-all. Um but I think it's the aspect of what does the dream require? What does it require from the individual? What is it required from their partner? What does it require from your family or kids? Because that's something that you do have to explain and help them understand. I mean, I'm just I'm thinking of this as an example, but Shaquille O'Neal was having a sit-down with the son, and the son was saying he wants to play pro basketball and those things. And he's like, son, the sacrifices that you have to make or the trade-offs that you have to make, like me playing in the NBA meant that I wasn't at every birthday, I wasn't at every holiday, right? Like things like that.

SPEAKER_00 24:42

Paul was talking about that.

SPEAKER_01 24:44

And uh Mike Tomlin. Mike Tomlin said he hadn't been to a family reunion. 25 years. Because every year he was in training camp for football. Yeah. And he's like, man, my family, like, people are seeing me, like, oh my gosh. Right. So those experiences, those moments, you may have felt like I missed out on. But now, if you ask maybe a Mike Tomlin, like, do you regret like your career and being, you know, winning as coaching, like you, he's gonna be a you know, Hall of Fame career. You've done all of these incredible things, you're living out your dream, but it there are trade-offs. And so I feel like if you are okay with that and realize that, and and I'm gonna be honest, it's something that I I know too, and and you know this, but being a like a high achiever, sometimes there are there there isn't balance. Sometimes it's just go mode.

unknown 25:33

Right.

SPEAKER_01 25:33

But you have to seasons, like something that I always think about is training camp. Like, you know, for training camp, like we're doing two a days, it's weight room, it's but people will think about that for sport, but not necessarily for life. Right. So those moments where maybe somebody's studying for their real estate license or they're finishing a certification or they're going back to get their mass, like whatever that is, like, hey, this next two years, yes, like it's about to be a grind, and I'm not gonna have as much maybe help or support as some of those things because we have this bigger overarching goal. But let me correlate that to the shared dream that we have or where we want our family to be in future state. We want to be able to retire, we want to be able to go on the vacation, whatever those things are, and then it makes you feel like the trade-offs are more worthwhile.

SPEAKER_00 26:22

Right.

SPEAKER_01 26:23

Because you see the forest beyond the trees.

SPEAKER_00 26:25

Right.

SPEAKER_01 26:25

Sometimes if we just get caught up in the trees, we're like, man, why am I here?

SPEAKER_00 26:29

Right.

SPEAKER_01 26:30

But then you get to the other side, or then what we're seeing with a lot of people too, is they don't necessarily want to go through that. Either they go through that experience and that journey and that transformation, but maybe they didn't wait for their partner. And now people went their separate ways. Now they're the finished product outside of the relationship, and their mate, their you know, wife or husband are looking like, dang, this was the person I wanted you to be the whole time. But you jumped off the you jumped out of the car before you got to the destination. And I think it's just again, communication, it is collaboration, but then being aligned on what that is gonna take.

SPEAKER_00 27:07

Absolutely. Uh, those are all really great references too. Cause I think when you talk about supporting individual dreams, something we're not talking about is what is the dream? True. Do you want to be a rapper? You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_01 27:20

Like what we did see, we did see a couple 40-year-old rappers like I got a mixtape for you.

SPEAKER_00 27:25

No, like what is the dream?

SPEAKER_01 27:27

But then two chains got on at like third late 30s.

SPEAKER_00 27:31

Understood, but we also, I don't know much about his story, but was he doing things prior to that that was giving him not only the reinforcement that this is the the path for you?

SPEAKER_01 27:40

That's a good question.

SPEAKER_00 27:41

But also was this, did you feel like this was your divine calling and those things? We also know some people that were uh, you know, wanted to be maybe, and we're just using music industry because it's something simple right now, but be in the music industry. And although they're not going out and actually going into the clubs at 40s and 50s, they maybe have a DJ like turntables in their house. So they can make little mixtapes and do things in the house. So that's what we're kind of saying, too, is that can still be a part of your dream, but the dream isn't necessarily going out and maybe full fully fulfilling that right now. Maybe it's just what does that kind of first step look like when we talk about the crawl walk run of your dreams? What does that actually look like? And then also is when you talk about sacrificing the partnership for somebody's dreams, we and again, we can say trade-off, right? What is a trade-off for that dream? But are you making sure that, like you mentioned before, you're bringing your partner along on your dream and on that journey? Or are you saying this is my dream? Maybe you don't, maybe your partner doesn't believe in it, right? Like that happens often too, where your partner doesn't believe. Maybe it's your partner that doesn't believe in your dream and you do want to bring them along, but they're just saying, I don't, for what? What are you doing? This is a waste of time.

SPEAKER_01 28:58

You can't rap.

SPEAKER_00 28:59

Right. Like you can't you can't do this, or I don't see this being something that's in your your journey or your path, which that, as we know, that negative talk is a part of the reason why people feel as if, okay, well, I'm gonna go and do this on my own then. Then I'm not gonna bring you along. So although you may not be rah-rah, rah and I'm fully in your corner, so you can still support in a way that is allowing that person to know that you believe in them. Because that's what we want as a partnership. You want the to know that the other person believes in you. And although I may not respect your dream, I still believe in you and I believe in what you want to do and whatever I can do to help you get there, we'll try it to a certain point. Sometimes you have to put a timeline on the dreams as well. Let's be honest, right? Where, you know, we can't keep dumping maybe money into something that we're our ultimate dream and goal is to get a house or to have some other financial priorities. So we need to figure out how maybe we put a timeline on it of okay, if we don't necessarily reach the dream by this point, can we revisit the conversation and see about uh how we can move forward maybe in a different way?

SPEAKER_01 30:09

Or you got to also have a steady Freddy in working on the dream on the side.

SPEAKER_00 30:14

Right.

SPEAKER_01 30:14

And once you hit some milestones, if it's something that's financial and it involves that, but then you hit some milestones, like these different milestones or checkpoints to your point that then are like, okay, boom, you're getting booked in busy. Okay. Oh, you got to invite to do some of these for sure. Now we can make even more accommodations. But I think just everyone thinks it's gonna be so instant, and there's this instant microwave success. And it's like, oh, oh just saw we saw something, it was like somebody got their real estate license, and then they're selling million-dollar homes like the next day. Come on, it's like you guys, there's there's a process, and even if that is the case, that doesn't mean every home is gonna be like that. And so, yeah, I just appreciate what you said there. And and hopefully, even if you don't, and it happens, right? Where someone may not see it, they may not, your partner may not see what you see, they may not see your vision or see your dream, but they still can respect you right and appreciate the fact that you are going after something and that you are passionate about it. Because we see that a lot, like where all of a sudden that disrespect gets in there of like, not only do I not believe in it, but now I'm talking to you crazy. No, which is not good, not good, not a healthy recipe, not then all of a sudden the rapper drops their first hit, fans at the concert, wife's nowhere to be found.

SPEAKER_00 31:30

Right.

SPEAKER_01 31:31

And it's like, well, I she didn't believe in me anyway. She didn't respect my dream. So again, it's much better when you can do it together, but it's rare, right? Like it truly is.

SPEAKER_00 31:41

Yeah.

Inner Circle Community And How To Join

SPEAKER_00 31:42

And speaking of rare, that's also why we created the Coupley Fit Inner Circle. You know, that was something for us we saw that so many couples were struggling with having meaningful connection. They were struggling with building a system or a rhythm of how their relationship can work and how it can continue to grow. And so we really wanted to hone in on a private community where we have subject matter experts, not only like ourselves, but also people that we know that have done the work, but more importantly, have the credentials to be able to back it up, to give couples the opportunity to say, hey, this is a system that you guys can do together. Where again, if you're just doing one small change to your system, you're gonna create something that works best for you and works best for your relationship. Because we really wanted to focus and honing on building community, building belonging for couples to be able to come and create that generational health. And we talk about these things. You know, we really wanna be able to get into what is it that is going to continue to fuel a relationship so that it doesn't end up being something where maybe 10 years down the line you're looking back and thinking, gosh, the person I said I do to is not the person that I want to be with today. You know, how can we create that system that's going to create that outcome that we're looking for, which is that longevity of not only us as individuals, but then also of our marriage and relationship?

SPEAKER_01 33:10

Because it's out there, it does exist, and there are other people that are striving to be able to build together, have a healthy relationship, build longevity, have health also something that's a priority where we're, you know, we're growing, we're getting better as time goes on. And it's rare, but to your point, it's it's something that is attainable, but you have to have the right support, foundation, the right people around you. Community. I love what I love the saying when they say, Show me your friends, I'll show you your future. So if you end up being in an environment where you're around people that are toxic, you're around people that are divorced, people that are unhappy, right? Like you don't want to be next. And that's, you know, that's the the downside if you're not prioritizing those things.

SPEAKER_00 33:56

Yes. So this was another great episode. I'm really glad that we were able to touch upon this. If you want to learn a little bit more about the inner circle, we are officially going to be launching in January of 2027. But you can check us out at www.coupleyfit, co-p-le-y f I t dot com. And you can check us out on all social media channels too at Coupley Fit as well. We appreciate you so much. Keep growing, keep glowing, and keep feeling better together. Bye.