Episode 86: 10 Marriage Lessons That Actually Work

Ten Years Married And Counting

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Welcome back to the Coupley Fit Podcast. We are your host, Kurt Indiana. And this is a very special episode for us. We are celebrating 10 years of being married this week. And so we want to give you 10 lessons to kind of get you through. These are 10 lessons in 10 years that we've learned that has actually helped us. And so these are not rules. Again, these are just things that over the years we've learned as we continue to grow and evolve as a couple. We are going to be counting down from number 10 all the way down to number one, which we believe is going to be the most important when it comes to your marriage. And then we have a bonus tip. So make sure you stay tuned to the end of the episode.

SPEAKER_00 0:45

And I feel like we have to preface and say, we always get asked, like, are y'all newlyweds? Like y'all just get together? And we're like, no, we're actually 10 years in. So I feel like that's that in itself is a blessing, just that not only are we 10 years in, but it's like it's still that new like energy of like we're still excited to do different things, have different experiences. So I don't want to jump the gun on the list here, but I just wanted to preface like, it's such a blessing to be at a decade.

SPEAKER_01 1:13

Absolutely. And also, too, when we got married, I was 25, you were 26. So that gives you a little bit of context, too, of just being in your mid-20s and growing and evolving. So when we go through these lessons that we've learned, we've really gone through them, y'all. So let's jump into it.

Support That Matches The Season

SPEAKER_01 1:31

Number 10. Support your spouse. Don't just love them. So, what does support actually look like to your spouse?

SPEAKER_00 1:41

You know, lucky number 10 here. Uh, so I really do like, I do like this. And I think that support level is really based on what your partner needs. And this changes throughout the different seasons. A lot of times it's like, oh no, my partner needs help in this one area. And I think about for us, um, it's evolved. Whether that was, I mean, I'm thinking early on, like I'm still playing sports and things like that. And that support was maybe just helping me with my rehab and prep and different things to whereas now it does look different, and us being in business and things like that. So it's evolved, but I feel like it's it's not allowing um allowing time to go by without re-asking that question of how can I support you? What else can I be doing? And it working both ways, where it's not just one-sided with one spouse or one partner and not both.

SPEAKER_01 2:27

Right. And I think too asking your partner, hey, what are the ways that I can support you? What are the ways that I can show up for you better? What are maybe some areas that I can help you and take some things off of your plate? Those are very simple questions that you can ask. And I know we've asked that over the years. And to be frank, it didn't always start off this way, right? Like we mentioned earlier in the episode, we were in our mid-20s. And so for us, it was a lot of just learning and growing and evolving because you don't know what you don't know, right? Until you get into it. And then you get into a long-term relationship and you realize, oh, I have to keep asking the same questions because this person in front of me is not the same person that uh was when I first married.

SPEAKER_00 3:10

Yeah, it's a different version, right? It's a different version of like I feel like it's unique because you're a different version of yourself than when we first met or when we first got married, but then we're also a different version of as a couple than what we than what we started as. So I feel like that just giving that room for growth because some people I feel like we hear it all the time. It's like, oh, like I outgrew them. Or um they change, right? As if change is a bad thing, but we're not, you know, I I heard a quote that said, uh, we're a lot like trees, either we're growing or we're dying.

SPEAKER_01 3:42

Absolutely.

SPEAKER_00 3:43

And it kind of simplifies it, but that's a question of, you know, I feel like it just kind of is that added element.

Keep Growing In The Same Direction

SPEAKER_01 3:48

Well, that actually goes right into number nine, which is keep growing. So you want to keep evolving, you know, your goals don't have to match, but your direction should. And I think that's really important, just as we are talking about again, who we were in our mid-20s is definitely not who we are in our mid-30s. And there's just a lot of maturity, right? As you grow as a person, and like you mentioned before, as a couple as well. It's so important also to be that lifelong learner. So you're a lifelong learner, yes, in in life, but more important with your spouse and being a lifelong learner of your spouse as well.

SPEAKER_00 4:26

And and I was just saying too, whoever's like, for those that are listening right now, this is a form of learning, right? Right. It doesn't have to just be like, I think about for us, when we talk about that learning early on, we got gifted the Five Love Languages book. Yes, like as a wedding gift. And I thought that was powerful. But again, it doesn't just like some people are like, I don't necessarily want to like read the information. I rather watch a podcast, I rather, you know, talk to some other couples. All of those are ways to keep learning and growing and essentially investing and pouring into your relationship.

SPEAKER_01 4:54

Absolutely. And to add to that too, is remembering that there's gonna be your core values and kind of the core of who you are. But at the end of the day, like what your hobbies may change, you know, who how you look at the world and your perspective may change just because simply of life experiences. And so again, just keep growing and evolving. That's something that we've learned over the years. And again, it's not easy when you are potentially seeing your partner maybe growing faster than you are, and you're just trying to maybe keep up. I I know that's also too what we've heard from other couples as well, is it's not always at the same time, but that's why I mentioned just go being sure that you're going in the same direction.

SPEAKER_00 5:35

100%.

SPEAKER_01 5:36

Yeah.

Keep Dating And Keep Flirting

SPEAKER_01 5:37

So number eight, we always say this, but keep dating your spouse and keep flirting. I feel like just people don't flirt anymore. Nice little butt grab here, you know, a nice little like rubbing of the back and massages and just like letting your partner know that you find them attractive and those type of things. I think that's so important. You don't want to stop pursuing each other.

SPEAKER_00 6:02

And I think that's why we get so many of the comments of, oh, y'all must agit, like are y'all newlyweds, y'all just get engaged, or y'all just get married, or because of people see the way that we interact with each other. Right. And it's not necessarily the like typical kind of like stay, people may just call out for a second. The fact that like you all so often hear people like the ball and chain. Yeah, my wife, I've got it, like, or my husband.

SPEAKER_02 6:26

Or my husband.

SPEAKER_00 6:27

And it's it's and it's such a negative connotation. And I feel like we always hear the negatives, the divorce rate, the this, like, and all, and you see why. But if you're not dating your spouse, if you're not spending quality time together, and I think also not to go backwards, but for those that maybe aren't married yet, make sure you're with somebody that you do want to spend time with, right? And that you actually enjoy and you like. Because a lot of times it's like, do y'all like it? We're looking around, like, do y'all like each other?

SPEAKER_01 6:53

Y'all like each other? But that's also goes back to what worked out also in our favor, too, is we built a friendship. And although we knew that we were eventually going to get to the point that we are today, it was started off just simply by let like most people, right? It was sending memes and sending reels and sending just things that you find funny or things that you find interesting and building on that. And then I think that we realized how important it was to keep doing that, even to this day. I know I think I just blew you, I just well, no, you actually just blew up blew my uh my uh text messages with you of a few memes that, you know, again, funny, some are serious, some were just like future state. And so uh again, I think it's so important to just keep dating each other.

SPEAKER_00 7:41

100%. And and to that point on that, on that dating, this is one who you choose to be with, right, is one of the top three most important decisions you're gonna make in your life. So who you choose to be with, marry, right, or or have a long-term relationship, where you decide to live, and then the work that you decide to do. Yeah. So this is like one of the big three that's so important. And I feel, you know, I feel grateful every day. I chose you.

SPEAKER_01 8:04

I love you, my buttercat. All right, number seven.

Grace, Compassion, Benefit Of Doubt

SPEAKER_01 8:08

I think this is so important. It's kind of understated, but it is something that we absolutely try to do every single day. And that's lead with grace and compassion, right? Something that I love that you've always mentioned, and that's kind of a philosophy that we live by is charge it to my head and not my heart. Because how many times has something happened and it's like in your mind, you may think, oh my gosh, they did that on purpose, or they're being not necessarily malicious, but they're just maybe not being as thoughtful as I want them to be. And so they must be doing it on purpose. When oftentimes it's just it slipped my mind. Don't be so upset at me for something that just happened to go to the wayside. Bring it to my attention, but do it with grace and compassion. And then from there we can keep growing together because it's so important that we don't uh always accuse, right? And just think that because somebody didn't do something that we wanted or they stopped doing something, that all of a sudden it's like, oh, they don't love me anymore, or you know, we're just growing apart. It's not always that kind of black and white.

SPEAKER_00 9:18

Yeah, that benefit of the doubt. Right. Um, and if you give that, like a lot of times we'll give it, we'll give it to our uh fantasy football uh team, we'll give it to every, you know, we're giving the benefit of the doubt to everybody else, but then you hold your partner, your spouse to a standard that's like not even attainable. Exactly.

SPEAKER_01 9:34

Um and it makes it hard to live up to that standard because you may feel like you're being uh, you know, your spouse is disappointing you, and then you don't want to feel like you're disappointing your spouse too. So it is really one of those things where again, if we always are coming from the place of grace and compassion and just knowing that oftentimes it may just slip their mind, you right, and just bring it to their attention in a way that's hey, you know, I noticed how you used to do this when we first started dating. Is this something that we can still continue to do? Do we want to evolve in how we do that? I think it's really important.

SPEAKER_00 10:06

And being curious, like to that, I think that's curiosity of why didn't like what happened? Why you know why didn't why didn't they open the door for me today? What's going on? What's going on? What's going on? You know, I'm used to some some fresh made cookies. Where are they at?

SPEAKER_01 10:20

Not the cookies.

Build Emotional And Mental Safety

SPEAKER_01 10:22

All right, number six, build safety with each other. And so what I really loved about that is I think oftentimes when people think safety, maybe physical safety is the first one that comes to mind, which is extremely important, but also right, mental safety, spiritual safety, psychological safety. Like you want to feel as if can I show up as my true self in front of my spouse or with my spouse? And will they accept me for who I am and where I am right now as I continue to grow and evolve?

SPEAKER_00 10:55

And when I think about the safety, sometimes it starts off and it's very simple or subtle, where it could be as simple as your partner shared something with you that maybe is about your family or is about something like that. And do you work on it? Do you work on that together or share it? Or like, do you take maybe something that they shared and you have another conversation and things like that? And then like caught off guard, like, man, I didn't got into the family, I done got to a family group chat. They're looking at me crazy or the family reunion. And it's like, well, wait a minute, they already are privy to the fact that she says she doesn't, you know, she doesn't like right, she don't like grandma's pie. And you're like, what? Nothing. All of a sudden, all of a sudden, granny rolling her eyes. You're like, I told you that me confidence.

SPEAKER_01 11:39

So yeah, and to you, but to your point, right, building that safety and also just like you said, emotional safety too. Um, you want to be able to express yourself in a way that we always say is a judge-free zone. And sometimes we actually have to say that before we say something of like, kind of like, don't judge me for what I'm about to say, but this is how I feel, or these this is what I'm thinking. And I think it just gives a little bit of space for, like we mentioned, that grace and that compassion because you're realizing that the person feels safe enough with you to even mention these things, which that in and of itself is such a privilege. I mean, that's so nice that somebody feels that's safe with you to maybe show up as their full self. Because as we know, you know, sometimes you can't do that at work all the time, right? Or you can't do that in other spaces all the time, but you definitely wanna be able to do that within your unit. And, you know, the more that you're able to do that and practice that, I think it's just so critical.

SPEAKER_00 12:34

Yeah, and you're not having to filter like you're gonna say this, but can I say this or can I say this? Am I gonna be judged? Or like, is this gonna come up in a later argument or a later conversation where they're like, let me dangle that over your head that you said that?

SPEAKER_01 12:46

Oh my god.

SPEAKER_00 12:47

You see a lot, we see a lot of those things.

SPEAKER_01 12:49

We do, we do. Uh, all right, number five.

Marriage As The Family Foundation

SPEAKER_01 12:54

Your relationship is the foundation of the family. And so, what is keeping the marriage strong while raising your kids look like?

SPEAKER_00 13:04

Yeah, I think when you talk about that foundation, um, and I'm just thinking also everybody has their experience before their relationship.

SPEAKER_02 13:12

Right.

SPEAKER_00 13:12

So you start off and you, you know, you maybe had a family foundation prior to your marriage or your relationship. What does that now look like? You know, it kind of reminds me of um, you know, for those movie lovers, right? But like meet the parents. He's like, oh my gosh, Greg, here's the circle of trust. Here's where you are. You're out of the circle of trust.

SPEAKER_02 13:31

You love it.

SPEAKER_00 13:32

But he felt like he truly had a foundation of his family, that's right, his daughters, like all of those things. And Greg, I mean, you know, Ben Stiller's just out on the outside looking in, but he's like, wait, I tried to get in. I thought me and my wife or my fiance, I thought we were building our own foundation, which doesn't negate the fact that you have this, you know, you have your family and those things. But how do you make that something that can be cohesive, that can be welcome? But it really becomes, you know, not to go biblical on you, but like you do departure, mother and father, yeah, and cling to your spouse, cling to your husband or your wife. And so when we think about that, it's an adjustment because it's contrary to sometimes like what you hear. Where it's like, oh no, mom and dad come first, or you know, grandma, or whatever the case may be. It's like actually, this may have to be a shift or a reset. And it doesn't mean you're getting soft, it doesn't mean you're weak, it doesn't mean you're whipped or whatever people may say to try to like undermine the foundation or the strength or the relationship that you're building.

SPEAKER_01 14:32

Which again is so wild because if there's anyone to be whipped is your spouse.

SPEAKER_02 14:37

True.

SPEAKER_01 14:38

I'm spending the rest of my life with you. I absolutely want that. That goes into darn near everything we mentioned before that with the flirting and the dating and um supporting your spouse. But what I also think is is interesting too, right, when we think of even just building a house, right? Your foundation that you're laying, that cement block that is that foundation has to be your relationship because all you're doing as you're building your life and you have life experiences and you're adding things on top of your marriage, that's the foundation, if that's cracking or if that's shaky, or if that's there's pieces that are chipping off, the rest of the house is going to come tumbling down. And so I think it's so important to just continue to think about relationships also in that way of just how can we keep making sure that we're pouring that cement block and pouring that foundation and making sure it's strong and it's solid, no matter what other people say. Cause at the end of the day, it's your relationship. So people can have their opinions, of course, but at the end of the day, it's the two of you that are going to be making the life decisions together. And when the there's more cooks in the kitchen, it starts getting a little messy.

SPEAKER_00 15:45

Gotta elbow a few people out of it.

SPEAKER_01 15:47

Excuse me. Excuse me.

SPEAKER_00 15:49

You talking about you're off today.

SPEAKER_01 15:51

Yes. But to that point, right, when when you add kids on top of a solid foundation, now it starts becoming, you know, you're building a culture for your family unit and your family dynamic. Uh, and then you're also being able to show your kids what a solid foundation actually looks like. Because how many times, you know, in previous episodes, we've even mentioned, man, we've had to unlearn quite a bit and we've had to reparent ourselves and reteach ourselves because there were just maybe some belief systems or uh just a system in general that our family came from that actually doesn't serve us anymore, or that we don't want that to be a part of our foundation.

SPEAKER_00 16:29

100%. It's something that comes to my mind as you say that is the idea that there has to be a good cop, bad cop.

SPEAKER_02 16:35

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_00 16:35

And that there always then is like this thing where someone feels like, man, I've got it. And a lot of times, right? Sometimes it's mom. Go ask your mom. Or like, you know, go ask your mom. And naturally it creates this structure, like, hey, I don't always want to be the person saying no, that's right to everything, or that you can't go or you can't do these things. And dad pulls up, like, yeah, you can do it. Oh, you want ice cream? Good. That's a problem. And it creates this like, well, wait a minute. I I want to go talk to dad. Dad's my favorite, or whatever the case may be, versus, wait, we're on the same page. We'll talk about this at dinner. Right. Together. Together. As a family.

SPEAKER_01 17:06

As a family. And really, if you think about it, we were also teenagers. You know, you try to play your parents a little bit, right? You will try, you will try your hand. You will try your hand. Absolutely. And you're gonna try to uh, you know, see maybe who's gonna break first, or you just kind of start figuring out, oh, okay, this is the parent that I go to about this, this is the parent that I talked to about this. But if you're a United front, these kids know no is no, or yes is yes.

SPEAKER_00 17:32

That part.

Build Family Culture On Purpose

SPEAKER_01 17:34

Okay, number four, and we kind of touch upon this already, but build your family culture intentionally. Uh, so this kind of alludes to right in business, you usually have a culture that you're building, and you can like live or die by that culture, honestly. Oftentimes it's not kind of external factors, it really is within and the unit within that can truly take down uh what you've built. And so I think, for example, right, addressing problems before uh those problems start to become hurtful patterns.

SPEAKER_00 18:08

Yeah, things escalate, right? It's a it's a slippery slope, it's a slippery slope.

SPEAKER_01 18:12

Slippery slope.

SPEAKER_00 18:13

You know, and being able to, you know, really make sure that you're on the same page and what type of culture are you building? Something that you've said to me that I really um it made me think about just even past years and my younger self of like, well, what are the stories that are glorified inside of your household?

SPEAKER_01 18:34

Renee Brown.

SPEAKER_00 18:35

What are what are the stories? What's the conversation like? What are the things that are like that are being glorified? And so when you think about that, that speaks a lot to the culture. So if you're thinking about a team or a family, and it's like, man, we're talking about how we're lifting each other up or how you know we're doing these things, that's awesome. But if we're talking about like you know, some of the negative things, the drama, do you remember this? And it's like you're noticing like, wait a minute, is our is our culture messy? Are we messy? Are we messy? Are we messy? Um, and you start asking that question of like, uh, we saw something recently that had the week. It was like uh the family that you invited, was it the family that showed up? Yes, it's like, wait, this was I had the idea. That was Mike and Molly, we've been watching that. The idea that I had was this, right? But who showed up was that's something different. Like, what was that? Wasn't what I visualized.

SPEAKER_01 19:20

It's not, but if you think about it, right, that goes back to this is the family that I am kind of romanticizing, and this is the reality. And sometimes that's hard to go and face the reality of a situation and think about, oh my gosh, okay, so this is our family culture. These are the stories that we're glorious glorifying. And actually, how do I, now that I'm stepped out of it and I have a partner and I'm building my own culture within my family, is this something that I want to continue? Or is this something that uh just doesn't serve me anymore? And I think again, having those conversations with your spouse, though, is so critical. Because are you guys on the same page about that? Or is somebody more right? I'm a little more on the messy side and the other person is, you know, I don't like that. That's not something that I want to bring in, and that can cause conflict.

SPEAKER_00 20:14

Yeah, the people are like have the mindset of like laugh at my pain or those types of approaches, but it's like, mm, wait, that still was painful. Okay. Every time it comes up, it is hurtful.

SPEAKER_02 20:26

It's still hurtful. Still.

SPEAKER_00 20:27

Uh, and actually, as I think about that, it's like that doesn't bring back positive, happy memories. Uh, but again, if it is a pattern, it's okay to adjust to adjust the culture.

SPEAKER_02 20:38

Yes.

SPEAKER_00 20:38

And we see that a lot of time. You see it with organizations and you see it with business or even with like sports teams where you get a new coach that comes in and they're like, you know, uh, you know, I love that we love Ted Lasso, the show. Yeah, but like believe is a part of the culture. But then they add it on, like, you know what? It's not just believe, it's believe and we can. It's believe in these other things that come to mind that help tap you in. What are you gonna say?

SPEAKER_01 21:02

Just one of the sticky notes that you brought to my attention when we were watching it, that makes me we won't mention on the pot. We won't mention on the pot. I know the exact one that you're not talking about, but what I will say too is thinking about within your family culture,

Respectful Conflict Without Name Calling

SPEAKER_01 21:18

right? How do you handle conflict? Yeah, how do you speak to each other? Ooh, child.

SPEAKER_00 21:22

That's one of the I just want to I just want to I want to pause there on how you speak to each other because that's one of the biggest ones. Um I know it can vary based on like where you're from and different things, and also you're it might be something you need to unlearn. It might be something you need to unlearn because for some people, like, and this is something I'm glad early on we've never wavered on.

SPEAKER_02 21:42

Never.

SPEAKER_00 21:42

But but we we don't call each other, we don't talk call each other out of our name. Never, you know, but you hear people like like I'll never forget. I um man, I I had somebody that I worked with, and um they basically like were referencing their wife and she wasn't in the room. He kind of like looked over his shoulder before he said it, but you know, called her out her name. Called her the B word.

SPEAKER_01 22:02

You're saying that to other people. So what are you saying in the household?

SPEAKER_00 22:05

Casual. I was like, oh boy, if y'all talk about each, but again, in his mind, it's like, oh, that's normal banter or normal conversation. But then where does it stop? Because once you start getting down that disrespectful, you start getting down that road and that rabbit hole, all of a sudden it goes too far. And somebody's like, Wait, who are you talking to?

SPEAKER_02 22:25

Who are you talking to?

SPEAKER_00 22:26

Who you call fat? You're like, what? You know, in front of everybody. You'd be like at Thanksgiving.

SPEAKER_01 22:30

Right. Which can contradict what we mentioned before about that safety. Safety.

SPEAKER_00 22:34

Come on, people don't feel safe.

SPEAKER_01 22:35

I don't feel safe. And so you think I'm gonna tell you something because you're gonna maybe call me out of my name or or call me in the in the the what people what people say to each other. And it's not even like the the calling each other out of out of the out of their names, but it's also the name calling. Like you're an idiot. You're boring. I am shook.

SPEAKER_00 22:55

And then also, also what's what's crazy is that it doesn't get offset. Typically, like we don't hear the positives where you hear people saying, like, oh man, you're a blessing, or man, like what I love that I I heard people say is you find a lot out about someone in a relationship with their partner based on what they say about them when they're not correct.

SPEAKER_02 23:15

When they're not correct.

SPEAKER_00 23:17

So for example, are you like, is this your better half? Is that like, is this, you know, someone that you can't live without or that you love? Like, are those the things you share? Are you like the ball and chain?

SPEAKER_01 23:27

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_00 23:29

I gotta ask my wife.

SPEAKER_01 23:30

Right. I can't, uh, you know, I I'm I'm excited that I'm here because I don't have to be at home and it reminds me to that point.

SPEAKER_00 23:36

It reminds me of people said, you know, even like golfing. And there's again, this is not a shot at my golfers. I do like to golf, but they say, like, there's people that will go and play around the golf in like two or three hours. Yes.

SPEAKER_01 23:47

That's Mark Wahlberg. Mark Walbert.

SPEAKER_00 23:48

People said, like, there's other people that play like seven to ten hours. We know a couple of seven to ten hours, seven to ten, gone all day, all day. Driving around the neighborhood before they come home, and you're like, dang, like this is a ten of like I don't want to be home. Were you were you playing at the course or were you working the course for an eight-hour shift? Okay. Because that's how long people would be gone.

SPEAKER_01 24:06

But it's but what's the culture that you built?

SPEAKER_00 24:08

What's the culture and what's the reason why you'd rather not be home?

SPEAKER_01 24:12

Correct. And um, also when we think about building culture intentionally, are you talking to your spouse about what are the more like the values of our family unit? What do we believe in? What is something that we will ten toes down absolutely stand firm on? And then what are some things that are we're just never going to do, right? For us, we're never gonna call each other out of our names. For us, the values like we make sure that um, you know, we we like the not going to bed angry piece, but at the same time, there's also a little bit of that if you're not gonna say something nice, don't say nothing again. Don't say anything at all, but go ahead and cool off channel. Cool off, take a minute, take a beat.

SPEAKER_00 24:57

And even if you sleep in one eye open, take a beat. If you sleep in one eye open, that's okay. You know, save until you got something positive. Correct, correct.

SPEAKER_01 25:04

Because you don't want to get to a point where you get so riled up and you feel as if you're maybe disrespected. Um, especially for men, disrespect is like a set off.

SPEAKER_00 25:14

Oh, child. Gassing myself up. If you believe that, man, do you believe it?

SPEAKER_01 25:19

I can't believe that. Hopefully, you're not calling somebody. You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_00 25:23

That's true.

SPEAKER_01 25:23

You're calling your friends, you're calling family members.

SPEAKER_00 25:25

Then they'll gas you up too. But that that goes to the safety, that goes to the safety too, because now you've taken it to three different other people to get their feedback and they're and there's nothing wrong with like trying to get a feel of is this like how do I approach this or get feedback, but also understanding has to be some boundaries. Let's keep this as a safe space, but then also let's make sure that we're making this a constructive approach to how we move forward, right? And that we want to move forward in a positive light. I think something that you know you touched on earlier, we didn't start like where we are 10 years in is not where we started. No, because there'll be times where you can be upset and realizing that I can't say what I'm thinking right now because my tone and how it's gonna be received is not gonna go well. I need to go ahead and text it to you.

SPEAKER_02 26:18

Correct.

SPEAKER_00 26:19

I gotta just go ahead and send you a quick, like, hey, didn't really like, you know, didn't like X, Y, and Z or Hey, I had a problem with this, this, and this. So at least you share that with your partner. And it's not a matter of like avoiding, but sometimes you literally have to start there and then build into the point where you cool down and you're having more of a broader conversation.

SPEAKER_01 26:37

Right. And to your point, uh, again, because we're also talking about 10 years of our marriage and 10 lessons. We have to remember, right, when we were 25 and 26, not only were we in a completely different situation, uh, but I remember saying to you, I was like, you're really angry. Like that was something that over just the course of a couple of years, we had to really work through. And I knew that there were times where I'm like, okay, you're angry, let me leave you alone. Let me not keep poking the bear. Cause I feel like people do that, where I know I'm pushing your buttons, so I'm gonna go even more and keep pushing them. It's like, okay, hold on. I if if if you realize that the other person is not in the space to have the conversation, then this isn't the time to have the conversation. But I do believe that you need to come back to the conversation and not let small things fester, which that's actually going to be um a part of one of the other tips that we're going to give. But there was those things. Um, also, we had to improve a lot on our communication where um we had to make sure that we were giving ourselves the grace to say, okay, I don't necessarily know how to communicate this right now, so or verbally communicate it. So therefore we'll text, right? We used to go into separate rooms and like, you know, we're kind of essay.

unknown 27:54

Essay.

SPEAKER_01 27:55

Long form, long form, uh, long form text. And um, again, being in your mid-20s, that was just something that you have to get practice on, but you have to be mindful that you have to figure out what works best for you and then continue to just build upon that. It's just stacking those habits, really. Like the once you realize that something is maybe not working or something is um it keeps happening, you need to have that conversation of okay, I noticed that this keeps happening. What can I do to maybe not um to help you or support you or maybe help you feel less triggered, right? And be curious, like you mentioned.

SPEAKER_00 28:36

And and to that point, I just want to touch on that that anger part because people are listening to us like, danger, why were you so angry?

When Loss Shows Up As Anger

SPEAKER_00 28:42

Um, but a part of it was I truly So there was a lot happening. A lot happening, but also if you think about the seasons that you go through in life in your marriage and your relationship, there's different seasons that will have different things happen. So just early on, I mean, and I didn't even realize it when I was going through it, but I was mourning my football.

SPEAKER_01 29:03

Yes, exactly.

SPEAKER_00 29:03

So I couldn't even watch football. I was like, it was super frustrating because I had an injury and it ended my career. And you go from this battle of identifying as an athlete and football being a part of like the the ultimate goal and feeling like you had something that was unfulfilled and being so close to you know, tearing my hamstring on my pro day and those things in front of NFL teams. Yeah, I mean, that's if you broke that down to somebody, and uh but I wasn't at a point where I was explaining like this is why I'm angry.

SPEAKER_01 29:33

Oh, exactly.

SPEAKER_00 29:34

I'm just dealing with the fact that, man, I've been doing this for 20 years, now it's over. What is what is the what is next look like, right? What is the next step and the next you know part of the journey look like? And I know there's people that are dealing with that in other areas, right, or things.

SPEAKER_01 29:50

And even if you didn't play in college or you know, didn't play professionally, like you can still be learning something, you're grieving maybe a past version of yourself. Um, maybe you also feel like you weren't fulfilled in a certain area. So completely understand that. And then to your point, when we just talk about uh the the safety piece, right? You had to get to a point where you also felt emotionally safe with me to be able to express that. But then what I think is so key is what happens when your spouse expresses something that maybe deep down they've been feeling or that they have been thinking about for some time. Do you call them out of their names? Right?

SPEAKER_00 30:30

Or do you minimize what they're saying and make it like boy? You ain't playing football no more. Why are you worried about that?

SPEAKER_01 30:36

Why are you worried about that? Right. And I think that that is what helps to build that emotional safety to keep making your culture intense um or intentional within your family dynamic and just making sure that you are being open to how the other person feels and not shutting them down. I think that happens a lot in, especially in marriages and partnerships, because you're usually thinking about yourself. Like, that's not even bigger than what I'm I'm going through, right? Like that's just pee, that's just you know, peanuts compared to what I'm going through.

SPEAKER_00 31:08

That's a little game.

SPEAKER_01 31:09

Yeah, that's a little game. Like, who cares about that? But meanwhile, if you shared that with me and I would have done something like that, I can guarantee you there's gonna be less times you're gonna share with me and that you're gonna be open with me and that you're going to want to have that that deeper level of connectivity and conversation because I already shut you down. I minimized you, like you mentioned.

SPEAKER_00 31:30

And it reminds me, and you know, this is gonna be an example just because we both love this movie, but it reminds me a little bit of like love and basketball.

SPEAKER_02 31:36

My favorite.

SPEAKER_00 31:37

So you're you know, he's there's this moment where I know she's going through it. She's like, hey, like basically I want you to miss curfew, I want you to be, which is a tough. He's in a pit, he's in a pickle.

SPEAKER_01 31:47

He's like, Do I No, he said that to her.

SPEAKER_00 31:49

I'm sorry, yes. No, no, I didn't you know I know, come on, accountability. But no, you see, you see what's going on here. Hey, now but he wanted her. She's like, yo, I'm I'm trying fighting for the starting spot. Right? Like, I can't miss curfew. But in this moment, he's like, I need it. I need you here, and I need you to say, I don't care about curfew, I don't care about whatever the case may be. And again, I you looking back as a viewer, you see it from both sides, right? But when we think about the safety and the trust in that moment, and then also you think about the movie of how much time maybe like they were apart before they found each other again. She might be like, oh my gosh.

SPEAKER_02 32:24

Favorite movie.

SPEAKER_00 32:25

She might be like, Man, I I should have just gone ahead and like I could have got that spot back right, or maybe I stayed in that moment and you rethink it.

SPEAKER_01 32:33

But you're both ambitious. But that's the other thing, too, is in my mind, right? Something that comes to me just because you mentioned it is as a woman, you're usually the one that has to be uh maybe less ambitious, or you're the one that has to kind of put your what you want to do to the side because that's kind of what society tells you. But at the same time, they were both being ambitious, they're both at the same school, they're both trying to get the starting positions, like you both are in the same boat. It's just figuring out how can we make this work for both of us in this situation, and it's not easy, right? Like that's a difficult, not only conversation to have, but that's a difficult decision to make as well. And he also was a little bit petty, you know, like he was a little petty patty over there, you know. And afterwards, I was so upset about the party.

SPEAKER_00 33:18

But he was a little petty.

SPEAKER_01 33:21

He was, but again, you're what 19, like 18, 19, you're immature, you haven't had something of this magnitude happen before. And so therefore, it becomes a situation of you have to kind of get those reps. Yeah. And, you know, again, going back to the philosophy, charge it to my head and not my heart. I feel like that's a perfect example of that, where you need to have that conversation afterwards, although he wasn't open to it. But we don't get, you know, don't get me started.

SPEAKER_00 33:48

But you're absolutely right. And I think just to piggyback off of what you touched on, which was a lot of times the wife or you know, there's someone taking a backseat.

SPEAKER_01 33:57

Somebody's

Ambition, Money, And Role Shifts

SPEAKER_01 33:58

taking a backseat.

SPEAKER_00 33:58

We're also seeing a shift right now in that. We are a big dynamic because there's more women that are getting four-year degrees that are leading in the executive suite, and now it's like making more money. You're hearing more of like whether it's a stay-at-home dad, or like, hey, that the husband is catering more to the wife.

SPEAKER_02 34:15

Because the wife is the breadwinner. Because the wife is the breadwinner.

SPEAKER_00 34:18

So I just wanted to call that out of there's that dynamic too of can everybody play their role?

SPEAKER_01 34:24

Okay.

SPEAKER_00 34:25

And I'm just saying, and the role can be seasonal.

SPEAKER_01 34:28

I think that's something to mention.

SPEAKER_00 34:30

And that's why respect is so important because regardless of a lot of people say, like, oh man, I, you know, I want to be with the high achiever. I want all of these things until you really get with the high achiever. And again, for the fellas, like some guys might not aren't necessarily ready for someone that is a high achieving woman or partner to be able to be like, hey, actually, I need you to take a backseat. Like, and that's a hard no for real, but that's a hard pill to swallow for a lot of people. But this is real talk.

SPEAKER_02 34:59

And especially men.

SPEAKER_00 35:00

And what happens if it and what happens if it shifts to where you maybe were the top, like you, it was, oh, we're gonna cater to you or cater to what you need now, but then that shifts. How do you handle that dynamic when you know maybe there's a shift in that power dynamic? And I think that's where again you find out a lot, you know, I'm just gonna use another example, but you find out a lot about just people, relationships, dynamics when someone else is in control.

SPEAKER_02 35:26

I know that's right. Like I feel like everybody remembers, right?

SPEAKER_00 35:29

Everybody remembers, and I feel like everybody, but most people probably gonna remember, like being in high school, and you had maybe a group of friends or everybody was hanging out together, and then you start to see like people started to get their license, or people started to get like a car.

SPEAKER_02 35:42

Right.

SPEAKER_00 35:42

And all of a sudden, it used to be like, man, we were four deep because like nobody had a license, or like we were all rolling together, but now people have their own car and their own flexibility, and all of a sudden, like people aren't riding. Like, you're not riding with your crews, but it's kind of like everybody's doing their own thing versus it's not necessarily um just that structure where it's kind of like, oh, we're doing this because we have to, or because if we want to go to point B, we have to ride together. Well, now I can ride myself. Do I think of them? Do I call and do I do I prioritize that relationship or my partner if the dynamic has shifted?

SPEAKER_01 36:18

Absolutely. I think just to quickly add to that, when when and what do you do and what do you say when that dynamic does shift, right? Because there are times where you feel it, especially as as women, we oftentimes do feel that shift. Um, especially if you are ambitious or you're a high achieving woman, there is a shift. Because again, what happens when you start a family? Oftentimes women are told to, you know, maybe you shouldn't be doing so much at work, or maybe you should um, you know, stay at home a little bit more, or why don't you stay at home now? And especially, especially now in this day and age, because simply of how expensive every childcare.

SPEAKER_00 36:58

I heard childcare is like a mortgage.

SPEAKER_01 36:59

Uh child. I do feel for all the parents out there because childcare is astronomical. Uh, and so, but again, right, that is a financial decision that's being made. And I remember I was talking to a woman a few months ago, and she was saying that, you know, she was a high-ranking executive when she first married her husband, and they were making around the same amount, but then she got pregnant with their first daughter, and he said, Hey, just stay home for the first year. She said, Okay, she got pregnant again within that first year. So we're talking the two, two under two. Um, so then you're you're really going through the the newborn trenches, you're also pregnant, right? And those things that year turned into 10 years. Wow. And she told her husband that I want to get back into the workforce. And he told her, you know, I'll support you, but we're gonna limit your hours. And she kind of looked at him like, what hold on.

SPEAKER_00 37:53

The audacity.

SPEAKER_01 37:54

The audacity, because I told G, I told you a couple of years ago that I wanted to get back into the workforce. And so I already feel like I've waited longer than what we originally talked about. And so therefore, you could tell that there was a little bit of that resentment that was building up, a little bit of that you're holding me back. Um, and that can feed that feeling can come through when you are married and you're married for a period of time. Like we're talking a decade for us that we've been married, and there has been, you know, those ups and downs, and just figuring out uh what works best for yes, your family unit, but then also individually what works best for you. Cause you don't want to get into a marriage where you feel like you're unfulfilled, right? Whether that's just I'm not fulfilled in my actual relationship or I'm unfulfilled in my potential.

SPEAKER_00 38:40

And we're multifaceted too. And I think that so often can get glossed over is that you don't have to just be mom, you can also be an executive, or you can be dad and an executive and of this. Like there can be multiple facets to you where you don't have to completely sacrifice on one where it's like, oh, it's only work and I can only prioritize that. Like, no, I want to do something I'm passionate about or work that I love and be here for my family and be here at dinner at five or six. Like you want to be able to have, you know, it's not like have your cake and eat it too, but in some ways, like you you can if you build a life that you want and work on it together.

SPEAKER_01 39:18

And support system, you know, I think we are we underestimate how much we need support, especially in this day and age and everything that's been happening. Um, we are constantly getting, you know, not only overwhelmed, we have anxiety, we have stress individually, and then also together as a couple. So when you have all of these maybe outside factors that are playing a role into your relationship, you just start to realize, like, oh my gosh, you know, we're not having the date nights, we're not growing, we're not flirting and dating, we're not leading with grace and compassion. And then um, you know, realizing again, marriage is seasons and it's a lifelong ultimate season that you're going through and journey. But there are there are ups and downs. Like not everything's gonna be rainbows and sunshines all the time. And I think that's maybe uh what we hear is like, oh my gosh, marriage is so amazing. It is, but you have to work at it. And it's a choice every single day that you're waking up and saying, I choose you and I choose our relationship.

SPEAKER_00 40:19

Yeah. Are you investing into it? Is it growing? Okay, is it growing or is it dying in some ways? And what effort are you putting into it to be able to see it?

SPEAKER_02 40:31

Effort's key.

SPEAKER_00 40:32

Effort is key. I see some people put more effort in the fantasy football leagues.

SPEAKER_01 40:36

That's facts.

SPEAKER_00 40:37

I'm talking about on time. On time, trades, unruly fans, like they are on it. Not unruly fans, unruly fans, whatever it takes. But yeah, it's like, hey, did you remember, like you remember the trade deadline for fantasy, but didn't remember Valentine's Day or your wife's birthday.

SPEAKER_01 40:53

Or anniversary. Come on. And again, this is this is both ways because we know many women that also play fantasy football. But it's it's again basically what we always say is keep that same energy. Keep the same energy, keep it. All right, number three.

Boundaries That Protect Your Peace

SPEAKER_01 41:12

And this is so critical, y'all. So we're getting into our top three lessons of what we've learned over our 10-year marriage, and that is create boundaries that protect your marriage. So you want to do that. Can you say that one a little louder for the people in the back? Create boundaries that protect your marriage, and that is protecting your individual peace, but more importantly, is the peace that you've created together. And if you haven't created that piece, then this tells you this is your sign. This is your sign. This is your sign. Where are the areas that I need to create a boundary, a boundary? And I think most often we're thinking about work, right? I need to create a boundary at work. What does work-life boundary look like or work-life balance look like? That's just one boundary.

SPEAKER_00 42:04

And I just want to say you're not wrong there, too, when you say work. Like I think about the one we're talking about. And I do want us to share some examples of some of the boundaries that we've had to work on. Because for me, like work is one of them.

SPEAKER_01 42:16

Oh, 100%.

SPEAKER_00 42:17

Like I'm for both of us.

SPEAKER_01 42:19

For both of us, because we can work, I mean, you we can work 24-7. Like we could do that if we if we really didn't have any kind of uh boundary there. For sure. Like if I didn't have we gotta learn that too.

SPEAKER_00 42:33

No, you're absolutely right. Because to that point, I think about both of you know, your Boston roots, right? Michigan roots, like it's it's there's a bit of this like blue collar hard hat, right? You were the card heart, but it's like that mentality, even if you're not doing like manual work or manual labor, like that mindset and that guy. It's hard to shut off. It's hard to shut off. So for me, if it's like, oh man, there's opportunity or there's things that aren't done on my lip. I'm about to go get it.

SPEAKER_02 43:00

That's also the hustle in us. Come on.

SPEAKER_00 43:01

Like where you know what I'm saying, I'm a hustle, baby. Come on now. I just want you to have it. But you just I just want you to know it ain't where you've been, but where I'm about to go. So though, like that that grind and that mentality, yeah, there has to be an off switch though.

SPEAKER_02 43:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 43:16

Because there would be times where it's like, hey, you're like, babe, it's I mean, I can't tell you, and y'all, when I say holding space and charge it to my head and not my heart, but I can't tell you how many times you're like, babe, dinner's ready. Hey, babe, it's like it's six. And you're just giving me like you're not, I know the time, but you're just more so saying, like, hey, it's seven, or it's eight, like, shut down the computer or shut down the work. And those are things that we've both like shifted and worked on. And that's just one example on the work front. Yeah. But we'd love to give another, you know, another example of those boundaries um that we've created. If you want to maybe share one.

SPEAKER_01 43:51

Well, yeah, I mean, um, there's a family boundary, there's also um emotional boundaries, there's, and also when we Talk about again being ambitious or being high achieving, because you want to be able to do everything and you want to be able to have an impact and even build a legacy in those pieces. There is, there's outright times where you have to turn things down. I mean, you have to say no. When you are to a point where my health is being affected, my family is being affected, my marriage and relationship is being affected. That's when that's your key to say, okay, something has to shift. There has to be a boundary that's put into place. And so, you know, we've done um a few things, right? And we often say, if it costs us our peace, it's too expensive. And we really put peace at the forefront of a lot of what we're doing. And when we think about creating those boundaries, is this boundary going to get us closer to creating that peace? Uh, and so some things like I just mentioned, saying no to a few things, you know, uh there are things where a few things and a few people. Yeah, that's right. A few things and a few people. Also, you know, when we talk about family and a family boundary, there's times where you may be the person that's the glue for your family, but when you're the glue, that means that you're taking on a lot more than what most everyone else in your family is. And you're the one that's holding everything together. But what toll is that taking on you?

SPEAKER_00 45:27

To your point, I just, you know, I think back to when we it's crazy to think about when we first like got together dating, all of that, like thinking of being a glue, like I was I was always on the phone. Our first date.

SPEAKER_02 45:39

We were all y'all. We almost did not have date for multiple reasons, though.

SPEAKER_00 45:45

But I used to think my hotline, I mean, my phone used to be going off the hook, but it was that glue point that you're talking about of like it's people, and it's not even necessarily like it's anything sick, like these aren't emergencies. They're not it's just like people calling. Hey, and you're not a cycling or anything. Hey, what it like, and you're constantly on the phone, and there's this pattern, it's like, listen, love you, but this isn't urgent.

SPEAKER_01 46:09

Correct. Like, correct, yeah. So again, creating those boundaries that protect your marriage is critical. And oftentimes people know where they need to create the boundary, right? And once you create it, you have to stick to it because if you don't, it's so easy to go right back into your default, which slippery slope, what you've always been doing. So that's really critical. All right, number two, and this is so key.

Intentional Reconnection And Date Nights

SPEAKER_01 46:34

This actually goes back to uh number eight, which is keep flirting and dating, but you want to create intentional points of reconnection so that can look like making sure you protect your date nights. So we just talked about boundaries. If you set your calendar and you say every Friday night or every Saturday morning for my for my uh my parents that have kids, one thing that you can have is have that on your calendar. And now everybody knows that, oh, Friday nights, I can't maybe, you know, that's gonna be their date night. And I know that I can't ask them for something or that they're not gonna be available for something. But protecting that by all means, it also shows your partner that you mean this much to me that I'm going to turn down all of these other maybe opportunities and things because I want to intentionally reconnect with you.

SPEAKER_00 47:29

Yeah.

SPEAKER_01 47:30

Um, creating uh some alone time too. I think that's also a great way of yes, intentional points of reconnection, but sometimes you have to be alone a little bit to just be to focus on, okay, what where do I actually need support? Where do I, when we have a reconnection point, what can I ask my partner or my spouse for that they may not know that I actually need? But sometimes you just need to be able to kind of sit in that, in your own thoughts and your own feelings and not have to worry about somebody else to be able to reconnect. Uh, checking, checking in with your partner. That's critical. And then also thinking about what brings you two together, right? Is it something that is um you guys love to, there's a hobby that you all do.

SPEAKER_00 48:13

I mean, we like, I mean, for us, we're both very much active. Yeah, we like an active date night. So whether it's get us out there, pickleball, David Busters, and even just quality time. Like there's times where we're just in the gym together and we're having conversations where we're doing cardio, things like that.

SPEAKER_01 48:26

We'll go for a walk.

SPEAKER_00 48:27

But those times are intentional moments where we're spending together, yeah, and reconnecting.

SPEAKER_01 48:32

So critical. All right, we're at number one.

Communication Is The Whole Game

SPEAKER_01 48:36

Let us know if you can guess what number one is. Communication is everything. Because if you think about what we've been talking about, everything comes back down to community. Everything comes back to communication. And it's so important to say what you need, to listen to understand, and not respond, to have those uncomfortable conversations. So when we talk about creating those boundaries, it's an uncomfortable conversation. Not only that you have to have within your unit, but then also you have to let other people know about your boundaries. That's an uncomfortable conversation.

SPEAKER_00 49:13

For sure.

SPEAKER_01 49:14

You want to ask questions instead of assuming, and learn how your spouse communicates, not just how you communicate. I think that's so key. We often hear is like is, you know, oh, well, this is how I communicate. This is the best way that I know how to communicate. It's like, yeah, well, your spouse isn't even hearing you.

unknown 49:35

Yeah.

SPEAKER_00 49:36

And that's because you're maybe yelling, or maybe you're doing this, like meet your partner where they're at.

SPEAKER_01 49:40

Correct.

SPEAKER_00 49:41

And that may not be where you currently are right now. And that's okay. But you have to be able to hold space for that.

SPEAKER_01 49:48

Correct. And then, you know, we're big fans of therapy as well. And so if you guys need to go, whether that's individually first, just to kind of figure out yourself and your thoughts and feelings, do that before you maybe go to couples therapy or just kind of figure out what works best for you in that scenario. Because if you don't know how to communicate or you need to unlearn maybe some communications uh that skills from a system that you came from, then uh do that because it's so critical that you're able to uh whether that's you know verbally be able to say that, maybe you write it down, maybe you are uh do it in other ways where maybe me showing up for you is actually how I'm showing you that this is a form of how I communicate is me just showing up for you and being a steady person in your life every day.

SPEAKER_00 50:35

Yeah, and I think about our premarital counseling that we did was so transformative because we realized that the points that we had that were like sticking points or prickly or right or areas that we we had to work on, it was really a lot of external things. Right. Maybe it was family, maybe it was somebody else, a friend. It was it was things that really weren't us that were impacting our dynamics.

SPEAKER_02 50:58

100%.

SPEAKER_00 50:58

But it took someone from the outside to identify like hey, it sounded like that's the problem. Like it's not like you guys are actually on the same page, but like that over there is the problem. We were like, mm-hmm. You know what?

SPEAKER_01 51:07

You know what?

SPEAKER_00 51:08

You know what? There, you got so you're on to something. You're on to something. You're on to something.

SPEAKER_01 51:12

You're on to something. So, yeah, last that number one communication is everything. But we quickly want to give you maybe a bonus

Bonus Tips And Final Takeaways

SPEAKER_01 51:20

tip, too.

SPEAKER_00 51:20

I got a bonus too. Oh, okay, go ahead. It might be the same. So I'm gonna let you go first.

SPEAKER_01 51:24

No, you go first.

SPEAKER_00 51:24

Yeah, well, my bonus was just keeping God first.

SPEAKER_01 51:27

Amen.

SPEAKER_00 51:27

So, I mean, I think for us that's such a key part because it it there's so much it's bigger than us, but also there's so much going on in the world right now. People got people thinking that you gotta have an extra person in your relationship. Oh my goodness. They got you thinking there's just all of this, like, oh, is that the way? Is that but if you can keep God first, I would say that has been something that's been, and obviously, even like the premarital counseling was through church. It was with the pastor. So, like those things were such a focal point because if you can have the humility, if you can humble yourself, if you can make it about how do I, how do we build on our foundation and do more together and like the greater good, and then adding that in, I just think that's a pillar, and it's whatever faith you believe in, but if that can be a part of the foundation, it definitely makes a difference.

SPEAKER_01 52:13

Absolutely. I love that. And you're you're you're right on point. And my bonus was just going to be um to take care of your health and wellness because uh a lot of what we're talking about, if your health and wellness is not um a priority, you realize that a lot of these things are gonna fall to the wayside because you just don't feel good. You don't want to do something because um, you know, there you maybe you're you're too stressed and you're too anxious and you're not doing things to help you be able to recover and really focus on your health and wellness. And then, you know, most people talk about, oh, wealth, right? And oh, you want to build that generational wealth, but you can't not only build the wealth if you don't have your health and wellness, but more importantly, what's the point of having wealth if you can't spend it because you're not here? And so I think it's really important too, just as a couple, to focus on um your full whole person health, emotional, spiritual, physical, mental health, uh, and do it in a way that is uh productive. Do it in a way that's not destructive, uh, because it's so critical for you and also your family as you keep building your family unit.

SPEAKER_00 53:20

And those habits stack.

SPEAKER_01 53:21

They do, right?

SPEAKER_00 53:22

Like it doesn't, you know, it's it doesn't have to be overnight, right? Like where, you know, there's just transformation, I'm running the marathon tomorrow. You know, I'm on a I'm on a keto diet. Like it can start off and be a progressive buildup where we're just creating one, we call it one swan chain, but or one healthy habit at a time, but doing it and building on that together.

SPEAKER_01 53:40

Yes, absolutely. So those are just some of the lessons that we have, y'all. We have a lot more, but we are just so excited. We're celebrating 10 years of marriage ourselves. We kind of can't believe it, honestly, that it's already been 10 years, so which is such a blessing. But again, y'all, we work on our marriage every single day. There isn't a day that goes by that we're not at least checking in with each other, uh, trying to support each other, knowing that we want this to be something that's not only long-term, but it's a legacy that we're building as well. So again, this is bigger than us. Um, so we hope that you all enjoyed this. If there was a lesson that resonates with you, please write it in the comments or DM us on social media at Coupley Fit, C O U P L E Y F I T. As always, keep growing, glowing, and feeling better together. Bye.